cw: gaslighting, manipulation, mild cnc, conditioning
salivating at the idea of being told that yes, of course I can earn an orgasm. of course I can!!...but not being told how.
kneeling at their feet, waiting for them to say the rest of the sentence, tell me what I have to do...only for them to smile at me placidly and pat my head. conversation over. I rub my cheek against their thigh, putting my best puppy dog eyes on, and whining, "but how? how can I do it?"
at which they raise their eyebrows, disbelieving. "now, if you were really my good boy, you'd already know. maybe it just shows you aren't ready yet, hm?"
my mind would constantly turn this over and over, filled with insecurity and questions. I thought i was their good boy, don't they always say so? if not...what am i missing? how am i failing them?
and how far will i go? that's the game, isn't it? to see me fall all over myself, kicking into overdrive to please them. offering my throat for them to fuck, constantly. putting my food bowl on the floor and eating there, without even being told to. biting my tongue anytime i want to whine that something's not fair, or something hurts. taking their belt longer than i usually would without signaling that i need a break, even while i sob into the mattress.
breaking myself open for them. confessing my most humiliating desires, my vulnerabilities, without prompting. asking for punishment if i even think of breaking a rule. and all the while, sneaking longing, baleful glances at their face, looking for a hint, a sign that i'm doing something right. of course they notice, but they never bring it up, except to berate me for having ulterior motives when they really feel like being cruel.
i can't decide between the hottest ways to end this, so here are the options:
it ends when i stop hoping. when the behavior's so ingrained that even without the goal of earning an orgasm, i'm fully in their thrall. when i've given up on ever cumming again. and they give me the command to cum during some innocuous moment when i'm not even doing anything, maybe sitting and watching TV, maybe working, so that there's no sense of having earned it at all. "you earned it because you stopped thinking you could ever deserve it," they tell me.
it ends when i break. when i think there's just no way i'll ever be a good boy, and bawl to them that i'm a bad puppy, i must be, if i'm doing all this work and it's still not good enough--i must be defective, i must be feral. they tell me to cum, and right after i do, they say, "i was waiting for you to realize you need me. you earned it by admitting how much of a stray you really are. but it's okay. this is step one...i can work with this."
it...only sort of ends. it "ends" with me begging them to lock me in chastity, because i can't stop thinking about it, because it's distracting, because the thought of an orgasm is so strong that it keeps me from focusing on pleasing them. "oh, puppy," they croon, and my tears spill over. "such a good boy. my good boy. this is what i've been waiting for--for you to realize that pleasing me is your reward. cumming's just not for you, poor baby. let's have one nice big ruin right before i lock you up, just to make sure it sinks in."
it never ends. some day or another, they get bored, or annoyed by my constant neediness, or just decide they've had their fun, and give me the cum command, and....it doesn't work. my body has learned by now that constant edging is as close as it'll ever get to pleasure. they punish me for losing it, then try again, and it's still gone; intrigued, they test their theory, first with their fingers, then by immobilizing me with a vibrator on the highest setting, and it builds and builds and then--i'm stuck there. right on the edge, helpless. i lose my speech, reduced to whines and whimpers and fruitless shuddering in my bonds, and they tenderly brush a tear from my face and shush me softly. "oh, poor baby. you can't cum anymore? your little cock is just stuck there, huh? aww, puppy. this must just be what your body wants, huh? who am i to deny such a good puppy what's best for it? i'll just leave you here for awhile...let you enjoy it."