Short hiatus (Started: 16/06)

A safe space only.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

This is a blog for ex-radqueers, radqueers looking for advice, and anti-radqueers who struggle with things commonly associated with radqueers.

This is a safe space and free of judgement! If you are going to judge anyone here, just know YOU are the reason people turn to the radqueer community.

This blog was formerly known as anti-radqueer confessions.

Why am I radqueer-critical?

I believe the radqueer community does more harm than good. There is certainly good in giving people a community, especially when they're so often cast out. But within the radqueer community there is a lot of anti-recovery sentiment, and it has xenosatanist roots. It is also very possible to believe in parts of the radqueer community, while not agreeing with others.

What can be posted here?

Anything associated with radqueers, which includes but is not limited to: paraphilias, atypical dysphoria, endogenics, transID +alternatives, and darkfiction enjoyers.

If you want feedback, please just say so, if not I will not be replying to the confessions, just posting them.

What can not be posted here?

Harassment of any kind. Whether that be toward me, other anons, or even radqueers. While you are allowed to disagree with any of the things discussed here, it is not a place for saying those opinions.

Important posts:

Flag I use.

About us.

Why no harrassment?

Why did the name change?

Personal stances.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

I feel like being radqueer cannot coexist with youth liberation.

I have never seen radqueers talk about or do anything meaningful for youth liberation outside of the context of AAMs. This, from what I have seen, almost always takes one of two forms: pro contacts and adult attracted minors themselves saying that minors can consent and that if anyone disagrees then they're ageist, and almost meaningless slogans like "support AAM voices". The former of which is just straight up promoting CSA and grooming, and the latter of which I take issue with because it just comes off as incredibly performative?? Like yes, paraphilic minors deserve support. Yes, paraphilic minors need safe spaces to talk about their attractions, especially AAMs and minor autopedophiles whose attractions might make it easier for them to be groomed in the wrong spaces. I as a paraphilic minor understand that well, because most paraphile spaces and resources are 16+ or 18+. But are radqueers ever going to help create those safe spaces for paraphilic minors?? No!! Not as long as they welcome pro contact predators into their community and encourage people to lie about their chronoage. In fact, I have never even seen an attempt at creating a space for minor paraphiles by radqueers. And notice how they never mention paraphilic minors who aren't chronophiles either. I'm starting to think the more I think about it that their "support AAM voices" is another way to groom paraphilic children into relationships with pro contact pedophiles, aka child predators, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Hell, I think usually unintentionally by people who have been groomed into the "all contact stances are okay it doesn't matter let's go hold hands and frolic in a field and ignore that child being molested because it's 'consensual'" ideology themselves.

Also, while there are minors who are attracted primarily or exclusively to adults, thereby making it paraphilic, a minor who experiences romantic and/or sexual attraction occasionally feeling that romantic and/or sexual attraction towards an adult or older minor is perfectly normal. Minors whose adult attraction is paraphilic in nature are less common than the radqueer 'community' makes them seem because the radqueer 'community' acts like being attracted to adults and minors as a minor is, for lack of a better metaphor, like being bisexual if AAM was like sapphic/achillean.

I've also seen wayyyyyyyyy too many adult attracted minors using AAM and MAP tags to try to get groomed or to post CSEM of themselves and radqueers who claim to be anti-contact making things that say AAM4MAP/MAP4AAM to fully trust someone who says AAM. AAP is even worse in my opinion because it seems to me like it's trying to be deliberately vague about the "minor" part, although I don't know the history of the term so I can't make a serious argument here. I'm only using the term AAM here because I am honestly unsure of what else to say and because my issue is with how pro contacts use the term, not with the term itself. I don't understand why specific AAMs don't just say gerontophile, teleiophile, ect. Similarly, I prefer minophile to MAP, but unlike with AAM I completely understand why they don't want to just say pedophile, because pedophilia is extremely stigmatized and pedophiles stereotyped as pro contact by default.

