No matter what you do as a parent, do not use fear-mongering to control your child. Do not tell your children how theyâre going to get kidnapped or abducted by strangers if they leave your sight, do not tell them theyâre going to die in a ditch the second they try for independence, do not threaten them with living on the street or dying from sickness or lack of warmth, do not invent the most catastrophic possible scenarios that will happen the second your child wants to do something that you donât like, because lying and terrifying your children is not a parenting tool, itâs a tool of abuse.
Regardless of whether your kid believes you, they will internalize your every word, and the longer theyâre being fed horiffic nonsense, the bigger part of their world will be shaped by disaster, catastrophic scenarios and terror following their every move. This isnât funny, itâs a breeding ground for anxiety, panic disorder, catastrophizing, paralyzing fear and disability to explore, adapt, calculate risks, or become independant in this world. What youâre doing is lying to them so they wouldnât be able to leave when you abuse them.
First of all, youâre the person responsible for preventing and stopping every single catastrophic scenario youâre threatening; youâre not doing your duty by making the child more terrified, youâre saying âNot only will I not be there to help you, I will tell you itâs your own damn fault when it happens. Youâre all on your own, donât think I will care or protect you at any point.â Youâre telling your child they already donât have a parent who loves them.
Secondly, the world is shitty enough without your added lies! Fear-mongering never uses realistic or likely scenarios, it goes to the worst terror that is possible to happen, and uses it as a threat to control someone. Youâre teaching your kid to expect the worst in any situation! Youâre using catastrophising as a way to live and your child will be left alone to catastrophize for ages, believing you said all these things to warn or protect them because you were worried, you believed it could happen, you cared. You did not.
If you cared about prevention, youâd be giving your child accurate, correct and useful information, and supply them with every single tool to protect themselves if the situation requires it. Youâre not teaching them to not go to certain places without a friend group, youâre not giving them phone numbers to call, youâre not showing them what suspicious situations look like and how to avoid them, youâre not making yourself a safe person in their life they could call for help, youâre saying âIf you donât do it my way, you will get hurt.â This will do shit all to protect your kid, theyâre more likely to do desperate acts to escape your control and get hurt in the process. And since youâre an unsafe person to bond with, it increases their chance of getting groomed by any predator because you took their primary attachment figure away from them.
Stop terrifying your kids with made up disasters. There are enough real ass disasters in the world for you to protect them from. You do not exist as a parent to utilize the worst of the world against your kid. You are not doing a thing to help your kids by raising them on fear. Your duty is to make sure they know how to deal with anything, not to sabotage their independence.
