This is a blog for ex-radqueers, radqueers looking for advice, and anti-radqueers who struggle with things commonly associated with radqueers.
This is a safe space and free of judgement! If you are going to judge anyone here, just know YOU are the reason people turn to the radqueer community.
This blog was formerly known as anti-radqueer confessions.
Why am I radqueer-critical?
[Pt: Why am I radqueer-critical /End PT]
I believe the radqueer community does more harm than good. There is certainly good in giving people a community, especially when they're so often cast out. But within the radqueer community there is a lot of anti-recovery sentiment, and it has xenosatanist roots. It is also very possible to believe in parts of the radqueer community, while not agreeing with others.
What can be posted here?
[PT: What can be posted here /End PT]
Anything associated with radqueers, which includes but is not limited to: paraphilias, atypical dysphoria, endogenics, transID +alternatives, and darkfiction enjoyers.
If you want feedback, please just say so, if not I will not be replying to the confessions, just posting them.
Anyone, and I mean anyone, is welcome here. You do not need to have the same stances as me, your confessions will be posted regardless.
What can not be posted here?
[PT: What can not be posted here /End PT]
Harassment of any kind. Whether that be toward me, other anons, or even radqueers. While you are allowed to disagree with any of the things discussed here, it is not a place for saying those opinions. This includes: queerphobia, racism, ableism, and YES, paramisia.
I am not usually one to let my emotions get the better of me, but sending death threats to my friend is one of those few things that pisses me off beyond belief. So harassers, this is for you to read and reflect on.
Do you know why folks join the radqueer communtiy? It's because of individuals like you. Yes, there are the cases where someone is groomed into it, but more often than not it's because you have ostracized them, demonized them, and harassed them to the point where the radqueer community is the only place they feel safe. I have gotten anons and have met folks who stay in the radqueer community because of individuals like you. Because there is no safe space for them outside of the community, so they have to stay despite the harm.
You are the problem. You are why folks are in the radqueer community. You are why folks are scared to leave. You are why folks turn to the radqueer community. It is your fault and I hope you feel ashamed.
Harrassment does absolutely nothing but push folks further into the radqueer community. You are not saving them, you are hurting them. You are bullies, not saviors. Folks do not change because of hate, they isolate themselves and hide. The only thing harassment does is make you feel morally superior, and you're not, you just have a victim complex.
My friend was trying to help folks, just like I do, and instead of supporting what they're doing you sent them death threats until they shutdown their blog. They're not even radqueer, not even pro-radqueer, but because they dared to even have the slightest bit of understanding towards other individuals, you decided that was enough to bully them.
You are the issue, and you need to get over yourself.
[PT: Yeah actually I am ableist and discriminatory towards pedos, necros, and zoos, idgaf about them. Hope they all get anvils dropped on them. /End PT]
That was actually the first ever post I saw from radnormals. If you can openly admit you're ableist, and not be called out by your community, then I want nothing to do with your community.
That being said, do not harass this user. If I find out somebody went out of their way to harass him over my post, you will be blocked. Harassment does nothing.
Sometimes I really want to start a kink blog for one of my paras. So I can discuss it and engage with it in a way that doesn’t require me to reconnect with the radqueer community.
I’m a legal adult and have been for a while. This is something I can do. If I want to.
I’m just… worried. I do not have a 100% healthy relationship to it yet, and I only even have it because of repeated trauma. I’m scared I could harm myself by making a blog. But I miss having a space where I could just… talk about it.
So, I see a lot of antis call radqueer a cult. Do you think that's the case? Do you think radqueer is a cult? I think the cult label and comparing radqueer to the bite model is a bit of a reach but I want some secondary opinions.
Short answer: No. I think everyone who says that has a deep misunderstanding of the community and how cults operate, and are actively watering down what cults are and are hurting cult victims. You can have a group that is extreme and wants to keep members, without it being a cult. Like I also do not believe right-wing extremists are a cult either.
However, anyone is allowed to disagree with me. If you believe otherwise please explain, I do want to learn more.
