Exit Hibernation

A place for ideas to wake up and meet the world.

[exithibernation]

SoCe: Discernment, Obedience, and Love Part 6 by Matt

We have come to the climactic ending of this series, looking at the underlying work of SoCe. And in the end it really is about love, which binds discernment and obedience and gives it all life! Here’s how...

First, love clarifies discernment, because whatever we suspect the Spirit is leading us to do, we can trust it to be the most loving action--if it is not, we’ve probably misunderstood the message. And that is the great news about the kingdom of God--to enter the kingdom is simply to act in love toward others--whoever they are. That means all of humanity was created to enter into the kingdom of God, because at our core we were created to love. And we are all capable of loving, which means we are all invited!

Naturally we can object and say, “I’m not capable of love because I don’t always feel love.” Here we need to clarify that love is not just an emotion, it is also the desire for what is good. So we must move away from the cultural misunderstanding that love is something we “fall in” and we must instead explore the possibility that love is something we build--like a home. We can make small daily choices that strive for the good of others, our true self, God, and creation. With time these choices start to accumulate and shape our daily life.

Love is also the culmination of obedience because doing the loving thing is usually not worthy of headlines in the media, and yet it is essential to life. Love happens in the mundane. Love is making breakfast for your family--every morning, with a desire for them to know you care about them and are on their side. Love is taking the time to really listen to someone as they process their struggles--even though you can’t fix them. Love is sharing your wounds with others so they know you are a real human being. Love is gazing at the flowers in the backyard while you drink your coffee. Love is taking a moment to breathe deeply and ground yourself in God’s care for you. Love is putting your toddler in time-out when he’s losing his mind.

Yesterday my neighbor came to my door. He wanted to let me know that a woman down the street had been hospitalized with low-blood pressure and dehydration. He only noticed this because he had not seen her taking her daily walk and so asked another neighbor. At the moment, there is nothing we can do but offer prayers, and so that is what he promised we would do--he came immediately to me and asked me to keep this need in my prayers. It seems that Jesus is showing up all the time to teach us something about love!

Therese of Lisieux in her brilliance wrote, “You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.”

Therese of Lisieux

And so, I would like to end this series as I began it: As you read about our little SoCe community, if you are tempted to do what we are doing: for the love of God, don’t! You don’t have to move to SoCe, or down-size, or simplify, or serve the homeless. Don’t follow us! Instead, redirect that desire to follow Jesus. To do so, you will need to learn how to discern, be obedient and love. Those three things are not for the elite super-Christians; they can be done by anyone who wants to follow in the way of Jesus. And as we do so, we help reveal and move into God’s kingdom of love!

[exithibernation]

#NOFERGUSONHERE

Hello Exit Hibernation!

My name is Ashley PBT and I am supposed to be a blogger for this site. So far, I am only responsible for the funny pictures of bears and today, something inspired me to put a few words down. Hello, Interwebs!

Following the events in Ferguson, MO, the Wichita citizens have organized and begun a campaign, #NoFergusonHere. http://kmuw.org/post/no-ferguson-here-community-discussion-wichita

With forums and prayer services happening around the city, the #NoFergusonHere project has become a movement some churches are getting involved with. Tonight, St. Mark UMC is hosting a prayer service as a part of the movement and my local church, Andover UMC of Andover, KS is joining in.

Andover UMC is a primarily Caucasian congregation that serves a higher income community. We house the food bank in Andover and have seen increases in our food clients every year since the "Great Recession." On Wednesday nights, we house a community meal that feeds our church family as well as a whole hoard of children who walk from a lower income neighborhood nearby.

When I heard about the prayer service a few weeks ago, I had a gut reaction: AUMC has to do this. We have to do it because I believe we are a congregation that cares about racial reconciliation and as a group who is primarily the people of power because of our skin color, this prayer service is a start to living out our values. We have to do it because I believe that these moments where prayer and justice intertwine shape who we are as a people and what we believe. We have to do it because the children and youth of our congregation deserve opportunities to be inspired and challenged in their faith and a chance to make holy memories that will last a lifetime... so do adults.

And so, we are going. We are sharing a meal and heading off for a night of Spirit led, Justice Seeking, Kingdom focused work. We are doing it and we will be the ones most changed because of it.

