Drown in Philo

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐏 ‧ 𝟾𝑤𝟿 ‧ 𝚂𝚇/𝚂𝙿

[evanless]

What is philosophy? Philosophy is you find the hidden generalisable truths.

什麼是哲學？是你從人生的經驗中發現的隱藏的真相。

☛ㅤ𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚢.

https://reurl.cc/DOOb9m

[evanless]

Sometimes... just sometimes, I feel like a cockroach caught on a rat glue trap, struggling in a place where it doesn’t belong.

Why keep struggling? I honestly don’t know. Maybe some part of me just wants to see what this life will still try to do.

有時，只是有時，會覺得自己就像在黏鼠板上的蟑螂，在不對的地方掙扎著自己的生命。

為什麼要掙扎？說實話，我不知道，也許我的內心深處只是想看看這生活還會對我做些什麼吧。

[evanless]

The lake, still for so many years, was finally stirred again. Yet after only a few drops touched its surface, it found its calm once more. Even as the undercurrents quietly gathered strength beyond restraint, the lake knew that the weight of those droplets was enough to hold everything again.

長年靜止的湖面久違地激起了波瀾，但在幾滴水落下後又重新拾回平靜。即便至此後暗流的力量正重新計算、無可抵擋，那片湖也知曉，水滴的重量足以重新承載一切。

[evanless]

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⠀　　　⋆ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⋆ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ✦　　ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ　⋆ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ　✦

I once read something. If I remember it right, it was about a group of astronauts who went to the Moon. When they looked back at our blue planet from there, they returned to Earth with a kind of aftereffect — one that reshaped their entire sense of life and values.

I’ve never actually been to the Moon, so I can’t witness that vast, boundless view for myself. But I can understand what they meant in interviews when they said, “Everything humans do feels so small.”

I can imagine myself floating in space, looking at Earth, watching things I can’t truly see. Some people are arguing. Some are struggling to make a living. Some just found a stray cat today. Some have committed terrible crimes… No matter what is happening, I’m simply there, watching this planet, accepting how it quietly hangs in an endless darkness.

The shift in perspective those astronauts experienced somehow reminded me of myself. It’s almost as if I was the one drifting in that dark ocean all along, unable to see any other life — until I came across that piece of writing, and turned my head to look again at the ground beneath my feet.

I think this might be what pulled me away from complete nihilism. Whether I do something or nothing at all, whether anyone remembers me or not. In the end, it all just happens on this small planet. And somehow, that makes it easier to let go.

Other people’s opinions no longer feel entirely important. Achievement is no longer the measure of my worth. I don’t have to chase money beyond the few problems it can actually solve. I can spend a day doing nothing, occasionally passing by and admiring the brilliance of those who paint their lives in extraordinary ways.

And I can… just be with myself, ordinary as I am, and keep living into the future with a "healthy" mindset, within a kind of restrained chaos.

我曾看過一篇文，印象裡它在說一群太空人搭上火箭，從月球望向我們的藍色星球時，回到地球後出現的有關於翻湧他們人生價值觀的後遺症。

雖然我沒有真正上過月球，沒辦法親自看見那樣浩瀚而無邊無際的風景，但我可以同理他們在訪談中提到的“原來人類做的一切是多麼渺小”這句話。

我可以想像我漂浮在太空中，想像著我在那裡看著我根本看不見的人類在地球上做的事。有的人爭執，有的人為生活打拼，有的人在今天撿到一隻流浪貓，有的人犯下了重罪……無論是什麼樣的事情，我就只是這麼看著這顆星球，接受了它默默地掛在一望無際的黑暗中。

太空人所改變的人生觀，恰好提醒了我自己。就好像我原本才是那個飄在看不見其他生物的黑色海洋裡的傢伙，直到看到了那篇文，我才轉過頭重新審視了我站在腳下的這片土地。

我認為這或許是我脫離完全的虛無主義中的重要推手。如果我做了任何事或什麼都沒做，無論我是否有被任何人記住，到頭來僅僅發生在這顆小小的星球上，我突然就釋懷了。

其他人類的想法不再全然重要，成就對我來說不再是衡量我價值的尺。我可以不追求金錢，只追求它能替我處理的有限的問題。我可以什麼都不做的過完這一天，偶爾路過欣賞讓我驚艷的天才們在屬於他們的人生中所揮灑出的顏料。我可以只是……和那樣普通的自己相處，以“健康”的心態和有節制的混亂活著未來。

[evanless]

Everyone is just living in their own way.

