EverythingDestroyingMe

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[musinginablueberryfield]

I wish I had a cutie mark like in my little pony. That way I would know I didn’t make a mistake.

[everythingdestroyingme]

I think my cutie mark would be a globe and whisk. Though that has nothing at all to do with my career and goals but everything to do with my interests and who I want to be.

[everythingdestroyingme]

Hi mutuals and …future mutuals hehe

My poetry commissions are open!

Portfolio available upon request but I do have a poetry book coming out next year!

Going rate is $10 a poem but may run as high as $20 if you want long form poetry (over 2 pages double spaced center aligned)

Dm me for details. price can be negotiated.

Toodles 🤭

[everythingdestroyingme]

I just applied for my The Vampire Lestat ticketsssss

I’ll find out tomorrow if I get invited!!

I AM THRILLED

[everythingdestroyingme]

Little did she know but she did not find out the next day…or the next… and maybe not even ever

[everythingdestroyingme]

Oh my gosh I hate my life

[mushroominawaterbottle]

there is the line between bisexual and aroace and i am using it as a jump rope

[chapeldean]

im thinking about dean at 21 and his stack of napkins and notes with numbers from strangers and a phone that never rings and the cassettes in his tapedeck and no one who listens and the books he devours but no one wants to talk about books to a face like that and everywhere he goes, people are vying for his attention, but with every passing year all he achieves is a growing sense of loneliness

[everythingdestroyingme]

Hear me out hear me out

Fanfic

Invincible / Miraculous

Oliver X Ladybug

[rechthabewoman]

I’m just so in love with this picture.

<3

[orkyydorky]

this too shall pass

[orkyydorky]

HURRY UP

[junkiepunkie]

Cas and Dean acting like a couple in moments where it’s convenient. Free meal in an expensive restaurant? “We just got engaged!”, Jack’s in trouble? “We’re his dads”, and if one of them is in the hospital, it inevitably goes like this;

Dean: *inconsolable and not leaving Cas’ side as his angel is carted into the emergency room with a stab wound to the chest.* Cas? Cas just hold on okay? We’re almost there.

Cas: *slipping in and out of consciousness, currently human much to his dismay* Dean…

Dean: Yeah it’s me. I’m here, always gonna be here.

Nurse: Sir? We need to take him into surgery.

Dean: Yeah, okay yeah, let’s uh, let’s go to surgery.

Nurse: I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you any further than this point.

Dean: Fuck- right. Of course. Just, god take care of him yeah?

Cas: *barely awake eyes closed* Want Dean to… stay.

Dean: I’ll be right outside angel. Right here. *he kisses Cas on the forehead right before they cart him away*

Nurse: It’ll take a few hours, but we’ll do everything we can for him. Would you like to move to the waiting room?

Dean: *eyes not moving from the door Cas just went through* No I uh, I promised him I’d stay here.

Nurse: ….alright i probably shouldn’t let you just hang around here but since you’re the boyfriend-

Dean: -Husband yeah.

Nurse: since you’re the husband, if you move out of the immediate path of the door I’ll let you sit here.

Dean: Thank you. I want to be here the second he’s out.

*5 hours later*

Cas: *waking up in a hospital bed with wires in his arms and a numbed pain in his chest* …Dean…

Dean: *sitting in the chair right beside him holding his hand* Cas? Cas! Oh thank god, you had me scared for a minute there buddy.

Cas: You didn’t leave.

Dean: Course not. I’ll never leave you again.

Cas: Did you have to pretend to be my boyfriend again?

Dean: *laughing* actually they assumed boyfriend, I corrected them.

Cas: *suddenly sad* you told then we were friends.

Dean: No, I-

Nurse: *walking in* Oh good, you’re awake. Your husband here hasn’t left your side for one minute. I bet he’s overjoyed to see you alert again.

Cas: *whispering to no one really* Husband.

Dean: *whispering to Cas* Husband. Sounds right doesn’t it?

*nurse checks a few things then leaves*

Cas: It does sound right.

Dean: we could, you know.

Cas: What? Get married?

Dean: Yeah, I mean, like, as friends obviously. Just friend-husbands, nothing gay-

Cas: *grabbing Dean by the face and pulling him in for a slow, gentle kiss* Yes. I’ll marry you.

Dean: *stunned* Good. And, maybe it can be a little bit gay.

[calamitysong]

sure cas fell in love with a bug but you don’t know that you wouldn’t. if you could speak the language of bugs and be bugsized and walk among the bugs and you met a bug that was so full of love and other complicated bug emotions you don’t know. you don’t know that you wouldn’t fall in love with a bug

[bug-mp3]

Bug loves Cas

[calamitysong]

[virginiaisforvampires]

Midnight thought: Lestat will always try to make Louis happy and love him but he always gets it wrong. Louis grew up in a family full of love so he knows how, Lestat didn’t, he was never loved as a child and so, he never learnt how

Hmmm. So, I agree Lestat will always try to love Louis and make him happy. Within the context of the show, did Lestat really get it that wrong though? I know. I know, but hear me out. 😅

Louis skipped over their happy times. In Episode 2, they’re bantering back and forth about Louis’ nightmares. You can’t tell me Lestat wasn’t there to comfort Louis during those times when we later see in the exact same episode Lestat express concern about Louis skipping meals and literally wiping his tears while tenderly stroking his shoulder. He tries to help Louis by taking him to an opera, because he knows Louis likes them. What misses the mark is Lestat not completely understanding why Louis was so angry with that situation. However, when he tells Louis that he fears being lonely and that Louis takes that feeling away from him, Louis framed it as manipulation and trying to “disarm” him. Mmmm, not exactly. Lestat finally realized at the opera that Louis was upset. He’s telling Louis about his fear of loneliness, because he’s trying to make Louis understand that he is valuable and worth something to Lestat. In other words, Lestat was saying other people may look down on you, but you are everything to me. Lestat was trying.

We also see Lestat telling Louis that he doesn’t like sleeping angry and attempting to make it up to Louis over their fight. Lestat asks “How can I say no to you?” and Louis smiles. That smile was a smug smile of triumph, because Lestat routinely spoiled Louis and gave him everything he wanted or needed. Louis, however, says it was “pride” that made him pay Lestat back, because Louis had centered his entire worth and being over how successful he could be and how much money he could make. Notice that is the only thing he really talks about to Daniel during their honeymoon years — his businesses and the money. Louis has always been made to feel like he’s less than simply because of his skin color. He’s determined to make something of himself with status and money, because he’s proving his worth. This is the aspect Lestat doesn’t understand anymore, even though he was shown to relate to Louis in Episode 1 over the fact Louis was the provider for his family, just like Lestat was the provider and that Louis didn’t owe an explanation to anyone for doing what he did. When Lestat lost the ability to read Louis’ mind, that’s when all the misunderstandings happened.

In Episode 3, we see them on their bench and they’re discussing what the other is reading, meaning they did talk to each other. We also see Louis calling Lestat “Mon Cher.” They were happy. So, Lestat must’ve been doing something right all those years. It started going downhill when Louis rejected vampirism, thereby rejecting Lestat.

When Claudia comes along, we see more glimpses of their relationship from Claudia’s POV. We shriek and die over the coffin scene, but there was meaning to that. Lestat teases Louis with “Don’t you shush me” and Louis tells Lestat “I missed you.” Considering their relationship later deteriorates as Claudia becomes Louis’ person instead of Lestat, this coming from Louis says so much. Lestat replies “You missed me?” with a tone of awe and amazement. I fully believe Louis also said “I hated sleeping without you” once they close the coffin lid. Also, notice how tender Lestat is when he lies down with Louis. He immediately starts caressing Louis’ face, down his neck, and over his heart. It was a familiar gesture that Louis liked. Combine that with the context of their conversation in that Louis missed him and y’all. 😭 That was the norm for them. They slept together and loved on each other, and Louis enjoyed it.

They’re shown at Claudia’s birthday party, and Lestat places his hand over Louis’ heart again as he passes by to give Claudia her gift. They exchange a glance. Later they’re outside dancing together. Just because. Claudia looks over and smiles at them before she joins. There was a time when she loved them too. Both of them. She even writes in her diary that it was a happy home.

When Lestat is imitating Nosferatu, Louis is laughing and teases Lestat with “I prefer you like that.” There’s a lot implied in that too. They played around together. They joked. They teased. They made each other laugh. At Florence’s funeral, Louis smiles and looks proud when Lestat and Claudia come to get him.

When Claudia is rushing out to retrieve the flowers from Charlie, Louis and Lestat are sitting together on the sofa. They’re talking again. Louis had put his book down to actually listen to Lestat.

In Episode 5, Claudia asks “Who’s my Lestat? Who’s my Louis?” She spent all those years with them as her parents. The underlying meaning of her words is deep and revealing. She wanted someone to love her like Lestat loves Louis and like Louis loves Lestat. You don’t wish for a relationship like your parents unless your parents were happy and in love. Claudia had observed them together all those years, and she also wrote about it in her diary.

In Episode 6, they don’t ever get Lestat another coffin when he moves back in. Why is that? It’s because, more than likely, they always slept together in one coffin anyway. Even in Episode 7, when they were all supposedly “locked together in hatred”, Louis and Lestat are still sleeping together.

In Episode 7, Louis lets himself go with Lestat, telling himself it’s for Claudia’s sake to distract Lestat, but I always go back to that interview with Jacob in which he talked about Louis truly falling head over heels for Lestat again. “The well with no bottom.” Jacob said it was easy for Louis to fall in love with Lestat, because it reminded Louis of how things used to be, back when things were good. Lestat did make Louis happy.

Within the context of the books, we see a lot of Lestat’s behavioral traits of love demonstrated in Episodes 2, 3, 4, and 6. I’ll try to make this short (heh yeah right 😅), but Lestat learned a lot of his traits on how to love from his mother. She showed her love to him by giving him gifts. What does Lestat do to show he loves someone? He gives them lavish, extravagant gifts. As soon as he got the money from Magnus, he immediately started sending money back to his father and brothers to provide for them. He sent money to his mother. He sent gifts to his little nieces and nephews. This goes back to Lestat placing his worth on his ability to provide and care for his loved ones, just like Louis. In Episode 2, right after Louis is turned, he tells Louis that Rue Royale is now his home and that Lestat has all the money they need. Lestat fully intended to take care of Louis and provide for him for the rest of his existence. In Episode 3, when the Azalea is about to be closed, Lestat tells Louis that they don’t need the money. In Lestat’s mind, this “hobby” was pointless, mostly because Lestat could easily take care of Louis’ every whim and need. In Episode 4, after Lestat turns Claudia, we already see Lestat immediately equating Claudia with Louis. He tells Claudia that he’ll teach her everything just like he taught Louis everything. Later, we hear Lestat say “I don’t recall buying that outfit” which implied Lestat had become the provider for both Louis and Claudia by that point.

In Episode 6, Lestat is seemingly just a stereotype, trying to win back his spouse with empty gifts. However! Every gift we see (or the ones Louis chose to tell us about), hold deep meaning for Louis and Lestat. The Books Of Hours, which was from Louis’ favorite bookshop. Lestat knew what his favorite bookshop was, because I’m certain he’d gifted Louis numerous books over the years. The backstory on this is heart-wrenching. Lestat was purposely kept illiterate until he became a vampire. His mother would hide herself away and read all the time. Lestat resented this. Lestat talks about Nicki having to help him learn his lines at Renaud’s, because he couldn’t read. The fact that he gifts Louis books, because he knows it’s what Louis enjoys, even though Louis used books to shut Lestat out in Episode 5, just like Gabrielle did, really says so much about how Lestat loves him. The Rolls Royce is another example that goes back to their happier times, when Louis enjoyed “pretty automobiles” as a symbol of his success and worth. @nalyra-dreaming has an excellent summary of the meaning behind the Rolls Royce gift. Lestat knew Louis. He paid attention to him over the years. That’s how he knew the song would be the thing to finally get Louis’ attention.