-🔵🥀

Will add on saying pedophilia is only a very specific age range, not every MAP is a pedophile and that's why MAP was created. I don't know the history, but AAM just seems like it was created SPECIFICALLY for the purpose of "consensual grooming", correct me if I'm wrong.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

anon who accidentally sent the ask before it was finished (also 🔵🥀 but we hadn't added the signoff yet), sorry!! we have some memory issues and don't remember our exact phrasing, could we send an anon with one of our sideblogs and you could dm us the text of our ask so we could finish it?? If you aren't comfortable with that I completely understand. Again, my apologies for sending that early and for panicking and sending another anon about it!!

Of course! I was even about to, then realized your anon.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

”Anti-recovery” anon. Back again one more time.

I remember a lot of stuff. From various professionals. That was all really bad. But there’s also a lot that I don’t remember. That’s just holes in my memory. It’s from when I was very young. So maybe I just forgot because you don’t remember everything in your life ever. But that doesn’t stop me from having theories. I’m not going to name it. I think you can figure it out. Especially also from what I’ve already said.

I’m not even the only one in rq or rq-adjacent spaces I’m met.

We’re (we’re? Can I say we’re? I can’t prove it was real anyway) not safe in radqueer spaces. Statistics done on this specific practice show over and over that we have higher rates of CSA, grooming, adult SA, the works. And was anyone surprised by that? It’s literally the “do whatever the adult in the room tells you to do regardless of discomfort and you’ll be safe” thing. I shouldn’t have been surprised I got hurt by being a radqueer. If it wasn’t them it would have been someone else. Hell, for me it was someone else too. But yeah. We’re not safe here.

But is it any wonder we gather in their spaces? Even if it’s really unsafe? Even when I got overwhelmed and really disturbed by the rqc and went anti, I couldn’t shake my affinity for transabled people. “They romanticize and fetishize you!” That’s a positive. That’s better than it could be. You didn’t live through what it could be. Someone who desires my condition is way less likely to try to eradicate it by abusing me. Full stop.

And as a paraphile, “You know you could get therapy to get rid of your fantasies, right? It’ll be fine. They won’t hurt you”. You don’t know that. They can. They can and they have. They hurt me for being a fucking child. And they didn’t even know that I had sick thoughts yet.

I need to talk somewhere other than ranting in your inbox as I try to leave the rqc. But I don’t know. I’m stuck. I can’t type this without crying. What am I going to do? Go to therapy? The thing I can’t even read about without feeling like I’m melting? Hardly.

You can try making a sideblog, that way you can just get all your thoughts out. My inbox is also always open, it doesn't bother me.

If therapy stresses you out too much, then going would be a waste, you won't be able to open up. Try someone with a similar experience that you trust and whose willing to help. Of course they won't be able to help like a professional, but they can offer support and advice.

Little things: even those who aren't plural can use we/us, it doesn't matter if you can or can't prove yourself you are allowed. Therapy wouldn't get rid of your attraction, that would be conversion therapy, therapy with paraphilias more includes impulse control and accepting it.

You will find a safe space.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

i'm not even sure if i'm just rq adjacent or just rq critical anymore.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

Need to say this after going through the anti-rq tag.

“Radqueers are extremely anti-recovery”

Yeah I’m well aware that’s why I stay with them.

I can’t even vaguely think about attending therapy of any kind without crying or almost crying. Sometimes I intentionally trigger myself by starting fights in the therapy subreddit. I was recently told to delete my account (which I did) because I’m not actually here because I’m interested in therapy, I’m just here to torture myself. Which was true.

Forget finding a therapist to talk about the things I talk about on my radqueer accounts. I can’t even find a therapist to talk about run-of-the-mill depression. My last therapist dropped me after a series of incidents. I thought she might hurt me and basically acted accordingly. Fill in the blanks. I made a scene and embarrassed myself in public. Repeatedly.