每個人也只是用自己的方式活著而已。

[evanless]

What next?

I’m not simply asking Why am I alive or Why are humans alive, I’ve asked myself those questions countless times. For now, the answer I have is something vague, or maybe there isn’t an answer at all. And honestly, that might be a good thing.

If there is no standard answer to these questions, then I don’t have to spend my entire life feeling lost, trying to find one. I can just be here—breathing, feeling that I’m alive, sensing ANYTHING in me, even noticing those instincts that might make me uncomfortable. I try to sit with them, to understand and analyze what they bring out in me.

然後呢？

我並非只是在問我為什麼活著或人類為什麼活著，這些問題我已經問過自己無數遍。目前，我的答案很模糊，或許根本就沒有答案。說實話，這或許是件好事。

如果這些問題沒有標準答案，那我就不必終其一生迷失方向，苦苦尋找。我可以安然地待在這裡，只是呼吸，感受生命，感知在我內心的任何東西，甚至留意那些可能讓我感到不舒服的本能。我試著與它們共處，理解並分析它們在我心中激起的波瀾。

[evanless]

Many people equate not working hard, not chasing achievements, and not competing with outright failure.

But if you look at it from a broader perspective, the world is huge, and there are so many humans. If some people are to control the rules, the resources, the power, this kind of structure actually makes sense—it relies on humans’ desire for achievement, recognition, and being seen to maintain order and motivation.

People automatically follow the rules and compete; even if some feel pressure, the system still functions stably. It’s not simply oppression, but a kind of social-engineering logic. What’s interesting is that all of this rests on the premise of survival. If you have no income, the world will still eliminate you.

Perhaps that’s why laziness is so widely condemned—it directly challenges the fundamental logic of this system.

很多人把不努力、不追求成就、不競爭直接等同失敗。

不過放遠來看，這個世界這麼大，這麼多人類，如果要讓部分人掌控規則、資源、權力，這樣的結構其實很合理──它利用了人類對成就感、認可、被看見的需求來維持秩序和動力。

人們自動遵守規則、努力競爭；即便有人感到壓力，這套系統也因此穩定運作著。這並非單純的壓迫，而是一種社會工程層面的合理性。有趣的是，這一切的前提是生存，如果你沒有收入，你仍然會被這個世界淘汰。

這或許就是為什麼懶惰會被世人如此唾棄，因為它直接挑戰了這套系統的底層邏輯。

[evanless]

Only start taking yourself less seriously and realizing you don’t have to be special—that’s when the anxiety actually lets go.

往往是在看清自己的不必特別之處，不把自己太當回事後，焦慮才真的放鬆。

[evanless]

I think failure is merely a product of collective agreement. Change the group, and the rules change too. As humans, we tend to measure value by what we have achieved. Many people suffer not because of any objective failure, but because they cling to a standard that was never theirs, mistaking unmet outcomes for personal flaws.

No one should be defined as a failure by a single external standard. A person’s worth is not equivalent to how many socially agreed-upon goals they have achieved—it can be measured by questions like "Did I act according to my own values?", "Did I do my best?", or even "Did I take responsibility for the consequences?" as internal benchmarks.

That said, this doesn’t mean events can’t fail, nor that actions come without consequences. When a challenge fails, we still have to face and take responsibility for the impact it brings. Distinguishing between "whether I failed" and "whether something failed" is a way of keeping responsibility where it belongs.

*The above reflects the views of a person who is not achievement-oriented.

