All personal information like gender and pronouns are basically redacted. Extra anonymity.
Sooooo, I have been going out with this [person], you can say dating for the meantime, for a little over a month now. We hit it off right away, even the first date was super super fun!
Now to rant a little ~
*inhales*
[They're] literally the sweetest FUCKING thing ever. Not getting angry when I self sabotage without thinking and understanding my life and how it goes and want to try to help me feel safe and loved? Not be so scared of everything?? Want to take me out to explore places I’ve never been to, want me to learn [their] native language possibly to meet [their] family in the future??? IS THIS [PERSON] TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE???? AIN'T NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE [THEM] EXISTS. Yeah, maybe…
ughhh, [They] brought me home earlier than anticipated after my appointment that [they] offered to take me to and todays mini date you can say. Stayed in the parking front of my home and talked, made out and even had sex in the back of [their] car.
I hope no one saw us and not fucking told ANYONE what they saw if they did, we had covers on the damn back of the car but I know my neighbors are fucking nosy, cause if I ever get caught or anyone tells my family if I did that I would most definitely right away be disowned and have nowhere to go.
Anyways, it was nice, neither of us hadn’t had sex in a good while. Everything was normal afterwards, very very loving. Now, [they] even tried to tell me before, “don’t overthink about text. Don’t overthink about how one texts.” I always try, but I can’t get the bad thoughts out my mind. I thanked [them] for taking me out and helping me to my appointment; [they] hearted the message. Understandable, [they] were driving. Then I thought about to say have a safe trip and a fun time; [they] replied just.. “thanks”… thanks? I understand driving yes, but [they] usually type more on the road or not. I’m just over reacting, I’m sure. I always overreact. I just still can’t calm my brain down enough.
[They] are so sweet, and want to make me happy, [they] said so. I feel this way, but [they'll] message something to me and make me feel better and silly over feeling this way. This has happened a few times before. I shall be okay at least.
[They'll] never see this. I always make sure no one knows this side of me, or that this account exists. But if [they] somehow in someway find this:
I love you.
Te amo
Je t'aime
Ich liebe dich
Я тебя люблю
Aishiteru
I know, you want to wait a little more, til we ever become official, but I can’t help how I feel, you even said so yourself, you really like me yeah? You’re so touchy, you’re so gentle with me; you take me places I never been to, and you really don’t have to. You’re everything I always wanted, I didn’t know I needed any of that kindness and love.
I'm done, just done. You aren't trying, you're blindsided by having a place to go to so you can finally be with friends. Me? Just here, alone, no one to talk to, no one to go to, no friends. Why bother trying anymore.
Then you say you feel bad, okay, if you feel actually bad then do something about it. Actually so shit.
Say you love me but I don't feel fucking nothing anymore.
Sure I’m being petty, but whatever makes you fucking talk to me more. Messaging you first doesn’t seem like it’s working so why bother message and wait for your lonely ass?
I’m right here and you go off and help and talk to others.
