Bigne Bolg @enlistedplague9 - Tumblr Blog

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absolutegibberishandnumbers

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

what-even-is-thiss

Yeah I saw the lovecraftian horrors and didn’t succumb to madness. What- no I’m not a cultist, James. For Christ’s sake. What you’re forgetting my friend is that HP Lovecraft wasn’t a flexible man. His brain simply wasn’t stretchy enough to take it all in. I however, have short term memory issues. Flexibility is the name of the game when you can’t remember if you ate lunch or not. What’s the size of the universe? Big. You knew that already, James. Come on now. You don’t need to witness the terrifying ocean at the base of the entirety of reality itself to know that. Pass the brandy.

what-even-is-thiss

You must imagine the character I’ve created here wearing a suit and a monocle, by the way.

thesilvertophat

During a Eldritch Horrors based tabletop RPG my character was a young dandy who wasn't particularly interested in all this monster mystery stuff but his father (my brother's character) was a researcher who WAS very into it, so Bertie went along to make sure the old man didn't get into too much trouble. It was your average Eldritch Horrors RPG in that you don't make your characters with the expectation that they will survive for very long, both the game itself and the genre are very intent on turning your characters inside out, driving them insane, and blowing them up in no particular order.

The thing was, everything in this nightmare hellscape just seemed to keep coming up Bertie because the man was too stupid to realize what genre he was in. Every time he had to roll for a sanity check whenever he saw something crazy, the dice treated him so well that he just... didn't get it. Gee that sure is a funny costume. There's something wrong with that dog. These mean guys in stupid hats are trying to hurt that young lady, we can't have that! I had not built him this way, his intelligence stats weren't even that bad, random chance just made it so that this man was living a scooby doo adventure while everyone else was being consumed by The Horrors. The final straw was at the end of an adventure when Bertie escaped from the cultist headquarters by breaking out through the mansion's front window on a motorcycle with a hot rescued sacrificial maiden clinging to his back and leading the cultists on a merry chase through the hedge maze while the other adventurers escaped. His sanity score? HIGHER than when the adventure had begun. He had found the whole experience quite thrilling and felt very good about life in general! Bertie retired from adventuring to marry the maiden he rescued and care for his aging father and delight and bemuse his friends at the gentleman's club with stories of his 'wacky' adventures. I didn't want to risk breaking his ridiculous lucky streak.

badjokesbyjeff

11:38 - Arrived at crime scene.

11:38 - Examined body. Signs of a struggle.

11:38 - Found murder weapon in drain.

11:38 - Realised watch was broken.

crplpunkklavier

i think about this one so fucking often i had to clip it

video description by @madamesehun: A clip from the game show Game Changer, wherein the participants have to act out a prompt. There are four people on this set. Sam is the host, Brennan plays the lawyer, Zac plays the defendant, and Josh is just watching.

Sam, reading the prompt: A defendant stupidly interrupting his lawyer’s closing remarks.

Brennan takes a breath and then starts his speech, putting emphasis on the most important words: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Over the past four days, you have seen the state prosecutor attempt to effectively bamboozle you with a series of hearsay arguments and loose, speculative evidence, placing my client near the scene of the crime, during the time of the murder. This evidence does nothing to indicate motive, or means, in the horrific murder of Roger Bell. Ultimately, it will be your decision to say does this man deserve a lifetime in a federal penitentiary, based on specious, inconclusive evidence. You are tasked to consider the evidence and whether it proves, beyond a reasonable doubt, whether my client is guilty. Is my client a perfect man? No.

Zac, interrupting without missing a beat, plainly: I killed him, yeah.

All four of them burst out laughing.

Brennan raises his head to get Sam’s attention and gets back in character: Your honor, your honor.

Brennan then gets closer to Zac and grabs his face to speak into his ear. They stage whisper and talk over each other.

Zac: Yeah, did I fuck up? Did I fuck up?

Brennan: What the fuck are you doing? Shut up. Shut up. Don’t say anything, okay?

Sam, ending the scene: You know Zac, you really are a master of restraint. Your role there was small, but my god was it funny. I’m going to say two points for each of you.

