Fair Sir Maiden

Pootin tootin shit postin

[wormliness]

please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)

[the-real-jason-todd-not-dead]

I'll help you fight your civil war

[yeetoffofme]

this is how I discovered Tumblr

nobody irl understands my humor ngl

[half-fey-freak-of-nature]

Please water log your screenshots. I hit the wrong reblog button.

[pjharvey]

basically i have to stay silly bc the other option is death

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine that one day as you're walking on a hot sunny path, your hat jumps off your head and lands into a muddy ditch. And you look at your muddy hat and ask it: "What did you do that for?"

"I don't want to be a burden anymore", your hat answers. "You are always carrying me around, and I can't carry you. That's not fair."

"I don't mind carrying you, little idiot", you tell your hat, "you hardly weight anything at all, and you shelter me from the sun."

"But that's different", your hat protests. "I don't mind the sun scorching on me. That happens anyway. It's literally no trouble for me to shade you too."

"Just the same it's no trouble for me to carry you. But now, because you wanted to stop inconveniencing and bothering me, I am now hatless and you are in the dirt."

[jantesika]

hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?

[homunculus-argument]

Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.

[fair-sir-maiden]

Me: why is the time from A to B 39 minutes but B to A is 41-44 minutes?!

My wife: I dunno, the wind?

[pocket-luv101]

Tim: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss. What should I do?

Jason: Punch him in the stomach and kiss him when he doubles over in pain.

Damian: Or kick him in the shins.

Dick: Better, tackle him to the ground and kiss him!

Tim: All interesting suggestions. I'll go with climbing him like a tree.

Kon: ... Babe, just ask me to lean down.

[fair-sir-maiden]

My wife is gender fucked

I’m gender what

[fair-sir-maiden]

I got delirious last night and texted my wife a very (very) long message of every thought for like an hour (she was sleeping).

Some honorable mentions:

-I think my one desire to to hug my wife and make her smile or laugh. Technically that’s two to three desires but it’s in the same branch. I didn’t make you laugh all weekend. That does make me sad because I adore your laugh.

-I could pace the kitchen but the floor is sticky

-GASP FROZEN GRAPES! But I just brushed my teeth :(

-Okay gots water and fooooour advisl

-Onward to bed! Will I sleep? Only god knows and he’s not real! And also not a man. Look at him being two things at once like a drag queen

-I wonder if reading will count as sleep and I’ll wake up at 8am perfectly rested and ready to fight the world. I think it will. At least the hope

Needless to say I woke up three hours later (at 6am) and texted ‘Hahaha I am in so much pain :(‘

[fair-sir-maiden]

My wife and I spent a solid thirty minutes debating where Jason Todd would sleep in bed if he was real.

I had to gently explain that I’m not cuddling a brick wall of a *man* (hardcore lesbian) and that she would have to be in the middle

[starfoozle]

Well this is a new one.

[chaoticbatfam]

never trust anything sick you says about you. That bitch is laying in bed with a pounding headache and an inability to breathe properly, they can’t be trusted for the time of day, let alone credible self esteem

[thedeepthought]

why do ppl do drugs when you can just experience the absolute high of meeting someone who isn’t just unhinged about your fandom but is also feral about your otps

[fair-sir-maiden]

We started dating :D

When I knew who Jason Todd was, we were doomed to be friends. When I revealed I wrote about Jason Todd and other batfam members? The ring was being shipped

[cringecorp]

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

[beardedmrbean]

[oneheadtoanother]

[hydrahowl]

This wouldn't happen to me if i were a huge dragon