peter parker? more like... peter...peter p...peter p... PETER PARKER IS A LOSER
It's okay, take your time. I can see how much this hurts you.

oozey mess
KIROKAZE
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Kiana Khansmith

tannertan36
todays bird

Love Begins
tumblr dot com
Cosmic Funnies
taylor price
noise dept.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
NASA
trying on a metaphor

if i look back, i am lost
Not today Justin
No title available
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Show & Tell
Misplaced Lens Cap

seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States
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@fandom-horder
peter parker? more like... peter...peter p...peter p... PETER PARKER IS A LOSER
It's okay, take your time. I can see how much this hurts you.
250 posts!
Of course I managed to... 😅
S̵͙̝͇̔͌̅͊̊̔̈́́̾͋̊̕͝ ̴̠̪̜̫̀͐̎̏̏̈̾̀̊͛̃͠͝͝͠A̵̞̟̱͛ ̸̢̢̥͕͔͔̼̯̼͕͇̿͗͗͠͠ͅV̴̡̢̨̜͎̗̭͔̈́͒̽̏͘̕ ̷͔̫̖̥͖̟̉͋̐̌͛͝E̴̡̗̘͓̯̜͔̣̲͇̥͛̄͐̂͗͠͝ ̸̢̯̗͇͎̣̥̘̮̊̚ ̸̼̮̪̌̆̅̐̋̽ ̸̛͚̦̣̉̑̆́͝Ḩ̴̝̱̭̘͔̲̻͎̀̐̒́͊͜͝ ̵̺̘̦̓̀E̷̡̳̰͎͇̲͈͕̥̪͑͑͆͒̑̆͒́̏̌̄̔͒̾͜ ̴̢̼͔̺̠͗͜͝Ṟ̷̡̡̢̛͕̯̼͓̗͔̰́̔͛̌͑͛́̈́͐͒͠͝
20 Deadpan Witty “Fuck You” Dialogue Prompts (without saying Fuck You)
“You really do have a talent for being a complete waste of oxygen.”
“If I cared less, you’d be legally dead to me.”
“Oh, look, a walking cautionary tale.”
“Your personality is the human equivalent of spam mail.”
“I’d call you clever, but then I’d be lying, and I save my lies for people I like.”
“That’s adorable. You really thought anyone asked.”
“The silence after you leave? That’s what joy sounds like.”
“Congratulations, you’ve lowered the bar yet again.”
“No, please, keep talking. I need the reminder of why I drink.”
“You remind me of Wi-Fi in a cheap motel—weak, unreliable, and not worth connecting to.”
“Do us all a favor and go haunt someone else’s patience.”
“Ah, yes. Another sentence from you that no one needed.”
“If ignorance was a currency, you’d be a billionaire.”
“You should bottle that confidence. People would buy it as comedy.”
“Every time you speak, God flips a coin on whether to smite us.”
“There’s a reason even your shadow looks tired of you.”
“You make me nostalgic for the sweet sound of nothing.”
“Some people brighten a room when they enter. You’re the other kind.”
“Your legacy? Being the cautionary example at someone else’s dinner party.”
“I’m torn between telling you to shut up or thanking you for reminding me hell is real.”
And somehow, they all sound like something Macaque would say to Wukong.
All my haters become aligators when I activate my gatorinator.
you laugh now, but when my gatorinator is ready, it's all over
update:
transmogrifying my haters into an animal that is known for something called the "death roll" has backfired in a manner no one could have forecasted
Having taken stock of the situation, it's not as bad as I originally thought. It's not like these crocodilians are an urgent problem, much less a representation of my own mortality. There's no ticking clock here.
well now you're just doing this on purpose
I think that's the highest tags forecast I have received so far.
Posts that have 100k gators to me.
Actually there are only 5 gators in my post, but it is an understandable mistake.
Now there are 100,005 gators on this post
...
You know what? Good job.