We are one church who has the ability to make it tonight and I know that there are many who aren't available. And yet, I believe we can all be a part of it together. Because of this, I compiled a list of prayers for you to participate in remotely. If you'd like to check it out, click the link below. Feel free to print it and share it. We are all in this together.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxhF5S_Rxu_1UXh5UlRpZzJBUGc/view

[exithibernation]

SoCe: Discernment, Obedience, and Love Part 5 by Matt

So, this whole series got started because I really wanted to emphasize that as we are learning new things in our SoCe community, that doesn’t mean other people have to do what we are doing. In fact, I would go so far as to say, “for the love of God, don’t do what we’re doing!” Instead, I want to offer an understanding of what Christians have been doing throughout history to deepen their relationship with God and change the world around them. The first step was discernment, which is a complicated topic to tackle in a blog. The good news is we’ve gotten on to the second component which is obedience.

I use the word obedience as a counterpoint to the word success because of a quote which is attributed to Mother Teresa which says, (and I’m paraphrasing) ‘we were not created for success, we were created for obedience.’ If anything undercuts the American dream, I think it might be that quote. And here’s the thing, I have found that if I am going to follow where the Spirit of God is leading me, I have to embrace this quote as true, because a lot of my expectations for success will not be fulfilled. I would emphasize that it is my “expectations for success” that don’t get fulfilled because I’m not saying everything will be a failure, I’m just saying success often comes in unexpected ways.

One area of my life where this interplay of success/failure/obedience has played out has to do with the community garden which is just down the street from us. When Catherine and I first moved into the neighborhood, we started helping with the community garden. Now, I love gardening and the idea of a community garden is perfect in a neighborhood that has various challenges. Every spring I would dream of a community garden where people were working together to plant, raise and harvest amazing produce. I pictured the garden growing larger with each passing year and more and more volunteers coming to share in the work. This was my picture of success, and it did not come to pass.

I’ve never grown tomatoes that look this pretty--ha!

However, we stayed obedient to this calling to work in the garden, and so we went weekly and pulled weeds and planted seeds and did the deeds that make a garden grow. And I started to notice an interesting thing: while the garden was not particularly fruitful, and there weren’t too many folks interested in helping, there was still a real sense of community there because random people would walk by, stop and talk, and get to know us. Some would stay and work a little, but most folks just sat in the shade, enjoying the breeze and talking about life. I began to joke that it was a community garden, but the emphasis was more on community than on garden.

In our success driven culture, we really have to practice letting go of our need for success. When Jesus talked about the kingdom of God he often used images that contradicted the ancient Jewish images of success. Instead of comparing the kingdom of God to powerful oak trees, he compared it to mustard seeds. Instead of describe a mighty army, he compared the kingdom of God to leaven mixed into a big batch of dough. I have to keep reminding myself that the kingdom of God is not necessarily a big, successful, awe-inspiring garden, but instead is a humble conversation in a weed-infested lot where a few tomatoes have been stolen.

If we are willing to be obedient, we might get to see kingdom of God. If we are determined to build our identity on success, we will be greatly disappointed. The good news is that our identity is built on God’s love for us (period). So, we don’t have to worry about success or failure, just obedience...it’s what we were created for!

[exithibernation]

SoCe: Discernment, Obedience, and Love Part 4 By Matt

Great news! We’ve finally laid the groundwork to begin talking about discernment!

The model of discernment we’ve been practicing in SoCe is based on the book “Sleeping with Bread” by the Linn family (which I would highly recommend), and was taught to us by Elaine Heath. The steps I am about to describe are a modified version from this source that Catherine and I have been working on together. Feel free to modify them even more.

Each night, we ask ourselves two sets of questions: 1. For what am I least grateful from today? Or what was draining 2. For what am I most grateful from this day? or what was energizing? Those questions alone can work wonders in helping us to see the patterns of our lives. They help us to be more honest with ourselves. And they help us to recognize the provision God has brought into our lives--even in the midst of struggle. This stance of feeling “provided for” is a hallmark of a person living in the reality of the kingdom of God.

In addition to answering these questions, sometimes we will jot down a short note based on our reflections from the night. This helps us at the end of a week, or month, to look back and see if there were any bigger patterns happening in our life that we had not noticed.

Quick aside: regarding things that are energizing or draining. These terms can be tricky at times because there are short-term ego gratifications that are pretty darn energizing, which might be a gift in the midst of life, but are not necessarily an indication of where the Spirit is leading us. To move deeper with this language of being energized consider the areas of your life where other resources seemed to come to your aid, or there was synchronicity. I find these moments feel like I have stepped into the flow of a great river which is bigger than me, and yet carries me where I need to go. In contrast, draining situations feel like I’m fighting the river current, and there is no peace in my heart about it.