You don’t know what past professionals have done to me. You just don’t.

I’m really trying not to stereotype or fakeclaim the trauma of the “paraphiles and transids should all get therapy and recover” crowd. But it feels like we have wildly different experiences. We have to. For them to talk about recovery with no gravity behind it.

I know people maybe just don’t talk about it. Which they have no obligation to. I won’t force people to disclose their personal history. But I’ve never met a hardline anti-radqueer with severe psychiatric trauma. And I’ve met too many who have no concept of what that even entails.

I prefer hanging around transabled spaces. Because as much as some of them are toxic, I feel like someone who idolizes my disorder is a lot less likely to excuse it being abused out of me. If someone wants to have my condition, even if they only want a romanticized fiction of it, I feel safe around them. If someone thinks no one should want to have my conditions, I’m always on my toes. Wondering if they believe that it would be right to beat it out of me. Because I wouldn’t want it anyway.

Honestly, thank you a lot for this. This made me remember a lot of the things I've since forgetten after leaving the radqueer community.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

This is a very shameful thing to admit but sometimes i want to go back to the radqueer community because they were the only community that supported my "relationship" with my groomer (that i wasn't aware is grooming me at the time because everyone told me im mature enough including other kids my age and the whole experience ended up traumatizing me) and I've been holding back from getting back with that person lately

I know its a horrible reason to want to go back to the community maybe but idk. Rqc used to be the only place i can openly talk about my sexual relationship with an adult man without judgement and i know it's damaging for me but i miss it so much.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

This is kind of a nitpick but I don't like the implications of "normal" in 'radnormal' either. It almost feels like it's saying "oh, what's the opposite of queer? normal" or "we're normal, unlike those freaks". They remind me a lot of antishippers, in that they proudly call themselves "normal" and harass other people who they don't consider "normal", including darkshippers and paraphiles, despite being often queer and/or disabled themselves and not realizing how they're metaphorically shooting themselves in the foot.

Since we keep submitting asks, can we have an anon tag? If so, can it be 🔵🥀? We're the anon who mentioned having traits of NPD from formerly attempting to 'transition' to having NPD, in case you want to tag our other submissions too.

Absolutely you can have an anon tag! I love getting reoccurring anons.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

poll for what beings think about the "transgender is/not transid" argument?

"transgender is a transid"

"transgender is not a transid"

"transgender is a harmless transid, but shouldn't be alongside harmful transids"

"all transids should have their own category, not be lumped in together as transids"

"nuance/unsure/see results"

this part is my bias, feel free to ignore for voting purposes, but i always felt like it's like transmeds shitting on the use of "gender identity," to try stick away from something that categorises transgender as an identity rather than an illness. it gives me a bad vibe.

Is transgender a transID?

Transgender is a transID

Transgender is not a transID

Transgender is harmless and shouldn't be grouped in with harmful transIDs

All transIDs should have their own categories, not be lumped in as transIDs

Nuance/Unsure/See results

Voting ended onJun 14

Personally, I feel as though I fit under nuance. While yes transgender is technically a transID just from the definition of transID, it's a lot more community based on why it's not. To me if a term existed beforehand, and then afterwards was lumped in with transIDs, then it's not really a transID, simply based on the community surrounding transIDs. This also goes for transspecies, transrace, and I believe transage.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

i wont name anything, but this term just popped up and oh my god it makes me sick. it's anti radqueer, yes, but it is also neutral harassment??

not only that, the first thing that comes up when you search it's name is someone saying they're ableist! like actually saying "im ableist" out right! because ableism towards paraphiles is actually really really progressive!! (sarcasm)

even the coiner said they dont support non-contact paraphiles!! harmless transids are on "thin ice"! i swear just wanna have an excuse to harass people and look good for it because "look! it's the bad community!!" while making no effort to help people escape the "bad community"

if this is too rude or anything, you dont have to post it /srs. it's like 12 am and we're too tired to sound kind.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

