never enough.

[eagwen-blog]

the expression on her face is probably not the most flattering or attractive one as she stands rooted on the spot in front of her locker but in that moment, gwen cannot find it in herself to care at all. it feels like it’s been forever since she saw him last so she’s not about to waste another second like this. “i can’t believe you’re back!” she cries out as she throws her arms around him. 

[eaxjakob-blog]

“whoa --” he stumbles back a little; he’s not been in proper shape, nor has he had the proper reflexes for these kinds of surprise hugs. but he only minds a little bit, and hugs her as well. “i’m back, darling,” he laughs, out of habit. “you missed me, i take it?”

[eaxkay]

Kay doesn’t know what to feel, honestly. For months, Jakob has been that person Kay hated the most. Jakob has left– not only by himself, but bringing Kay’s sister along. But he figures, that after hearing all of what he went through, Kay can’t bother to hate him anymore– at least, not as much. 

“Only if you did” he answers indirectly, but he did, a lot. He plays with the ball within his hand. He listens to Jakob’s words. “I thought you weren’t coming back, honestly” he says, not wanting to look at him for a second. He starts growing a little mentally frustrated just because he can’t express his feelings well. 

He continues, continues to build up that wall that Jakob has once broken down.

“No…I mean I was, but I grew tired of it, so no” he replies before letting the other shoot. 

“Did you take care of Kaya well?”

[eaxjakob-blog]

jakob laughs, and says nothing else. kay seems to want distance; jakob can respect that, and he doesn’t push it. it’s not worth it anymore. kay wanted him out. he shouldn’t have come back. 

already, he’s thinking about withdrawing from the team. they don’t need him here. 

jakob remains without playing along, rubbing the back of his neck a little and laughing without really being amused by anything in particular. it’s nervous -- hesitant. “i suppose. did you hear...what happened?”

[kayaea-blog]

she chuckles, never pulling away for a moment; arms wrapped around him still, as if eternity is trying to separate them and she won’t let it. kaya turns her head and buries her face in his chest–if only to remember the smell of his shirt. the smell of summer and rain, and everything she can ever love. silence shared and quiet parted, and moments passed like frozen seconds. kaya lifts her head to look at him, and she stares for a moment. and she presses a kiss to his jaw. whispering, “i love you,” as she continues to watch her sun.

[eaxjakob-blog]

arms wrap around her shoulders in turn; every bodily entanglement a blessing, every pulse of warmth, heaven. life is intoxicating like this, and seems more like a nightmare and very much like a dream -- but he has dreamt too much and this is what he grasps as real. those words never fail to remind him that his heart is beating again, and in as quiet a whisper, “i love you too,” against her cheek with a smile, and again, before a kiss. “you’re beautiful.”

[kayaea-blog]

she bites her lip, pinches his side, gravitates back close to him like a magnet. can’t find a reason for needing to kiss him everytime she tries to say anything–so she kisses him, touching his jaw. once, twice, thrice, four times. he tastes so sweet again, and so warm again, and she kisses him just one more time. “i’m even going to the gym now,” she replies proudly, returning to conversation. it’s just that when you’ve gone through life and death with someone, everything else but the other person’s heartbeat sounds like noise. “we should run tomorrow morning. or… do something … physical …” she says to the air, to the future up ahead, to the time she won’t ever let anything steal from her again.

[eaxjakob-blog]

he kisses her back, again, and again, not merely through force of habit but because he wants to. he smiles again, enjoying this: a memory he can relive without revisiting the bitterness that taints everything else. “mm?” he mumbles, opening his eyes again to look at her, unaware of closing them in his euphoria. it registers half a second too late, but he smiles nonetheless. “i’m proud of you.” and he means it, he does, and kisses her again. “we can do anything you want. running sounds good. we can have bagels afterwards, if you want. they look like donuts -- close enough, right?”

[eaxjakob-blog]

@eagwen:

considering the most recent of her life, it’s safe to say that gwen has a bit of a trauma with people disappearing from her life for weeks and then suddenly showing up again out of the blue. she looks at jakob like he has grown three heads and though she wants to hug him, she holds herself back. “jakob?”

falling back into old habits is a little comforting. gwen is an old habit, and so he takes it upon himself to walk through the halls ( foreign to him, now ), and leans against the locker next to hers. “hey, darling,” he says in that familiar, casual drawl, all easy smile a little too forced to be natural. “how’s it hanging?”

[eaxjakob-blog]

@eaxkay:

He dribbles and shoots, alone. Training is done and he figures to stay a little more, to keep his mind out of certain thoughts. He hears footsteps and he doesn’t really bother to turn around, not when he hears a familiar voice. Has it been so long? that maybe his grudge has started to fade away– but still and might never be gone. He knows what has happened to Jakob, and having been through months with different people– he’s not that selfish Kay Nysnø anymore.

He just misses him now.

He smiles, but not as wide to be considered as a welcome.

“Coming back and missing training on your first day” he says, starting to dribble again before shooting.