Now, this is where community comes in, because we also need other people to help us sort out when we were floating along with the current of the Spirit of God, and when we are fighting that current. A discerning community needs to be pretty mature in their understanding of and relationship to God. A discerning community also needs to focus on encouraging each other to grow, instead of aiming to fix or change anyone. And a discerning community needs to be able to listen deeply to what someone shares, and then simply reflect back with good questions and perhaps potential observations.

Such communities are rare in life. I’ve been very fortunate to have a few, including the SoCe group of Catherine, Myrna, Ashley and Adam. Together, this group is helping me listen more deeply to the Spirit’s movement in my life and figure out how to respond accordingly. If you can’t find this type of community, another possible option would be working with a spiritual director. While spiritual directors cannot offer the friendship component of a group like SoCe, they can offer everything else, and may even have suggestions for spiritual exercises to help free you up to respond to God.

Floating in the river of life!

[exithibernation]

SoCe: Discernment, Obedience, and Love Part 3 by Matt

Once we have started to grasp (even if we don’t fully believe) that God is speaking into our everyday lives and that God is leading us to the fullest possible life, we need to acknowledge our next possible obstacle to discernment: our personal hidden agenda.

In my own spiritual journey, I’ve seen my personal hidden agenda impact my discernment more than I care to admit. One simple example comes from 2008 when Catherine and I moved to SoCe. I had 2 agendi. The first was to be a blessing to the neighborhood. And the second, was to become a super-cool, semi-famous church reformer with impressive stories to tell. While these two agendi did not always contradict each other, they could compete with each other. More importantly, when I did NOT become a super-cool, semi-famous church reformer, I was very disappointed and began to lose interest in our work.

From experiences like this I’ve learned some interesting things. First, I’ve learned I usually have a hidden agenda which involves promoting my ego. Second, I’ve learned that I also have genuine desires to do what God is calling me to do. Third, I’ve learned that God can work in and through my life--even with my hidden agenda. And finally, I’ve learned that the hidden agenda can often damage or impede whatever I’m working on, and the result of that is humility, which is fertile soil for spiritual growth.

And so, as we bump into the reality of our hidden agenda, we are humbled because our big plans didn’t work. This humility is a small crack in our self-made identity, allowing God’s compassion, forgiveness and grace to start shining into our lives--if we will face our own brokenness. This means that while our ego is taking a knock, our True Self, our deepest Self, is gaining new space and new clarity.

Past failures and brokenness also help us hold our discerned decisions with humble hands. We simply acknowledge that in the midst of our work, our own agenda may have crept in and distorted what we were hearing. And the best news is that if we can simply hold it humbly, God is still able to move and work within the situation, even if our hidden agenda is influencing us. The danger comes when we cease to be humble and assume we know exactly what God is telling us to do, then we end up with... (insert infinite list of cult leaders, dictators, and religiously-justified-haters here). Historically people have done terrible, malicious and evil things in the name of Jesus, and they thought they were completely justified because God “told them to.” Our attitude and perspective is very important when it comes to discernment.

How can you spot your hidden agenda? You can begin by looking back for times you were disappointed by the results you were getting in a particular situation--whether it was a job, a relationship, a church, etc. Can you figure out what you really were hoping to get from that situation?--fame, power, wealth, success, respect, adoration, pleasure or something else. Don’t condemn yourself over it, because condemnation will actually make the hidden agenda stronger. Instead, acknowledge it, offer it to God, and pay attention to ways it may be creeping back into your decision making now.

[exithibernation]

SoCe: Discernment, Obedience, and Love Part 2 by Matt

To briefly recap part 1 of this series we are exploring how to avoid copying the external lifestyle of the SoCe intentional community, and instead practice following the leading of Jesus, via the Holy Spirit, as we seek to incarnate God’s love in the world. As the title implies, there are three key components which are discernment, obedience and love. In the next two posts, we will look at the topic of discernment.

If you ask any of my friends, they will probably tell you that discernment is my favorite word. I use it too much, I’m sure. And yet, I have to keep using it, because it is how I describe the process of listening for God’s non-audible voice in our spiritual journey. And while it sounds fancy, it really is simple. Parker Palmer says to discern is to “distinguish between things.” (p. 26 of A Hidden Wholeness) That’s really all it is. And yet, while discernment is simple, it is not easy.

