Introducing 'My' Alexine...
Alexine or Xine (pronounced as Shin) and I actually interacted for the first time when both were in our fifth grade of elementary education. During those times, we were all very competitive because we are about to graduate the following year. I'm not really that into studies during those times, so I could say that I wasn't that aware of my classmates then. Actually, there isn't much to say in this section of our life; except for the fact that every afternoon, just before going home we would get the chance to play with one another.
High school was the turning point in our friendship. He became my seatmate when we were in our second year, and thus our story began. Just like most high schools, we were seated by our surnames in a boy-gir-boy-girl arrangement (Oh my...! I just revealed that I'm a girl...! *sigh* Anyway...). We were placed in an advanced class (Let's call it 'Special Star Class'), our English, Math and Science classes were one year ahead than the regular high school curriculum; though our school also offers the regular high school curriculum.
The 'Special Star Class' was the high light of our public high school, yet despite that fact our population remains scanty compared to our neighboring schools. Our class wasn't an exception, it was also sparse and our regular classes weren't in any better position. Our class started off with 21 students, with the stated number, we were arranged to have 4 students per table and every row had 2 tables. Our whole class only needed a total of six tables. But when we turned 2nd years, our class decreased its number to 19 students. The second to the last table at the back remained to have 4 students, while the tables in front were re-arranged. Instead of having the 4 person boy-girl-boy-girl seat plan, tables 1,2,3,4 and 6 had the boy-girl-boy formation. Because of the change in our seat map, we finally became seat mates until our 4th year in high school.
During those 3 years of being seatmates we became friends, chat-mates/gossip-mates, study buddies and of course enemies (at some point). We were young, with raging hormones and puberty; it didn't really help much with how we would handle even the simplest of things. There were times were in our temperaments would clash, and moods collide. We would wage an all out war with one another, but as we grew older our methods (of fighting with each other) also matured. Instead of the usual back talking, we actually learned to utilize the thing they called 'Cold War'. Funny though, our squabbles would only last for a few days; somehow we'd both find ways to make up to one another, on our own (without any of those 'set-ups' other friends would organize for you). Could I be thinking too much of things? I feel that somehow this could be called the 'Mark of True Friendship'.
If we're talking of the 'studies' segment of high school, I could only say one word -HELL! It's not because of the homework or pop quizzes, nor the projects and studying per se; more like the fact that there was still favoritism, which I may add is quite childish and immature of some of our teachers; not forgetting about being cheated and betrayed by our very own Sensei! (This matter is too sensitive, that would open up quite a painful past wound so I refuse to dig deeper into the matter) Though our memories were somewhat good, certain events still tarnish our lovely painted picture. It’s sad to say, but we can never go back in time and make it right. And as they say “The damage is done” living us dubious and aloof to our high school alma mater and professors.
During our college years, Xine was actually one of those few high school friends that kept in touch with me (I’m somewhat passive, and after certain events I chose not to let my real emotions show anymore). He would text me whenever he can, and we would sometimes chat whenever we open a social networking site we both use. Though it wasn’t like how we were in high school, I could say that we both value that bond and is determined to not let it be severed. I don’t really have a deeper understanding of how Xine faired in love and in life during these times. All I could generate was that, some of the situations he had faced have left deep scars in his heart. Xine was hurt and is still hurting even now; and at times, it haunts him leaving him broken.
Xine is one of my best friends, and because of his many love escapades I often asks him for advice (hehe my love guru). I would often burst out my pent-up emotions to him through calls, and texts, because in truth, he’s the only person I could open to ‘vocally and verbally’ first hand. After telling him these, I could share it to my other friends in a less hostile and summarized version (unless Xine isn’t available, yes Xine to me is also an extremely rare and in-demand commodity :P) *prays that Xine won’t get angry when he reads these*. He would sometimes share what’s on his mind to me. I also know that the things he shares to me are deep wounds that I probably would have no knowledge of healing it, but nonetheless I would listen anytime, anywhere, and give my piece of advice if he wants to hear it.
I know how grave the things he went through, and right now he’s still struggling for his up-hill battle. At times he would trip or fall, even to the point of giving up, but I look up to him; because even if he’s actually broken and hurting inside he would still stand tall and smile. I’m lucky, because I’m probably one of those few he had informed when he had too much, and all he could do right then was cry; and that he trusts me to the point he would share his reasons why; to be relied on to whenever he could no longer carry on. But most of all, I’m the luckiest because he said he would be my friend, my best friend!
Xine, this poem I dedicated to you because I know right then you were at the brick of giving up. You probably thought that it was already too much, and you wanted to say “Enough!” but you held on, and I know right now you are trying to move on. Live your life how you want it too (just remember to always follow what’s right though), and never let those people ruin your pretty picture. Do remember that I will always be behind you, cheering for you!
