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@eskarrina
In Which Healthy People Don't Understand That Management Is Not A Cure
Friend: What’s up?
Me: I just got out of the shower, so, you know… sitting here trying not to pass out or throw up.
Friend: I thought you said the shower chair helps?
Me: It does.
Friend: Then why aren’t you better?
It is our duty as feminists to protect and respect women in Hijabs
Now. More. Than. Ever.
Question: if I see someone pull off a Hijab, what should I do? I know there are reasons they are worn so I want to if i should stand in between them and who did this, should i protect them from view somehow, or something else? This has been happening a lot so I feel it’s something everyone needs to know.
Good question! I cannot correctly and effectively answer, as I am a white, non-Muslim person; however, I will reblog in case any of my followers can answer.
I asked my Hijabi friend, so here’s one Hijabi’s answer:
“my opinion is, definitely try cover them or give them something to cover themselves with. And perhaps shoo off the person, without putting oneself in danger! God forbid, if that happened to me, I would like someone to come and comfort me and give me something to cover my hair with and then help me report it to the cops “
(Followers, if any of you are hijabi and would like to expand on this answer or offer alternatives, please do.)
If u see it happen to 1 of us, pls cover our head + hair with a coat or shawl or any piece of cloth, while hugging us in comfort. Please don’t get hurt by lashing out @ the perpetrators in any way, coz if they dare to do that, they’re probably too far gone in their own hatred to listen to any reason. Much love + Thank You to anyone who supports us.
yes !! everything said here is important af. if you see someone pull off a girl’s hijab immediately cover her hair and provide comfort. don’t talk to the perpetrator but try to get the woman out of there if you can. maybe if you have a scarf on you at the time give it to her so she can wear it until she’s alone and can replace her hijab. please please protect muslim girls because we already had it hard before donald trump became president and now its gonna be worse with people going around thinking their violence and cruelty is justified
for my other white ppl who might have a hard time, it’s my understanding that a hijab is like a major item of clothing, not an accessory like a hat or a scarf. so think abt it more like if someone just ripped someone’s shirt or skirt off. u don’t want to be left there exposed or have to walk home without it.
everyone, even outside America needs to protect our Muslim sisters in these times.
as a man, what would be the best thing to do? should i turn my head and avoid looking at their hair? can i still offer a jacket or something similar?
^I’m hoping someone has an answer islamaphpbia is on the rise in my town and I want to be a good male non Muslim ally
For men, yes please, we would prefer it if you avoided looking at our hair, and if we don’t have something to substitute as a hijab at that moment, anything you could lend us, a jacket, etc, would be very appreciated.
Also, since most girls avoid physical contact with men they’re not related to, please do not hug them, but rather shoo the offender away if you can, or at least escort the girl to a safe place. You can still offer words of encouragement and support. Furthermore, understand that the victim may not be very welcoming towards you because she’ll obviously be shaken, and won’t know where you are coming from. If that’s the case, please still give her something to cover herself (hijab is very important, think of it as someone ripping your shirt off) and stand some distance away until you are sure she’s in safe hands.
Thank you so much for your support, we really appreciate it, god bless all of you.
In the horrible climate we’re currently in, please take note of this.
Reblogging this again for the guy-instructions
Same
Ok I am now going to carry a scarf in my bag everywhere I go just in case.
reblog if you’re trapped in a spiteful flesh prison
Instead of praising disabled people for “succeeding despite our disabilities” and being inspirations, abled people should work to break down the institutional barriers that make it so much harder for us to succeed in the first place.
I honestly think that we would eliminate one of the major causes of ableism if we stopped basing people’s worth off how much revenue they generate.
2018 concept: stop giving unsolicited job advice to disabled people, especially disabled people who have repeatedly told you they aren’t looking for a job and can’t do the field you keep “helpfully” suggesting.
The Nature of Wheelchairs
I get a lot of (great) questions from folks asking about whether or not a wheelchair is the ideal mobility aid for their situation and the answer is always “it depends”.
