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@fandomescapism
laughing about the idea of shane in shallergies verse at an event having a reaction but not wanting to make a scene, so he uses his epipen, dabs his sweaty face as best he can with napkins, and then manages to go back and find ilya in the crowd and is just "heeeyyyyy" *literally holding onto ilya's arm bruisingly tight to stay upright* "hospital :)"
okay but little bb shane who learns allergies=don't have to eat that/do that anymore
and thus starts using "i'm allergic to that" as an attempt to get out of things he doesn't like
"i'm allergic to aunt gina's house"
"no, you're not, honey-"
"i'm allergic"
OH MY GOD IT CONTINUES BEING A FAMILY JOKE AFTER HE'S GROWN UP
which means a very normal exchange is something like "shane, can you put the laundry in the dryer?" "no, i'm allergic" as he gets up to do it but ilya who is still trying to understand the full scope of this is??? shane no?? if you are allergic?? do not do it?? yuna why are you asking this of him???
and then after ilya has a better grasp on actual allergies versus bit, it gets adopted into their house as well, but NOW it presents issues for anyone ELSE trying to work out wtf is safe to have at a team barbeque or not.
ilya trying to get shane to try the salsa someone brought and shane who hates cilantro even if he's not allergic to it just *head recoil* "ugh, no, i'm allergic"
and the poor new rookie who brought the salsa THINKING it was totally Safe For Hollanders and would make a good impression is just 🥺 what 🥺
oh my god and ILYA adopting the bit, too
"ilya, c'mon, we're gonna be late. get up."
"no, hollander. i cannot. i am allergic."
"you're literally not."
bites bites bites bjtes wait no im sorry come back i wont do it again bites bites bites bites
as a kid with allergies beset by The Itchy often, i spent many an evening soaking in this stuff
and i'm laughing imagining it being an ongoing joke in the shallergies household that ilya is a supportive partner in the most annoying way by asking shane if he wants to be oatmeal tonight
"your back still looks bad, solnyshko. you want to be oatmeal?"
"shut the fuck up. and yes. and shut the fuck up. 🖕"
the oatmeal bath is why Shane’s skin is so clear and soft. when Ilya picks up on this he starts getting in the bath too, which is horribly messy and starts spilling over the sides, and Shane says “Ilya get out you’re making a mess!” and tries to push him out but Ilya latches onto him like a barnacle and insists “I want to be pretty, Hollander! Why don’t you want me to be pretty?”
"we are MARRIED, hollander. what's yours is mine. this is my oatmeal also."
I WANNA TALK ABOUT SHALLERGIES! Ok so my best friend in preschool through middle school was VERY allergic to peanuts like airborn too, so at lunch he had to sit at the peanut free table right?
Completely separate and no one with a home lunch could even sit with him because it might have peanuts, only school lunch kids because all the school lunches were peanut free. There were years I was the ONLY person who sat with him (I switched from home lunch to school lunch because I wanted to sit with him and not let him be by himself) The table was also like in a corner away from every other table super isolated.
These kids didn’t chose to not sit with him because they were being mean but because the rest of their friends had home lunch or they had a home lunch themselves. So very long winded way of saying Shane would definitely experience this type of isolation on top of the isolation he already felt for being neurodivergent and Asian.
I’m just imagining itty bitty tiny Shane sitting all alone at his peanut free table. And I made myself very sad.
Anyways thank you for the Shallergies head cannon I’m obsessed
GOD just broke my own heart thinking about this in connection to the fact that sometimes kids grow out of allergies.
like maybe shane in elementary school at least had one other kid in his grade who was allergic to peanuts who always sat with him.
and then. they grew out of it. and now they get to go sit with other people and eat reese's and pb and j and all of the stuff that shane can't be near.
and now shane both doesn't have a reliable buddy to sit with him anymore AND?? that's not FAIR?? why doesn't HE get to grow out of it??? that's not FAIR.
the idea of shane who grew up with the unconscious habit of always going to sit at an empty table instead of just joining one that already has people at it
the Potential of tuna meltdown in shallergies verse given that one potential symptom of anaphylaxis is a sense of impending doom
so they eat, have handsy time on the couch, smooch smooch, first names, and oh. OH. gotta. gotta go. oh god. bad bad. death is coming. bad. bad bad.
and shane doesn't even realize at first what's happening because he thinks it's just the first names getting to him (and it is. partially.), but he's like. halfway back upstairs when what's ACTUALLY happening hits him.
and now we've got the combo of, "oh, i just came on this person, attempted to book it, but uuuuuuh hey ilya. i need. a favor. like...NOW."
the idea of ilya, still half-dressed and with cum on his stomach, standing there like 🧍 because he is understandably confused about why shane is in his room throwing shit around like an angry ex only to get snapped at to lock in is SO goddamn funny oh my GOD
SO sweet and SO horribly wrong in this exact moment in the worst possible way
let it never be said he is not a giver
they're stupid and i love them dearly, your honor
fresh out of anaphylaxis and already horny again. the resilience of the human spirit. 😌
think of his STREET CRED, shane
you GOTTA not sass the guy controlling the lightswitch, my dude
I know in my heart that shane is the type of person who would never bring up essential personal details until they are immediately relevant and then would also be so understated about them
he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"
and ilya
reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"
and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-
"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"
"what are you talking about?"
shane: "i'm allergic"
"??? since WHEN??"
