(non)fiction

twenty.four | find me on twitter

[exposingmyveins]

[wip]

i see the ocean in your eyes… vast and mysterious.

many fear the ocean; the great unknown, the dark, the endless.

your ocean doesn’t frighten me. it glitters in the sunlight and dances in the wind. it whispers in seafoam and brings me seashells.

of course it is still unknown, as most things are in the beginning. but i am here in my swimsuit, ready to dive.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

i often think about how your words tasted to me. the things you would say i would drink like alcohol, sweet… made me feel warm. they would seep into my stomach and would settle to the bottom. but, in reality: it was poison. clouding my judgement, intoxicating my mind. i drank up your words like it was life saving medicine but truly, it was the death of me. the next time someone speaks to me like that i hope i recognize that underlying bitter taste and spit. it. out.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

i am quite fond of spring time. spring will bring hope. as the rain and the sun elicits new growth, so shall i.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

desire may be the complete and utter end of me.

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[exposingmyveins]

i fear i will always be bitter.

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[exposingmyveins]

i am trying to forgive myself.

because

i forgave you.

when maybe

i shouldn’t have.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

when i forget the sound of your laugh that’s when i’ll know you have completely left me.

however, i don’t think that time will ever come.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

i have often cursed myself for feeling so much.

i should not push myself down for my capacity to feel…

i wish for each time i plunge into the depths of my own emotions, i grow a feather for wings that will fly me above it all.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

i thought you said i wouldn’t become a stranger.

what now.

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[exposingmyveins]

i still remember it all, you know. forever burdened with the memory.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

it’s been two years and i am no longer the person who fell for you.

my hair grew long and then i cut it all off.

i gained weight and started to be kinder to myself. i don’t chew my nails anymore.

you’re probably no longer the person i fell for either.

i can’t help but wonder if you still have the photos you took of me or the matching stuffie i gave you so we could share something even when we were apart.

if you have the letter i wrote to you or the necklace i made you.

i never want to be with someone like you ever again. but, i still loved you.

i can’t help but wonder if you ever loved me too.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

over and over you would say “i care about you.” how could you have ever cared about me to do me so wrong? maybe you stopped caring.

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[exposingmyveins]

pouring my heart out just for you to swallow my sorrow

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[exposingmyveins]

what do they call this ? is it lovesickness ? ah, such a precise word. i have a fever.

v. || exposingmyveins

[exposingmyveins]

the small child inside me weeps every time i let you hurt me

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[exposingmyveins]

i ripped open my chest and pulled out my heart and all you said was

“thank you”

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[exposingmyveins]

the anger in my body doesn’t manifest like normal. there is no rage. only sadness. only sorrow. i’ll probably cry before i ever become violent.

v. || exposingmyveins