(Apologies if this is incoherent or derails, ive just woken up) At first majority of our system wanted to claim to be radnormal, as most of us (besides two or three) frequently interacted with and engaged with the rq community but since stopped and understood it was causing harm but. The first top post we see when looking up ‘radnormal’ is how someone actively claims to be ableist towards big three paraphiles and wants anvils to get dropped on all of them (which could be a hyperbole but knowing those types of people I doubt it). A few scrolls down and the creator of it is dumbing down paramisia (apologies if I spell that wrong) into ‘just not liking paraphiles’. Its pinned has a gif of them hanging the big three para flags, alongside the Radqueer, transid, and xenosatanist flags. The original post of said gif had the text “who needs these people anyways” and, in the comments, mockingly said “apparently they’re people” (they added a stutter in the comment as well).

Our system isn’t one of the big three but a close, sometimes forgotten, fourth, incestophile. We are also (bodily and, for near all of us, mentally) a minor. We’ve “recovered,” as in we rarely have these thoughts now but if we do we’re able to ignore them, but seeing that scared a lot of us. Even though we are no longer Radqueer it just makes us feel deeply unsafe, that in order to truly be ‘normal’ we must wish death on and be against every other ‘harmful’ paraphile and ourselves. Two of our headmates were angered at that thought and even said they’d “rather be disgusting freaks being put to death for things they can’t and couldn’t help than be the executioners”.

While I understand where the creator of it is coming from, i doubt this radnormal stance is going to help too many people get out of the Radqueer ‘community’ (if that’s even the intention, it just seems like a term created by and for hate). If anything, it’s going to, as I believe another has said, make more people (especially minors, if I’m being honest) feel like they don’t belong anywhere except the Radqueer ‘community”, and those who are simply on the edge of the ‘community’ or the ‘less harmful’ parts of it dive deeper and hide farther in it.

I’m glad blogs like yours exists, giving actual, genuine help and a place for those who wish to change or have changed, best wishes to you and everyone else

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

Do confessions have to be/mention radqueers or can just be radqueer adjacent?

Anything associated with radqueers, this includes but is not limited to: paraphilias, endogenic plurals, atypical dysphoria, transIDs, pro/darkship, and alterhumanity. Basically, if you believe something fits in this blog, but aren't sure, then it probably belongs on this blog.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

I hate how a lot of anti radqueers and now "radnormals" too are violently anti para, antiship, anti endo, anti transID, etc. because they're just pushing people further into the radqueer 'community'.

Imagine you're a paraphile who joined the radqueer 'community' because you felt like nobody else would accept you, and then when you start looking into leaving you see so much paramisia, death threats, rape threats, demonization, etc. from anti radqueers. Would that not push you further into the "nobody else would accept me" mindset??

Imagine you're a darkshipper who joined the radqueer 'community' because you felt like no other community would accept you, and then you start looking into leaving and it's all "proshippers are pedos" "proshippers should kts" "proshippers deserve their trauma" "proshippers should be arrested" "proshippers can't be trusted around children and animals". Would that not push you further into the "only radqueers accept me" mindset??

Imagine you're a nontraumagenic system trying to leave the radqueer 'community', or you developed OSDD/DID-like symptoms trying to 'transition' like we did with NPD, or you're just a strongly pro-endo traumagenic system, but when you try looking into leaving, so much in the anti radqueer tags is posted by anti-endos and anti-willos if not specifically tagged as anti-endo?? Would that not push you further into the "all antis are hateful bigots who can't even handle endos" mindset?? I think that would be especially bad for systems with OSDD/DID-like symptoms from trying to 'transition' because then they wouldn't even have a garuantee that specifically pro-endo spaces would accept them.