For all his many fuck ups, I do believe Lestat made Louis happy and did know how to love him. The thing with Lestat is that he came from a cold, abusive, neglectful, unloving family, but he was nothing like them. It is canon that Lestat was the gentle one. He was the dreamer, the one with the capacity to love. On his deathbed, Lestat’s father says that Lestat was “the Joseph among his brothers” and if you know the story of Joseph from the Bible, that comparison fits Lestat. He’s full of strength, courage, hope, positivity, and love. That’s the key to Lestat.

The misconception that Lestat gets loving wrong, stems from the times when Lestat is feeling rejected and abandoned, because he’s so terrified of someone not loving him or accepting him, because he really looks down on himself in reality. It’s the past trauma of everyone he’s ever loved abusing him and abandoning him. Sam has talked about Lestat being terrified of not being loved, so he acts out and becomes aggressive and, at times, sadistic in the ways he goes about looking for love. For example, Antoinette was always a symptom of the problems within Lestat’s relationship with Louis, because Louis was rejecting vampirism, which extended to rejecting/resenting/hating Lestat. She was never the actual issue.

Lestat called his relationship with Nicki “….the little miracle of love turned into hate.” Lestat believed the fact that Nicki could ever love him was a miracle, but it was inevitable to Lestat that Nicki would grow to hate him, because Lestat thinks of himself as an evil, unlovable monster. He still feels the same with Louis, which was perfectly highlighted in Episode 1 when Louis accepts Lestat’s offer, and in Episode 6 when Lestat is amazed to learn Louis actually cared enough about him to swim the Mississippi River. “I hate you” is what Louis said to him. Lestat responds with “As you should.” In Lestat’s mind, Louis hating Lestat was better than feeling nothing at all, because Lestat thinks he’s unworthy of Louis and that Louis should hate him, because he’s just a monster.

“….instead he turned me into this.” This thing, this monster that’s not worth anything and especially not worth Louis loving in return.

“I love you,” he said softly. I was amazed.

— Louis and Lestat from Tale Of The Body Thief

[everythingdestroyingme]

I just applied for my The Vampire Lestat ticketsssss

I’ll find out tomorrow if I get invited!!

I AM THRILLED

[everythingdestroyingme]

I HATE THE NEW COMMUNITIES!!!

I don’t want to join a billion new communities just because I want to like a post.

Plus the ones I have joined have destroyed my notifications.

[entropyofnuance]

Destiel is everywhere for those with eyes to see but also nothing else will ever be Destiel ever again. Such is the burden

[everythingdestroyingme]

Yes I agree, but for some reason Buddy in 911…the pain feels so familiar. The show has been intentional in parallels and storytelling but refuses to grant us the pleasure. It’s haunting and almost too much to bear again.

[koala2all]

My dear friend Johnathan Harker has begun his lovely food blog as he travels through the countryside of Transylvania. Hope his journey is smooth and his business concludes swiftly!

[mysteriouspersonrambles]

Truthfully one of the most insane things to me that tumblr users have ever done is transform Dracula from a book about the Victorian scooby gang trying to defeat a vampire into a tragic time loop (which in turn makes the story even more of a gothic horror in my opinion) via the existence of Dracula Daily

Like what do you mean every single year the Harkers, the suitor squad and Van Helsing are forced to relive the worst year of their life

Sure they win in the end but over and over they are forced to loose the people they love, be striped of their personhood and fight what must have seemed like an impossible battle.

And nobody is even aware of this time loop except us and we just feed into this narrative. “Oh my friend Jonathan has just sent me another letter let’s hope this goes better than last year ;)”

And from a literary analysis standpoint this whole change is inane because it frames the book in an entirely new light. There is a meta layer of horror being applied to the book that was never possible before.

How many years will they suffer like this before someone realizes something is wrong? Before someone gets déjà vu just a few too many times?Before Jonathan and Mina realize they don’t know what their son looks like all grown up? How many years before they are free?