I often think discernment is like that game people play during halftime of basketball games where two contestants put on blindfolds and start roaming around the gym floor looking for some object, which everyone in the crowd can see. The crowd is encouraged to yell at the two people giving them directions. But what does the person in the blindfold hear? Lots of random yelling! They must discern through all the noise and decide which voices are leading them toward the goal. In the same way, we have lots of voices speaking into our lives, and we must discern which voices are leading us toward our goal, and which ones are distracting us. This is discernment.

Before we go any further with the topic of discernment, we need to consider also our understanding of God. First, if we are going to practice discernment, we have to actually believe that God is speaking into our everyday lives. For some this might seem obvious, but for many, this could be a new thought. Perhaps you’ve never been told that God is still active in our world, and is even interested in your specific life. Or perhaps you have never been able to hear or feel or see any type of leading from God. If this is the case, it does not mean there’s something wrong with you. Instead it could mean you haven’t had a teacher to help you with discernment.

Second, if we are going to practice discernment, we need to actually believe that God is leading us in a good direction. I’ve heard a few people say that they were afraid to listen for God’s voice because they feared God would tell them they had to sell everything and move to Africa (or maybe SoCe) where they would be sad and miserable and die young. This idea of God, like so many ideas about God, is built on a half truth. The truth is that God might call a person to serve in Africa, but the false part is that God would intend for us to be sad, miserable and die young. The path of discerning and following God’s lead will result in the deepest, fullest life possible for us. Such a life will include suffering, but that is only one element. The path of following Jesus leads to freedom and abiding peace, and joy! (Jesus did pray that the disciples would receive his complete joy. John 17:13) Discerning God’s will for our lives is going to lead us to the best possible place.

And so, we must have these two thoughts clearly in our mind: God longs to speak into our everyday lives and God is leading us toward the fullest possible life.

[exithibernation]

SoCe: Discernment, Obedience, Love by Matt

As our SoCe intentional community takes shape (see Adam’s blog entitled “The New House...SoCe Begins”), I want to interject some of the back-story, and also a few thoughts on what we’ve learned since we’ve lived in SoCe.

In 2008 Catherine and I sold our home in the suburbs of Wichita and moved to SoCe to share a house with another couple. You need to know that SoCe has a bad reputation in the city, and it is true that within this neighborhood you can find drug houses, prostitution rings, homelessness, burglars, sex-offenders, and occasional gang violence. We knew all of this when we moved, but what we didn’t know was that almost all of our neighbors would be caring people, committed to watching out for each other (those who weren’t caring, were just grouchy). Within a month of moving into SoCe we knew more of the people on our street than we had known in the 10 previous years of living in the suburbs.

These ideas of discernment, obedience and love are really important, and they are too big for a single post, so over the next few weeks, I will split them up and spend a little more time with each one. I hope to learn how to express what is most important about our experiment in intentional community here in SoCe to those who are interested.

[exithibernation]

The New House....SoCe Begins!

Over the last two months the contributors to Exit Hibernation (Matt, Ashley, Catherine, and Adam) have been meeting to explore what it means to live out a Spirit led life in Wichita.  Along with another friend, Myrna, we are embarking on a journey of creating an intentional community.  

What the cuss is an intentional community?

Well that is a good question.  And it could mean lots of things.  For us it means that we are going to practice prayer, hospitality, and justice in a particular neighborhood.  Matt and Catherine have been living in the South Central Neighborhood (just south of downtown and east of the river) for the last five years and because of their connection we have chosen that location for our work.  Adam and Ashley have moved into a home on the same block and the 1100 block of Waco has become the hub of our missional space.  The new BT house is below.  

The neighborhood is not like any of our childhoods.  It is diverse in nearly every way and already has amazing things going on that we are so happy to simple participate in.  It is a priority for us to practice humility in the neighborhood and our rule of life helps us do that.

We practice prayer by committing to a shared prayer practice that we each do outside of our group together.  The goal is not to ask God for stuff, but rather to listen to the Spirit and follow it's direction.  We hope to listen to God, notice what God is already doing, and cooperate with God's already moving direction.

We practice hospitality by intentionally being available to our neighbors.  We try to pay attention to times that we can be the host and the guest.  Hospitality will require us to spend time, money, and resources in ways we have not expected.  It also keeps us from assuming that we have the right answers for our neighborhood because of our wealth, education, or any other privilege.

We practice justice by responding to God's direction and the needs of our neighbors which we have listened to while practicing prayer and hospitality.  Justice can only happen if prayer and hospitality go first.  When we find injustice we will stand with our neighbors to confront it.