我認為失敗只是族群共識的產物，當今天換了一個群體，規則就會改變了。而我們人類習慣使用“達成了什麼”來衡量價值。很多人之所以痛苦，並非因為客觀的失敗，而是死死抓住一個不屬於自己的標準，把未達成的結果誤認為自己的缺陷。

任何人不該被外界的單一標準定義為失敗。人的存在價值，不等同於他達成了多少社會共識下的目標──它可以是“我是否按照自己的價值觀行動“、“我是否盡力”，甚至是“我是否承擔後果”作為自己的內在標竿。

不過，這也不代表事件不會失敗，也不代表行動沒有後果。當一個挑戰失敗時，我們仍然需要面對並承擔它所帶來的影響，而區分“我是否失敗”與“這件事是否失敗”是讓責任停留在它該在的地方。

*以上內容為非以成就導向者的個人闡述。

[evanless]

Emotions are never the problem. What matters is how much you let them determine your state.

情緒的存在從來不是問題，而是取決於你讓它怎麼左右你的狀態。

[evanless]

My tears are the rain outside. I stand beneath the arcade, my coat and myself still dry, watching the water form, converge, and fade away.

我的淚水是外頭正在下的雨，而我連同我的外套，仍然乾爽地站在騎樓下，看著水出現、匯聚，然後消失。

[evanless]

Sometimes, answer is the same as having no answer at all—when you can’t reach it, or when it turns into a problem that only leaves you feeling powerless.

有時候，答案其實等於沒有答案──不是因為不存在，而是因為你無法觸及。又或者，它本身變成了一個只會讓人感到無力的問題。

[evanless]

Because of human consciousness, humanity is, in a sense, also destroying itself. High intelligence makes us far more aware of what we are doing than animals ever are. Animals simply try to survive and leave stronger offspring; humans want more, and want things to be different.

Animal competition is driven by blind survival instincts. Human competition, however, is mixed with consciousness, comparison, the search for meaning, and constant dissatisfaction. We end up turning the simple act of “staying alive” into questions like “Why should I live?”, “How can I live better than others?”, or even “How can I live forever?”

If you think about it, consciousness itself isn’t a blessing or a curse. It’s more like a tool that comes without an instruction manual. And what humans are especially good at is taking something meant to help us understand the world, and using it to torment ourselves instead.

因為人類有意識，所以人類某種程度上其實也在自我毀滅。高智商讓我們比動物更清楚自己在做什麼──動物只是為了活下去、留下更強的後代；人類卻想要更多，還想要不一樣。

動物的競爭是盲目的生存驅動，人類的競爭卻摻雜了意識、比較、意義追尋，還有永遠不滿足。結果就是，我們自己把原本很單純的“活下去”，變成“為什麼要活”、“我要活得比別人更好”、“我能不能永遠不死”。

想一想，其實意識本身既不是祝福，也不是詛咒。它比較像沒有附使用說明的工具。而人類最擅長的事情，往往是把原本用來理解世界的東西，反過來拿來折磨自己。

[evanless]

Real romance lies not in faith in eternity, but in the will to make the present worth remembering.

真正的浪漫不在於對永恆的信仰，而是讓現在值得。

[evanless]

One must maintain restraint within chaos, rather than eliminate chaos. And I want to be that restrained bastard.

人必須在混沌中仍有節制，而不是消除混沌。並且我想做那個有節制的混蛋。

[evanless]

For me, philosophy is not mainly something to talk about, but something to live.

Talking about it is fine, absolutely fine. But in the end, isn’t it all about improving one’s mindset and way of life?

哲學對我來說主要不是拿來談論的，而是拿來活的。

當然還是可以談論它，但歸根究底不就是為了改善一個人的心態和生活方式嗎？

[evanless]

They are things that, once they happen, remain irreversible, even if they seem repaired or even better afterwards.

有些事情一旦發生就無法挽回，即使之後看起來已經修復，甚至有所改善。