"since always??"
"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"
"jackie knows"
"WHY DOES JACKIE KNOW AND I DON'T"
yuna and david dialing IN to "if you don't freak out, they won't freak out" during shane's formative years to the unintended and unfortunate side effect of ending up in situations like bb!shane going *calm tug tug on david's shirt* "yeah buddy?" *big inhale that audibly wheezes as his throat starts swelling shut*
the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"
shane at the other end of the couch after thirty minutes of ilya not looking up is just ??? who the FUCK are you texting down there??? and ilya still without looking up just, "many many sexy women who are crying because i am married now. they are very upset." as if his ass isn't diligently taking notes from a married mother of four on a good allergy-friendly pad thai recipe because shane mentioned in passing that it smelled good the last time ilya ordered some and now ilya wants to find out how to make some he can try.
he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"
and it truly IS casual for him because this is just how he thinks now, but everyone else just ??? allergy friendly homemaker ilya rozanov??? since when??
A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.
B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.
C. people being so afraid of ilya's wrath if shane has an allergic reaction to something at their house is KILLING ME. shane just fucking. STANDS near a plate of peanut butter cookies on the table in the backyard during a barbeque and four different people are immediately there shoving him away because they will NOT answer to rozanov about this. they will NOT die over cookies. who is the IDIOT who brought PEANUT BUTTER COOKI-
@lucky-santangelo ilya only getting five seconds of feeling smug and holier than thou before shane puts him on blast is KILLING me XD
@shanetism the idea of ilya finding out how many times he could have potentially killed shane over the years from not knowing this VERY IMPORTANT THING ABOUT HIM and shane's life flashing before HIS eyes is so funny. also the idea that shane was going to show him the fucking WELL at the cottage and just not mention the drawer his epipen is in and ilya being so ??!!! HOLLANDER ?!?! PRIORITIES ?!?!
shane groaning SO loud when ilya first breaks out the allergy cards because GOD ilya it's NOT that serious this is embarass-
oh? is this more or less embarassing than having allergic reaction in the middle of a restaurant and needing your epipen? hm? shut up and take the fucking shiny cards, hollander.
and riFUCKINGp to the restaurant that lied about not using peanut oil in their fryer as an angry, stressed ilya is stuck in a hospital lobby with wifi and a lot of energy that has nowhere to go until he's allowed to be back with his husband. you're DONE FOR.
also ilya being lowkey SO fucking frustrated at shane having allergies AND refusing to eat fast food, especially when they're on the road so often and ilya eats allergy-free when they're together. hollander, pick a struggle. you know what will not kill you? mcmuffin. she loves you. look at her allergen list. she is safe. this organic artisinal breakfast wrap from this tiny cafe cannot say the same. she does not love you like mcmuffin. she probably whores around with peanuts.
GOD the psychic damage ilya takes the day he finds out body products can have allergens in them. his body wash company is getting a SCATHING email about fucking around with their formula when there are PEOPLE with ALLERGIES who RELY ON-
and shane meanwhile is just, "i can take some meds and just be itchy for a little bit. it's seriously not a big deal." "you are covered in bumps! it could have been worse. they should have to give warnings if they are going to fuck around with things like this." "you seriously have to calm down. it's not going to stop me from play-" "shane i cannot overstate how much i need you to not talk about hockey to me right now."
MAN
shane growing up who always got, "oh, you poor thing" from well-intentioned adults as a kid and then, "damn, i could NEVER live like that" from same-age peers when older whenever he had to explain his allergies, and it was both annoying and also felt like failing at something when he had to decline a piece of birthday cake or a slice of pizza because it wasn't safe for him.
but if he frames it as a performance diet, then suddenly! admiration! he gets some teasing obviously, but there's also an air of "good for you, man" that lands a lot easier than pity.
this does, unfortunately, mean that he just develops a habit of just never saying ANYTHING when not directly asked lmao.
@riddlemaster101
i feel like shane would reliably tell medical people because this is a Rule for medical settings so yes of course he'll go into detail
for everyone else though??? cackling about people who have known him for literally fifteen years finding out about potentially deadly allergies ONLY because ilya is fucking interrogating the waiter at the restaurant. shane of Before just would have probably declined going and used his diet as an excuse because he didn't want to have it be A Whole Thing. now he has a husband to "he said no pickles" his allergies on his behalf, so he's straight chilling. 🤣
Can we also talk about the Yuna and David of it all?
