*Two robed, hooded cultists stand around a ritual circle with a third cultist floating in the circle glowing and speaking in gibberish. Their names are Dave, Keith and Sam.*
Cultist Dave taps his foot, then impatiently rolls up their robes sleeve to check their watch "How long is this going to take? I have a thing after this."
Cultist Keith pauses, than with a quisical tilt of their head asks "... A thing? We're literally communing with the dead to learn the true name of a reality destroying outer god of discord and chaos, and you wanna know when we can wrap it up?"
Cultist Dave sassily tilts his head right back while crossing their arms "I have a life outside of the cult Keith!"
they stare at each other for a awkward beat, the only sound is their floating glowy buddy Sam's strange gibberish talk filling the silence.
Cultist Keith breaks the stare-off first to look off to the side as they awkwardly shift their weight while raising their hands in a stoping motion of surrender "Ok geez, sorry. i didn't mean anything by it, no need to snap at me." after another short pause Keith trys to push past the tension and asks "Sooo... uh.. you have plans huh? What are you gonna be doing? gonna catch a movie or something?"
Cutist Dave hesitates and his crossed armed stance loosens a little at the question "... I have a cheese cake waiting for me in my freezer at home." they bite out shortly, clearly a little embarrassed by their admission.
Cultist Keith's raised hands slowly droop to his sides "it doesn't excuse you snapping at me, but.. ya ok, thats a good reason." Keith admits.
Any farther conversation is halted by their fellow cultist Sam as he abruptly stops speaking, glowing and floating all at the same time. he seems winded as he falls to his knees in the middle of the ritual circle he was floating above just a second ago.
Dave and Keith motion to help Sam up but before they even reach him he's already starting to stand on his own. Keith, unable to keep down his excitement starts word vomiting "Did it work? Are you alright? Did you get the name? Were the dead people cool?!" luckily Keith has enough self control to stop talking when Sam tiredly holds up his hand, silently asking him to stop talking.
"Yes it worked, yes im alright, yes i got the name." Sam says slowly, before geting a strange look on their face "they weren't really cool i guess, more strange and loud?" Sam seems strangely unsure about that.
Keith has many questions but before he can voice them Dave interrupts "Forget about that, we got the name?! A gods true name?! thats HUGE!" he exclaimed with undertones of disbelief "i don't even... Can it even be pronounced? or does it need sounds that mortals cant make to say it?" Dave excitedly says, clearly getting into it now that they have some results, cheese cake seemingly forgotten.
The strange look that Dave an Keith were beginning to recognize as confusion never left Sam's face, in fact Dave's questions only seem to make it worse "... No we can pronounce it." Sam says blankly "It's name is Betty."
Silence descends on the cultists as they process Sam's words. Keith and Dave both adopt Sam's dumfounded look "the chaos gods name is... Betty?" Cultist Keith asks in disbelief.
Sam's meets his fellow cultists eyes and his confusion somehow deepens, which considering he just revealed that a outer god shares a name with more than a few little old granny's is, frankly, very concerning. "Yep... a talking lemon told me so." Dave and Keith can only stare at Sam emotionlessly, what does that even mean???
Sam breaks eye contact and looks at the ceiling with a thousand yard stare and monotonously continues, sounding as lost as they felt "Betty is apparently the talking lemons vampire stepmom's adopted father's wife.
Keith and Dave stare at Sam, then look at each other and share a mutual nod "Alright, something definitely went wrong with that ritual." Keith says with certainty while he and Dave each take a arm and escort Sam away from the ritual circle as Sam continues to mumble explanations at them.
"The lemon said that Betty was originally human but then she made a wish with a magic crown that was made by a ice elemental. she saved the world from being destroyed by another chaos god, which also made her become that god for some reason? " Sam says under his breath. Dave comfortingly pats the arm hes using the lead Sam away and says "Its alright buddy, we get it." they continue walking for a moment before Dave continues "Tell you what, if you guys want to come over to my place, i have a piece of cheese cake with your names on them."
Keith silently nods his agreement and half a secound later Sam mutters "Acceptable" in a strangely high-pitched and screechy tone of voice.
I was trying to match adventure times tone, if you get what i mean?
If it wasn't obvious this little story is set wayy after the finale of Adventure Time. Betty has been Golb or a while at this point and most of our favorite adventure time characters are hanging out in the afterlife by now. I cant decide if the cultist are from future Ooo or a alternate reality, it works either way i guess. I think we can all agree that of all the people who knew Simon and Betty in the afterlife Lemongrab would probably be among the most confusing to have get information from.
baratheonpilled
germansingergirl
gracieabrams