Here’s the thing no one tells you about using a wheelchair: wheelchairs are incredibly intimate medical devices. While other mobility aids are built around the idea of amplifying, easing, or stabilizing your current mobility, wheelchairs completely change how you move through the world on a day to day basis. To shamelessly borrow a quote from the Matrix (the good one):
Neo: Why do my [arms] hurt? Morpheus: Because you’ve never used them before
In (manual) wheelchair, you go from using your legs to move about to sitting in a chair for 16+ hours a day and using your arms and shoulders to move. If any aspect of that chair is measured incorrectly, improperly balanced, or poorly maintained it can lead to discomfort, unnecessary strain, injury or even death.
In order for a wheelchair to be an effective mobility aid, it needs to be built for your body. My wheelchair has a goddamn serial number on that bottom the designates how and when it was built for me.
I think a lot folks who become frustrated with manual wheelchairs get that way because either the chair wasn’t built for them to begin with or the chair they ended up with was poorly designed and measured.
And that’s the thing: there’s really no “trying” out a wheelchair like you can try out a cane or brace. The measurements required to make it safe and effective make it very much an all or nothing.
However, once you do have a chair that’s been designed and built with you in mind, the results can be absolutely fantastic: more energy, more freedom, more spoons.
Wheelchairs are absolutely worth it, but you need to be absolutely sure that it’s your legs that are (at least most of) the problem before completely investing in one.
I agree with most of this, but my wheelchair is mainly for fatigue, fainting, balance, and joint issues. My legs are most affected, but my arms are as well. There are options like power assist to help with this in a chair. This isn’t really possible with walking.
this literally changed my mood 180°
IT’S FACE WHEN IT POPS
<3_<3
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES
every time I reblog this my sister sends me a message to the effect of “thank u for reposting that cat video on your tumblr i have seen it so many times but it delights me every time because their paws are so gentle and graceful”
@bipolarblueberries @holupslut @xyullenx
Don’t Take Up Spaces that Aren’t Meant for You
I go to use the elevator in a high rise building only to find a sign that says “Please ask security for access to this elevator”. A week ago, that sign wasn’t there. When I ask the security guard why the sudden change in policy, they said that people from other floors in the building had been abusing their access to the elevator and that they needed to lock it down.
Let me make this perfectly clear: I could no longer independently access the only elevator available to take me to this part of the building because other people decided to use / abuse a space that was not meant for them instead of taking the stairs right next to the fucking elevator.
Here’s another example: In order to have access to an accessible room on a cruise ship, I have to submit a form stating that I do in fact have a physical disability that prevents me from using a normal state room on the ship. I have to do this because able-bodied people have, in the past, been dishonest about the level of accessibility they require in order to have access to a larger stateroom without having to pay a premium.
How about this one: I go into the restroom of a massive convention center. Every single stall in this restroom is empty except for the one handicapped stall in the back, which is being occupied by someone who does not need to use a handicapped stall. I now have to wait for that one person to exit the stall before I can use the restroom. Remember: This bathroom has 7+ other stalls that are built specifically to work for them, but they chose to use the one space that is available to people like me.
Dear able-bodied people: Handicapped bathroom stalls, seating areas, staterooms, and elevators are not meant for you and you should not use them.
I do not care how big of a hurry you were in and how that elevator got you to where you needed to go faster. Because of you, I have to go find someone every time I need to use this elevator and if I can’t find them I GET NOTHING.
To you, that cruise ship can house 2000+ people and you have an opportunity to get a massive stateroom at no extra cost if you’re wiling to fib a little. To me, that cruise ship has a capacity of around 12 (the number of accessible rooms on the ship) and if they’re all full, I GET NOTHING.
To you, that movie theater has four really great seats right in the middle that just happen to have a handicapped accessible sign on them. To me, that theater has four seats and if they’re all full, I GET NOTHING.
And let me address the bathroom thing in particular. I don’t give a flying fuck if the handicapped stall was the only one available. You should pretend like it doesn’t fucking exist and wait in line like everyone else. *
Don’t take up spaces that were not meant for you. Because everything but those few precious spaces were not meant for us.
