EGGS

[eggtruther]

[necrosemancy]

… is there a way to unsee a post? I’d love to skip back to five minutes ago where I’d never seen this, and my life was better for it.

[hotbearsawyer]

Dearest Rosegg,

You always know when art has made an impact when it evokes an emotional response. Negative, positive, or neutral. Doesn't matter. This artist dedicated their time and energy into creating a poignant piece for their audience. And I'm excited to see that it has made you experience such an emotional response that you felt the need to comment on it! In public, no less!

Personally, this piece brings back memories of my grandfather, Eggward, who, in his elderly age, looked just like an egg. It's uncanny how that egg looks just like my grandfather. I feel like a young cub child egg again, listening to him tell me stories about the war. The egg war, of course. I often wondered as a young egg what my grandfather would look like an in egg carton, and this image provides exactly that. I love it. I've made it my phone background. I want to see this egg every day and smile fondly as I recall my grandfather.

I hope you can find it in you to support artists in Wicked's Rest, even if your stomach churns at what they create. Myself? I will continue supporting the local arts by sharing their work, ensuring that it reaches a wider audience.

Yours eggily,

Eggyer

[eggtruther]

[bladesbounties]

By the other definition of the word.

I've had caviar. It's fine. There are better eggs to eat though.

[....] Why the hell didn't you get a banana milkshake? Strawberry is a classic but that wasn't the fucking question.

[thinkmekoi]

Oh! Do you also have a high opinion of eggs as well? Do tell me.

They told me that I would not like the banana. They told me that their bananas were not ripe. That their strawberries were better, and then I looked behind the counter, and they had too many strawberries. I think that perhaps they were out of bananas, yes, but they needed to get rid of strawberries. There were several boxes of them.

[causefulmoon]

Right? Like, I mean, I am super short and there's definitely people who are younger than me that are taller than me, but that doesn't matter. Like, it should never matter when we're talking about things that are totally not us, you know? Ugh. See, this is why you're in ownership of the color baby blue <3

It was like eggs, only like, 10x worse. I wish I could forget how it smelled, but I totally can't. It's there, in my nightmares. Like a little cloud, you know? I think it singed my nose hairs. Ohhhh okay. Crazy of her when she's always talking shit about The Wormhole, but okay, I guess?

I think you should learn parkour. For me, and for Emilio.

[highoctanegem]

We're the exception, always, of course. I know this. I live by this. You're right! Only brilliant ideas in this noggin'. This is why I own baby blue! [user forgot about this, she will proceed to check if she got paid any royalties this month. user comes back to this convo happy to have earned 29 cents]

Ooooh, regular eggs, or rotten ones? Yucky. Wait not in your nightmares for realsies, right? That's... a way of speaking You're not having nightmares are you Should I check no one is giving you She sounds like a cartoon character. And I feel like that's accurate for my friend Nova who apparently reported my post about Emil. Wait, what does she say about The Wormhole? :// That's so rude.

Maybe I should. [user nods, she's almost convinced] How should I break this down to my doctor partner?

[eggtruther]

thank u ci

[punchalot]

Oh, is worshipping a hot woman niche? Sorry. You are the sovereign in the medieval setting. I thought that part was obvious. I’ll jingle jangle to another hot pink-haired, acrobat with a motorcycle. Do you know of any?

Hey! My mind is at least average sized. […] Wait, really? [This makes user extremely happy; she’s never been ranked above anyone for potentially getting an egg! Granted, this has never happened to her before. Still.] OK. Hold on. […] [User is unfortunately taking Daniel’s—sorry, Dannykins—advice.] You have nice hands. ? I like your legs Tongue

[vivlennox]

Pretty sure I have that corner of the market locked down. I'm your only option to jingle jangle for.

[user hasn't been following the dannykins saga, otherwise this would have been even funnier to her] Hands? [users hands are callused to shit from years on a trapeze bar] I am pretty good with them- good with other things too. But you know all about that.

Fine. You can have an egg.

[pm] You have to order the off menu carrot cake shortstack to get an egg.

[kadavernagh]

To everyone at the potluck who walked right by my banana bread in favor of the mayonnaise bowl... it is your loss. My cooking is excellent. And if you were so desperate for mayonnaise, you would have enjoyed consuming my banana bread, too, because I used plenty of mayonnaise. It was secondary only to the beige cookies. At least that plate was empty.