Imagine you have atypical dysphoria and use transIDs to cope with it and you're considering leaving the radqueer 'community', but when you start looking into anti radqueer spaces it's filled with "transID DNI", directly tying transIDs to radqueers by phrasing things like "radqueer/transID", and people saying things like "dear transautistics, remember that you're allistic and you'll never be autistic and if you fully want to be while knowing it's a serious disability and not all fun and games then you should kys" and "Oh you're transID?? You should be transsuicidal next"?? Would that not push you further into the "nobody but radqueers will ever understand/accept my atypical dysphoria" mindset?? Like I'm transID complex myself, I don't really like the prefix trans being used for it and tying it to transgender, I don't like the appropriation of terms like transracial and transspecies, I don't believe you can transition to a mental disorder or race or ethnicity or intersex condition, I'm very anti transharmed/transharmful. But atypical dysphoria still deserves to be taken seriously!! Going out of your way to make people with atypical dysphoria feel dysphoric because of the 'community' they've fallen into trying to cope with it is asshole behavior (and in some cases, like if the person has BIID, then it's just straight up ableism). I know from personal experience that it can be hard to let go of transIDs that felt important to you when you were radqueer.

I'm just gonna take this opportunity to say, since I used transautistics as an example and I'm 'cis'austistic, people who have atypical dysphoria about not having autism are valid, it's okay to be dysphoric, hell it's even okay to use fidget toys or noise canceling headphones and use terms like desirautistic if it makes you happy, you don't need to be radqueer to have your experiences validated and to get some dysphoria relief.

I actually have a theory that pressure from the radqueer 'community' to use transIDs and MUDs and developing new paraphilias because of the radqueer 'community' and aggressive behavior from antis is somewhat intentional?? Even if just subconsciously. It's strange how much untagged graphic smut and encouraging people to use (more) transIDs and use transIDs for any reason and transID transition tips there are. It certainly makes it harder to leave. Also the sheer number of radqueer BAH blogs that come with harmful transIDs and paraphilias built in?? The sheer amount of transplurals and transDID and transOSDD generally?? The sheer number of 'cis'systems in the radqueer 'community'?? It almost feels like they want you to split headmates to drag you back into the radqueer 'community' again.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

I want to give advice to the anon with token pro-para alter, would really appreciate if you could link my response to the post.

We're the opposite of your situation. We're collectively against censorship and we support all anti-contact paraphiles including the big three. One of our guys is the complete opposite, he fully supports censorship, and believes in really...interesting...ideals like how it's "okay to abuse/assault/rape a pedophile even if they don't hurt someone" and that "murder is okay sometimes".

So what we did was to not push him into changing hiw world views. It never ends well to force an alter out of their personal stances. They may even have those beliefs for a good reason, whatever it may be! We didn't pressure him into changing and we didn't judge him for his views. Instead we offered our friendship and mutual understanding. Sure, talking to them about your own views is completely okay but if they don't want to hear you out, you can't force them to hear you out. Trying to do so will only make them distrust you and turn a head away, and you can't be helpful to them if they don't trust you.

Giving them their own space to express themselves (without publicly being hateful to others) is good. That also worked for us. We let him talk to some of our friends about his views and more. Having an outlet where the alter in question can feel free and accepted can never go wrong. You have to keep in mind that your alter can't change your views just like you can't change theirs. Don't worry about it. You will only believe in something you truly believe in.

About the radqueer part, I would suggest maybe gently encouraging the alter to go through this blog's "ex radqueer" tags? They have plenty of anons from ex radqueers talking about their bad experiences with the community (without being hateful towards them) and I feel like they could benefit from seeing and learning about others experiences like a new perspective. Maybe you two can even go through it together? Just make sure to not show a negative reaction to them if they end up not changing their mind. What matters is your collective peace, which exceeds personal views. If you have a discussion, you can explain your own beliefs and if they don't adopt it, it's fine. Sometimes we have to co-exist with others we don't agree with. That's life.