* Unless it’s literally the only stall in the bathroom or you’re about to absolutely shit yourself. Then it’s fine.
im serious about that “stop saving things for special occasions” bit tho like. even if u aren’t in your 20s. thats for everyone. its one of the most useful things ive learned lately
stop! just stop. eat the special snack. drink the expensive hippie tea. use the incense or the bath bomb or whatever you paid way too much for because you were feeling really bad and retail therapy makes u feel alive
when we save things for special occasions/rainy days it contributes to us feeling like A.) our day to day existence is lackluster and B.) you have to be feeling a certain level of Bad, or have to reach a certain level of Socially Accepted Achievement, to enjoy things
just give yourself stuff. there are definitely sometimes reasons to withhold things from yourself - as motivation, if it’s something you consciously want to use sparingly, etc - but at least for me half the time it just turns into self-flagellation and also cool things and cool experiences and nice treats just collect dust while i wait for some fabled day when i convince myself i finally Deserve it
just fuckin give yourself stuff dude. life’s so mindblowingly short
my grandmother died having only used her china like twice in her life. during the year or so before her death, she was starting to package up and give things of hers to her kids, and gave mom the china while sighing “oh i wish i had used the china more!” and mom tried so hard to convince her to just keep it, then, and eat corny dogs off it if she wanted. she insisted she couldn’t possibly, you need a special reason to use the fine china. when nana died, we used her fine china as our everyday dishes for years. i was 18 when she died, and never really stopped having that in the back of my head. now, when i hear myself say “i wish i had a reason to wear/do/eat/use X!” i hear nana regretting never really using her china. and let me tell you a thing: spaghettios taste great when eaten from fine china.
I’ve seen this post making the rounds. Just wanted to add something to it that my sister-in-law once told me:
“A ‘special thing’ can make any occasion special.”
She told me this when I objected to her opening a really expensive bottle of champagne just to watch a movie. And you know, she was right. The champagne was amazing and while we always sit around and watch movies, that bottle made that night a really special occasion that I will always remember.
So, cut yourself a little slack and remember that an ordinary day can become special.
Here’s a story about changelings:
Mary was a beautiful baby, sweet and affectionate, but by the time she’s three she’s turned difficult and strange, with fey moods and a stubborn mouth that screams and bites but never says mama. But her mother’s well-used to hard work with little thanks, and when the village gossips wag their tongues she just shrugs, and pulls her difficult child away from their precious, perfect blossoms, before the bites draw blood. Mary’s mother doesn’t drown her in a bucket of saltwater, and she doesn’t take up the silver knife the wife of the village priest leaves out for her one Sunday brunch.
She gives her daughter yarn, instead, and instead of a rowan stake through her inhuman heart she gives her a child’s first loom, oak and ash. She lets her vicious, uncooperative fairy daughter entertain herself with games of her own devising, in as much peace and comfort as either of them can manage.
Mary grows up strangely, as a strange child would, learning everything in all the wrong order, and biting a great deal more than she should. But she also learns to weave, and takes to it with a grand passion. Soon enough she knows more than her mother–which isn’t all that much–and is striking out into unknown territory, turning out odd new knots and weaves, patterns as complex as spiderwebs and spellrings.
“Aren’t you clever,” her mother says, of her work, and leaves her to her wool and flax and whatnot. Mary’s not biting anymore, and she smiles more than she frowns, and that’s about as much, her mother figures, as anyone should hope for from their child.
Mary still cries sometimes, when the other girls reject her for her strange graces, her odd slow way of talking, her restless reaching fluttering hands that have learned to spin but never to settle. The other girls call her freak, witchblood, hobgoblin.
“I don’t remember girls being quite so stupid when I was that age,” her mother says, brushing Mary’s hair smooth and steady like they’ve both learned to enjoy, smooth as a skein of silk. “Time was, you knew not to insult anyone you might need to flatter later. ‘Specially when you don’t know if they’re going to grow wings or horns or whatnot. Serve ‘em all right if you ever figure out curses.”
“I want to go back,” Mary says. “I want to go home, to where I came from, where there’s people like me. If I’m a fairy’s child I should be in fairyland, and no one would call me a freak.”
“Aye, well, I’d miss you though,” her mother says. “And I expect there’s stupid folk everywhere, even in fairyland. Cruel folk, too. You just have to make the best of things where you are, being my child instead.”
Mary learns to read well enough, in between the weaving, especially when her mother tracks down the traveling booktraders and comes home with slim, precious manuals on dyes and stains and mordants, on pigments and patterns, diagrams too arcane for her own eyes but which make her daughter’s eyes shine.
“We need an herb garden,” her daughter says, hands busy, flipping from page to page, pulling on her hair, twisting in her skirt, itching for a project. “Yarrow, and madder, and woad and weld…”
“Well, start digging,” her mother says. “Won’t do you a harm to get out of the house now’n then.”