Since we've been meeting we have taken to calling the neighborhood SoCe (short for South Central).  We have big dreams for SoCe, and are seeking out God's Spirit to confirm the direction we might head.  It feels like the beginning of something wonderful and life giving.  If nothing else the few months we've spend so far have filled each of us with new energy and excitement for our families, our jobs, and our life with God.

Stay tuned as we will continue to have more info about how SoCe is developing.  There will even be several events that you could even come join us!  

[exithibernation]

Wichita Bikes by Catherine

Bike-to-Work Day was a lot of fun! I enjoyed my free breakfast – what a treat to drink fantastic Reverie coffee, visit with fellow cyclists, and enjoy the view of the Keeper of the Plains! I set a goal to ride my bike to work at least one time per week. Today was actually my first day of experimenting with finding a safe route for getting to work- now I just need to be able to make the 21-minute commute without sweating. On Bike-to-Work Day, it was energizing to be part of a large movement.

The Wichita cycling community is strong and coordinates multiple great events throughout the year. Three exciting upcoming events are: 

Saturday, May 31 at 11am – I Bike Douglas Tour: an architectural tour along Douglas Avenue beginning at Ackerman’s Backyard and lasting approximately 1 hour – all ages welcome, bring your camera!

Saturday, May 31 at 1 pm – your opportunity to help make history – join the world record attempt for the longest line of bicycles. The event will begin at the WaterWalk Pavilion. Be one of the 1200 bike riders needed to break the current world record (1148). This parade of bikes will travel north along the bike path to the Keeper of the Plains and then pedal past Kennedy Plaza before returning to WaterWalk. 

Saturday, June 7 at 11am – I Bike Douglas Tour: art tour along Douglas Avenue beginning at Ackerman’s Backyard and lasting approximately 1 hour – all ages welcome, bring your camera! 

The Health and Wellness Coalition of Wichita provides cycling resources including local bike path maps and information about the Wichita Bicycle Master Plan. On their website, they also have tips about how to become a Bicycle Friendly Business. 

Be sure to ride your bike to RiverFest and take advantage of the Bike Valet service (secured Bicycle parking) available from 5 pm-9 pm Mon-Fri and noon-10 pm on Sat. & Sun. There will be two bike valet locations: Ackerman’s Backyard and the WaterWalk Pavilion (beside the Wichita Boathouse).

[exithibernation]

Jesus' Higher Level of Consciousness by Matt

I need to start by admitting I don’t know how the heck to talk about Jesus. There, I said it, and actually I feel better! Now, let me explain what I mean.

When I’m outside the church, in “secular” settings, I don’t want to talk about Jesus because I don’t know what baggage that name will carry for the people who hear me. Phrases like, “Lord and Savior” can carry a tone of judgment and condemnation. This makes me uncomfortable.  

Several years ago I decided I wouldn’t talk about Jesus outside of church. As Francis of Assisi suggested, I would let my life do the preaching. And that worked pretty well, not because my life was a great sermon, but because I could be authentic, and avoid accidental condemnation. However, I still wanted to find ways to describe to people how important Jesus was to me.

With this background in mind, I have found a framework that is helpful to me. Many scholars such as Ken Wilber and Richard Rohr talk about stages of consciousness. Rohr specifically describes 9 stages of consciousness. He also suggests that most humans for most of history have hovered around levels 1, 2 and 3 (that includes me). Rohr also makes the case that Jesus operated at level 9. This meant he saw the intricate connectivity of all things in all ways. He saw the very physical matter of all things, loving it as it was, and also saw the larger spiritual reality it revealed. He saw how the world was meant to be, and also saw the injustice of the world around him.

And here’s more good news, people at higher levels don’t hate people at lower levels, because they understand how it fits into the whole, and they understand how to help people move from one level to the next. That means Jesus is compassionate toward people at stage 2, but also wants to help them grow.

We grow by hanging out with people at higher stages. So here’s the thing, if you could spend time with someone who saw the world from a stage 9 perspective, and that person is helping you grow toward stage 9, would you hang out with them? For me, the answer is yes! Does that make Jesus “Lord of my life”? I suppose so. I’m pretty sure what I learn from the gospels is going to be a million times better than anything I come up with on my own.

He is the Jedi Master, and I am the youngling.

He is Master Po, and I am the grasshopper.

He is the White Wizard, and I am the hobbit-gardener.

He is Level 9, and I am Level 2.5--ha!