Other people said this post had thousands of notes in their mind, but only contributed two notes.
You? You said that it had 100k gators to you.
And then you did it.
+1 respect point.
now that's what i call a
gator aid
I hate all of you so very much. (affectionate)
This is very funny. :)
☀️ Summer Polaroid by @kyri45 ☀️
Just a collection of memories of a endless summer
Mike’s flaccid lemonade
Mike’s soft and floppy lemonade
Post cancelled. It’s this now. She’s Michelle now. Good for her.
something about netflix castlevania felt really weird but oddly familiar in the way the story is medieval low fantasy and yet every character is not only speaking in a super modern way but constantly dunking on eachothers backstories, dropping f bombs with impunity, and going on 5 minute tangents on whether or not vampires really are killed by running water and I couldn’t put my finger on it until I realized they all talk like they’re players in a dnd campaign
@radioactivepeasant
I love this so much.
We often talk about "ludonarrative dissonance" in terms of morality and situations like "the story says violence is bad, but the gameplay enables and encourages you to kill things" but my actual fave version of it is "the story says you have a very serious plot-relevant time-sensitive thing to do, but the gameplay enables and encourages you to buzz off into the world and search for collectibles for five weeks"
Yeah I’m kinda on a quest to save the world, but your chickens are missing of course I’ll help find them!
Headcanon that Luke and Obi Wan got the money to pay Han Solo by selling the moisture farm at bargain-basement prices in Anchorhead without telling anyone that it was totally torched, and by the time anyone find out they were well off planet. Luke now has a reputation as one of Tattooine’s most famous con men despite the fact that it was Obi Wan who ran the con.
#I don’t know if you meant it this way but I totally interpreted this as them selling the farm multiple times to different people#luke: *wrestling over selling the wreck of the farm to someone he knows is a complete scumbag*#obi-wan: hello are you interested in buying a farm#complete scumbucket: *interested noises*#luke: wait didn’t we already-? *gets zapped by R2* ow!#luke: oh#luke: ohhhh#luke: >:)
i haven’t cared about star wars ‘canon’ since i was 3 years old- I LOVE the idea that the reason Luke had to dramatically speeder in and out of Jabba’s without hitting up any of his local connections is he is like, wanted by a bunch of scum in Mos Eisley. Can you- can you imagine Vader or whoever doing a recon in town on ‘the last son of the Jedi who blew up the death star.’ His close friends and family have all a) died b) moved off planet or c) both.
So the only reputation he has is ‘that bastard con artist who banked 19 years of aw-shucks-wormie-ness and used it to outrageously fleece everyone who’s almost anybody.’ Vader reading the report like…damn you Kenobi did you get HONDO to raise my son??
Jabba’s reaction to Luke’s message is INFINITELY funnier if we consider the idea that ‘Skywalker’ amongst the wretched local villainy (who mostly ignore imperial and rebel propaganda) is actually synonymous with TWO things - that brat who totally messed up the podrace bookies 25 years ago, and the infamous Anchorhead Con. Jabba gets this message about ‘Jedi’ and is like LOL i think the other Skywalker tried to pull some hotshit with that too before wimping out.
Everyone openly laughs like sure you’re a Jedi and I’ve got a bargain vaporator farm I want to sell you.
AND THEN HE WRECKS THE JOINT WITH A DEBT-RIDDEN HALF-BLIND SMUGGLER A RANDOM SLAVE GIRL ONE GUARD AND TWO BEAT UP DROIDS WHAAAT
I’m imagining some random palace guard telling Vader this, afterwards.
