Turning the cuck chair around backwards to show I'm not like your other, boring cuckolds
*youth pastor voice* you know who else got nailed while all his friends watched? that's right,

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@eldritch-cutiepie
Turning the cuck chair around backwards to show I'm not like your other, boring cuckolds
*youth pastor voice* you know who else got nailed while all his friends watched? that's right,
*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god
going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room
Blue Lois
can i help you
Red Marge
jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack
World Heritage Post
i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me
time loop with two people in it but one person refuses to acknowledge the loop and pretends to be looping with everyone else. meanwhile the other person is freaking out
accidentally wrote “never mill yourself” like yeah i don’t think anyone would do that unless they’re wheat or perhaps a rice
what the fuck happens in Magic the Gathering dawg
i'm so tired of social media users saying "successful people are abusing stimulants". unsuccessful people are too. #WEMATTER
Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville
It's literally crazy luck that I've only ever come across nails ever since I got my hands on my awesome hammer
You have to pee in the shower to get into heaven
Every time.
to the miscreant teenagers in aisle 2 who pulled a stepladder out from under the shelves to take feet pics posing on the stepladder: what was that about? it's been several years and i still have no idea what compelled this. my coworker and i played rock paper scissors to decide who had to tell you to please stop taking feet pics on the stepladder because it was a liability issue. it was noon on a weekday. you were sheepish, but not ashamed.
your problem is you think if you communicate with clarity and earnestness that people will actually understand you
the existence of uncanny valley would suggest there is also a canny mountain
Canny Mountain, Charlie!
This just pissed me off so baaaad 😂
hey sorry I snapped at you, I've just had a really hard day and [remembers focusing on myself is selfish] maybe it's your fault for provoking me?
i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”