Enjoy

Recovery is a journey, not a destination.

[enjoythej0urney]

One of the things that makes me the most annoyed & angry about social media posts is when I see something with the caption "Calories don't count on vacation!!!!" 1. YOUR insecurities do not need to be broadcasted into the feeds of thousands of people who may have never been counting their calories. Even when they're not on vacation. 2. What did you gain by posting that? The only person judging you for your food intake was you. And that's something you need to think about, and think critically about. Do you need professional help? Do certain foods terrify you and have an effect on your daily living? It might be time to seek help, and it's out there. ( @eatingrecovery ) 3. The word "calories" now carries a bigger meaning than what they actually are. Calories means guilt. Calories means you aren't "healthy". Calories means you could've done better. Tracking your calories means you believe that there is a magical way to mold your body to what you think will make you happy, when the only way you'll get there is by accepting it. ••••• If you don't have a medical condition that requires you to count your calories, just listen to your damn body. And yes, I understand preventative medicine. But preventative methods have been rendered obsolete by fitspo. Before you try to "protect" your body by being "healthy", learn to accept yourself and others first. Then stop defining "healthy" by your weight and start defining it by your nutritional intake Your body is not freaking play-doh. Calories in and calories out is an unsafe way to live if not under the supervision of a medical professional FOR A REASON to be tracking them. •••••• I get it. I've been there. The self-deprecating captions. The desire for reassurance. But how do we stop the cycle of this without stopping ourselves and encouraging others to stop? And I know it's hard not to, but if you're not going to challenge that mindset, don't drag other people down with you. (at Lake Havasu City, Arizona)

[harmony-is-happiness]

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I just critically thought about the idiom "it's no skin off of my back" for the first time and I'm actually really uncomfortable like where did that come from??

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This was only a year and a half ago. This is depression, OCD, and an eating disorder in full force. ••• I made it out alive. And I know you can too. (at Chicago, Illinois)

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Today was my last day seeing my therapist for a little bit because I'll be at home for a month. I made her this embossed quote, which is nearly impossible to catch on camera, and framed it. We've been talking a lot lately about my growth-- she was my therapist in partial hospitalization and I was lucky enough to become her patient again after 9 months & no contact when she started working somewhere else. I have never connected more with someone on my treatment team and I attribute so much of my recovery to her guidance and compassion. ⤵️ Today, she planned an activity for us to do together. When she told me last week that we would be doing something in session that she came up with, I had absolutely no idea what it could've been. In the last 20 minutes of our session, she finally revealed what it would be: a compliment exposure.⤵️ Being complimented used to give me so much anxiety that I would resort to using behaviors to cope with it. A lot of my anxiety is based out of guilt about who I used to be, so being told something positive about myself from another person is extremely uncomfortable. My therapist knows that very well, and had 4 extremely kind compliments prepared to help me deal with the desire to want to crawl out of my skin that comes from affirmations. I overheated the entire time, barely held eye contact, but said thank you at the end. And now, I'm trying to see what she sees in myself, honestly and truly. ⤵️ I don't ever post about this because it seems like saying I don't like to be complimented could be seen as fishing for them, and that makes me really uncomfortable. This whole post makes me uncomfortable, which is why I'm going to make sure I upload it. I know my intention & authenticity, and that is enough. (at Chicago, Illinois)

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[ocdblog]

O C D

It’s as easy as, 1 2 3…

1 2 3

1 2 3

1 2 3

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To the place & the people that saved my life: You always assured me that we would get here. To the point where I loved myself enough to allow myself to eat. To a time when mindfulness would be more than something you forced me to do in group. You said that I was more than the mistakes that I had made. You promised me that if I could just trust the process, I would finally live a normal life. You said you wouldn't give up on me, but still, I didn't believe you. •• You assured me that my thoughts were just that, thoughts. (Shoutout to Ellen, "just because you think it, doesn't mean it's true!) you told me that I could, if I really believed in myself and in you, be the one calling the shots in my life instead of the monster inside of my head. Still, I would not listen. •• You watched me disobey you over & over again. You saw me make frustrating, completely avoidable mistakes time & time again. When it came down to you and me, you always forgave me first. You saw me dump my ensure down the trash. You saw me hide my food. You got me a new ensure.. you added on what I didn't eat. Still, I wouldn't trust you. •• I told you that you were just paid to care about me. I let the vile thing inside of me put its words in my mouth. I told you that after you get off of work, you just go back home to your normal life, and think about how horribly crazy your clients are. You told me you wanted what was best for me. I spit back "That's bullshit. You just want to get rid of me." Still, you believed in me. •• When I come back to see you, I feel like I'm home. You, the place and the people who I rejected most, are the ones I have to thank for my sanity, and for a second chance at life. You always told me I was the only one who could make me recover, and you were right. And I did it. And I found that your words were true all along. And that even though I couldn't hear them then, I own them now. •• Thank you, ERC Chicago and Northwestern hospital for turning the most cynical, untrusting, and broken person into the one you see today. I'll wear this medallion & keep it close to me for the rest of my life. Your Recovery Ambassador and Alumni, Dena 💕 (at Eating Recovery Center)