David spots them at the cottage and they go over, Shane's cottage is obviously allergen free and the shopping he did is all safe for him. Yuna and David know to cook safely, the chicken parm is all good and fine but they say "the croutons aren't safe for you, but you don't like those anyway" just in passing as a matter of habit and Ilya who JUST learned about bananas and latex and bees is like "oh wow! More allergies?? I need a list. Haha" and then they have the meal and the panic attack and they become boyfriends. Before they leave Yuna makes him a copy of her list of all the known allergens and Shane's common reactions to them, it's the first time he hugs her. He looks her in the eye and says "thank you for letting me take care of him. I will be careful."
It's a relief, to know he cares to try. But at the end of the day they JUST met this man. So they cross their fingers and try not to feel the same way they did every time Shane went to somebody's house for a birthday party or a sleepover.
And then they are over at the cottage some night and they decide to order in for dinner. Ilya takes everybody's orders and goes to the kitchen to call it in for them and it's taking *forever* so Yuna goes to see if he needs any help. She finds him sitting with two copies of the list, hers and one translated into Russian for his easy reference. He has the phone on speaker and says "thank you for checking the dressing ingredients, I know is weird request, but sometimes Caesar dressing is safe, sometimes not safe, but he likes it so much is worth checking. Yes, I'll hold again."
They've ordered from this place a dozen times, their recipe for Caesar dressing is safe, YUNA knows that, SHANE knows that, that's why he ordered it. But *Ilya* doesn't. So he's checking. Because Shane wants the dressing and Ilya want him *safe* and *happy*. And isn't that all a parent wants? For their kid to be with someone who is just as invested in their happiness and safety as they are? For somebody who will wait on hold while they check the fry oil and the dressing ingredients and whatever else?
Once Ilya has placed the order and hung up he gets surprised by a hug from behind, thin arms wrapped around him and perfume he's starting to recognize. He's bewildered, but when he asks gently "...Mrs. Hollander?" She just tells him to call her Yuna.
WEEPING
also cackling about the idea of ilya using the group chat with them to be mad about brands changing their ingredients so things that were SAFE are now NOT 😤 it started just as a "hey, those crackers aren't safe anymore" as a collective fyi thing, but it ends up being ilya just mad about safe things not being safe anymore
significantly shane remains SO unbothered about it all
also EXTREMELY funny to imagine ilya suddenly being strict about allergens in his house with svetlana, who has done body shots off of strangers with this motherfucker who is suddenly?? confiscating her granola bar??? ilya what the actual FUCK is happening right now??? "no peanuts inside anymore" "...what the fuCK ARE YOU TALKI-"
GOD shane who never really got the experience as a kid of getting to sleep over at someone's house and just Know there would be food for him to eat. he either had to bring his own or ask to read labels because he promised his parents he would, and then sometimes there just. wasn't an option.
and now he gets to go to his boyfriend's house and just know there'll be a cabinet of stuff that's safe for him. doesn't even have to worry about it. this is the Shane Cabinet, and it contains Shane Food. and when there's dinner?? that will also be Shane Food.
he's not the one person left out. not here. <3
OH MY GOD, THOUGH. SHANE WHO IS SO USED TO SAFE FOODS AND DIET-ADHERENT THINGS THAT ARE BORING BUT WON'T KILL HIM THAT HE IS SURPRISED AND PLEASED BY FLAVOR IN A WAY THAT ABOUT GIVES ILYA A HEART ATTACK.
he takes a bite of food as ilya is putting things away and goes, "holy shit"
and ilya freezes and looks over and just "what"
"oh my GOD"
"what? what is happening?"
"ilya, FUCK"
"what? is reaction? there is something you are reacting to? you need-"
"what?"
"what is wrong? what's happening? you need epi-"
"oh, nothing's happening! it just tastes really good. :)"
*hand over his chest, heart pounding* "...H O L L A N D E R."
Okay, but Shane eating Ilya’s flavourful cooking with a happy little smile and meanwhile Ilya is frantically texting Bood like
Ilya: Shane is so used to boring food he was shocked food could taste good
Bood: HE WHAT
Ilya: fed him this [pic]
Ilya: he starts freaking out
Ilya: thought I’d fucking killed him
Ilya: this close to stabbing him with a fucking epipen
Ilya: and he smiles at me like ‘oh nothing this is just really good’ :)
Ilya: this fucker is so confused by actual nice food he nearly killed ME I am having a HEART ATTACK and he is smiling
Ilya: everyone in his life let him eat cardboard because it was safe
Bood: OH FUCK THAT
Bood: next bbq, I’m making a range of safe marinades
Bood: he will taste test and tell me which one is best
Ilya: will bring clipboard 👍
#MyBood’s love language is feeding people, you cannot convince me that Bood and Ilya don’t have a private chat filled with recipes and ingredient swaps and meal feedback.
