Magic the Gathering tip: trans rights are human rights
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Claire Keane
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EXPECTATIONS
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@eyebagsanonymous
Magic the Gathering tip: trans rights are human rights
And nothing else matters…
My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.
do they smoke weed?
Yes, actually.
you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?
It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)
They don’t look like they smoke weed.
Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.
Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.
I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING
Well that escalated quickly……
What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*
haha oh my god
who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.
love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.
and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.
“the goo pile that is now your body”
i’m dying over here, jesus
please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.
*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*
this dude playin omg
Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*
Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis
A waltz! Everything is fiiineee!
man y’all remember when the avengers movie came out and everyone headcanoned that all the avengers would live together in the tower and had all these cute posts about various fun ways they could interact and then the movies literally never had any of them even be friends
I want to state, for the record, that “all the avengers would live together in the tower” wasn’t collective headcanon, it was canon. The very last scene of Avengers (2012), the one they left us on, is Tony redesigning the tower, designing a living area for each Avenger. That was, canonically, what was supposed to happen, in canon, and they just changed their minds and decided to… not. For whatever goldarn reason.
GHHFDGJHFDS THATS EVEN FUNNIER WHY IS MARVEL LIKE THIS
thats why when people shit on marvel amd fans of it im like
it WAS good at the beginning
theres a reason we all resonated so heavily at the beginning
they just really really really fucked everything up so bad along the way that they lost most of us
but i stg it was good once
what could have been 🎶
thats why when people
shit on marvel amd
fans of it im like
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
things that I believe in my HEART are on the Beatles' message to Earth (Project Hail Mary)
taumoeba (obviously)
instructions on how to use taumoeba (obviously)
50+ hrs of unedited footage of Grace fucking up a bunch of stuff in the ship
so much info about Eridian language
1700+ hrs of unedited footage of Grace and Rocky fucking up a bunch of shit in the ship
Cannot emphasize how much info on the eridian sentence structure there is here
a weirdass knit sweater pattern that takes people weeks to realize is for Rocky
literally hundreds of pages of Grace just describing Eridian linguistic history which like honestly isn't even his field why should we even listen to this guy- (hes the only one to ever fucking met an intelligent alien Dave. we'll take him at his word)
Why the Goldilocks Zone is for Idiots Part 2: Biological Diversity all across the Petrova Line (subtitled "We haven't found them yet BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT FUDHING EXIST-")
what are essentially just those reaction videos "Alien watches Legally Blonde for the first time" "Alien gives thoughts on movie Cats (2019)" "You'll never believe what this Alien thinks of the movie Fantastic Mr. Fox"
Grace's modified cardigan charts because someone was asking for them on his Ravelry and he never actually got around to posting them
(people have already fully recreated this cardigan just months after his launch. but they appreciate it)
very respective, kind eulogies for everyone who died in this mission (Grace AND Rocky's crew)
a lace shawl pattern inspired by the petrova line with a beaded fringe. knitters everywhere weep in despair because those instructions are gOD AWFUL, the man had 0 (zero) test knitters AND THERES NO PICTURES FUCK
Rocky make Grace cringe compilation statement
Grace's final goodbye to Earth ig
Came back (from a long time alone) wrong (realized how little courtesy has helped you in the past, so now you have a reason to be rude to people)
There’s a gimmick blog right behind me with a gun to my head
This post does not contain typos!
Of course, it is still incorrect, so how about I fix the error!
"There's a gimmick blog right behind me…"
Should be:
"There are gimmick blogs right behind me…"
...I have no excuse
Im giving creepy blowjobs now & they keep telling me they want just the normal ones
Starting a collection
I have copious amounts of these so I figured I might let the public see the good ones instead of just sending them to my friends. Anyway I can’t stand these freaks and I wish they would get out of my head forever and go away.