[cursedmaestro-deactivated202604]

How much mayonnaise is too much mayonnaise, by your personal estimates and preferences? [user doesn’t know food and has never even touched a jar of mayo.] can’t say I’ve ever had it [User remembers this conversation is public.] Egg allergy.

[eggtruther]

ENEMY OF EGG.

[luckylockjaw]

@stardustonthebay replied to your post “[pm] Could you (only if you are not currently...”:

[pm] probably just urgent care. […] I can’t hear great right now. […] I kind of got eaten by a giant clam… you’re allowed to laugh because I can’t hear it, but I will be flipping you the bird if I see it.

​[pm] A... what?? A giant clam? [ user is in fact laughing, only because he knows she's safe ] How in the fuck.

[stardustonthebay]

[pm] It's so fucking dumb and I'm so pissed. I was looking for a spot. Like you have that little brook? I wanted a spot where I could shift and no one would know and I'd be safe and cool. So I tried a cave near the shoreline. Big fucking mistake.

Long story short, a lady who I thought was named Egg saved me (spoiler alert, it isn't Egg, it's Regan), but she used some HORRIBLE FUCKING noise magic (I've gotta assume it was magic because nothing man-made is that bad) that literally made my ears bleed, amongst other things. My head hurts. I can't hear for shit. I think my glasses are broken. This is hell, I'm pretty fuckin sure.

[eggtruther]

@banisheed replied to your post “EGG”:

egg

​EGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[highoctanegem]

Wait, what kinda nerd (affectionate) were you in school? LOL! You could try calling him Mr. Henri and see if he likes it! He did study like, a bunch to be so nerdy, so maybe he deserves that kinda serious name. I bet if they don't have worms on them, you will be safe. I wanted free feet pics, yup. I'm out of control. They were for like, zero pervy purposes though, that's why I feel like I should be allowed to have them.

Yup, you got it. Hard shell, gooey insides.

Cause baby, sometimes that bush is worth the wait! You've never had a bush you just couldn't get out of your mind? Other bushes can be fun and distracting for sure, but sometimes all you want is one. That's never a waste of time.

Wait... Do you want my bush to have all of that, or were those separate suggestions? I just wanna be respectful of your vision.

[punchalot]

I was an enthusiastic kid, I liked a lot of things. I always thought it kinda switched one day; it was suddenly lame to be excited or to care. Did you ever feel that? You’re a kid and everything is exciting and maybe you’re a little weird because you don’t like the things other people like and then suddenly you’re really weird, because it’s not the right things, not the cool things. […] Are you friends with Mr. Henri? Do you know if he’d actually like it if I called him that or are you setting me up for failure? Hey! How is someone supposed to know that you don’t have any pervy intentions? You ask for feet pics (for free) that’s the assumption! Actually, it’d be worse if you offered to pay for

So, Vic is an egg?

Uh, no. I was talking about my own b I mean, I’ve wanted other bushes before but not like […] I mean, it’s easy to tell yourself that even if you want a bush, the bush doesn’t want you back. Or maybe you don’t have a lot to offer, going inside that bush. Or if you went to the bush, you’d just ruin it. Wanting something isn’t a guarantee that you get it, or that you should have it. Plenty of kids want a puppy, but they're not the ones that are going to have to take care of it. If you knew your bush wasn’t ready, wouldn’t you be wasting some other bush’s time by acting like it was? […] I dunno. Bushes are complicated. You make it sound romantic though. I guess you found a bush? [...] Person? I'm getting lost in the metaphor. Again

Depends on your trimming skills. You could have an abstract bush, how about that? Like a Rorschach test!

[taliasshaw]

It's not for me. The shrines are for the moose. Or so a few people have said. [User has a great time trying not to think about how she used to have someone "devising" breakfast for her.] If someone wanted to make me breakfast, there are better ways to go about it. And better breakfasts.

[User has since discover the woodland death associate in question is Daniel.] Whatever. You can do whatever you want with the dead fish once you have them. Place them in whoever the fuck's hands. I don't give a shit.

[kadavernagh]

The moose? The screaming ones? Was it truly my dead fish and oatmeal this entire time? Maybe the moose want you to have it. A gift. For being a good steward of the environment. But fine-- what is a better breakfast to you? Eggs? Eggs are widely beloved. Not by me. I had an egg incident.

