~Eve~ @eve-lilith - Tumblr Blog

beyondthefold

DOES SEBASTIAN STAN KNOW LINES FROM HIS MOST FAMOUS MOVIES&TV SHOWS?

#I need to lick his face

I wish I was soft and sweet and confident.

I wish I didn't overreact to absolutely everything.

I wish I didn't feel physically sick when doing the most mundane tasks.

I wish I wasn't this.

I wish I knew who I was.

I wish I was happy.

I wish I wasn't here.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #everybody hates me #living with borderline #who am i #why am I still like this #why can't i be normal #i thought id be over this depression shit by this age

I used to believe that life was a dream and that one day I'd wake up in my real life. A life where I was loved, safe and happy.

Now I understand that this is real and I fear that I'll never be happy. I've been stuck like this for so long, I'm scared that I'll never change.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #it's not a nightmare #life is just a dream on the way to death #psychosis #diet schizophrenia #i just want to be loved #all I want in life is to be happy

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #i'm so alone #daddy I'm so alone #daddy issues #I used to be scared of his anger. now that same anger lives inside of me

If I didn't know my parents, just got rid of all the bad memories, I could have been a completely different person.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #i dont know who i am #who am i #wish i could drain their blood from me #i wish i could unzip this skin #wish I could start again

Looking at old childhood pictures makes me so fucking sad.

I had so much potential...if only I was treated a little nicer...

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #wish i could drain their blood from me #I'm broken #okay I'm sick #there's something wrong with me #wish I wasn't me #i wish i could unzip this skin #save me

My stepdad called to "make sure you're happy and well"

And I respond with "best I can do is alive"

Him: alive is good

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #my stepdad cares more about me than any blood relative #all day i think about death #chronic illness #chronic migraine #chronic pain #chronicially alone #chronically ill #who am i

I'm so frustrated all the time. It just fucking consumes me.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #angry all the time

I can't be normal.

It's fucking horrible, I just can't be what people need from a person.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #not normal #whats wrong with me #i wish i was better

I get so fucking lonely... I know I do it to myself...

I just can't bare with how fucking lonely I get.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #everybody hates me #living with borderline #childhood trauma #lonely #im so alone

DNA is a bitch because everyday I look in the mirror I have my abusers staring back at me.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #borderline personality disorder #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #actually borderline #childhood trauma #everybody hates me #living with borderline #when i look in the mirror i don't like what i see #i wish i could unzip this skin #wish i could drain their blood from me

I think there is something inherently wrong with me.

.

And I wish I knew what it was so I could turn it off and start living like a normal person.

I feel like I can't keep blaming childhood trauma...like??

People say I'm aggressive because I'm passionate when I speak.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #living with borderline #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #if im too much go find less #i try to be palatable #loser #loner #everybody hates me #i hate myself

Them: who got you smiling like that?

Me: *quickly closing my spicychat ai with Negan from the walking dead* No one 😳

#mcfatty #bpd #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #mental illness #maladaptive coping #maladaptive daydreaming #spicychat #spicychat ai #the walking dead negan #negan smith #twd negan #negan x reader #alone forever

Spicychat ai is so good. It's like maladaptive daydreaming but interactive.

#spicychat #spicychat ai #negan smith #twd negan #fat bitch #fatgirlforlife #bpd #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive coping #actually maladaptive #swoon #the walking dead negan #mcfatty #new obsession

My whole life has slipped out from underneath me. I didn't even see or feel it happen. It just did.

Everyone else is moving on, experiencing life, living. And I'm stuck. And I don't know how to fucking move from here.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #fat girl for life #mdd thoughts #borderline personality disorder #who am i #my life is over #my life is a mess #im stuck #why am i even here #what did i do to deserve this

From an outside perspective it looks like I'm doing great. I own a house, I go to my full time job every day.

But on the inside I'm falling apart.

I want to quit my job, I want to stay in bed all day and never leave the house.

I don't feel like a person. I'm so alone. I'm so empty. I feel like nothing. I have no purpose. And I don't think I can do this anymore.

I'm always waiting for later. Waiting for better things. I don't know how to get there. Everything feels like it's out of reach.

I don't know who I am and I don't think I can continue being this husk of a person.

#mental illness #mcfatty #bpd #fat girl for life #who am i #mdd thoughts #living with borderline #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline

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~Eve~