the spiritual and psychological way of processing negative emotions and regulating your nervous system
Do you ever feel like certain negative emotions are stuck in your body, no matter what you do? They keep reemerging, blocking you from the deeper healing you’re seeking.
I used to have the same mental breakdown every Friday. It was horrible. The school week would end, work was behind me, and I was supposed to go out with friends. But instead, my negative self-talk would amplify, and my feelings would become unbearable.
Humans are sensitive beings. I’ve always felt like I’m especially sensitive, able to detect even the slightest shifts in mood, energy, or environment. But now I realize I’m not alone in this. I think we’re all meant to deeply feel and sense everything around us. Feeling is our inner guidance system. To truly explore the intuition behind feeling all emotions, we must first accept them.
We have to accept love, peace, joy, and confidence, just as we must also embrace shame, guilt, fear, grief, and heartbreak. In my experience, this is the path to feeling enlightened and truly connected to spirituality.
But back to my mental break down every Friday. It took me a long time to uncover the subconscious pattern behind this emotional outburst. In the end, the core reason behind it all was one thing: resistance. Throughout the entire week, in order to be a functioning member of society, I resisted my feelings—all of them, both the positive and the negative. This brings me to the most important lesson in my healing:
What you resit will persist.
part 2: why acting as if isn’t always working
If we consider this spiritual law of the universe, it makes sense why the “acting as if” approach might not work for everyone. I don’t mean to criticize this principle or those who teach it, but I found it to be misleading for me. I used “acting as if” as a way to suppress my emotions, which only intensified them further. It was Lacy Phillips, a teacher in neural manifestation, who introduced me to the concept of “spiritual bypassing.” The appeal of instantly having what you want can be very tempting, but it ended up disconnecting me from my nervous system and true self. I’d like to sprinkle in some scientific evidence to support this. Studies show that receiving praise for presenting ourselves in ways that are inauthentic can negatively impact our self-esteem (Hussain & Langer, 2003). This highlights the importance of authenticity. Here’s the thing: at the time, I genuinely believed that “acting as if” was authentic. I thought that pretending I had those emotions would lead me to where I wanted to be. Although this approach isn't entirely flawed, I wasn’t able to recognize the deeper layers involved.
For a bit of deeper insight, here’s what I struggled with at the time:
I battled an eating disorder from my early teenage years. I was forced into recovery and had to gain weight, which ultimately saved my life. However, I never received the psychological support needed to address the underlying emotions and thoughts that led to my illness in the first place. This experience was deeply traumatic, which is why I initially avoided feeling my emotions. My issues with food and body dysmorphia persisted, leaving me feeling far from my authentic self. I couldn’t see the deeper layers behind these body issues. I failed to recognize that what I truly craved was safety, self-acceptance, confidence, happiness, energy, and satisfaction. Instead, I acted as if I had my dream body, projecting confidence and pretending to feel pretty, while my inner child remained deeply hurt and I felt profound shame.I had so many underlying issues that I wasn’t able to fully embody the true emotions I desired.
I understand this topic can be very triggering and that many people are struggling with similar issues. However, I also want to emphasize that healing is possible. I’ll be creating a dedicated post on how I healed my body dysmorphia and eating issues. If you have any questions or specific aspects of healing you’re interested in, please feel free to message me. For now, I'll focus on more general approaches to consider instead of "acting as if.”
part 3: finding acceptance
I love acceptance now, though I used to hate, fear, and avoid it at all costs. Embracing acceptance can be challenging and demanding, but it is crucial to healing. I had an amazing therapist who introduced me to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which has been essential in my journey. To take the steps toward where we want to go, we first need to accept where we are. In my experience, acceptance helps us feel grounded and regulates the nervous system, promoting calm and peace. This sense of acceptance makes it easier to avoid reacting impulsively in old patterns and opens us up to new solutions.
I use three approaches to cultivate acceptance: the first is elevating your frequency through the emotional scale by Abraham Hicks, the second is a technique called reframing, and the third is practicing self-compassion.
part 3a: the emotional scale
The emotional scale by Abraham Hicks is a tool designed to help individuals understand and shift their emotional states. The scale ranks emotions from the most positive to the most negative, with the idea that higher emotions align more closely with our true self and well-being. The idea is to recognize where you currently fall on the scale and take steps to move up to a higher emotional state. To work with this emotional scale, I start by identifying the emotion I’m currently experiencing. For example, if I’m feeling anger, I allow myself to fully experience it. I sit with the emotion and focus on intensifying it in my body, recognizing that it's safe to feel emotions in this way. This practice is not about harming anyone; in fact, it’s a healthy way to process and release emotions. Often, simply acknowledging and fully experiencing the emotion will help it subside on its own. If I’m still feeling anger, I try to shift my focus to a higher-frequency emotion that feels authentic to me at that moment.