[...] You asked. But yes. I will do that. You sound jealous, though, by the way. I don't understand why you're parting with the fish so hastily if you're jealous. I could place one in your hands, too. Perhaps. I would have to meet you first.

[bladesbounties]

[pm] Guess you gotta swap fighting styles huh

I don't wanna victim blame but like, that's kinda on you for being vegetarian. You could have asked for more eggs. But the eggs there...

[hollow--sun]

[pm] Oh yeah, you know. I'm just gonna get a chainsaw attached to my residual limb. Evil Dead clearly got it all right.

I'm not eating any of these eggs. I feel like eating ribs would be less problematic.

[bladesandtrades]

[pm] You fucking werewolves, so complicated. So you're tired and achy and you want me to fuck you? I know you have nicer fucking options for that Just making sure I have all the details correct here. [...] Sure, that's fine.

I'm not defensive. [user is defensive] Wasn't a whole fucking lot nice about it. [...] But sure, good thing he got through it alright and all that.

[taliasshaw]

[PM] At least I don’t lay eggs. [...] Those facts aren't related. I want you to fuck me. I also happen to be a little tired and achey. [...] I'm certainly not asking you to be gentle with me or anything, if that's what you're worried about.

Well, it was a lot fucking nicer than stumbling through the woods, scared and desperately trying to hold onto control and wishing that I could have someone who loved me there with me [...] Well, it probably would have been a whole lot fucking worse if he had to do it all alone, sedatives or not.

[taliasshaw]

[pm] [User told Talia that he was going to town to "run errands" but was really going to cleanup after the blackout.] I forgot my grocery list. Do you know what we need?

[PM] I'm writing it right on your hand next time. Apples, bananas, bread, maple syrup, sugar, milk, and eggs <3 Also a little treat for me, because I deserve it.

Also also come back fast [...] Tree misses you.

[technowarden]

[pm] Can't imagine being in any cult. Just get some friends, Jesus.

Like a cafe? Yes, tell me more.

[bladesbounties]

[pm] I could be swayed to join a burger cult. Bult. Also, dog owners are kind of a cult. We have our own rituals when we come across each other.

Okay, so it's not a cafe. It's an egg painting place, the clutch. The eggs? Most of them supernatural. There's beasties in them. Maybe even some fucking lamia. I was there with Jade's [..........] bone partner and a bunch of eggs broke and it was madness, really. Like, what happened to an ostrich egg to make people ooh and aah?

Also, surge again I see. Added you and some of the other tolerable hunters to my DND exceptions.

[kadavernagh]

Oh, do you? Does it [...] burn? Internally. I will avoid ordering you red meat. I will select something energizing and low in iron. That latter point seems rather important to you.

You are more exuberant than the Londoners I know. No. I have not traveled much. Only in the US and Ireland. I'm sure I will have plenty of time to see more of the world in the future. England is not known for its food... are the eggs exciting? Is this something a human might ask

Yes. It is so great, having warm toes. I enjoy having warm toes. It is a hobby of mine. [user's stomach is in agony]

[bazzledazzle]

Yeah, that's how food allergies work! [user genuinely believes this.] I appreciate that. Avoiding allergies is certainly important to me, obviously. Important to most people, innit? And if I touch iron, I'll turn into a blob

How many Londoners do you know? Met plenty who are exuberant, so maybe you're not looking in the right spot! [user knows very few people, actually.] Which part of Ireland? I was knew a bloke from Nenagh. Always thought it sounded lovely. [...] Eggs are always exciting!

I like having warm toes, too, but I'm not sure I'd call it a hobby. Hobby's more of an activity, yeah?

[eggtruther]

EGG

[bazzledazzle]

Which is sending me free food, yeah? Oh, sure. Plenty of people have beards. I've a beard myself, sometimes.

Difference of culture, maybe? Americans aren't allowed to have Kinder Surprise eggs. Makes sense that they wouldn't want a plastic bone in their cereal boxes, too.

Oh! Well, I think I quite like you warm. I'm sure Jade does, too!

[kadavernagh]

Yes. The food will arrive. Do you have any allergies or dietary restrictions? Does anything make you tired? Some claim turkey does that-- the tryptophan.

Where are you from? You do not speak like you yourself are an American. It's true; our eggs are bad.

[...] Yes, I'm sure she likes when bodies are warm. If I were not warm, she'd complain about my toes at night. But she does not do that. Because I am warm. [user feels queasy]