you may call me es (she/her); too old for fandom (as if!); multifandom extremist; not really a shipper. currently obsessed with dr. frank langdon (the pitt), especially his (teased and not fully delivered) "devastating back injury"; forever in love with sga and farscape and the gifted. sci-fi nerd. original writer @ t-lane-writes. self diagnosed autistic; med. diagnosed adhd.
12 steps program sucks big time. It sucks even more that addicts of any kind are being pushed into that program. "Realize and embrace there's a Higher power." Fuck no? Go fuck yourself.
Science all the way for me. I refuse to listen to any other nonsense.
I don’t know nothing (in terms of experience) about 12 steps program, and I’m sure it helps a lot of people. /end disclaimer
But me? Never.
I am the highest power in my life, okay (i mean it in a non-narcissistic way). There’s no destiny, universe, cat, dog, or god. Nothing. Me and my free will. That’s it.
So fun fact the 12 step program (NA and AA) has been WIDLEY dismissed by psychology as a whole.
Part of this is because of the religious nature that this post talks about, but because the program has only a 5 - 10% success rate across the over 1.5 million members worldwide. Other than for religious reasons, the 12 step program emphasises that people are powerless to the whims of their addiction, which isn't just blatantly untrue, it's harmful. As someone who has "the addiction gene" and has been an alcoholic, it's really important that I acknowledge that addiction isn't any different to any other mental or physiological condition that I have. Sure, you should try to overcome addiction, as a depressed person should avoid self-harm, and someone with chronic pain should avoid impact sports; that is to say, you should avoid perpetuating the negative symptoms of whatever you are suffering from, but it is not some deep dark evil that you have to fight. Your illnesses, diseases, and conditions are very much a part of you, and as such, you are very capable of bettering yourself and managing the symptoms. The 12 step program to the contrary would have you believe that your illnesses, diseases, and conditions are a demonic entity that is taking hold of your soul and that if you want to get to Heaven, you must repent!!
Additionally, my personal issues with these programs centres on something important: ABSTINENCE DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. "Do nothing!" DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. You know what the best method for getting clean off heroin is? Doing heroin. I'm not joking (though I definitely am nitpicking this example). Doctors used to be able to prescribe heroin addicts with small doses of heroin so that they could ween off of the drug. The reason for this is not just patient comfort in lessening withdrawal symptoms (which could be said for the case of alcohol and prescription pain killers, though the specific person's circumstances may be more severe than others), but because heroin is a drug that makes you genuinely physically ill when you are addicted and don't take it. I've heard some recovering addicts describe this as a burning of the flesh and a mental state that makes you feel like you are actively passing away – though, take this with a grain of salt, I don't have a massive sample size. In this circumstance, I'm sure that you can understand why telling an addict to just 'uhh....fkn stop doin drugs bro haha' is damaging, unhelpful, and potentially very dangerous! Furthermore, the guilt surrounding relapse when every psychologist would tell you that relapse is just a fkn part of recovery that might happen (or might not happen) depending on your general ~everything~ is downright cruel! Guilt is an awful emotion to experience. Why would you base a whole therapy group around it????
Ugh. Anyway. Sorry for ranting. I hate the 12 step program it's bullshit.
Whatever you do, do nawt think about how visibly emotional and worried Langdon became for mrs Azurmendi because he was very likely in the same situation as her.....
Heeeeehhh. Spent a bit today sifting through @rowyndodendron ‘s meta posts, looking for some that I may have missed. Sheeesh, have I said already that I love your brain? I love your brain.
Will it inspire me to write another meta of my own? Who knows? Weekend is nigh!
[…]
But anywayz. I wanted to note a *non-pitt* thing that I thought about “during shower”, and it’s important enough to me, so there.
So. The reason I like Pete (Cal) and Andrea’s relationship so much, is probably because they are, in essence, like Noel and Neve (my OCs from Specters). Like. In so many aspects.
A no-nonsense team leader with lung problems? *check*
Age difference? *check*
Cute but defiant and assertive chick? *check*
Orphaned! (well, only half-orphaned in Andrea’s case) *check*
Difference is, Noel and Neve end up romantic, while there’s no way (nor should it be) for Cal and Andrea to get romantic. But they care for each other. And, well, Noel and Neve start with friendship too, and they are friends for most of the book.