#MyBood finds out about Shane’s allergies and immediately locks in like “Don’t worry, you WILL be able to eat at anything I host.”
Shane’s like “oh it’s not that big of a deal”
Bood shakes his head and clasps Shane’s shoulder. “It is, and I WILL make sure you have food you can eat and you WILL enjoy it!”
Shane, slightly nervous “haha okay sure…”
I think part of getting better is complete ego death. Like you’re not above setting a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on a task. You’re not above doing a very simple 3 minute workout to start. You’re not above reading for 10 minutes a day when you first get out of your reading slump, even if you used to read for hours. You’re not above starting slow and then building up to where you want to be/where you once were. What you are above is total inertia. Doing something really is better than doing nothing. Radically accept where you are, radically accept your limits, and go from there. Don’t let your ego get in the way.
I think this is a good post and I want to add that if the phrase "ego" makes you scoff, maybe try replacing it with "very high expectations for yourself" and see if suddenly it hits.
ilya playing the sims. ilya voice look shane i locked hayden pike in basement
i hope everything reminds you of me and i haunt you forever (flirting)
hollanov baby
Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.
Shane-goes-to-Boston Fic Recs
This is hands down my favorite trope in the HR fandom right now. I love every version of it and there are so many great stories that deserve to be highlighted and celebrated. If you haven't given this type of story a shot so far, I can only implore you to give one of the following fics a shot.
And if you have more recs or feel inspired to write your own fic, please for all that is hollzy share. the. link. with. me.!!! I'm serious. I need more food.
A Ghost in Boston by sostarry: Complete. Ilya gets outed while in Russia. Which ends with Shane joining the Bears. It'll make sense, I promise!
all the stars aligned by heydoeydoey: Shane Hollander literally blows up his own 10 year plan on the first day back to work and, like Ilya, I love him for it. Such a great story. First part in the series is complete.
Better Days To Come by PlatitudinalTeen: Complete. Oneshot. One thing I really love about this one is that Shane chooses to come to Boston for Ilya and himself as opposed to a lot of trade fics, where he has either no or litte control over the situation. A wonderful read.
Boston Boys by xpityx: WIP. Shane gets traded before the tuna meltdown. They're both trying their best and somehow the vibe is just very sweet. I really appreciate how great the team is too and how you can see through some of their interactions with Shane how they support Ilya.
Home Ice Advantage by taywrites11: First part in series is complete. And absolutely wonderful. Shane gets traded in his rookie season and that experience shapes him. Ilya is the consent king we know and love. I love the way their relationship has the chance to develop differently here and also the way Shane's relationship to his parents is explored. Cannot reccommend this enough.
Recalculating the Ten Year Plan by MegsChaos: WIP. After All Stars 2017 and an ugly betrayal by the Metros (fuck the Metros) Shane gets traded to Boston. Both he and Ilya are trying their best while navigating their still very new relationship. Beautiful. I cannot wait to see where it's going. As an added bonus: also contains social media posts.
Shane Hollander is not a Coward by crimson_lunar_473: WIP. Shane gets traded for reasons. The reasons being that the Metros are assholes, which we're not gonna question because we hate the Metros in this house. Also Shane gets to be unhinged as a treat.
something you can fix by some1_around: Three completed parts in this series. One of the two reasons I fell head over heels in love with this trope and never looked back. Part 1 hurts despite the comfort, but Part 2 makes up for all of it and then some. Wonderful character development, some bittersweet moments and so much genuine love. Also the hospital scene with Victor and Cliff is maybe the entire reason why I love those two characters. 10/10 read at any time.
The Great MHL Seduction by Lady_of_War_and_Heartache: WIP. Only 2 chapters so far but the premise is just *sighs dreamily and stares into the middle distance* I need Ilya to publicly "woo" Shane to the Bears so bad, you have no idea.
Tiny Moves by cassykay: WIP. Technically we don't know that Shane will go to Boston yet but I am very hopeful, so I've decided it counts. Supportive Bears for Ilya is really all I ever want from a fanfic and I cannot wait for them to force-adopt Shane too. Also I absolutely adore the hospital scene *chefskiss*
(We Could Be) Something Great by Anonymous: WIP. Second of two reasons I fell head over heels in love with this trope. Absolute Must Read. I cannot oversell this. Even if you don't read WIPs, you need to make an exception. Go read it now. You will not regret it. (KIDNAPPED SHANE (AFFECTIONATELY)!!! THE FEELS!!!!!! THE SOFTNESS!!!!!!!!!!)
when the treat you treated yourself to is mid
forehead kisses
i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre