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This is what "medically overweight" looks like. And I am proud, comfortable, and happy with my body. I never thought I'd say that. ✨ Stop targeting overweight women in larger bodies than mine and harassing them on the basis that you are "concerned about their health" DUE to them being overweight. If you're concerned about their weight, then you're concerned about mine. If it's "not the same thing", then it's not the same REASON. Why are you so afraid of bigger bodies? Figure that out. #effyourbeautystandards #effyourfitspo (at Chicago, Illinois)

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Do you attach meaning to certain objects and places? My whole life, I've shoved away and hidden the things that bring up bad memories for me. I never throw them away (just in case, as my OCD says) but I try to keep things out of plain view that bring me pain. ⤵️ How do you do this with something as large as an apartment? How do you cover up every wall that reminds you of the people who hurt to remember? How do you stay recovered in a space where it feels like the ghost of your sick self is lingering?⤵️ I moved my room around. 3 times. I've changed the furniture in my living room. I've painted over my bedroom walls. I reorganized my kitchen. And in the midst of that, I started to understand that we can't cover up every physical thing that reminds us of pain. When it's just a stuffed animal in the closet, or a bed switched to a different side of the room, it's one thing. When it's desperately trying to find a way to remove every single thing that brings back the hurt, it's unrealistic and unattainable. Once you can accept that, you can search for another solution.⤵️ My solution? Create new memories. It'll feel wrong for awhile. You won't want to laugh in the room that reminds you of betrayal & judgment, but if you try, you will. You'll feel like staying in a room that does not make you feel anything at all, but you'll push yourself to be uncomfortable instead. Slowly, you'll accept the pain. You'll notice your feelings and you'll let them go. And then you'll realize that it's okay to release what once hurt so badly, because it does not negate the fact that it happened. You came, you saw, you felt. Now, you move on. (at Chicago, Illinois)

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So happy that my package finally traveled across the world to @aliceandpeanutbutter and I can share this piece with you all ☺️ I love, love, love this quote. Free yourself. ❤️ . . . Art account: @doodleswithdena ✨ . . . . #art #artwork #artist #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #diet #antidiet #dietsnotriots #fuckdietculture #dietculture #sugarfree #fatfree #glutenfree #freeyourself #body #bodypositivity #handlettering #watercolor (at Chicago, Illinois)

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A morning reminder that stretch marks are NORMAL, your body's permanent tattoos of growth & change, and nothing to be ashamed about. ⤵️ Some of my friends have complained about stretch marks before and in the past when I've chimed in about mine, have told me that I "don't even have stretch marks" or that mine "aren't that bad" once they do see them. I've been a master of camouflaging my body for a decade and creating an image of myself through pictures and oversized clothing that I could never have the body that I always loathed so much. ⤵️ So if you've "only" got some stretch marks, recognize them! If you've got a lot, do the same! Don't let people invalidate you. And surely, please trash that overpriced stretch mark cream.. it should not have to cost money to feel beautiful. Your body is enough as is. ✨ . . . . . #stretchmarks #bodymarks #growth #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #anarecovery #selflovebootcamp #ocdrecovery #depressionrelief #anxietyrelief #lifestyle #body #bodyblog #bodypositive #bodylove #acceptance #loveyourself #youareenough #help #advocacy #allbodiesaregoodbodies (at Chicago, Illinois)

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About a month ago, the owner of this incredible body positivity Instagram account asked if I would be interested in sharing my story on their page. I said yes before checking the guidelines and realizing that I'd have to be in matching underwear 😦 I felt like I was ready to show my skin on the Internet, but I also heard the familiar voices of shame & insecurity badgering me like, "Your body isn't good enough!" "People are going to eat you alive!" "No one cares!"⤵️ Never let your head's shitty committee keep you from showing up & being brave. To some, I'm just an attention starved, slightly curvy, medically overweight girl on the Internet looking for validation & likes. To me, and hopefully to you, too, I am an advocate for the life-changing magic of body positivity, acceptance & self love. People say back in their day they didn't "need to tell people they loved themselves to mean it" and that because millennials utilize social media to do so, we are self-centered, self-obsessed, starving for substantiation that we are "enough" based on the opinions of others. They think we mask that need with the guise of wanting to help others & make a positive change in the world. ✨ Well hey, it's me. I'm here to spread the message of body-love because no one was there to do it for me (your shit generation SORT OF TEACHES THE OPPOSITE) and because there are young people, and people of all ages, who need to be told this: YOUR BODY IS GOOD ENOUGH. YOU WERE MEANT FOR MORE THAN LOOKING "GOOD". OUR BODIES ARE NOT OUR WORTH. THEY WILL LIE TO YOU AND TELL YOU THIS IS SOME SNOWFLAKE BULLSHIT & TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T "LET YOURSELF GO" AND PRETEND IT'S BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH, WHEN THEY ARE REALLY JUST INSECURE ABOUT THEIR OWN BODIES AND ARE LOOKING TO BRING OTHERS DOWN. YOUR HEALTH IS MANAGED BY YOU AND YOUR DOCTOR, NOT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET, OR YOUR SHITTY GREAT AUNT, OR THAT LADY AT THE GROCERY STORE WHO MADE A COMMENT ABOUT THE FOOD YOU WERE BUYING FOR YOURSELF. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR & LEARN TO UNAPOLOGETICALLY LOVE YOURSELF. IT IS THE GREATEST DECISION YOU WILL EVER, EVER! MAKE. The body is not an apology. Your body is your home. 💕 (at Chicago, Illinois)

