I have this very real and deeply seated problem, bordering on phobia, about being ignored or dismissed. Itâs part of my general anxiety and is rooted in being a victim of child abuse and parental neglect I imagine. Daddy issues, through and through.Â
Anyway, this occasionally rears itâs ugly head in friendships, work relationships, romantic situations, my entire marriage. Sometimes itâs justified: a lover rejecting me repeatedly, friends suddenly not returning texts or phone calls, work associates no longer interested in collaborating or seeking out other team members over me. All rejections on some level and I donât do well with rejection. I take it extremely personally.Â
Iâm trying to work on it. Itâs not easy. I havenât found any simple way to not take being rejected, effectively told Iâm not good enough, any way but personally. It feels personal. Deeply personal. So, if I canât not take it personally, Iâm trying to find a way not to be so affected by it then. (For example, right now, annoyed with someone who effectively blew me off today, again, after doing so several times last week, I have a rash on my arm. Iâm upset. It manifests itself physically. Following a particularly painful conversation with my husband where it became clear that reconciliation wasnât possible, I had a rash all over my body for the better part of three weeks. Thanks fucked up nervous system!)Â
Anyway, hereâs the paradox: I get upset, really really upset, at every perceived slight. But I know Iâm probably asking too much, requiring too much reassurance, needing too much. I know Iâm likely overreacting, at least a little bit, and that I need to calm down. I know that my expectations for interpersonal relationships are high, demanding. So itâs a feedback loop of âIâm not good enough and the reason Iâm not good enough is because I want too much.âÂ
Iâm in that loop now. My elbow is red and itchy. I feel both like a failure and also like Iâm completely righteous in my feelings because, factually speaking, I was straight up blown off. Ignored.Â
Now, the super fun part: do I risk making everything SO MUCH worse by bringing it up? Most peopleâs reactions to being told they hurt someone else is to go on the defense. That usually compounds those feelings of hurt. Vicious cycle. Ultimately ends in friendships disintegrating, marriages pulling apart, jobs being quit or teams broken up.Â
Iâve had too much of that recently. I already feel very alone, very isolated. But the alternative of shoving it down, continuing to feel taken advantage of, taken for granted and ignored isnât great either.Â
I feel like Iâm doomed to itchy elbows and impenetrable loneliness for the rest of my life. (OH! SO MELLOW DRAMATIC, DANI! JESUS. Get it together, girl.)Â
But like, if I canât whine to my blog, where can I whine?
unsolicited medical advice from someone who doesât actively use tumblr anymore but does keep up with your life! try taking an antihistamine every day and see if it helps with the itchiness/ rash at feelings. wonât help the feelings but it could dampen the effect of your immune system to them.Â