[…]
Now. I don’t have a lot of tiem left, but I gotta edit that scene No. 9 in Black Wings now. Get to work, es!
Frank Langdon + ‘Learn From The Best’ series: IV
Present to Dr. Langdon: Shepherd Of Med Students
THE PITT 1x02-1x03
So the name of the game with this one is me fixating on McKay specifically telling Javadi to present to Langdon specifically, and then exploring the Why of that which is where the other elements come in/that is the road they all tie back to. All roads lead to 'present to Dr. Langdon' and that is because: Langdon is the (self?)-appointed Med student/junior resident wrangler in The Pitt.
Okay listen I'm about to be SO annoying about this set (by which I mean: I'm about to make a bunch of commentary based on my own #RelevantPersonalExperience lol) But I have actually done more shadowing/observing than the average bear in my time (both as a Youth - I think I started around 13/14? (veterinary medicine is HELLA competitive and they want you to have as much experience as possible so you know what you're getting into) and into my adult years when I pursued a teaching degree and they make you: go shadow actual teachers to learn about teaching) so I got #OPINIONS about this shit.
So whis may seem a lil disjointed/random-is: you must trust me and my Vision - t'will all come together/make sense in a moment as I explain. There's a lot of things to love about this little series, I promise:
1)- Cassie telling Javadi to present specifically to Langdon is:
This is #significant, or at least it is in my experience - if everyone is kinda eeksy-peeksy on the mentoring/being shadowed front, you don't bother specifying, you just get told to go jump in with whoever or go explain to whoever. Javadi has options for Langdon, Collins, and arguably probably Mohan, too (bc I'm sure an R3 can handle a fairly basic asthma case) but Cassie says: present to Langdon because he is, in Cassie's opinion (and in mine hence: this entire series lmfao) the best teacher/mentor figure and likely the person Cassie herself would be most comfortable/likely to present to/he's her go-to.
2)- Perlah calling Langdon up and not only asking him where he's at (so Javadi could go to him/go find him potentially) but asking him to come to Central bc there's a med student looking for him (and the fact Langdon heads right on over):
So there tends to be a sliding scale of people and their willingness to shadow/mentor.
At the very bottom of this are the (fortunately relatively few) who act as if you are: the biggest bane of their existence and will actively radiate contempt/annoyance while you dare to exist in their presence.
Then you get those who act like you're part of the wall/a particularly uninteresting coatrack and allow you to be there as long as you do not make yourself known.
Then there are those who are neutral, they just kinda vibe and you vibe and occasionally they'll mention a thing/give the occasional instruction. Then we get the people who are happy enough to give this a go, kinda explain some things to you/talk to you after consultations a bit.
Then there are the rare precious few who are obviously: actively pleased you're there and want to teach/guide/encourage your love for the thing they love and share with you.
Langdon falls into this last category. And this is obvious from watching him/the rest of the series (that man very obviously loves his job AND he loves learning - and this translates to him: loving teaching, because he wants to share both of those things with his acquired ducklings) but it's also obvious to me from this little beat with Perlah.
The fact that she knows Langdon well enough to know that if she calls him up and let's him know there's a med student looking for him he will be: right there for 'em. And this is not a given, btw. (PTMC IS a teaching hospital, so my categories of 'willing to mentor' are a bit higher on the sliding scale bc it's an expectation of the environment, but even so) I've worked with people who would not deign to come and see little old peasant student me if they were on fire and I was a hose.
3)- I like that, before Javadi appears - you see Langdon checking boards. He looks for her patient/is making himself aware of the situation. Because he hasn't seen/spoken to Javadi yet when he asks after her 'asthma guy', and Perlah didn't tell him any specifics when she called him, just said she was looking for him. But Langdon makes the effort to see what's what and that means that when she approaches him HE initiates/asks her what's going on with asthma guy - so she doesn't have to fumble around for an opener/presentation, she can just confidently explain the treatment/response because she knows Langdon is aware of the situation.
And on a more personal level: I had THE WORST social anxiety when I was younger and this - having the person I was 'bothering' be the one to initiate/not making me start this conversation would've felt like the world's greatest gift. And Javadi is not: me, but regardless, first day in a new environment with new people, esp as a relatively young med student who probably hasn't done a million rotations yet, just having this as someone who sets the stage/opens things up for you does SO much in terms of making that person feel like someone you can trust/who will be there for you and that you can go to with cases and problems.
4)- This is reinforced/added to by the fact that he doesn't just ask her about the patient she came to present to him and then shoo her off to go take care of that/okay I have done the thing, now go away - he makes the point to ask her how things are going out in Chairs/keeps engaging and chatting with her - as well as giving her an opportunity/a possible memory prompt to ask any other questions she might have.
Whiiiiich takes us into;
5)- Javadi DOES decide that Langdon is #Approachable/someone she can ask things of. I love the little side-eye/glance Javadi gives Langdon as she #assesses him and decides if he's someone she can broach this with/if it's safe to try fishing for info from him and she concludes that: yes, yes he is.
(Unfortunately for her: Frank does not do the gossip/is evidently blanking on what she's after (Javadi: what can u tell me abt cassie's dark and mysterious past that may give me clues as to why she's got an ankle monitor. Frank: Cassie's...past? U mean, like, what she did for school?? Javadi:....... REGARDLESS! Frank: teaching 10/10. Gossip source: 0/10)
And this concludes today's: thoughts on Langdon being a good mentor/a GIFT to every med student/junior resident who's past through the Pitt and has had him step up and take an active interest in their education.
@thepittmonth Week 3 (July 13-19): patients, cases, and healthcare
#Doctor As Patients Series: Curious Camera Focus:
Langdon: 'Five year old boy, accidentally shot by his brother playing with Dad's gun...'
THE PITT 1x09
I considered posting this as it was with no yappage/commentary and letting the images speak for themselves - which I guess they will if no-one clicks the 'read more' cut. But you have! So you get: yappage. Because when I tell u guys I've been rotating this rotisserie chicken style in my head forever: I MEAN IT.
I cannot (read: WILL not) accept this as purely coincidental/Not Significant. Because camera focus is used too often to draw our attention to things/character connections between what's being said and the character being focused on (most obviously noted being the one from 2x11 where Baran talks to Brenda and asks if she's ever thought about hurting herself while the camera slow-zooms in on Robby).
But this whole scene/little speech has some good examples of it, too, like just before this we have Robby saying "the kids you'll lose will linger" and the camera then lands on Collins and Dana - Collins having just had a miscarriage, and Dana knowing this, so Dana reaches out to hold her hand/offer support.
And I #get the Santos connection, too, with the 'afraid of getting in trouble' of the kids getting mixed up in grown-up stuff and getting hurt and being afraid of the repercussions of that now that it's known (by the hospital) and how that obviously relates to Trinity's backstory. And also her current storyline of knowing/suspecting Langdon's drug diversion and her uncertainty over that and that 'trouble' word repeating, with both Langdon and Garcia calling Santos herself trouble, while Santos at first insisting, "I don't wanna get anyone in trouble." Alll of that makes sense.
And having the camera on Robby for the parts of this it's on: ALSO makes sense!
So it only makes sense that we are seeing a very specific, very lingering, slow-zoom shot on Langdon when that specific line is spoken. And I need to knooooooowwwwww W H Y/every detail!!!!! (ESPECIALLY when Frank didn't work this case personally).
BC ALSO!!!!
Now, okay, you could argue that this is meant to be another nod to/reminder of his own kids/the danger he could potentially pose to them, with reference to pot-gummy boy Tyler from earlier in the season, and the idea that, y'know, kid gets injured/killed after playing with dad's gun = kid gets injured/killed after playing with dad's drugs. Fine. Sure. Ya. I can go along with that as being an element of this...I ain't accepting it as ALL of it. Nuh-uh.
This is just...Okay so context for those who cannot remember/need a lil help - Robby makes this speech at the beginning of 1x09 as part of the debrief for the little girl, Amber, who drowned in a pool after she dived in to save her little sister/pull her out.
Robby is speaking to them about the child he first lost, 20 years ago while doing his residency at Big Charity in New Orleans - something that still sticks with him so clearly he can remember details (like the little boy's age) and that he was afraid of getting into trouble all these years later, he goes on to start telling them about his coping mechanisms of, to quote Dana 'literally burying your feelings'.
