I'm kind of unsure if what I have counts as some form of OSDD/DID or if its just me disassociating. I've tried to seek a doctor but they just all tell me I'm lying and that I'm fine.
Basically, in my head it's kind of like a voice, but like a bunch, and every time I make a decision, I don't hear but almost feel like they're debating over it before I make it. I often feel like I'm getting tugged in multiple directions, making me very indecisive.
My partner in the past has commented that I'll be very flip-floppy when it comes to decisions, and that I'll be 100% sure when I make it the day before but then come to the next day and suddenly my brain goes "Oh hell no who the fuck said yes fuck you". It also sometimes just feels like I'm kind of on autopilot, like something else is guiding me.
If triggered its almost like something else takes over and makes choices I normally wouldn't make, while I watch. Other times it'll be something constantly analyzing everything in the background. Sometimes I'll feel like theres a discussion inside of my head of "Do this", or when in a crisis all these little parts are fighting.
The thing also is I don't notice this most of the time, which is why I'm still unsure. I notice the flip flopping and everything but I'm just used to it, so it's just ignored and I forget everything is there.
Sometimes even my writing style changes, and becomes much more sophisticated or much more chaotic depending on the moment. My tastes change, my viewpoints change, and my boyfriend noticed it more after my traumatic situation with my ex-girlfriend.
I'm still unsure what's going on, could someone perhaps provide me with a list of questions to answer, point me in the right direction, or give me your experiences with stuff like this so I can use it as a basis to try and analyze this more? Thank :3