/End of video description. alternative description here. thank you!

badjokesbyjeff

What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?

“Whoops, my fault”

badjokesbyjeff

Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?

Because a toothbrush works better.

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳!

as of like two and a half weeks ago but still!

#10 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

welcomedhappiness

Farewell online privacy

What happened?

Trump happened.

just get a VPN?

You can’t just tell people to ‘get a VPN (Virtual Private Network)’. Buying a VPN is like buying a house. It’s very very important. Having no VPN or having a ‘wrong’ one can seriously damage your life. Especially for Americans because their privacy laws are garbage. I am going to try explain why you should get a VPN but bare with me, I am from Germany and my English is far from perfect.

Let’s start with a simple test. Click this link here: https://whatismyipaddress.com/ It will tell your IP address, your ISP (internet service provider), and your location. The location might not be very accurate, but then again, it’s just a simple website. Imagine what the government can do!

So basically, everyone can find out where you live. But there is more danger. Your ISP. Your ISP logs your every move online and they are required to keep it in case the government wants access to it (or if a 3rd party wants to buy your data (yikes). They have everything. What websites you visit. How long you stay on a website. What you download. Your search terms. European laws are more subtle on this but if you are from the US you are #@*#&, especially because Trump doesn’t support the open internet. It’s scary but maybe in the future you can’t get a job because the recruiter knows your searched on ‘how to deal with depression’ or anythings else that’s supposed to be private because it’s your f*cking right. Or you get a $100k fine because you pirated a movie 15 years ago. You need a VPN. You’re dumb for not using one. but what does a VPN do?

A VPN encrypts all your data so if it were be intercepted no one can ‘crack the code’ and damage your privacy.

Usually being online goes like this (simplified): Your computer —-> ISP (—–> keeps data —–> sells it)

But with a VPN it goes like: Your computer —–> VPN (encrypts data)—–> ISP (ISP can’t see shit)

Furthermore, a VPN hides your IP address and location by giving you another IP address located in Spain for example (you can often choose from a list and change as many times as you want).

Now that you know why you should get a VPN and what is does it is important to educate yourself because people often choose the wrong VPN. VPN providers are also businesses and have to obey the law. If you choose a VPN provider located in the US then you are throwing your money away because the laws in the US shits on your privacy. If the US gov wants the provider to give all their logs they have to obey. The ISP still can’t see what you are doing online and sell your data but the US gov can interfere with your VPN provider so NEVER CHOOSE A PROVIDER LOCATED IN THE US.

I just wanted to make that very clear so my followers don’t buy false security.

There is still more danger! Who says your VPN provider isn’t selling your data? You need to check their logging policy. Do they keep logs? If yes, what for? For how long do they keep them? Tip: Choose a provider who doesn’t keep logs

More about law The US is part of the Five Eyes program (the worst):

The Five Eyes, often abbreviated as FVEY, is an intelligence alliance comprising Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States. These countries are bound by the multilateral UKUSA Agreement, a treaty for joint cooperation in signals intelligence (source)

There is also a Nine Eyes (bit better) and Fourteen Eyes Program (better). You don’t want a VPN provider who is located in one the Five Eyes countries. If you had to choose go for a provider located in a country that’s part of the Fourteen Eyes Program or even better, go for a country that isn’t part of any program!

I know this is a shitty explanation and please pardon my english but now it’s time to do your own research. Take your privacy seriously. Maybe WWIII breaks out and you get killed for liking the ‘wrong’ FB-page.

Go to this website: https://thatoneprivacysite.xyz/simple-vpn-comparison/

Make sure that your future VPN provider both has green boxes for Privacy Jurisdiction and Privacy Logging.

I recommend ovpn.se and trust.zone. ovpn is located in Sweden so they are part of the 14 Eyes Program and they keep minimal logs. Their business ethics, however, are alright.

Trustzone is located in the Seychelles. No country can interfere and their privacy jurisdiction is the best you can get. The US want your data but needs to get it from Trustzone? The Seychelles will simply give them the finger and wave them goodbye. However, this makes this provider very appealing for people who torrent and criminals because they keep no logs (and that is how it shoud be) Also, there are almost no marketing efforts so this provider is one the cheapest)

Also, often providers such as ExpressVPN are being called ‘The Best’ on websites about VPNs but know that this is just marketing which also makes those provider more expensive (and they too shit on your privacy)

This must be the worst article you have ever read but please, please take your privacy very seriously.