[Also 16-18 is a completely normal age difference, it doesn't make you a paraphile. It's not unethical and is a very common age difference for highschoolers. Having a crush on an aroace person is also not sign of being a bad person, you can't control your crushes and it's not more "evil" just because the object of your crush is a certain sexuality. (And a side note: a lot of aroace people do get in romantic relationships, some asexual people have sex, etc. It's not clean cut and same for everyone)]

Post this is in response to.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

I genuinely wanna leave the community but these anti radqueers make it hard. No, I do not want anyone to say “I hope you recover” to me. I don’t want someone to say “you escaped” to me I ESPECIALLY don’t want someone to think I’ve joined the good side or a good solider. I genuinely don’t

Radnormal is giving off huge fascist vibes or like “passive antis” and I genuinely don’t like how it’s annoying to block them. I REALLY dni them, I’m not a radqueer anymore but I have a huge feeling that they’re one of those “soldier saved” “I’m glad you’re recovering” “as a victim of (blank) I’m glad you’re-“ genuinely stop omg. Like please. Go away, I do not want anyone’s pity or become anyone’s friend, I’m not a grooming victim nor was I ever one. Yes I was a radqueer since I was 11 or so but PLEASEEEE leave me alone. I had to deactivate an alt because of ts I’m never free.

Had to look up what radnormal is, and, oh my. That is certainly an interesting take.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

A few years ago, when I was entrenched in radqueer spaces, I made some paraphile "pride flags" that I deeply regret.

Some of them took off and I still see them today. I hate that I can't do anything about the usage of them, and I fear that drawing attention to them by asking people to not use them will result in the opposite.

[ex-radqueer-confessions]

I dont know if this is a safe space to confess this as it comes but I am a system (unknown origins, unknown alter count, as we are still discovering ourself but we are most likely a median system) and one of us keeps on gaining appeal on investigating and going through anti endo,radqueers anti contact, proshippers and darkshipper, ect tags and is likely a supporter even though "we" collectively disagree with this and know in our heart its morally wrong, we dont want to admit this but we may struggle some minor intrusive thoughts (we don't and worry we will fall downhill or become a radqueer and profic) (as i write this it feels the body is disconected from the mind as the fragment i am reffering to is likely fronting or in co con) I dont even know if its a fragment or if "i" support this cause I dont and know most of my friends dont and i dont want to lose them. I am also worried that I am a bad person for gaining an impulsive "crush?" on my aroace friend becuase i tend to have a confused relationship with romance and only gain crushes on people that i am implied to like or am shipped together with witch i have been with them witch does not help since i dont like them at all but my brain thinks we do based on impulses and what others say. (we are only but im scared this will end in me being a paraphile or a hypocrite for being anti contact since we are friends and they are 16 and i am turning 18 in a few days but i met them about two years ago)

Even though we struggle on coming to a consensus stance its kind of like appealing to check up the community witch is harmful for us since we end up gaining more intrambled with our current stances.

If some people can slap some sense into us to help us convince this dude (might be a fragment) to not support this or any tips on how to improve communication will help) (sorry for ramble and the uncertainty of this rant i just needed to get this out)

Personally, I think its okay to be conflicted and have different facets or parts disagree with things. You can have healthy relations and disagree, in fact I think being nuanced is much better than being completely black and white. Your parts don't have to collectively agree on everything, thats extremely hard to do. You are allowed to say that a facet has a different stance from the rest of you, while still holding firm in your beliefs.

I have friends who disagree with a lot of things I say and a lot of my personal stances, one of my closest friends has almost the exact opposite stances as me. But thats led to both of us being more nuanced, understanding each side better, and forming our own opinions that's reliant on truthful information rather than potential misinformation.

Also, a two year age gap, would not be a paraphilia, don't worry about that. You also can't control attraction, whether its you or a facet, things will be okay and you will not be a bad person for liking somebody who is aroace.

Anyone else is allowed to give advice as well, I encourage it.