[exithibernation]

Ruth and Elaine, Part 3: The Letters on a Page by Adam

One night my wife could not sleep and asked me to tell her a story. Instead of telling a story from my boring day I created a fictional tale about a mouse, Ruth, and a research student, Elaine. This is the written version of the different adventures they have had so far. The first several post are origin stories for the main setting which is to come.

The first two parts can be found here: http://exithibernation.com/tagged/ruth-and-elaine

Ruth loved adventure.  And this one was like none she had ever been on before.  Her entire life her parents had warned her of the dangers of the farmhouse.  They were attempting to keep her safe from the perils of human aversion to rodents….and not to mention the house cat.  What they didn’t realize was that every warning only fed a growing fire within her.  Each time they told her of it’s danger, the farmhouse became slightly more mythical and wonderous.  Before long it was a place of pure fantasy that she would dream of on long hot afternoons.  She would imagine her heart racing as she stealthily slipped past the cat and into the kitchen.  And now that dream was real; and her heartbeat confirmed it.

As she explored the crawl space under the house each of her steps seemed to fill the space with electricity.  

“I am really hear.”  She thought to herself.  “Now, how do I get inside?”

Three pipes snaked through the crawl space.  Ruth followed one to the place it hit the floor above her.  It was sealed completely.  She followed the next pipe with her eye and when it hit the wall she could see her opening.  Just big enough to squeeze through she climbed into the wall and up above.  The farmhouse was very old and was built by the farmers father before him.  Ruth was thankful for it’s age and for the many gaps that let her slip in and out of different rooms of the home.

As she lay stuffed to the brim the front door opened and slammed back shut.  Voices carried through the house.  It was the son and his mother.

“I don’t want a tudor!  I don’t like school at school, why would I do it at home too?!?”

“EDWARD!” The mother’s voice was not quite a scream, but had a tone that demanded attention and cut through all the feebleness her son could muster.  

“If you did your work at school then this would not be happening.” Her voice softened. “This is Ms. Heartwater.  She is going to work with you your reading and writing.  When you can read this book to me, you can be done with your tutoring.  Until then Ms. Heartwater will meet you here everyday after school.  That is final.”

Ruth heard the mother’s footsteps walk forcefully out of the kitchen followed by a chair moving and the sound of a lifeless bag of potatoes falling as Edward sunk into the chair protesting through his body language, but not daring to say a word more.

Ruth ran back through the hole by the pipe under the sink and climbed through the wall and up a tall wood beam until she sat above the dining room table peering through a vent at the slouched child and his young tutor.  

Ms. Heartwater was a beautiful young woman with her hair sloppily pulled back and wearing thick black rimmed glasses.  She had a bag filled to the brim with books, flash cards, pencils, and other items.  The room was full of tension from the mother’s discipline and her child’s disdain.  After a long moment of no movement or sound she looked down to Edward’s shoes.  

“You like comic books?” She said with coyness in her voice.

Arms crossed and face scowled Edward only acknowledged her question with a subtle, almost unnoticeable, shift of his eyes.

“It just seems that anyone with Captain Hammer shoes must like comic books.  It’s cool if you don’t……..I’ll just put these comic books back in my car.”  She turned and started walking out casually as if she may never return again.

“Wait.” Edward said.  “Which ones do you have?”

“Oh, nothing much just the last three editions of the Evil League of Evil!  Including Bad Horse’s Revenge!”  She whipped out the comics and held them up like she just one an Olympic medal.  

Edward grinned and squealed.  “Let’s see them!”

“Oh, you can see them, but before you do we have to make a deal.  How about this?  Each time you do three letters on your worksheet we can do a page of the comic.  Does that sound fair?”  She didn’t talk to him like his mother.  The words came out like a plot to take over the world.  A secret mission only she and he were allowed to know about.

The room pause to consider the offer.

Edward harrumphed.  “Fine, lets just do it so we can look at the comic.”

Ms. Heartwater sat down next to him at the table.  He pulled a piece of paper from his bag and began to trace dotted lines.  The lines made a shape that Ruth had never seen before.  She watched as he finished one and on to the next.  Ms. Heartwater encouraged him along the way adding suggestions about how to hold the pencil and how to go slower around the curves.  Each shape dug an imprint into Ruth’s mind.  

“D, as in Dog or Dr. Evil” Said Ms. Heartwater with a smile.  

