A Conspiracy Theorist's Wet Dream

Eve Farran, 28, Warden I can make that disappear for you.

[necrosemancy]

Well, the […] weird weather we’ve been having has finally cleared up. Which means things are just weird again. Like “I think the rocks in my garden have gained sentience, and are now following me” weird.

If anyone has suggestions on how to herd a gaggle of literal rocks, please advise.

[hollow--sun]

The rocks in your garden are sentient? That sounds very weird indeed.

What are the SENTIENT sentient rocks doing?

I think you'll need a herding dog for that.

[necrosemancy]

Yeah. Probably not the weirdest thing to happen at my house, either. The flamingos randomly appearing one day was a way stranger occurrence.

Just kind of… rolling along behind me?

I don’t have one of those. I’ve got a duckling, but I don’t think Donald has the managerial spirit of a herding dog. He’d rather be swimming in his nice new pond.

[technowarden]

[both accounts get slightly more spam interaction than usual so that these posts aren't promoted by the algorithm]

[technowarden]

[pm] [user already has....... and sometimes listens to it......]

And listen to you say more uninteresting things? I could just feed it into an AI voice simulator and have you say something of interest instead. Much more fun, that way.

[hollow--sun]

[pm] Ew. Don't forget your recording of the dictionary's first 50 pages.

[technowarden]

[pm] It must be hard, to be so full of yourself.

[technowarden]

[pm] Jesus Christ, Jade, I don't interrogate every one of your girlfailure moments. I cared about the wrong thing, I had the wrong priorities and got hurt because of it. It's not that deep, okay? Back off.

So blind. The lust and drama isn't, though.

Sounds great.

[highoctanegem]

[pm] That's good! We'd be here all day if that was the case [...] Habibti, did you really think that was my intention when I asked that? That this was about pointing fingers or mocking whatever happened to you? Like, please be serious. I love you, there's not a lot you could say that would make me think you've suddenly become a careless hunter. But I get it, you wanna get back to those unsustainable standards of yours. (But like, no shade though, I admire them). Not the caring is weakness trope :// Alright, strapping in Is that why you and Henri had to take a break? I'm aaaaall the way back, prommy. But hovering a little, fyi. Best I can do. You know you can't control + Z your way out of

Aye, aye! [user will send one of her delivery buddies with food anyway]

[technowarden]

[pm] [User feels guilty; of everyone she's lashing out at, Jade deserves it least. But Jade feels like the last remaining link in a chain that has already collapsed: sooner or later. Jade would not tolerate what Eve has done, and sooner or later, Jade will do something that Eve cannot tolerate. Distance is better, otherwise Jade will become part of the heartache.]

[Somehow, she already has.]

No, god, no. I know you're not. I'm just tired of everyone giving me shit for expecting hunters to be hunters. My standards would be more attainable if more hunters attained them. Myself included! Great, thanks.

[user says nothing about the delivery buddy with food, even though the food is great.]

[technowarden]

[pm] Oooh, is this a bad moment to confess I've never found your research that interesting? Like, totes awkward, but I just like the sound of your voice, rarely the contents of it.

[hollow--sun]

[pm] You're not credible. But fine, there's a thousand minutes of me talking and talking on youtube. You should download it as a podcast.

[technowarden]

[pm] [user already has....... and sometimes listens to it......]

And listen to you say more uninteresting things? I could just feed it into an AI voice simulator and have you say something of interest instead. Much more fun, that way.

[technowarden]

[pm] It's simply impossible, sunshine.

Hmm. How did your History Underwater lecture go on Friday, by the way?

[hollow--sun]

[pm] Positively so.

Excellent ! I should quiz you. Check if I had your complete unwavering attention.

[technowarden]

[pm] Oooh, is this a bad moment to confess I've never found your research that interesting? Like, totes awkward, but I just like the sound of your voice, rarely the contents of it.

[technowarden]

[pm] Oh, fuck off. Don't treat me like a kid, Abrams.

[danielabrams]

[pm] Hard not to when you're acting like one.

[technowarden]

[message read]

[technowarden]

[pm] Not enough. Trust me, I know what slipping looks like for me. Do you have any idea how long it is since I last came close to dying? And now twice in 6 months, neither because of being a hunter, but because of who I cared about? I've been watching Love is Blind in my spare downtime!

Exactly! I'm gonna heal so fast! [User's healing is significantly slower than usual] Sure.

Theo's great, I'm glad I can rely on him.

We're still friends, obvs! I just gotta lock in for a bit

[highoctanegem]

[pm] [user tries to recall any recent instances of Eve slipping and can't think of anything] What does it look like? I didn't even know slipping was included your settings. Ooooh, how blind is the love this time? 20/200, I hope.

[...]

[user is idle for a moment, then sighs] Okay! So this has nothing to do with you and Henri Just don't stare at the sleeves of your shirts for too long okay? Rain check, then, on... stopping by.

[technowarden]

[pm] Jesus Christ, Jade, I don't interrogate every one of your girlfailure moments. I cared about the wrong thing, I had the wrong priorities and got hurt because of it. It's not that deep, okay? Back off.

So blind. The lust and drama isn't, though.

Sounds great.

[hollow--sun]

[pm] You have no idea

As though there could possibly be other ways to think of you, starlight.

I'm absolutely positive.

[technowarden]

[pm] It's simply impossible, sunshine.

Hmm. How did your History Underwater lecture go on Friday, by the way?

[danielabrams]

[pm] And that point is ...?

[technowarden]

[pm] Oh, fuck off. Don't treat me like a kid, Abrams.

[technowarden]

[user, unsurprisingly, doesn't show up]

[danielabrams]

[pm, sometime after he finishes cleaning any piece of evidence he can find] No show, huh? You must have so many priorities. But don't worry about it. I cleaned up whatever I could find. Noticed the lack of a body too.

[technowarden]

[pm] [user feels a little sick] I asked you not to

Okay, you've made your point.

[technowarden]

[pm] Still not much to talk about. Just give me some space, Daiyu.

[bladesbounties]

[pm] Then don't throw it in my face like that. Either have it out with me or leave it in the past as you've so happily had. [...] Don't completely isolate, at the very fucking least. Call Jade if you can't deal with me. [...] You loved that stupid boy, Call Jade.

[technowarden]

[message read]

[technowarden]

[pm] Christ, you sound like my da [User shuts that train of thought down viscerally]

I just have higher priorities than a tree most people wouldn't look twice at. I'm handling it.

[danielabrams]

[pm] Whatever. Come handle it then. I'll see you there for the cleaning in around an hour. [User is already heading back over there. He'll be there way sooner than in an hour. He's just saying an hour to see if Eve will try to beat him there.]

[technowarden]

[user, unsurprisingly, doesn't show up]

[technowarden]

[pm] Sure, just like the last time I needed you. I'm sure I'll be in touch.

[bladesbounties]

[pm] Oh, so you finally wanna talk about that? [...] Or are you gonna continue being evasive? You stopped talking to me after I told you about Henri, do you

[technowarden]

[pm] Still not much to talk about. Just give me some space, Daiyu.

[technowarden]

[pm] [...] There's no need. I'll clean it up soon anyway. Yeah, no shit. It's on me for carrying a 9mm just because it's easier to hide in my running gear. Won't do that again.

I've had medical care, it wasn't that bad. Not sure there's more you need to know. You've made it clear that hunters getting attacked isn't your concern anymore.

[danielabrams]

[pm] When is soon? It's already been two weeks. I'll clean it later this evening. [...] Great plan.

Sure, just a minor injury would keep you from cleaning up after yourself. And I care plenty, or else I wouldn't be asking.

[technowarden]

[pm] Christ, you sound like my da [User shuts that train of thought down viscerally]

I just have higher priorities than a tree most people wouldn't look twice at. I'm handling it.

[technowarden]

[pm] There just isn't much else to say, tbh.

[bladesbounties]

[pm] Still gonna insist you beep me if you need me though. Get that you don't wanna talk more about it and that [...] shit's weird now, but still.

[technowarden]

[pm] Sure, just like the last time I needed you. I'm sure I'll be in touch.

[technowarden]

[pm] Exactly! I'm really enjoying my slut era, I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

Just the human killer of it all that's my business.

[hollow--sun]

[pm] Ah yes, your go-to when things don't go your way. I remember.

🤷🏻‍♂️Heh. Hardly. Not like you're actually looking hard enough to know.

[technowarden]

[pm] Thinking of me fondly already? You tease.

Don't be too sure of that.

[technowarden]

[pm] Head back there later? Nah, you don't have to do that. I'm not lacking in firearms, I just need to stop going for concealed carry size on my runs, even on National Park territory.

Nope!

[danielabrams]

[pm] Sure, just to see if there's anything else I missed. Like a Glock. Not sure you'd get away with a rifle on your back without getting some park rangers interrupting your runs. Better off with the concealed pistol and a takedown rifle in a backpack.

[...] Alright.

[... ... ...] You wanna tell me what happened?

[technowarden]

[pm] [...] There's no need. I'll clean it up soon anyway. Yeah, no shit. It's on me for carrying a 9mm just because it's easier to hide in my running gear. Won't do that again.

I've had medical care, it wasn't that bad. Not sure there's more you need to know. You've made it clear that hunters getting attacked isn't your concern anymore.