[thetenderpassion]

Basically

[postirony]

“we all eventually have one.”

Except for those who aren’t weren’t “entitled” to exist past 18.

[zhaoly]

But wait… there’s more!

[jewishandalite-blog]

The author says he’s a millennial but the dude looks like he’s at least 45.

I’m being generous here because he actually looks older than my dad, and my dad’s 55.

[paleolithique]

HE’S FUCKING 58 I JUST FOUND IT HE LITERALLY SAID HE’S 58 HOW IS THAT A MILLENNIAL

THE CAP FOR BEING A MILLENNIAL IS 34 WHAT THE FUCK

[ripopentheuniverse]

How sway?! HOW! ^^^^

[cupofcastiel]

younger me: why am i so obsessed with gay people

me now: i am a gay people 

[lukrezius-deactivated20171223]

[edwardianfred-blog]

My world became a little bit darker today.

[c-bassmeow]

[greelin]

never and i mean absolutely never let anyone tell u that u can’t go in a bouncy castle

there is a u in bouncy 

and there’s gonna be a u in that castle

[angelicbreadroll]

me: i cant move, a cute animal is asleep on me

person: push it off

me: [enraged and offended] 

[yourfavoriterapscallion-deactiv]

You can lead a horse to water.

You can leave your horse behind.

Because your horse don’t dance and if he don’t dance then he’s no horse of mine

[soupshark]

i support u lazy gay snake

[classydude]

[darkrarts]

2015 in a nutshell

-Can’t remember when it started -Still don’t understand how yesterday wasn’t Halloween -Did I even have a birthday? -Why doesn’t anything feel real? -Where the fuck are my memories I seriously don’t remember anything

[twinkubus]

(x)

[howlingguardian]

Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.

An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the pair of peach saplings from three years ago have produced an excellent crop- She makes preserves from them, and despite the inevitable jokes about “toe-jam”, they are appreciated.)

A dwarf king has a metal fist, all tiny gears and fine wires, kept wound by a mischievous mine-spirit bound to the spring as punishment- the more it struggles, the tighter the spring. 

An orc chieftaness is regularly asked for the story of how she earned the name Wyrmthrottler- she boasts of how she strangled the dragon that ate her arm, and had her shaman make a new arm from its bones, with its fangs as the fingers.

A necromancer simply re-attached his old leg bones- Sacrificing a few mice each day keeps it going.

A pirate captain lost her arm to a shark attack: a passing selkie saved her, and gave her tattoos of kraken blood. Now she has an arm made of salt-water, that grows and wanes with the tides, and swings a cutlass as well as the original. (She doesn’t sail as far these days though: she doesn’t want her wife to worry.)

A wandering swordsman was broken at the waist- his ancestral armour allows him to walk again, as long as he keeps it polished, and burns incense to the ancestors regularly.

A high priestess has an eye made from a crystal ball- to predict the future, all she has to do is wink.

A bard was struck deaf by illness- he struck a deal with the god of music. Now he wears hearing-trumpets made from his old pipes, and dedicates his every song to the god of music- the better he plays, the better his hearing. (It is said his music could make statues weep, and he can hear a mouse fart at 60 paces.)

A princess has the arm of a golem, enchanted clay with mystic words carved in- her music tutor despairs of how her harp playing has become even worse, but her calligraphy tutor is ecstatic over her handwriting.

A goblin pickpocket has an arm made of whatever he steals- no-one feels his fingers, and even if they did, they couldn’t find their possessions amongst all the rest.  

A witch has eyes made from shadow and starlight, given to her in a game with a demon. Nobody dares to ask what she wagered- they aren’t even sure she won.

A warg was born deaf and blind- his people learned of his power when the nearest birds started staring at them, and dogs pricked up their ears as he walked past.

[pendwick]

does anyone else follow people who don’t even have the same interests as you, but you’ve followed them for years and you can’t imagine unfollowing them?

it’s like, no that’s joan the dolphin lover? she’s practically your neighbor on this website? you’ve never talked, you’re not even mutuals, but damn she loves dolphins. And every time you see her on your dash, you’re just like, oh wonderful, joan’s still alive, just doing her thing. she’s getting into golden age russian cat literature, good for her!

this person doesn’t even know they’ve been on your dash through the ups and downs of your life.  Their presence and cactus obsession is just something kind of familiar and almost comforting to you?

[herzsoldaten-deactivated2018041]

Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm and wine and everything is fine.

(via queensummit)

You and me @edwardianfred ;)

❤❤❤

[isozyme]

Remus Lupin: Sirius you did what.

Inspired by this post and others by lotstradamus

[kiyala]

#i want the 50k story of facepalming remus and panicked sirius with kidnapped baby harry on the run from dumbledore (via meh-guh)

[hollowed-occtis]

theboredomisdeadly

[fuck-biphobia]

Ok but hasn’t it been shown that a single stupefy wouldn’t be enough to have an effect on hagrid due to his giant blood?

[resplendeo]

clearly this means that hagrid pretended that the stupefy knocked him out, gently laid down on the ground so the baby wasn’t jostled, and pretended to snore while sirius ran the fuck away

possibly interrupting himself mid-snore to offer advice

[copperbadge]

*Hagrid sits up*

“SUPPORT ‘IS LI’IL HEAD, YE GREAT IDIOT!” 

*lies down*

*Sirius climbs on motorbike*

*Hagrid sits up again*

“DON’ FERGET TO BURP ‘IM AFTER A FEEDIN!”

*Motorbike zooms off*

*Hagrid sits up, cups hands and yells*

“AN’ MAKE SURE ‘E SLEEPS ON ‘IS BACK!” 

*lies down again for another five minutes for good measure*

[gingersnapwolves]

then he lies there mumbling about how he shouldn’t’ve said that

[foolforfelton]

That was so precious. I’m in tears.

[ghostgloss]

im jealous of people who joined tumblr in more recent years. they get to blog blissfully unaware of all the horrors of olden tumblr. fandom vs hipster wars. “can you make that ask rebloggable”. forever alone memes. the solid year or so where benedict cumberbatch and tom hiddleston were considered the hottest guys ever. mishapacolypse. nightblogging. the absolute horror that was the homestuck fandom. it was a dark era. i think those who were not there to witness it personally should familiarize themselves with the commodities of these dark days, to ensure that they are never repeated. “history, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again” - maya angelou

[coffeo]

when the caffeine wears off and suddenly you’re lying face down on your bed like a dried apricot with zero sense of space or time