I may do a long answer someday, but currently it is not in my plans as I am very busy. I believe there are many others who would be able to describe this in a far better way than I could, and if I find somebody who does (or get tagged in a post) I will repost it and link it here.
do you consider trans race to be a form of body dysmorphia (specially especially for mixed folks)
In short, yes I do believe that racial dysphoria exists. It would be a type of atypical dysphoria alongside species dysphoria.
I wouldn't say its a type of body dysmorphia though as from what I understand, dysmorphia is distress from a distorted view of oneself, while dysphoria is distress at what's actually there. In this case, they are distressed that they are not the race they percieve themselves to be, which is distress at something already there (their race). I also do not think trans race = racial dysphoria, as I also don't believe that trans gender = gender dysphoria. But I don't think either of those are what you meant.
I wish I could identify as transharmed (I havent self harmed, but I do often self depricate myself and have had depressive episodes as of lately, I feel that I would be taken more seriously), Im not sure if I am an alter or if I am the host, probably an alter-🍋🌎
So I really want to be ex radqueer, I really do, because even in rq adjacent spaces my mental health is not the best, plus I feel more connected to transID alternatives, but I hesitate to fully commit to being anti rq because of the anti everything crowd and how either antis are paramisic or pro conversion therapy for paraphiles.
I hate how people try to justify large age gaps surrounding adults and minors, yes there is a difrence between someone 17 and 18 dating who met in high school in comparison to a 16 and 19 year old dating that met much later on-🍋🌎
i have paraphilias (I don’t know if I posted an ask like this before but it isn’t too harmful, somno (which can be done with consent), masochist, sadist, odor, balloons) but I’m afraid that people will think I’m rq if I put anything pro para on my blog
We wish to be a early childhood teacher since its our dream but worry we might have or develop one of the big 3. I am anti contact but it's still a major worry since we sometimes have intrusive thoughts and worry that our aquaintances view us as predatory even when we try not to be
I hate how as an anti I secretly enjoy non con, dub con and read it out of pure shock, I don't support the community aspects of dark shipping as well as incest or NSFW of minors but I enjoy toxic pairings and abusive relationships in fics and erps and fantasize about it.
I dont support dark shipping and label myself as anti pro/dark and call myself anti harassment but I can't help but feel like a hypocrite
Also may I have an anon tag if it's not taken/means something problematic (🍋🌎)
I'm a recovering rq with autobiastophilia. (So cw: rape)
I'm currently typing this as a distraction so I can resist the urge to go back into that community to find me a rapist.
It's hard to find, but it's a thing. I've done it many times. You find a fellow rq who publicly posts about their own rape fetish, and if you follow the trail deep enough you can be put on "rape lists" where if someone who has access to this list wants to, they can rape you. They groom you into thinking it's all consensual, just rape play but it's not. After you accept being on the list it's near impossible to get off. I'm still trying to get myself off my town's list.
This isn't healthy. The paraphilic part of my brain craves the act yet every other part of me hates it. It traumatizes me every time so why do I like this? I feel so alone. I feel like at least the rq community would walk me through my feelings but anywhere else I'm looked at like a freak.
It's so hard not to fall into that spiral of self harm again. I miss my rq friends. I miss my easy access to being raped. But it wasn't good for me. I will get better.
ive done a lot of talking about paras on this website and some dumbfuck in my asks told me that i probably have p-ocd, was groomed into thinking it was a paraphilia, and just need to suppress my "intrustive thoughts"
mind you i dont have p-ocd? and i dont have intrusive thoughts? they're literally feelings?
idk it came off as super weird and armchair-diagnosey.
I hate how a lot of anti radqueers and now "radnormals" too are violently anti para, antiship, anti endo, anti transID, etc. because they're just pushing people further into the radqueer 'community'.
Imagine you're a paraphile who joined the radqueer 'community' because you felt like nobody else would accept you, and then when you start looking into leaving you see so much paramisia, death threats, rape threats, demonization, etc. from anti radqueers. Would that not push you further into the "nobody else would accept me" mindset??