“You trying to look cool? welcome back”

of course, jakob never expected a warm welcome from kay. they used to be the best of friends; at least, jakob thought so. out of consideration for their past relationship he had decided to miss training. the team doesn’t need their mess all over the basketball court.

“did you miss me?” jakob asks, half-serious when he starts dribbling the ball as he walks forward, switching it between one hand and another. “i heard you got a new vice captain. moved on pretty quick, didn’t you?”

it’s cheeky, and mean, and he waits for kay’s ball to fall through the hoop before shooting his own through it. it goes through; he doesn’t bother going after it when it rolls past them both. “are you still mad at me or what?”

[eaxselene-blog]

their reunion this time is much like their last one, only a few months prior. but, there is something off to jakob, and selene can’t quite put her finger on it. she’s grown up and known him like the back of her hand for eighteen years, but now, he’s almost someone completely different. she wants to brush it off as just paranoia, or even nervousness, but something in her gut tells her she’s right.

her brows furrow, and she wipes furiously at her tears which just don’t seem to stop, “just dropped by to say hello? is that all i get from the near heart attack i got when i heard the news? i thought you were dead, jakob. kaya told me you died. all this time you were gone, and i thought you were happy and free. and then kaya comes back and tells me you’re dead.”  she shakes her head and laughs nervously, “please don’t joke about this… i’m glad you’re back.”

[eaxjakob-blog]

near heart attack -- like that’s more tragic than what had happened to him. somehow, being on the brink of death -- no, on the brink of life -- puts everything in perspective. he had always been the one to leave; she had never looked for him, or tried dragging him back. she’s probably been enjoying herself, doing this and that with this freedom that he no longer wants.

she can have all of it. he can’t care less.

he shrugs at that, gives a small smile. “it’s a little funny,” he says with a half-assed grin, meanness creeping at the edges of his mouth, at the tip of his tongue. “are you crying, selene? come, now. you aren’t that torn up over it, are you?”

[kayaea-blog]

she hates how new his voice sounds, and the warmth of his hand, and the way he speaks. she hates that the universe took any of him away from her for even a fraction of a second. but he’s around and she can’t quite think of hating anything. “i’ll take care of it,” she assures. “after class? do you have practice?” she lifts her head to look at him. “how’s the team, by the way?”

[eaxjakob-blog]

all of it is so trivial. in hindsight, everything seems absolutely useless; none of these extracurriculars are teaching him how to overcome post-death nightmares or how to eliminate the human race. "no, not yet. i think kay didn't like me too much when i... left, so i'm trying to avoid the team for today." social graces-- at least he remembered that. he shifts the topic to something that's far more interesting and less likely to put him in a bad mood. "i hear you've been running a lot." he kisses her hand again, smiling like he used to, "i'm proud of you, liebling. have you been keeping it up, or are you getting back all those lost fats and calories with donuts for breakfast?"

[kayaea-blog]

she lays her head on his shoulder, sitting a little closer and admiring the way their hands look again–the way his hands look. sun-kissed and moving and once again alive. with the slightest pout, she nods. she thinks to say words but her chin tilts on its own, lips searching the touch of his lips before she can manage words, “i miss you all the time too.” a pause. quieter words smiled in the attractive way of pretend secrets. “come over later. sleep in my room.”

[eaxjakob-blog]

finally finding home, his muscles finally feel less tense. the sense of yearning that’s been bugging him throughout his classes goes away, if only for now, and he kisses her feather-light and tries not to be distracted by the want for more. “mm...okay. did you get a new roommate while i was gone? wouldn’t want to disturb them.” he doesn’t even sound the least bit concerned; the comforts of strangers do not fall anywhere near his list of things to care about. “what time do you want me to drop by?”

[eaxjakob-blog]

@eaxselene:

his voice sends shivers down her spine, and not for the first time, selene’s sure it’s a dream, something that has manifested to settle her grief and wipe away those tears. yet, she was never really one to be logical, and it doesn’t stop her from swinging open the door in her haste, almost tripping over her feet when she does.

“jakob,” she whispers, breathless, and already, the tears that she’s kept hidden for so long are making its appearance, “how-” she’s a mess, a blubbering mess, and she can barely form a single sentence. but she steps closer, in an attempt to hug him, wanting to feel him in her arms and confirm that he’s there.

he’s seen this sight before. it sends a familiar pang of something through his chest, though he’s not quite sure what to make of it. he had expected her to be the first face he saw upon waking from the nightmare of near-death; this wasn’t the case. much like all the other times he thought this through, bitterness rose up and twisted his stomach, and he could not hold her as tightly as the old jakob would have wanted.

“hi. i just dropped by to say hello,” he tells her with the most control he can muster. in fact, he even tries to joke: “pretty sure you’ll kill me again if you hold  me any tighter, though.”

[eaxjakob-blog]

@kayaea:

caught off guard, she turns around; immediately beaming at the sight of him. heart doing little jumps. “no,” she answers without thinking, looking at him sweetly and reaching for his hand to hold. “what’s up?”

he smiles, as he is wont to do in her company, and lets his fingers take up the spaces between her own. he moves to the table she’s sitting at, sets himself down upon it with his feet set against the bench below, where she is. “i missed you,” he admits without shame, and quite bluntly so, kisses her knuckles. “classes seem too long. i don’t like waiting to see you again. has it always been this way?”

