As someone with PMOS (formerly PCOS), I didn't fully realize just how intersex I was until I went on testosterone. Like, I knew that logically I was intersex. I had a medical condition that made my testosterone higher than what is considered normal for perisex cis women. Every intersex activist ever is like "yeah PMOS very much counts." So I knew intellectually I was. But I didn't really notice just how much PMOS impacted my life until suddenly, it wasn't anymore, because I was on T and all the things that used to be "symptoms" of a "disorder" were now the desired effects of the hormones I was taking.
I didn't realize how much time I spent wondering when the hell my period was going to show up, and if it wasn't going to show up and I was going to have to worry about that again when occasionally, I was capable of being regular and not having that be an issue, until suddenly I was on T and not having a period was considered a good thing and proof that it was working, and every doctor wanted my periods to be stopped and asked if they were, instead of fretting about how it had been too long since I had one.
I didn't realize that literally every time I put on a dress, I noticed that I didn't have as pronounced of a waistline as perisex cis women are "supposed" to have until I went on T and watched that waist melt away completely and that was a good thing that meant I was responding well to HRT.
I didn't realize that loads of the time when I was singing with my choir and struggling to hit a higher note, I thought about how probably, I was an alto because of my higher testosterone levels, until I started singing bass instead.
I didn't think about just how often my mother commented on my facial hair and how I should get it waxed, or how much I was aware that me choosing to leave it and not do anything about it was considered an unusual, GNC choice, until I was on T and everyone was congratulatory and excited when they saw that I had facial hair. Now that was a good thing that people celebrated.
I don't want anyone's takeaway from this to be "going on HRT cures being intersex" because like, a) every variation is different, some of them are still going to have effects on cross-sex HRT (for lack of a better term), and some mean that it wouldn't even work at all, b) I have not stopped being intersex either. Like, it's not an issue or thing I have to think about currently, but I would like to have children some day, and PMOS is going to be a huge issue then and make that a lot harder.
Rather my point is that if you're a person with PMOS, and you feel like you aren't really intersex, or aren't intersex enough, or sure, you're intersex, but like, you're the bottom tier of the community, and all those people with real variations are above you. You only think that because you're used to PMOS. The ways that it impacts your life ever single day have become invisible to you. You don't notice them because that's always been your life. But if one day, they went away? You would absolutely notice. There would be a massive, gaping hole where your PMOS was. You would suddenly realize that actually, it was taking up so much space in your brain, and was a constant thing in the back of your mind that perisex people don't have to think about. And this also goes for every other intersex variation. I imagine loads of intersex people deal with thinking "yeah, sure, it's a problem for other people, but I don't really have it that bad." Yes, you do. You're just used to it.
It's easy to think that you don't have things very bad, or you aren't as impacted by bigotry as everyone else, because you are used to being yourself. So you see your own experiences as baseline. I want everyone reading this to realize that isn't actually true. Whatever your identity is, it has a way bigger impact than you realize. You might think it barely effects you now, but you'd absolutely notice the hole it left if it went away. So yes, actually you are trans enough, or non-binary enough, or queer enough, or a real POC, or whatever.