Mary doesn’t like dirt but she’s learned determination well enough from her mother. She digs and digs, and plants what she’s given, and the first year doesn’t turn out so well but the second’s better, and by the third a cauldron’s always simmering something over the fire, and Mary’s taking in orders from girls five years older or more, turning out vivid bolts and spools and skeins of red and gold and blue, restless fingers dancing like they’ve summoned down the rainbow. Her mother figures she probably has.
“Just as well you never got the hang of curses,” she says, admiring her bright new skirts. “I like this sort of trick a lot better.”
Mary smiles, rocking back and forth on her heels, fingers already fluttering to find the next project.
She finally grows up tall and fair, if a bit stooped and squinty, and time and age seem to calm her unhappy mouth about as well as it does for human children. Word gets around she never lies or breaks a bargain, and if the first seems odd for a fairy’s child then the second one seems fit enough. The undyed stacks of taken orders grow taller, the dyed lots of filled orders grow brighter, the loom in the corner for Mary’s own creations grows stranger and more complex. Mary’s hands callus just like her mother’s, become as strong and tough and smooth as the oak and ash of her needles and frames, though they never fall still.
“Do you ever wonder what your real daughter would be like?” the priest’s wife asks, once.
Mary’s mother snorts. “She wouldn’t be worth a damn at weaving,” she says. “Lord knows I never was. No, I’ll keep what I’ve been given and thank the givers kindly. It was a fair enough trade for me. Good day, ma’am.”
Mary brings her mother sweet chamomile tea, that night, and a warm shawl in all the colors of a garden, and a hairbrush. In the morning, the priest’s son comes round, with payment for his mother’s pretty new dress and a shy smile just for Mary. He thinks her hair is nice, and her hands are even nicer, vibrant in their strength and skill and endless motion.
They all live happily ever after.
*
Here’s another story:
Keep reading
real adult™ tip from a real adult™ with executive dysfunction
do stuff while waiting for other stuff
like that sounds intuitive and vague but so much of the day is spent in a period of wait and if you struggle to motivate yourself to do things then this is the best time
waiting for your water to boil? bag up your garbage. waiting for your coffee to drip? wipe down your counters. roommate taking up the bathroom? scoop the cat box. waiting for your food to cook in the microwave? do however many dishes you can while it’s in there.
waiting is the perfect time to do a limited amount of something for yourself where you would be otherwise just standing around doing fuck-all
THIS IS REALLY HELPFUL!
I actually turn this into a game!
“How many chores can I do while the water is boiling for my tea?”
“Can I put away the dishes and wipe the counters before my lunch finishes reheating?”
“Can I sweep the floor AND change the laundry while the dogs are out back?”
You can totally do this! If you make it like a game, also, you will get better at it, and you can be like ‘yes, now I put away the dishes AND wiped out the sink before my water boiled, I am a level 2 Adult!’
It’s also helpful because it reminds you (me) how little time some of these things actually take. “Oh. I can do (X) in the 2 minutes it takes that to heat up in the microwave. I guess it’s not actually a huge overwhelming task that I need to psych myself up for and make Special Elaborate Preparations before I can do it. Huh.”
This is also a super good way to limit the amount of time you spend on something, if there are tasks you tend to over-do, or if like me you have a habit of spending too much time on one thing to avoid doing another thing. I used to help with a dog training class and one of the things we taught our students was in the beginning at least to only do training in short bursts… two or three minutes, high value treats and lots of praise, get the behavior you want once or twice and you’re DONE. People have a tendency when they keep at it for too long to really hammer the dog with the same behavior over and over and be really perfectionist about it and make the whole experience Not Fun At All for their dog, and if you do that over the long term that is super bad. So we’d tell people to only work on training with their dog during commercial breaks. That way there was a definite end time, the dog gets to chill and absorb what you’re teaching while you sit back down and watch your show, you leave them wanting more so they’re eager the next time you jump into it instead of being crabby and over the whole experience, and basically it’s just a win all around.
YES. THIS. Also, with EDS it can be really painful to stand or long enough to do things. If I can wash 10 dishes while the kettle boils, that’s better than 0 dishes.