[eagwen-blog]

“I’ve heard that I’m not your only favorite person on the cheerleading squad.” Despite her always friendly and caring personality, Gwen does indeed know a thing or two about teasing and having fun with her friends and obviously Jakob is no exemption to that. 

They take a seat on one of the vacant tables by the window to continue their conversation and eat their lunch. “I can’t really blame you though; there really are some very beautiful people in my squad.” She grins over a sip of her drink. “But obviously I know they don’t compare to the one that’s already gotten you smitten.”

[eaxjakob-blog]

colour rises to his cheeks before he can stop the way his heart skips, then speeds up. a small breath; he needs to calm down. it’s not like they keep it much of a secret. he’s not even subtle about it, either.

he takes a seat in front of her, and distractedly pokes his food. “i suppose so. but the question is if the feeling is mutual, isn’t it?” he pushes this away, too, and smiles at her instead. “but who wouldn’t fall for me, am i right?”

[kayaea-blog]

* never let me go

[kayaea-blog]

she could throw up the words with a little more push, so she looks at the ground instead.  pretty smile in place. he must be so handsome tonight but she doesn’t notice, he looks the same as he does all other days–dark eyes, smooth skin and lips she wants to kiss.

with the hand he kisses, she touches his face; thumb brushing the line of his cheekbone. to keep him wound tightly around her finger, or to distract the seconds so they won’t find the clock. no matter the reason, it’s true: there’s no one else she’d rather be with right now.

“come on, let’s go outside.” fingers reach for her shoes and she doesn’t stand. looks up at him, little smile, some wordless request to be carried.

[eaxjakob-blog]

he leans slightly against her hand, keeps it there. for someone so cold, she has always made him feel so warm. it wards away those memories in dungeons, in basements, hidden until the moon comes up and hidden even more from prying eyes. 

so he doesn’t mind, and takes the opportunity to get on one knee before her again, reaching for the shoe she’s trying to put on. “let me put these on for you, schatzi.” 

he smiles, and lets his fingers linger over her feet, brush over the tips of her cute little toes, suddenly overcome with melancholy -- call it a stroke of genius. “ah...but have you tried dancing with no shoes on? it’s quite enjoyable.” barely a pause, then: “wanna try with me?”

[kayaea-blog]

* never let me go

[kayaea-blog]

he comes over and she can’t act surprised. she’s not. they’re not ones for faking. she smiles softly, doesn’t think about leaning down. “i was looking for you,” she says before pressing a chaste kiss onto his lips.

a little more pixie dust, a little more magic. the night is suddenly a little brighter, and she thinks she wants to hold his hand forever. kaya pulls up a chair and motions for him to sit.

she keeps her legs crossed, doesn’t know when her fingers found his but she doesn’t move her hands either. “you should ask me to dance,” she smiles, playing a line up and down his ankle with her foot. “in a few minutes.” flirting instead of saying everything that needs to be said, the you look handsome tonight, you always do, won’t you ask me to dance? i’m starting to feel like i’ve been waiting my whole life for you.

[eaxjakob-blog]

they’re farther away from everything else, and that much closer together. he doesn’t mind it. jakob almost looks forward to these moments. she’s nicer when it’s just them, and he doesn’t want anybody watching, for fear of being distracted and inadvertently ruining whatever this is.

so he sits beside her, and holds her hand, and still isn’t close enough. so he leans forward, elbows on his knees and a smile still on his face. “in a few minutes,” he echoes right back, eyes on her and taking in everything that his eyes can. they are better in dim lighting than they are on bright days.

he stays quiet for a while, and adds: “i like your dress.” he doesn’t properly look at it until he says it, and quirks an eyebrow at the -- “is it supposed to show off that much to everyone else, or do i get the pleasure of admiring your legs for longer than five seconds?” he looks up again, and kisses the back of her hand. “though being in the pleasure of your company is more than enough.”

[eaxjakob-blog]

"Thoughts about your dear sister, Selene?"

selene is the first i’ve ever cared for; selene merely existing has taught me what caring means. she inspires me to do good, although challenging, and her mere existence inspires me to be the best person i can be -- though that is subjective. she’s the first to tend to my wounds, the first and only person i will capture the sun and the moon and the stars for. i love my sister, in the purest sense of the world, and i don’t think it’s much of a world without her in it.

[eaxjakob-blog]

would you marry kaya

uhhhhhhhhhh....hmm....UHHHHHM.....

[eaxjakob-blog]

if you were reborn again, who would you like to be and why?

i would like to be someone human. they seem to have it easier. they live for a lesser amount of time and seem to live for more all the same. it’s not confusing -- it’s almost fascinating. and i don’t think humans nowadays encourage locking up their children for their own good. they’re all so oblivious that i’m a little jealous of it.