They worked through enough letters to finish the comic book.  By the time they finished the sun was only half in view and red in the sky as it dipped below the trees in the distance.  Ruth’s heart jumped thinking about the tone in the voice of the farmer’s wife and how her own mother would share that tone when she walked in after dark.  She jumped down the wall through the small hole leading to the crawl space and scattered across the farm dreaming all along of comic books and the traced letters on Edwards page.  

[exithibernation]

A Struggle Between Two Churches

There are two churches I know who are having a battle with each other.  The fight has been going on for decades and now has taken on a life of it's own.  Each side cast a straw man of the other making it easy demonize, write off, and disown.  At times the disagreement reaches such a fervent pitch that both churches abandon their mission and vision in favor of continuing the fight.  It is as if both church's assume their only hope for survival depends on the other being crushed.  

The church it is fighting with is the missional church.  The missional church is the one I feel called to.  In this church the leadership is bi-vocational, shared, and not professionalized.  It intentionally avoids accumulating resources that require lots of overhead.  The stakes for this church are relationships: neighbors, covenantal small groups, partnerships with service organizations.  The timelines in this church are based on discerning the Spirit and counting stories of Kingdom encounters.  

Within me these two churches often seem at war.  

I don't want this war and I don't believe it is necessary.  Actually, I am certain that for the Church to give birth to something new both churches are necessary.  The both/and model is the high ground of the struggle, and it is not easy to choose.  Instead I really want to pick sides.  I want to run screaming from the attractional model abandoning it's politic, bureaucracy, and constant decline.  I want point at it's discriminatory practices and silo mentality and say, "THIS IS NOT WHAT JESUS WANTED!!!"  

Yet, I can't.  And not only because the attractional model writes my paycheck.

I can't because I believe this is a time for bridge building, not burning.  Richard Rohr often talks of this position as being on edge of the inside.  In a 2011 article in the Huffpo he says this.

When you live on the edge of anything with respect and honor, you are in a very auspicious position. You are free from its central seductions, but also free to hear its core message in very new and creative ways. When you are at the center of something, you usually confuse the essentials with the non-essentials, and get tied down by trivia, loyalty tests and job security. Not much truth can happen there.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/fr-richard-rohr/on-the-edge-of-the-inside_b_829253.html

I find tremendous solace in his description.  It helps me re-frame the struggle.  It isn't a battle to eliminate one church in favor of the other.  It is a battle against the slide inward so that we might maintain the perspective of those who live on the edge, AND be able to communicate that back to those stuck in the center.

To those in the center: I will not abandon you.  I will see you as friend not foe.  You are not my enemy.  This is not a hostile takeover.

To those on the edge: Trust the Spirit.  Speak with compassion.  Beware of the slide back to center.  Beware of the desire to move from the edge to the outside.

I am committed to the edge.  

[exithibernation]

Belated Mother’s Day Wisdom

So, I realize Mother’s Day was several days ago, but I’m just now sitting down to write and my mom is on my mind. I was reflecting on some of my favorite quotes from my mom, and one stands out. However, it needs a brief explanation.

And so, a Saturday came, when Heidi and I had spent the day together, mostly misunderstanding each other, and really making each other miserable. We had spent the afternoon at my mom’s house, when finally our senten...ur...ah date, ended and Heidi was released to go home and do some work. I remained in the living room, wondering what the cuss was happening in this relationship. It was then that my mom walked into the room (having overheard much of the afternoon conversation) and said, “Matthew, I want to tell you something I’ve learned from experience. If a relationship is bad now, it will only get worse later.”

I understood exactly what she meant, and I ended the relationship with Heidi that night.

On behalf of myself, my wife Catherine, and probably “Heidi” and her family--THANKS MOM!

[exithibernation]

Everything must change...eventually!

I meet more and more people who are realizing we need to live differently; we need to consume less, war less, judge less, and climb less. They desire to love more, offer reconciliation, and get off the world’s ladder of happiness. It is exciting to hear folks who are having these realizations, however, such realizations do come with a risk. We might become discouraged with how slowly things change in our world. We might get downtrodden because of our own resistance to changing our lifestyle. We might carry a burden of feeling personally responsible for all things. I know these feelings. I go through seasons where, every time I listen to the news I want to weep, and every time I drive my car I feel like an earth hater, and every time I buy a t-shirt I feel like an enslaver of working children in developing countries, and…(you get the picture).

And after all Moses had endured, he did not get to enter the Promised Land, the symbol of his vision! Instead, at the end of his life, he climbed Mount Nebo and looked out over the land--this was the land God had promised “on oath to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” (Deuteronomy 34:4). This is the land that we know the Israelites would eventually call home.

