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You know how when you fight over nothing and then he shouts at you 'Go fuck yourself' and you go. After some small time you ready to hug again and fall asleep or wake up and hug and have a breakfast together...but he is not ready. He doesnt want you even near him. It's been now 4 days, he doesnt talk to me, he avoids me. He drinks after work till late, then come back with drugs. Doesnt eat dinner, so I have to throw food away. Fight reason? Like I ever remember, it's always something that he cannot stand and it hurts him, but kill me on spot if I ever understood what exactly it was and how to fix it. No, I'm enemy n1, and go fuck yourself as an advice. Together few years and are getting to know each other better, with exception that I had never started even one fight, so I feel I'm the worse since he is so perfect? #whatthefuck #addiction #family #unconditionallove #drugs #drinkingproblem #family #dreams #distress (at Misery) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8dd9QOB9Zz/?igshid=1t8m2y0g50539

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He was breaking up with me multiple times, some hard times... now he professionally makes a fight and ignores me on our special occasions: birthday, new year/xmas, anniversary... And still I love him more than his bullshit cripples me. I feel need to be patient and loving, thank you religion, for this heart to soften or at least feel loved when the world (rationally) turned away. After all negative emotions he is a whole world to me and an ethereal fountain of love. #unconditionallove #breakup then #makeup #anniversary #religion #onegodonelove #addiction (at Aniversary) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7nx5h5hkQu/?igshid=e2pgcl9aqk3t

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We keep losing stuff ain't we? It's like a warning - stop buying shit! So this time we were going on vacation with new phones, bought last minute. Just before leaving the house I end up with 2 phones on my hands. Trying to find some safe place to store old one, I figured I would never find it again when we return, so I ask my SO aka Iknowbetter to do it. The place was found, we both happy and feel lucky to have each other. It's been 5 months ago, the location of the phone is still unknown to these days. #unconditionallove #badhabits #mobileporn #onelife (at Phony express) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7WNz4-B6Lq/?igshid=1urjl1aqkto64

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Eat your veggies motherfacker, we want noone to leave this world early and make us suffer all this shhit alone. (at Veggia, Casalgrande) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6ofHCgBXs1/?igshid=yteejxv3ds0m

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He asked me to move out. Immediately, don't care where or how. I closed myself in the living room. I moved to this country only to be with him, and been promised so many things and now he don't care. He keeps buying drugs, his credit debt keeps growing. He said: "I feel like I'm drowning, you're holding me back, you're killing me slow, you're so plastic and its tragic for your." I keep applying for work and just walking for all day just not to be there or see him. At evening I come back..he put Queen I want to break free so loud, that I almost had a meltdown, but don't have where to go else and it's cold and dark. And I love this person so much my heart breaks how I don't stand for myself. I feel like I'm drowning, oh no...#addiction #depression #lovegonebad #unconditionallove #promises #family (at Nothing Hill) https://www.instagram.com/p/B37j3vVA3jT/?igshid=1fatusd3ztor3

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But narc will never try to get real help. Will be making up stories, how drugs help to maintain anxiety level low, fight panic attacks and insecurities. Also I discovered she fainted few times whole going to work at public transport. She was hospitalized. Never told me. Bever shared. Because I overreact. I would nag to get help and treatment. I feel wronged and wrong. I don't know what right anymore, since my whole life principles system is crushed by this obnoxious creature that says I make life miserable and none ever treated her like that before, even enemies...this person I chose to fight for, this person I have a vow to never let go, to break my head for, to be there even when she breaks my heart and throws me out of the house. We don't start if we don't plan to finish, but where do we know when to stop?#relationship #addiction #drugs #homeabuse #brokenheart #broken #unconditionallove (at One Cause) https://www.instagram.com/p/B32W6HLAYv5/?igshid=ns08s0fg3zpt

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Sooo...yes or no? Anyone care?nope. But still who cares. (at Jerktown, USA) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3wck_xAVU1/?igshid=1j8sox3zeioio

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"Hug is nice, hug is goooood, hug is always there for youu" #hugforlife #family #unconditionallove #addiction (at Far Far Away) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3Wl4L2gGii/?igshid=lqvmgyseve35

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She keeps drinking. Drinking strong spirit no less than a quarter of a big bottle. Each evening after work. Still doesn't speak to me. But now keeps hugging me at night while sleep. Started masturbating while sitting with me in the couch watching tv. And came all over my face and chest (without me being involved, hehe), i mean I love this guy so much, we are so weird together, but for some reason it's not enough. I say not enough, but for me it is enough. He is perfect for me and suits me right. Not enough, because apparently I don't suit him well enough, since he has breakdowns over and over again about me not loving him, not supporting, not caring enough. And I'm clueless. #relationship #gonebad #unconditionallove #addiction #nomoney #future #hell (at Appletown) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3NArlTg7m1/?igshid=ndvayhjxewnj

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Yesterday when I went to sleep, he hugged me tight and whispered to my ear: "We need to separate. You have to go." While I was trying not to break into tears, I could squeezed out of me only this:" You need to start therapy". After all, I thought, I cannot leave him like this, how can I leave a person I love so much in such distress? He vaguely can imagine what real love is and how to care and support your love ones even when you want to rip them apart and never see then again. Especially if a person in a bad place, you are his family, you are responsible and need to be sure you done everything to secure the wellbeing of someone you used to love. I am still in love and it hurts like hell, hearing all over again, year after year, the same ugly things from his mouth: "F#ck you, fuck off, I don't want you, go away, here is your ticket go back to you mom and your fucking dog, we lately had sex only because I was feeling so bad seeing you how much you want it." I want to be here with him, to see his progress from addiction, to see that when I go, I know he has everything to move forward and I did all I can, not to feel guilt if he will decide not to continue life without drinking and drugging himself every other day. #relationship #harddecisions #addiction #drugs #unconditionallove #phychosis #depression #family #dreams #distress https://www.instagram.com/p/B3JvzmoATwb/?igshid=1t83s5nhmxbdl