“So this fucking—SKYWALKER, dude, have you ever heard the name Skywalker? You know what it means? A FUCKING ASSHOLE, that’s what it means. Like. The first one was bad enough, this little shit named Anakin who was fuckin’ NINE YEARS OLD and he just WON THE FUCKING BOONTA EVE PODRACE and set SIXTEEN bookies out of business and if I ever meet him I’m gonna set him on fire for it—
“And then this new one, Luke? Fuckin’ nobody, raised by his aunt and uncle out in the Wastes, little aw-shucks hick farm kid, the kind you could give him a five-credit piece and a ten-credit piece and he keeps taking the fiver because it’s BIGGER, that kind of simple, and then he comes into Mos Eisley one afternoon and sells his aunt and uncle’s moisture farm, right, I’ve been out there a few times, several of us have, and it’s a nice place as far as moisture farms go, mildly profitable, and the kid is fucking happy to get like two-thirds its value, so he sells the farm, right? TO NINETEEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE! Do you have any idea how much Jabba’s finance people had to do to get that sorted out? Nineteen fucking mortgages on ONE fucking property, puts every real estate con Jabba the Hutt’s entire CLAN ever pulled and we were on the WRONG SIDE OF IT! We had every pirate and smuggler from here to Corellia laughing at us! And THEN! And THEN—!
“So he pops up via hologram message acting like a DIPLOMAT from the REPUBLIC, claiming a title and rank from an extinct, defunct, ILLEGAL order and wanting to bargain with Jabba—are you fucking kidding me, BARGAIN WITH JABBA for a smuggler who’s up to his ass in debt when he’s responsible for that farm scheme, acting like he doesn’t even fucking REMEMBER it and expects that Jabba’s forgotten it too. Like. Absolute fucking idiot, and anticipating that Jabba’s just as stupid. And he offers a pair of droids as a gift. Like, built-in-the-Republic-era, random-ass droids that he probably picked up from the Jawas that morning for a few hundred credits and a junked ‘vaporator.
“I mean, Jabba’s seething here, but hey, free droids is free droids. Whatever. He takes the droids, throws things, orders a fight to the death between two gamblers who owed him money, killed one of his dancers at some point … and then Boushh shows up with fucking Chewbacca in chains—he’s Solo’s first mate, so Jabba was all happy about that, but not happy enough to pay the full bounty—and what’s Boushh do? Pull some gonads out from somewhere after all these years, and also pull out a fucking THERMAL DETONATOR! Going to blow us all to fuck if he doesn’t get his measley fifty thousand, and, well, there’s no arguing with crazy like that.
“So now, if you’re keeping score, Jabba’s lost an absolute SHITLOAD of money and had his bookmaking industry fucked all to hell for like three years after the stunt from Skywalker the First, got screwed out of ANOTHER shitload of money in the farm scam by Skywalker the Sequel, got all but called an idiot to his face and insulted six times over by the same dude who’s apparently scammed so many people he’s forgotten who he has and hasn’t scammed, and got threatened out of fifty thousand credits by a second-tier bounty hunter IN FRONT OF HIS ENTIRE COURT.
“And then the next morning, what the fuck? Jabba’s favorite sculpture is gone, the one with Solo as its main ingredient that Boba Fett brought him. And Boushh is gone. And Jabba’s got a brand-new dancer chained up next to him. Night duty guy tells me Boushh unfroze Solo, and the new dancer girl IS Boushh, which, okay, you’re dealing with people like that and you look like that? You definitely need a helmet, but I feel like pretending she didn’t breathe oxygen was overkill. Anyway, then Skywalker shows up. All alone, no weapons, nothing, like he really believes in this Jedi shit. Arrogant little bastard, and we’re all laying bets on how Jabba’s going to kill him.
“So he talks a little, and fwoop! goes the trapdoor, and okay, everybody who bet on “Rancor” is doing a little happy dance, but then! BUT THEN! He fucking KILLS THE RANCOR! Drops its own cage door on its head and punches right through its skull! And—fucking NOBODY bet on that, which is a damn shame because everybody else would’ve just torn the winner apart out of sheer rage at that point and we coulda used some good bloodshed then, y’know? I mean, I dunno if you’ve ever met Jabba the Hutt, but he’s the kind of boss that’ll just go off and kill you for failing him or just because he’s angry at something. Just complete fucking asshole. I mean, he was pissed enough that everybody was worried for their safety, and so somebody dying messily right then would’ve calmed him down a bit.
