How do you figure out what you want to do with your life when the only thing you’ve ever wanted was for it to be over?
I don’t see a purpose. What’s the point of working two jobs just to barely scrap by only to die in 50 years? I don’t want a family. I don’t want a career. I don’t want anything and I never have. I am well aware of my depression and anxiety as I spent the first half of my life being terrified all the time and the second half feeling numb to everything.
Everyone asks why I want to do something. Why I want to live on my own. Why I want to move to the city. Why I want to buy a house or rent a house. You really want to know? I. Don’t. Know.
My whole life I just go through the milestones expected of me. Finish high school. Go to college. Get a job. Move out on my own. But there’s no joy in these things for me. I do them because what else am I supposed to do? What else is there when everyone around you is busy living their own lives? I just don’t see a point. Everything is just grey and bland and meaningless. Even when I do enjoy things there’s always this shadow hanging behind the euphoria.
Can I just go to sleep now?



