So, for the purposes of this scene/the narrative of season 1 and this debrief, HOW Robby's first pedes-death happened doesn't actually matter and isn't actually relevant in the context of this moment - it's more about it still lingering with him and those feelings and what to do with them.
But for that, it could've been ANYTHING, right? In fact it could've been nothing (by which I mean: they didn't even NEED to specify a cause, really, for this scene to happen/work). But they DID. They DID and they specified it so goddamn specifically and then they slow-zoomed in on Frank's face while they specified specifically and I would humbly like to @ noah wyle personally and demand to know: W H Y!?
Francis. What horrors linger in ur backstory? Come on. This is a safe space. U can tell me. I know they're there. I'm like 80% sure they involve guns in SOME capacity at this point - between this and the fact that Frank is the one who clocks the jewellery store owner's gun (AND the fact he was reaching for it) and is the one to restrain the guy (by diving on top of him like a Smart Human (some day we'll talk abt Frank's shitty instincts. not today tho) and then call the all-clear. (aaand that his first patient of s1/the first patient he ever presents is a: GSW! Woo! Everything is fine. It either means nothing or everything and everything is WAY more fun so I'm going with that one).
Also adding to this that Frank deals with a L O T of 'accidental injury inflicted unintentionally by family member/friend*' (which is indeed quite a niche thing, yes, but the boy is SWIMMING in it - esp in season 2). *quick note I'm ONLY counting accidents caused by friends/family - there are a lot more accidental/unintentional injuries but for the purposes of this...
As a quick account of this we've got:
1)- Tyler Jones aka pot gummy boy - who ate his dad's weed gummy by accident (yes, drugs connection/kids accidentally getting drugs from dad - it's STILL an accident, and one caused by a family member, it can count for two things!)
2)- 1x06 - Zac Dawson and Miles Hernandez - I'm counting the ambulance thieves in this because they are friends and they cause each other damage in an accident/that wasn't meant to happen while fucking around. It works. I'll take it.
3)- 1x13 Martin aka 'my new friend Martin' - the PittFest fentanyl OD who got a percocet off 'a friend' so he could dance bc he has a bad knee (don't look too hard at Frank's bad back and the pills HE takes so HE can dance (which is used a lot as a phrase meaning 'to work in the Pitt' in s1 and a lot in s2 which...idk, sure y'all, do what u gonna do)). Still fake pill from friend causing overdose = it's on my list.
4)- 2x02 - Clint Hansen - who has a nasty burn on his arm from bacon grease off a big gridle after his cousin Mona yote some water and it splashed him. (the Hansens also get bonus points for: being Southern af (hi appalachia!Frank headcanons/pball interview), -bickering/being dysfunctional af (and repeatedly triggering Frank but that's a thing we'll get to at a later date) -being the gift that keeps on giving in terms of accidental trauma caused to family members -a lot of bickering back and forth revolving around sides of the family and xyz being 'crazy'/'psycho' and that clearly 'running in the family' it's fine, I will definitely not come back to this in another post in another capacity at any point.
5)- 2x03 Harlan Hansen - BP waaay too low bc he decided to shlorp some of cousin Wendy's blood pressure pills as presrcibed by "family pharmacist" Sloan who thinks pooling meds is a solid plan (again: we can have drug parallels AND accidental 'nearly killing ur family member by trying to help' parallels. These patients contain multitudes, and so does Frank).
6)- 2x03 Duante Polk - bead boi! Bead boi gets a mention bc, even tho the bead-to-the-nose was technically self-induced, dad was present and also he and his sister were making bracelets together when the incident occurs so: I'm counting it/stop stop there are already enough parallels calm down, we get it!!!!
7)- 2x05 Alex Burton - ah, dear sweet dumbass Alex and his dry-ice burn from his attempt at getting a penguins brand aka 'the family crest' from his brother Aaron. I really feel like this one explains itself.
8)-2x07 Kenneth Reese (according to the 2x07 script anyway) lovingly referred to as 'Motorboat Man' by myself who is, as u may have guessed: the guy who got sliced up by the motorboat propellors. The flight medics specifically noted that this happened when he was trying to untangle a waterskii line and his buddy started the engine while he was doing this sooo: to the list!
9)- 2x08 Jackie Lidell - this is getting listed because her tongue lac was caused mid-selfie by her friend jerking her head up and crashing into her chin/closing her mouth on her tongue which: ouch.
10)- 2x10 Derek Foster - sure I'll count water park dad and his 'fun day out with son getting derailed by collapsing water slide they were on together for the purposes of joy, whimsy, and father-son bonding' why not?
11)-2x11 Micah Azurmendi - heatstroke boy, who got said heatstroke accidentally (according to mum) after crawling into the car to take a nap while she was working in he garden and didn't notice. Or it was caused deliberately. Either way, for the purposes of the list: here it be.
Now I don't know about you, but ELEVEN (11) instances of 'accidental injury directly caused by family member/friend' feels like an awffy lot to be a mere coincidence to me/by jove, I think they're trying to tell us something!!!!! (and if they ain't: well I would like some other better explanation please and thank you).
Also hey: #BonusContent, because this ISN'T a Frank-case/patient, but it is close enough to this/UNHINGED as a parallel to s1 that I feel compelled to include it anyway. But in 2x07 Robby and Cassie tootle on in to have a chit-chat with Roxie and when they do they find her mid-conversation with her boys who are having this delightful little exchange:
Tucker: Brian Jenkins is allowed to hunt with a .22 on his grandpa's farm.
Shane: Sounds like an accident just waiting to happen.
WHY YES, SHANE, IT DOES SOUND LIKE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN (esp when u factor in good old Elbridge from 2x14 who was injured, per the EMTs, by "shooting his .22 caliber pistol in the air with an aluminum pot on his head for protection. Didn't work." (can I just say I fucking hate these writers and the attention to detail they have in this fucking show (positive))?
A N Y W A Y. All that to say: I SEE YOU, VILLAINS, AKA PITT WRITERS. I SEE YOU AND I KNOW YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING AND ONE DAY: I SHALL KNOW WHAT.
Final tidbit because we're in PEAK 'what the fuck, why not?' mode atm: what iffff that 'devastating back injury' referred to for Frank had something to do with this (things u do not want near the spine/spinal cord at any point ever: bullets/bullet fragments). I don't think this one is particularly likely honestly (I'm leaning: disc issues! actually, for #reasons I can get in to at some point that's not now) but wouldn't that be: Interesting. And really this is the point of all of this 'wouldn't it be interesting IF.....'
Anyhooooo - that's ma gifset, ma meta, and all ma tea fully spilled. Pls feel free to speculate and share said speculations with me that we may debate on how exactly this boy was previously traumatised - and if this becomes canon/even close to canon at any point #rememberme!! (and if it doesn't: no one will ever remember this so it's fine).
I WISH!!! Omg, lemme tell you, I wish so much that what you’re saying in that brilliant analysis is realllllll!!!! Ahhhh…
I’m still too bitter about the show being All About Robby (tm), and not giving us more on Frank (and Samira and (this may surprise some of y’all) Trinity), to really let my imagination loose and try to rise to your level of *interpretation*, but I drank it like water from the freshest spring.
Okay, I’ll make a Readmore and try to write words…
Of course I headcanon Frank as having actual Spinal Cord Injury. I mean. Devastating? Only because he devastated his life by taking drugs, because his back was hurting? No, that don’t make no sense.
If the injury is called devastating, it has to have devastated his life all by itself, right? RIGHT???
Add to that the fact that (according to the 1x01 script) he’s, like, two years older than he would be if he went the straight high-school -> college -> med school -> residency pipeline. Where did those two years go? How about SCI + PT?
I know that would make more sense if he was injured toward the end of high-school / in college, not as a 5 yo kid (direct parallel). But. That could still have been cause by a family member, y’kno? Brother, younger or older? Why not? Ummmm… delicious! ;)
What else? You know my analyses of “chronic pain haver” Langdon, right? I don’t say much about the SCI headcanon, and potential partial paralysis, but I pay attention to the way he moves, sometimes. The most obvious is, of course the whole sequence of sitting with Mel on the floor in 1x09. Linking, as not to repeat myself.
Another interesting moment is—and please, please, please, can you do an overanalysis of the camera angles and characters in the background (Frank)—during the MCI, when Cassie and Victoria treat the patient who got shot in the spine. The screencap is right at the beginning of the post, after the “keep reading”. I’m so, SO curious what are your thoughts about filming choices in that scene.
And, last but not least, the patient with whom Frank regains his “steel balls”? It’s an SCI.
I think I may have had a couple more instances like that, but those three I remember off the top of my head.
So. Talk more, talk more, talk more!!!! *jumps up and down excitedly*
12 steps program sucks big time. It sucks even more that addicts of any kind are being pushed into that program. "Realize and embrace there's a Higher power." Fuck no? Go fuck yourself.
Science all the way for me. I refuse to listen to any other nonsense.
I don’t know nothing (in terms of experience) about 12 steps program, and I’m sure it helps a lot of people. /end disclaimer
But me? Never.
I am the highest power in my life, okay (i mean it in a non-narcissistic way). There’s no destiny, universe, cat, dog, or god. Nothing. Me and my free will. That’s it.
Attending Physician Dr. Frank Langdon will never allow anyone to feel abandoned during an absence from work.
He’s meticulous about sending flowers for medical leave and a PTMC branded baby onesie for parental leave. He schedules calls in the week ahead of employees’ return to work so no one ever has to wonder what their first day back will look like.
And there’s always cake or some other little to-do on the day of return. And no the department wouldn’t pay for any of this shit, that’s all coming from his own pocket, and everyone knows it.
I find it funny how Langdon cherry picked for the projectile vomiting case yet when we see him with it in s2 and it's the most absolute disgusted he's ever been
currently watching: Just finished Dark Blue, an almost 20 y.o. police procedural with... how did you guess? ;) ...LMG (Logan Marshall-Green). (I'm also watching new episodes of Silo and Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, as they come out. Both great shows. One because of worldbuilding, intrigue, and Rebecca Ferguson, the other because of Tatiana Maslany. I swear I could watch her read a phonebook. Intrigue is okay too.)
currently reading: Nothing? I know, I'm bad. I'm kind of reading-and-editing my own WIP (look below).
current obsession: LMG. Well, I'd rather it was Pete Calvin, his character from Marshals, but since everything is on hiatus, I'm obsessing over the actor's other roles. No, never the actor themselves, I don't roll like that.
currently working on: Black Wings, my sci-fi novel about an alien planet, and distant future human civilization. And people, you kno. Who are kind of normal nowadays humans. And about their friendships, family relations, love. Normal stuff.
last search: spelling of Rebecca Ferguson's name, lol.
favourite flowers: All of them! Oh, well, I think I developed a liking for dahlias this year, there's so many colors and flower shapes of them. Some are smaller, other larger. Just gorgeous!
Tagging (no pressure, of course): @radioactivepigeons, @aflynnwriter, @otp-chemistry, @doughnuts-5ever, @vernyhore, @my-dress-is-on-fire, @schrodingersregret and whoever else wants me to get to know them better. :) (please, tag me!)
Summary: Andrea Cruz is smart, determined, and ambitious. In her dreams—in her plans for the future, more like it—she sees herself leading a team of US Marshals, much like the one she’s currently a part of. But leading this team? And under these circumstances?
This, she does not want.
Or. Andrea finds out about Cal’s cancer.
A/N: I loved the episode where they were getting Andrea out of the Cleggs' captivity. I especially loved how worried Cal was about her and how determined he was to save her. I'm a sucker for a good friendship story, and their relationship gives that in buckets. So, here's my take on how Andrea might find out what's going on with him.
Oh, and I like seeing her as Cal's 2IC (not Kayce ;) ). She'd be good at it.
I may write other fics, where Kayce and Miles find out. Not as a continuation of this one, but rather a completely different take. We'll see where the muses take me. :)
I just have this feeling that Tanner Langdon is a very old little man. He’s got little kid glasses, and asked for suspenders for his birthday and likes to write songs. He conducts very serious experiments with his mud and sand. His dad once told him what triplicates are, and while he’s a bit too small to quite understand the statistical relevance, he understood that experiments are more valuable if you do the same one three times.
Frank is so worried that he’ll get the whimsy bullied out of him, but refuses to quench any of his enthusiasm early. The world is a tough enough place and he refuses to let his home be a part of that. He’s so proud of his odd little guy, and loves him so much.
blakekathryn
baratheonpilled
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
stormborns