Here’s an example: I have a limiting belief from childhood that I am not validated or seen enough by my mom. Recently, when I shared something important with her and she didn’t remember it the next day, I felt angry. I felt this anger in my body, so I couldn’t just ignore it. I went to my room and sat with the emotion of anger. After processing it, I was able to shift to a higher emotional state by reminding myself that my mom loves me and is simply stressed from working hard to provide for us. This way I could feel gratitude and love, higher vibrating emotions. It is okay if there is still a bit of anger present, a feeling dosen’t have to go away completely from one second to another.
part 3b: Reframing and Self-Compassion
Reframing is similar to using the emotional scale, but it often involves a more logical approach. It’s about adopting a new perspective on a mistake, issue, or event that occurred. Reframing helps us reinterpret situations in a way that can lead to a more positive or constructive understanding. Carson and Langer (2006) capture the essence of reframing well, stating, “[…] find the perspective that provides either new knowledge, motivation for change, and/or an opportunity to teach others a valuable lesson” (p. 34). For me, this has a lot to do with self-compassion. According to Abraham Hicks, self-compassion means seeing yourself through the eyes of your true essence or "source." It involves viewing yourself in a more positive light and reclaiming the feelings or beliefs you wish to hold about yourself.
Source or the universe created us all as perfect beings. Wherever you are right now is exactly where you’re meant to be. The mistakes you make and the pain you experience are essential for the lessons your soul is meant to learn in this lifetime. Sometimes it can be helpful to consider how you would treat a partner, parent, or friend if they were in the same situation you’re facing right now. It can also be beneficial to connect with your inner child. Many of our limiting beliefs originate from childhood, so often it’s not just you who is hurting, but your inner child as well. I sometimes visualize hugging my inner child, speaking kindly to them, and reassuring myself that I am safe and everything will be okay (this practice helps no matter what).
When I moved to a new, larger city, I felt lost. The sense of safety and peace I had worked so hard to cultivate suddenly disappeared. This situation was very triggering for me, especially because I have a deep fear of my mental health issues reappearing. To navigate this, I chose to reframe the situation. I reminded myself that it’s normal to feel unsafe and lost when moving to a new, big city. Building a sense of home takes time, but it’s entirely possible. As I delved deeper, I uncovered a belief that I didn’t belong in this city, that I was different and somehow wrong. I meditated on this belief and eventually realized that my soul chose this city for a reason: to expand me and bring me to the next level. I understood that the universe was testing whether I could cultivate these emotions in a new environment. Essentially, I was growing and affirming that this is my new self. No one and nothing could take these emotions away from me because I can cultivate them from scratch, regardless of the circumstances. See how reframing allowed me to find a sense of safety and belonging? It’s important to acknowledge that this process took time, but I truly believe it’s magical.
part4: different insights that allow more acceptance
These action steps are adopted from Carson & Langer (2006) as well as my own experiences.
Observe your environment and find blissful things
To cultivate a sense of safety and belonging and accept your own reality, start by observing new things in your environment. Look for small changes, things you love, and aspects that bring you joy and gratitude. Use these elements to ground yourself and make you feel secure. For me, this included activities like singing, drawing, going for walks in nature, cuddling, and meditating.
Allow momentum for change
It’s important to remember that you’re allowed to change and evolve and feel acceptance. Focus things that genuinely resonate with you and that you can commit to. For instance, when I struggled with body image issues I had to accept them first. However, at the same same time I decided to believe in a better reality where I loved my body. I had to learn that even the smallest actions contribute to building momentum toward this goal. It’s a process, and I’m allowed to make mistakes and take steps backward. But small changes and frequently recalling emotions that I can get behind make the difference. I began to gradually feel better about my body by listening to its needs, whether it required rest, movement, nourishment, or simply happiness.
The world is not simply black and white, paradoxes exist. You can simultaneously dislike and care for your body. This dosen’t mean you have to dislike your body forever, but if this is the emotional state you are in currently than that is okay. Developing the ability to tolerate ambiguity is therefore crucial for building self-acceptance. I initially resisted acceptance, fearing it would keep me stagnant, but in reality, it had the opposite effect. Embracing acceptance allowed me to move forward and grow.
part 5: summary and key learnings
Negative emotions can persist if we resist them. I learned that accepting all emotions, both positive and negative, is crucial for healing.
"Acting as if" can sometimes lead to suppressing emotions rather than addressing them. Authenticity and deeper emotional understanding are key.
Embracing acceptance helps to ground and regulate emotions. Techniques like using the emotional scale, reframing, and practicing self-compassion can facilitate this process.
To cultivate acceptance, observe joyful aspects of your environment, allow yourself to evolve, and tolerate the ambiguity of your feelings
Sending you love and light
Carson, S. H., & Langer, E. J. (2006). Mindfulness and self-acceptance. Journal of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 24(1), 29–43. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10942-006-0022-5
Hussain, M. S., & Langer, E. (2003). A Cost of Pretending. Journal of Adult Development, 10(4), 261–270. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1026063611951