Daisy is definitely not impressed by this.
via 1158pm
My sister gave me a copy of this book. It’s fantastic and has INSTRUCTIONS.
Pls teach your son how to apologize.
Teach by example and apologize to your kids when you fuck up.
Wow!!!! Accountable non-ego driven parenting!? What a concept
And you WILL fuck up. Repeatedly. Apologise to them, and ask how you can make amends. Yes, “sorry” doesn’t always cut it.
Why shouldn't women be able to get an abortion any time, for any reason that they want? Isn't being anti-fetal screening being anti-abortion? It's her body--she shouldn't have to carry a fetus that she doesn't want for any reason. dont women deserve the right to define the terms of their own pregnancy and motherhood, no matter what? a fetus has no rights, and is not a person, so aborting autistic fetuses has nothing to do with autistic people and can hardly be called eugenics :/
Ok, so, I’m going to do everything I possibly can to be kind and diplomatic here bc I respect that you’re likely coming from a well-intended place and at the same time I need for you to understand that this is an incredibly emotional topic and all of the incredibly strong emotions Autistic people feel when these kinds of things get brought up are incredibly valid bc we’re literally talking about our lives and our right to live here.Getting rid of Autistic people is literally eugenics, it just is, Autism is without question genetic (it’s complex, it’s the result of many different genes interacting with each other in complex ways to create a specific neurotype that diverges from the neurotypes considered typical in our society, if Autism were more common then that would be the neurotype considered most typical and allistic ways of being would be considered divergent, there are also many other kinds of neurodivergences in the world, being dyslexic is a neurodivergence, for instance). So here’s the thing, when you’re talking about cleansing the world of certain aspects of the gene pool in terms of population wide heritability that’s eugenics, getting rid of Autism is eugenics, aborting Autistic fetuses is eugenics, the whole idea that certain ways of being human are more or less valuable or worthwhile than other ways of being human and that we as a society should all be spared those “problem” people existing is literally in no uncertain terms eugenics.Calling it eugenics - which is exactly what it is - isn’t saying people can’t get abortions for whatever reasons they want. People can indeed do whatever they want with their bodies and if a person feels like they can’t handle having an Autistic child and they choose to abort an Autistic fetus that’s their call (and I’ll be perfectly frank, I don’t really want Autistic kids born to parents who don’t want them, I don’t want any kids born to parents who don’t want them, I want ALL kids to have the basic right of being chosen and wanted by their parents, I want absolutely zero kids to suffer from the abuses that come with having parents that don’t want them). That doesn’t make it not eugenics. If hearing that it’s eugenics makes a person not want to choose that choice that’s not the same as trying to control that choice by any means. Calling it eugenics is not anit-choice, it’s simply being realistic about what eugenics is and what Autism is. People choosing to do away with humans who are considered unfit by ableist social constructs just is eugenics, that’s what that word means. A person feeling bad bc they want to make a eugenic choice is NOT the same thing as telling them what they can or cannot do with their own bodies and making those feelings that a person has when confronted with the realities of eugenics the fault or responsibility of the disabled people being eliminated and denigrated by way of eugenics and eugenicist world views is seriously twisted and unbelievably not ok. Asking or expecting us to be ok with and supportive of a world that would prefer we didn’t exist is seriously twisted and unbelievably not ok. Asking or expecting us to tell you no no no it’s not eugenics, it’s totally fine to want a world where we don’t exist at all, asking or expecting us to do that kind of emotional labor and just keep quiet in the face of literal eugenics is seriously twisted and unbelievably not ok.~ mod rage
I do not normally reblog other mods when I have nothing new to add; however, I feel that this topic is extremely important. It is also important to me to state in no uncertain terms that I agree with everything Rage wrote in this answer.
- Sam
This goes for All Disabilities. I personally feel that when you decide to parent- you are deciding to parent that child no matter what. Autistic, disabled, LGBT, atheist, religious, mentally ill... anything. If you decide that you can't handle that, then not having kids is a valid option.
Besides which, not all disabilities- even genetic ones- can be tested for. Accidents happen as well. When you raise a child, you accept that it's possible at any time for disability to arise or occur.
Abortion for disability is like abortion for gender. If you don't want to or cannot parent, that's fine. But I personally cannot support cherry picking the kind of child you will allow to be born.
PSA for writers
A disabled character can have a happy ending without being cured.
