S

my specialty is not common sense

[were--ralph]

[ozempicofficial]

[starlit-meadow]

[depsidase]

[depsidase]

[depsidase]

[loner3535]

“In the lee of a picturesque ridge lies a small, unpretentious winery, one that pampers its fruit like its own babies. Hi, I’m Moira Rose, and if you love fruit wine as much as I do, then you’ll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner who brings the musk melon goodness to his oak Chardonnay, and the dazzling peach cral-bapple to his Riesling Rioja. Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine. You’ll remember the experience and you’ll remember the name. Herb Erfling … ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herb-blinger. Bing Livehaanger. Liveling. Burt Herkurn. Ban bingo ling-fucker!”

[politijohn]

Source

Source

Source

[wizardshark]

This post was made 4 days ago. Probably a good time to take another look at these threats

[targetedknowledge]

[ladyshinga]

[viejospellejos]

[dogpuppy]

[toyastales]

A grand staircase framed by large stained glass windows

[fruitsaladchewits-deactivated20]

Palestinian lady collects gas bombs fired by Israeli army. She grows flowers in these bombs.

[ilovespike]

What the AP photo story neglected to show was that this garden is in memory of Bassem Abu Rahmah, killed by Israeli forces with a tear gas to the chest in 2009 in Bil’in. The garden was planted and is maintained by Bassem’s mother.

[gayestbitchintown]

*fuck you're tight* me to my budget

[rollercoasterwords]

i'm literally the priest's favorite sacrificial lamb because i am so docile and sweet and i hold very still when they put the rope around my neck and i trot along so happily while they lead me to the altar and they do not even have to tie me down because i lie so very still and only bleat once or twice in my lovely lamb voice and when the knife comes down it cuts through me like butter and i offer no resistance and i bleed so prettily all over my new white wool and my guts all unspool like the most beautiful shining yarn and my eyes are animal and dumb and hold no accusation and every time i die i come right back as another little lamb because the priest loves me so so much and he always chooses me for the sacrifice every time and he always places one hand on my small and twitching nose to calm me while he lifts the knife and he doesn't do it for the other lambs only me because i'm his favorite

[kaity--did]

Starting a new thread of insane shit I over hear my husband say to our toddler.

“Here, will this rice cake cracker sate your dark passanger?”

[kaity--did]

2. “Come now my child.”

*bluey the album starts playing*

[kaity--did]

3. “Oh I am so sorry. You’ve been mildly inconvenienced. How dare I truly”

[kaity--did]

4. “It is she! Her Majesty, Queen of the Sludge, Keeper of Goo, DJ Baby P (In the House) Dropper of Beats and Clapper of Hands”

[kaity--did]

5. He is in charge of bathtime and he lifted the ghoul tonight while singing “come with me and you’ll be in a world of baby sanitation” and I laughed so hard I snorted pasta

[kaity--did]

6. Okay this is more one that he said to me about the toddler but he was home with her while I was at work and I just got this text

[kaity--did]

7.

“Happy Independence Day Sweetie! Nationalism is a cancer!”

[kaity--did]

8. This is another one he said to me about her but still it made me laugh so hard I nearly choked

[kaity--did]

9.

*Penny babbling in the back seat, many la la las coming from her car seat*

“Are you singing us a song? Ah yes the dulcet tones of goblin”

[kaity--did]

10.

“Listen kid, I can’t let you have the cup anymore because you keep chugging the bath water, so we just have to remove the cup from the equation.”

[kaity--did]

11.

*penny is screaming, trying to climb back up a big slide at the playground*

“Someday you’ll learn about ,I don’t know physics and the myth of Sisyphus ,and you’ll start making a lot of connections I think. “

[kaity--did]

12. *Pen is still screaming and baby cussing about not being able to climb back up the slide*

“The problem is that you set goals for yourself that are unattainable by both man and baby.”

[kaity--did]

13.

“You can keep the cookie container, I don’t care. What kind of father would I be if I tried to separate a small raccoon child from her trash!?”

[kaity--did]

14.

*Penny is crying because the bucket she insisted on sitting in fell off the couch with her in it. Husband is bouncing her and rubbing her back after assessing that no physical damage occurred, just a bruised toddler ego*

“Oh my poor sweet angel. She fucked around and found out.”

[kaity--did]

15.

[kaity--did]

16. “The only three things this child cares about is Elmo, Cooking Videos, and Keith Tryguy”.

[kaity--did]

17.

“Hey. No! Cup privileges hereby rescinded, bath chugger”