EDIT: I got many people asking me which provider I use. For those who want to know, I use Trust Zone. They offer a free 3-day trial with no strings attached. But still do your own research!

writing-prompt-s

I am also with Trustzone but I think you forgot to explain one of it’s most important features. It protects you when you are using someone else’s Wi-Fi. If you are at Starbucks and you use their Wi-Fi your privacy is at risk. Anyone with ill intentions could steal your information. Especially if you are using an unsecured Wi-Fi hotspot. With a VPN your data gets encrypted so no one can steal it.

rabbitbitty

Wait, what’s going, on? Did trump destroy internet privacy with a bill or something? Where’s the news? Oh wait, why am I getting visions of Alex Jones and selling water purifiers?

coltrar

Trump wants more surveillance of Muslim Americans. This in a country where internet privacy is already close to non-existent.

Trust.Zone has a free trial. Use it.

btw this post only has 11k notes? That’s quite disappointing for something this important.

Don’t reblog this post to save a life. Reblog this to protect an entire family!

imthedoctor13

@earth-ruin @writing-prompt-s Should I get trustzone for my mobile device?

writing-prompt-s

If you use public Wi-Fi, then yes. Which VPN you use is up to you, amigo. Take @earth-ruin‘s advice. Do your own research first.

writing-prompt-s

@elvesfromthedeep just brought the current situation in the US to my attention (March 30, 2017).

Sources

Anger as US internet privacy law scrapped

Congress just voted to let internet providers sell your browsing history

To all my friends in the US, please read this entire post. Making everyone aware of VPNs is going to be my mission. Your privacy matters. Please reblog this post.

blueeyespurpleheart

Don’t tell me you just wanted to scroll past this. Stop looking at pictures of cats for a moment, okay? Don’t you realize how important this is? This is dangerous! ‘America, the best FREE country in the world’ my ass.

With this new law your ISP can sell your Internet history which could include passwords, usernames, religion, credit card numbers, race and much more to the highest bidder. So here is what I want you to do.

You are going to read the whole thing and before you think ’this is so important. Let me reblog this real quick and go back to admiring cats again-’ NO! Don’t reblog this. Take action first. Then reblog. Sign up for a free trial! Trust.Zone offers one (here). Yes. It might be difficult to set up a VPN for some people. But is that going to stop you from protecting yourself and your family? 30 minutes. 30 minutes is all that it takes. 5 if you know how to install software. The problem with some of you is that you see ‘difficult’ as something negative. I want you to see difficult differently. I need you to push through this stuff. You are going to protect yourself. There is nothing negative about that.

VPNs are fun and costsaving too! A VPN bypasses geographical restrictions so you can access websites you normally can’t or you could start Netflix’s one month free trial over and over again- forever. And it’s legal! (unless you use it to buy weapons etc.,)

Don’t tell yourself that you are too tired and that you will do this tomorrow. Because that isn’t going to happen and you know it. You have to do this right now. You only have to click on it. Don’t let this/shit/life just happen to you. Take yourself seriously. Get a VPN.

Privacy is not a privilege, it’s a fundamental human right

thejoyfuldefender

Ok sorry that it’s so freaking long and also sorry for the language, but this is extremely important. Please reblog!

bearcubsandicecreammachines

Reblogging again bc this is important

ahrima-deactivated20240728

executive dysfunction be like *wants to do something* *doesnt do it* *feels bad* *wants to do something* *doesnt do it* *feels bad* *wants to do something* *doesnt do it* *feels ba

o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-e-d

I recently learnt that executive dysfunction can be broken down into two main categories: anxiety that your attempt won’t be satisfactory, or confusion about where to start or how to break it down into steps. As much as we feel bad about it, it’s extremely important to remember that it is NOT laziness and we in fact shouldn’t feel bad.

ahrima-deactivated20240728

hey reblog this instead