“So Jabba’s big mad, and he gathers Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca all together and says he’s gonna feed them to the Sarlacc, which is a nasty tentacled carnivorous plant out in the desert, so we all board the sail barge and have a nice little pleasure cruise—have you ever been to Tattoine? I’m fuckin’ kidding, it’s brutal. But hey, we get to see Skywalker executed, right? Wrong.
“Jabba offers them the chance to beg for their lives, and Solo calls him a slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, which, I mean, I could do better, y’know? If I’m about to die? Anyway, Skywalker goes up first, gets prodded to the edge, flips a salute off to who-knows-where, and does this little twist in midair, catches the fucking plank, and fucking SPRINGBOARDS himself back onboard, CATCHES HIS LIGHTSABER FROM MIDAIR where the one DROID shot it to him, and starts sending guards over the side, usually in pieces.
“So more guards rush forward to help, and there’s this huge fight, and fuckin’ BOBA FETT falls in, and while that’s going on? The fucking dancing girl has grabbed her chain and is FUCKING STRANGLING JABBA WITH IT! Like, I look over and he’s bucking and struggling and she’s pulling on that chain like anything, and then somebody hits me over the head with a bottle of Corellian brandy, and by the time I look again he’s pitched over dead! And nobody freaking bet on that!
“And then? Off they fucking go, Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca and the dancing girl and the droids and one of the guards who I played sabacc with the other night and he owes me twenty credits! And that fucking Skywalker just cost me my job, and if I see him again I’m going to burn him to cinders myself!”
The man subsides, eyeing the gigantic ebony figure in front of him who, except for a couple of momentary starts as though he might say something, has been silently listening to him all this time.
Size-wise, Darth Vader has nothing on Jabba the Hutt, but somehow, he is scarier.
Finally, the dark form speaks. “You said you could do better.” A moment’s silence, and he clarifies. “If you were about to die.” He gets the impression that whatever monster lurks behind the helmet is smiling. “You are about to die now. Because you are a criminal, and because of what you have said about my son, Luke Skywalker. You have an opportunity to do better. Use it.”
The so-condemned criminal, late of Jabba’s palace guard, lets his jaw hang open unflatteringly for a moment while his brain catches up with events. HIS SON, which means …
“YOU’RE Anakin Skywalker’s HUSBAND?”
The steady, hissing rhythm of Darth Vader’s rebreather actually stops dead as the Dark Lord straightens up as if stabbed with an electroprod.
In the instant before the man’s brains, blood, and spinal fluid coat the far wall, he has the momentary satisfaction of having, indeed, done much better than Solo.
So THAT’S why this post is blowing up my notifications :D (I’m not mad, this is GREAT.)
@threadsketchier
Family Portrait
oh boy I sure hope nothing traumatic will ever happen to poor little Kai
Spicynoodles Bio Parents AU (NEXT)
This AU is a semi-sequel to my previous🧡LMK: ShadowPeach Bio Parents AU🧡 . It is not super necessary to read first but it is highly encouraged!
Arc 1: First Meeting
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13
Arc 2: Family Reunion
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Arc 3: The Morning After
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Childhood Flashbacks
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
Fanfic writers of dead fandoms, rarepairs, forgotten movies and long-cancelled shows be like:
it fucken WIMDY
At some point will I be banned for the crime of becoming a girl. Then wimdy shall be no more.
@voidmenace thank you! I forget to mention it much. I have been a girl for 17 months now, it’s the best and most clearly correct decision I have ever made.
I really need a feminised edit of Wimdy Fox but… I don’t think foxes have any visible secondary sex characteristics. Hmm.
my humble addition
You should add other things girls like to the photo to make it more obvious. Like a pile of cool rocks or old antlers or hot chocolate or a degree in musical engineering or a good nap.