One day at a time

I need a place where I can be me, where I can post openly, where I can truly express myself.

[feloniousaquarian]

Feeling so gross about myself right now.. I haven't been eating much lately and today I decided to drive to Taco Bell and gorge myself on a 5 layer burrito and a box of nachos... my stomach is continously making horrific noises and churning. I don't know why I do this to myself.. I barely eat and when I do, it's poison? Oh goodness..

[chatsvoid]

Just keep swimming. Just. keep.. swimming… Just…. keep……

[feloniousaquarian]

Oh boy does this resonate with me! When I went inpatient last year, I was working 3 jobs. I worked every single day, often twice a day. I woke up at 5am, worked until 11:30, went home and cleaned, then went to work from 4-9, went home and slept, and repeated. Day after day after day. Self care is so important. Don't ever dismiss it!

[feloniousaquarian]

So here I am, in all my glory. I'm 28, almost 29 years old. My entire life I've struggled with mental health issues. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child (still a very much accurate diagnosis today). I began self harming at 13. At 16 a therapist told me she believed that I suffered from manic depression (later known as bipolar disorder). In my mid twenties I developed binge eating disorder. January 2018, at 26, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar type 1 disorder after an inpatient stay. Later that year I began purging, even though I had gotten my binge eating under control and lost a fair amount if weight. I went inpatient a second time in November 2019 at 27, after my ex drove me to absolute insanity where I had a complete mental collapse at work. We split in Janaury of this year after a verbal fight turned physical, where he wrapped his hands around my throat and squeezed until I nearly blacked out. Today, I am the happiest I have been in a long time. I'm engaged to a wonderful man (who is also bipolar 1), work two jobs, one of which I enjoy immensely, I've started back to college with a change in majors (criminal justice to psychology), and overall enjoying what life has to offer. So that's me in a nutshell. There'll be times where I expand on my experiences, or talk about current issues I may be dealing with.

[feloniousaquarian]

It's been quite a while since I've been on Tumblr and I decided I wanted to start up another one. I have a couple other social media accounts, but I feel like I can never be open on those. Too many people I know. Tumblr gives me a sense of anonymity and enables me to openly express myself, which is something I need to do. I keep far too much in.