I've found... my blorbo.........

Higher Power 24+, She/Her, Steel/Fairy Type, All Zionists Must Die (Nobody Gets an Ethnostate)

[triviallytrue]

in retrospect it's pretty funny that the most used computer port for many years just completely sucked shit to the point of there being normie memes about it

[triviallytrue]

we as a society lived like this for years and years

[phaeton-flier]

I mean when your biggest tech issue is "takes an extra 10 seconds (at most) to plug in if you're not paying attention" that's pretty good! Imagine if you had a printer and the printer's biggest problem was that the paper took a few tries to insert into the tray. You'd want to fuck that printer.

[triviallytrue]

I'd want to fuck that printer.

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[homerfan1738]

[katiemonz]

happy belated birthday blue rat

tails will put your ass on blast dont even doubt

[johnnysmissingass-deactivated20]

😭😭😭

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

793.85

card tricks

[kaida427]

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

611.642

the prepuce (aka foreskin)

is a simple "please" too much to ask?

[kaida427]

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

179.92

forgiveness

[johnnysmissingass-deactivated20]

😭😭😭

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

793.85

card tricks

[kaida427]

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

611.642

the prepuce (aka foreskin)

is a simple "please" too much to ask?

[kaida427]

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

179.92

forgiveness

[novares07]

TW// BLOOD

Aftermath

[lukadotxyz]

🌸-chan

[princessporcelaingirl]

Insanely nsfw content:

Tricking another autistic girl into using my vocabulary

[hellspawnmotel]

[egberts]

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.

[toomanydesign]

[zhoudadudugongjin]

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

[zhoudadudugongjin]

me everytime one of my seemingly non-specific homoerotic text posts breaks containment

[inthefallofasparrow]

[11thsense]

Hello, Emily. This is Adam Driver. I came across your blog in my free time today and it pained me greatly to find a post you made recently calling me ugly and, I quote, “garbage”. I began to cry, because I have anxiety about my appearance. You have truly hurt an innocent 30 or 40 year old man who wants nothing more than to act and be happy. I hope you consider your actions in the future, as I am still crying because of you. Thank you, and goodbye.

GOUSJCJ DICJ

[jonbutter]

dude so distraught he forgot his age

[serrraphim]

forgiven obscenity

[segamascott]

[maidling-deactivated20260401]