Moses did not get to see the fulfillment of the vision which had made him such a powerful leader. And yet, I am convinced that in the end Moses was not disappointed. He is silent in the final story of his life, letting God do the talking. I picture Moses, old, maybe a little worn, and even disillusioned, and yet being held in the loving arms of God, passing gently into death. It is God who buries Moses, and I imagine that act being done with the utmost tenderness and patience.

The story concludes by telling us Moses knew God “face-to-face.” And this intimacy of knowledge seems even more significant than entering the Promised Land.

More and more of us are catching God’s vision for humanity and creation. It is a vision of liberation for the oppressed, justice for creation, and exaltation of the lowly. It is truly beautiful and very important, AND as we journey towards that freedom we will discover again and again the hang-ups, resistances, and shortcomings of our brothers and sisters AND ourselves. As the journey continues we will become old and worn, maybe even disillusioned. As we look out at the goals we never reached, God will hold us close, and we won’t be disappointed, for in that dismantled space we will know God more intimately than we ever dreamed. And the next generation will lead on.

[exithibernation]

Intentionality by Matt

Recently I got to watch my nephew, who is 13, go to a soccer club for his weekly practice of drills. It was a very cool facility, and it was great to see how good my nephew is at soccer. As he worked through various drills I could tell there were some that were more interesting to him than others. With some drills he was very focused, and with others he seemed to go through the motions, fulfilling the obligations. I thought of all the private trombone lessons I’ve taken, all the sports I’ve practiced, and all the subjects I have studied. Often I was going through the motions, and (lo, and behold!) not getting any better. When I didn’t improve at the instrument/sport/subject, then I practiced longer, but rarely with more intentionality, so I got the same tepid results. I have also found this to be true in the spiritual journey.

So often in the spiritual journey I have mistakenly thought I could overcoming my struggles and/or become a better person by doing more. If I want to be a good Christian I need to:

pray MORE, worship MORE, study the bible...MORE.

But doing more of these things didn’t always change me as a person, it just tightened up my schedule. On the other hand, I find transformation comes when I focus on going deeper with the practices I already do; being more intentional with what is already there. I don’t pray for longer periods of time, instead I focus on praying with authenticity and vulnerability. I don’t go to worship at church for more hours of the week, instead I show up to worship well-rested and I take advantage of the components of the service that help me become more present to the moment.

And the real beauty of this approach is that we can become more intentional with all areas of our lives, allowing almost anything to become a practice which turns us toward God. We can slow down as we wash the dishes and really notice the cleansing bubbles, the warmth of the water, the weight of the pottery. Another example is becoming present to the children in our lives who have no interest in our knowledge or power--they just want us to play and laugh with them. And on and on it goes, drinking coffee, watching the sunset, feeling the evening breeze, talking to the neighbor.

Of course, we don’t stay intentional about life all the time. We forget. We lose focus. We shift into auto-pilot and go through the motions of the drills. And that’s alright. What’s important is that we really tasted life, we really woke up, we really entered the present moment, which is precisely where God is waiting to meet us!

[exithibernation]

Every time Brutal Bear takes the stage Matt Johnson creates an on the spot origin story.  This one is from July 13, 2013 at College Hill UMC.  We have quite a few and they will all be posted in this new series just follow the tags!

[exithibernation]

Propping up the Institution by Adam BT

This is an article about how I need to eat a bit of humble pie.  I am not happy about it, but sometimes pie is the best medicine!

I still relish my renegade nature and desire to push the church to mimic Jesus' radical way.  The difference is now I see that the easiest way to be radical is to build trust with the institution.  The plain reality is that the institution is the keeper of the resources.  Money, people, skills, security are all found in the church's created generations ago and sustained by so many faithful people.  If I want to start an intentional community, launch a housing project, or help traffic'd women the best way to do it is to have several institutional connections that trust me and are able to support me in their own way.

Turns out that all extremes kind of suck.  Only living to grow the institution traps us into thinking God's kingdom is a bigger building, bigger budget, and bigger endowment.  A side of the church I ran from for the last decade.  Turns out only living as a renegade outsider can be just as self righteous, just as exclusive, and without an income to keep ministry alive.  

So today I am publicly eating humble pie and thanking the institution of the the United Methodist Church for my salary, pension, and health insurance.  Although I often hate the process that keeps those things in place, I vow to use them to radically push the church to live like Jesus.