I have friends that had sex for the first time as young as 11.
It's not something they are proud of, but it is merely a truth about them.
It is something I have been thinking of lately due to a conversation with my boss. He came home to his daughter and baby sitter watching heated rivalry. He had to google what the show was and then decided to talk to his daughter about it. She is 11. She said she didn't know what the show was when they started it.
I asked if she is on the internet.
Because she absolutely knows what the show is.
He wanted to believe that she didn't know it was hockey soft core. BEAUTIFULLY ACTED AND EMOTIONALLY FULFILLING, but does still contain soft core.
His willingness to just put the ooops tag on this for his daughter and try to forget the experience happened is so deeply incorrect to me. For many reasons I understand why he decided this was the correct path based on age, childhood, religious, and parental influences etc. But. She knows what sex is, without understanding what sex is. She is a person on the verge of feeling things with an intensity she has never experienced before.
She knows what sexual attraction is, but she doesn't understand the all consuming gnawing want that can come with a first love, or 'love'.
She knows what consent is, but she doesn't understand the tidal wave of emotions that come with having to say no for the first time in a difficult situation.
She knows who she is, but she does not understand that who she is is going to change dramatically and that the people she is with can drive her off a cliff to someone she doesn't recognize.
She doesn't know casual sex, emotionally unattached sex, sex for fulfillment of a need is not shameful. She doesn't understand that people don't always agree with that.
Sex in our society is such a wildly emotional taboo that I remember my teachers in sex ed having to say over and over we were only talking about "heterosexual intercourse for the purposes of procreation." Over and over. My questions was, so if we're being so specific, what aren't we talking about? And the internet is what answered my question. Other kids answered my questions. My Christian youth group told me all of my questions were bad and I should not be asking.
The information I got was incomplete, fictitious, and in many ways harmful to my own sexuality and relationships. In some cases, dangerous.
Right now there is no correct way to talk to kids about sex because we as a society can't talk about sex to adults.
But kids already know about sex.
The don't understand sex.
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