How I think historical figures would be on tiktok
I honestly do wayyy too much thinking about history than any normal, sane person should and I've been heavily affected by Horrible Histories but here you go, this is how certain historical figures would act if they had tiktok, I guess
-- Alexander Hamilton -> Cheated on his wife and then released his confession to the PUBLIC NEWSPAPER irl, so I think it's alright to say he'd be one of the messiest, dramatic celebrities. Would definitely be easy to ragebait.
-- Henry VIII -> Obviously a MONSTER on the dating side of tiktok, would join in with that one Gen X rise trend, his search history consists of : "How many divorces is the legal limit", "How to change legal divorce limit" , "Gout symptoms", "How to increase chances of having a son" and "Places to eat near me", has so many women blocked it should be illegal, has the Official Catholic Church account blocked and runs his own Official CofE Church account for fun, managed to get it verified somehow, his followers tag his CofE Church accounts in every video the Catholic Church account posts.
-- Thomas Jefferson -> Fyp consists entirely of Mac and cheese recipes, ragebaits Hamilton in comment sections
-- Anne of Cleaves -> Whenever she posts a tiktok Henry VIII is FIRST in her comments with a horse emoji 🐴
-- Alexander the Great -> His horse (Bucephalus) has its own Tiktok account. Has 17 different folders, each named after himself. Changes his username every week to some other absolute glaze of himself e.g: @AlexandertheGreatest, @Alexanderisbetterthanyou, @myhorsesmellsbetterthanyou @Alexandriarules, e.c.t., runs an Achilles fan account in secret (everyone knows its him).
-- George I -> Posts sad guy thirst traps to seem emotionally sensitive, posts majorly in German cause he barely speaks any English but the women in his fan base love it so I guess it works out
-- George II -> Ragebait accounter, argues with everyone for sport
-- George III -> Posts similar things to Nutter Butter irl, fucking insane due to age, a video that actually makes sense comes along every once in a while then it goes back to some mad ramblings
-- George IV -> Has his own wife blocked and is following the same amount of women as he is cooking channels (a lot), constantly sends his Dad death threats (theyre not threats but promises), beefs with Napoleon constantly in comments
-- Vikings -> Each tribe has one account ran by the leader of said tribe. Every Saturday each tribe sits in their town hall with a projector and the leader scrolls, the rest watch and laugh, tell them to repost e.c.t. Tribes have full battles when they see each other in comment sections.
-- Charles II -> Had a teenage account called @Princelyparties where he posted videos of every party he attended, now has wine drinking challenges and records himself giving pennies to the poor to heal them. Has a series documenting the London Fire (he just stands in front of the houses and orders people around), puts everything he does on TikTok.
-- Oliver Cromwell -> Posts videos 'not for his own enjoyment, but to spread the word of God' since fun is a sin, had to be convinced that the bible said nothing about making videos being sinful in order to download it, every video he posts is in silence and monotone because music and colours are sins
-- Sparta -> The whole city has a joint account called @ImASpartanGetMeOutOfHere which documents the children they put on the mountain to survive each year, like the Hunger Games except theyre not allowed to interact
-- Boudica -> A 'Help me get my stuff back from the Romans' account, but instead of her begging u to stay shes doing normal things like Battle Paint GRWMs and gaining followers on mass cause she does everything extremely angrily and with a hatred for the world. At least 9 people tag Nero in every one of her vids.
-- Pachacuti -> Slightly disturbing tutorials on how to do things the Incan way with extremely violent undertones, like if a child watched it they would be entertained but if a rival chief did they would know why Pachacutis prisoners never came back
-- William Wallace -> Does warpaint GRWMs like Boudica but is incapable of using anything but Caps Lock for some reason and his audience love it
-- Cleopatra -> Makeup testing, shows the public the latest fucking horrific concoction like pig eye or snake shit that somehow does actually help the skin, posts photos of herself looking like the goddess Iris draped on a sofa
-- Caligula -> Posts crime scenes right after somebody dies and says 'wooow guuys i wonder what happened here' (it was him again)(hes been investigated for it many times but they havnt found anything yet)
-- Elagabagus -> Prank channel, throws live animals at ppl on the street and runs away
-- Commodus -> 'How to fight' videos with Julius Alexander except its so obvious Julius is better at it than him and is holding back cause hes the emperor that eventually Commodus just kills him out of jealousy.
-- Nero -> Posts really angsty teenage posts like 'Ughh guys my mum still doesnt treat me like the independant emperor I am, might sink her ship later' then his claims come true and he's never held accountable
-- Douglas Barder -> "Day in the life of a War prisoner in Germany: An ex-pilot's Tale" journaling.
-- Charles Darwin -> "Guys, I KNOW that Alfred Russel Wallace just published a newspaper article on the Theory of Evolution, IT WAS MY IDEA FIRST." Posts every theory he ever had (even the lame ones) just so ppl know who did it first.
-- Charles Dickens -> Does livestreams, "I think we need schools for poor ki- aww I'm so glad you liked my book @darwinsrigtindexfinger! I based it off my miserable, malnourished life as a POOR, IMPOVERISHED ORPHAN. Anyways we should like, make schools free for poor people." Idk i really find the idea of him saying "Thts rlly cool, but can we talk about the state of our society right now?" in random comment sections really funny.
--Marcus Licinius Crassus -> Records house parties, flexes his money, cash spreads, "How I Utilise the Estate Market to make MONEY".
Posts videos about running Rome with Pompeii and Cesar, "My army refused to fight so I chopped off one in ten of their heads" said with an AI voice with like, glass cutting in the background
-- Henry VII -> Privated account, won't let his enemies (Richard III) see anything about him, hes too cautious for that
Posted one video ever and it was of him finding Richard III's crown in a hedge
-- Richard III -> "I swear to god guys, those kids in the tower were NOT me. 'A horse! My kingdom for a horse!' WHO SAID THAT. BECAUSE IT WASNT ME.
ykw? Im searching my name on this app, what are the people saying about me.......why are there so many rumours. Were these all from those damned Tudor bunch? DROWNED MY BROTHER IN A VAT OF WINE???? ... do i need to private my account."
--Napolean -> His bio says 'Just taking whats mine dw it'll all be over soon'.
"Step by step guide on how to excape exile in the Mediteranean: Step one, become Napolean Bonaparte, Step 2 return home less than a year later. Easy."
Constantly fights with people about his height
Has George IV added just so he can bully him in his comment sections
lmk if I missed anyone 🙏