Imagine you're a darkshipper who joined the radqueer 'community' because you felt like no other community would accept you, and then you start looking into leaving and it's all "proshippers are pedos" "proshippers should kts" "proshippers deserve their trauma" "proshippers should be arrested" "proshippers can't be trusted around children and animals". Would that not push you further into the "only radqueers accept me" mindset??
Imagine you're a nontraumagenic system trying to leave the radqueer 'community', or you developed OSDD/DID-like symptoms trying to 'transition' like we did with NPD, or you're just a strongly pro-endo traumagenic system, but when you try looking into leaving, so much in the anti radqueer tags is posted by anti-endos and anti-willos if not specifically tagged as anti-endo?? Would that not push you further into the "all antis are hateful bigots who can't even handle endos" mindset?? I think that would be especially bad for systems with OSDD/DID-like symptoms from trying to 'transition' because then they wouldn't even have a garuantee that specifically pro-endo spaces would accept them.
Imagine you have atypical dysphoria and use transIDs to cope with it and you're considering leaving the radqueer 'community', but when you start looking into anti radqueer spaces it's filled with "transID DNI", directly tying transIDs to radqueers by phrasing things like "radqueer/transID", and people saying things like "dear transautistics, remember that you're allistic and you'll never be autistic and if you fully want to be while knowing it's a serious disability and not all fun and games then you should kys" and "Oh you're transID?? You should be transsuicidal next"?? Would that not push you further into the "nobody but radqueers will ever understand/accept my atypical dysphoria" mindset?? Like I'm transID complex myself, I don't really like the prefix trans being used for it and tying it to transgender, I don't like the appropriation of terms like transracial and transspecies, I don't believe you can transition to a mental disorder or race or ethnicity or intersex condition, I'm very anti transharmed/transharmful. But atypical dysphoria still deserves to be taken seriously!! Going out of your way to make people with atypical dysphoria feel dysphoric because of the 'community' they've fallen into trying to cope with it is asshole behavior (and in some cases, like if the person has BIID, then it's just straight up ableism). I know from personal experience that it can be hard to let go of transIDs that felt important to you when you were radqueer.
I'm just gonna take this opportunity to say, since I used transautistics as an example and I'm 'cis'austistic, people who have atypical dysphoria about not having autism are valid, it's okay to be dysphoric, hell it's even okay to use fidget toys or noise canceling headphones and use terms like desirautistic if it makes you happy, you don't need to be radqueer to have your experiences validated and to get some dysphoria relief.
I actually have a theory that pressure from the radqueer 'community' to use transIDs and MUDs and developing new paraphilias because of the radqueer 'community' and aggressive behavior from antis is somewhat intentional?? Even if just subconsciously. It's strange how much untagged graphic smut and encouraging people to use (more) transIDs and use transIDs for any reason and transID transition tips there are. It certainly makes it harder to leave. Also the sheer number of radqueer BAH blogs that come with harmful transIDs and paraphilias built in?? The sheer amount of transplurals and transDID and transOSDD generally?? The sheer number of 'cis'systems in the radqueer 'community'?? It almost feels like they want you to split headmates to drag you back into the radqueer 'community' again.
TBH THIS IS WHY PAW STICKS TO THE RADQ COMMUNITY, nd respect to any exradqueers who are ex bc of the in community ableism/mistagging/etc but ,, most 'antiradqueers' just push ppl back into BEING RADQUEER by being jerks and also by not understanding (or actively AVOIDING trying to understand??) stuff like atypical dysphoria being something you cant just stop having (have tried. did not work just felt bad pushing it down) and that nontraumagenic sytems just existing is not being ableist (and expecting em to always be medical is racist towards a lot of smaller cultures that have experiences with systemhood or plurality normalised within them), and that paraphilias arent able to just be ignored away (and can be intrusive, or just fetishes!! depends on the person/situation and not the paraphilia!!!!) or that fiction IS fiction and while you should tag stuff so others can avoid what they dont want to see its also like? art is art its supposed to be yucky because the world is yucky :T
i love this post. i love you guys. all of you. every single person that posts on this confession blog. you are all saying what i have been trying to. i thought people like me didnt exist
Ex-Radqueer Confessions @ex-radqueer-confessions - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