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Alison Malee. ❤️ #edrecovery #ocdrecovery #loveyourselffirst #bodypositivity #chronicillness #art #doodle #handletter #mail #handwritten #handwrittennotes #alisonmalee #poetry #quoteoftheday #body #blog #bopo #anarecovery #motivate #encourage #watercolor #micron (at Chicago, Illinois)

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I'm late!!! I'm late!!! Happy belated day 12 of #selflovebootcamp by @omgkenzieee ! 💕 Yesterday's theme was #embracethesquish , which was started by the wonderful @nourishandeat 💕✨ Do not let anyone convince you that your body is not worth loving. If you have issues with body image, try this: ✨Start small, try to identify one thing every day in a journal that you are grateful for that has to do with your body. It could be your toes that help you balance, or your hands that help you hold things. Challenge yourself to find uses & gratitude for the parts of your body that you have trouble accepting. For example, my thighs. They may look a certain way, but without them, I would not be able to walk, run, jump, or dance the same way that I do now. I would not want to lose them, especially just because of how I feel about them aesthetically. I love my thighs. 💞 ✨I hope that you can challenge yourselves!💕 #selflovebootcampday12 #selflove #radicalselflove #radicalacceptance #body #bodylove #bodyimage #bodypositive #bodypositiveblogger #blog #edrecovery #edsoldiers #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anarecovery #challenge #dbt #selfcare #embraceyourbody #loveyourself (at Chicago, Illinois)

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Happy day 8 of #SelfLoveBootcamp by @omgkenzieee ! Today is all about MEDIA LITERACY ✨ I was so surprised to see this term included in our challenges because THIS IS WHAT I STUDY FOR MY MAJOR! I took an entire class on media literacy last year. It is a concept that sounds foreign when you first read the words, but is actually pretty simple. ✨MEDIA LITERACY is the ability to analyze and evaluate media, as well as produce our own. Without being media literate, we fall victim to believing everything we read, hear, or see. However, this is not a skill that is heavily emphasized in traditional schooling. As children, we are taught not to be "tricked" by advertising & stories, but are not given lessons on HOW not to. ✨Without viewing media as a creation that was made by an individual or group, it can become second nature to take what is being shown to us as truth. If I were to post the photo on the left on my regular social media & crop it to not show how warped the walls are, there's a pretty good chance that nobody would question whether or not it's real. When I talk to my friends about body image and social media, so many of them aren't even aware that there are apps out there that can quickly edit our bodies to fix any "flaws"; a short torso, cellulite, and love handles can be "fixed" in an instant. In my telling them that people can & do edit their photos to manipulate their bodies, I have taught them a media literacy skill: not taking what they see on social media at face value. ✨I hope that you look more into media literacy & learn how important it is to put a focus on our literacy. I already stress that it is vital not to compare yourself to others, but it is ESPECIALLY vital to not do so with social media. It is an easy trap to fall into, but you don't need to stay there. Nobody is photoshopped in real life. And you are more than your body. 💕 . . #selflovebootcampday8 #selflove #bopo #body #bodylove #bodyimage #mirrorpicture #facetune #fuckfacetune #effyourbeautystandards #beauty #society #unrealistic #unrealisticideals #edrecovery #recoverywarrior #eatingdisorderrecovery (at Chicago, Illinois)

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Happy day 5 of #SelfLoveBootcamp by @omgkenzieee 💕🤗 Today is #flashbackfriday & I wanted to share this photo from a couple of years ago, taken by the incredibly wonderful & talented @cherylwalshfineart ✨ This girl, desperately fighting her mind every day, had no idea she was a #goddessintraining 🌊 If someone back then had told me I would be who I am today, I never would have believed them. But each daily struggle & every moment conquered all live inside of me and push me to be who I am today. To the Goddess in Training: It gets better. And you will get there. Know yourself & know your intentions & from that will come acceptance, joy, and drive. Once you get there, nothing will keep you from changing the world. 🌎 . .. . FOR CHERYL'S NEW WEBSITE, SEE: www.cherylwalshfineart.com . . . #selflovebootcampday4 #selflove #transformation #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #growth #growthroughwhatyougothrough #intentionalliving #underwater #underwaterphotography #underwatermodel #cherylwalshphotography #bopo #mentalhealth #recoveryisworthit (at California)