I think people need to understand that everyone has to unlearn misogynistic behaviors and thinking patterns. Cis women and trans women and cis men and trans men and anyone who doesn’t fall under those categories are all completely capable of being misogynistic and actively hurtful to women. Trans men are included in this, obviously, but when you only call for trans men to unlearn this mindset, you are no longer being progressive and fair. You are singling out a minority.
it pisses me off to see cis women saying 'trans women are misogynistic because they were raised as men' and trans women replying 'no we aren't because no we weren't!' and i'm sitting there staring at the camera like it's the office. because like women are ALL raised to be just as misogynistic as men. it's a notable goddamn feature of the patriarchy.
like if you are marginalized it is in your own self-interest to interrogate and deconstruct the cultural narratives that position you as subnormal. this is what starts a lot of queer people on wanting to reform the world into something more compassionate and egalitarian.
but it's not the marginalization that makes you any more or less ethical than anyone else. it's the work. you gotta do the actual work.
I feel like part of the problem is a really popular misunderstanding of bigotry.
Misogyny is not just prejudice experienced by a woman. It is not simply something that happens TO a woman. It has nothing to do with the woman. It’s about the misogynist.
Bigotry is not determined or defined by the target of that bigotry. The bigotry is stored in the bigot.
Misogynists will be misogynistic towards any person they associate with femininity, including cisgender men.
When a misogynist cis man tears another man down for liking something he thinks is girly, he is still being misogynistic.
A cis male coach telling his cis male student he runs like a girl is being misogynistic.
A cis woman punishing her son for wanting a “girl” toy or policing her boyfriend’s hygiene habits and interests for anything she considers emasculating, is being misogynistic!
When a woman gets in a car accident and is injured more severely because the safety testing on that car was only done using crash test dummies and models based on men, she’s experiencing misogyny.
When the medication she takes for her injuries doesn’t work right or has unexpected side effects because it was only tested on men, she’s experiencing misogyny.
When the tools she uses at work that are the wrong shape for her hands, and the jumpsuit that’s part of her uniform which she has to take off completely to use the bathroom, and all the spaces she moves through and everything within them are designed with the assumption that an average male body is the only body that matters— she is experiencing misogyny.
Misogyny is the belief that women are inherently inferior, and the systems and institutions built around that belief. It can be experienced by anyone, and anyone is capable of having misogynistic beliefs and doing misogynistic things.
Bigotry is not about the target. It’s about the bigot, and what the bigot believes, and the way those bigoted beliefs have shaped our world.
I don’t care what race gender or sexuality you are, you were raised with racist, sexist, homophobic beliefs. Because it’s literally impossible not to be.
And the harder you try to cling to the idea that misogyny is something that happens TO women, rather than something coming FROM misogynists, the more blind you’ll be to your own misogynistic beliefs, and all the ways everything in our society is a product of or directly reinforces those beliefs.
I have gotten into the habit of when interacting with a patient, interrogating myself about what traits I am assigning them, and how its affecting my care. It doesn't matter that I'm a woman, the world has taught me to believe a woman is over emotional and exaggerates her pain. On the flip side, a lifetime of jokes about "manflu" make cause me to underestimate a man's experience of illness. Its not about either gender, its about me and my own expectations. I have caught myself on occasions dismissing what my patients are telling me as "not that bad" and it is always linked to some trait they have. Men are whiny about illness, women exaggerate pain (to be believed), old people are confused, people whose first language isn't English are too hard to understand, whatever. I know full well that all of these things are wrong, but kneejerk responses are built from assumptions, and the assumptions we have most commonly been exposed to are the easiest thing to base those responses on.
I dont think I have ever let it affect my care. I hope I never have, and its my responsibility to keep interrogating my judgements and decisions towards my patients to make sure I never do.
I dont think I'm sexist or racist or ageist or homophobic or any other-ist, but the potential to be exists within me, so its my responsibility to keep checking myself, to interrogate my thoughts. The thoughts come from me. Having those thoughts doesn't make me a bigot, not recognising those thoughts as incorrect and working to dismantle them, or acting on them would do.
Bigotry is not determined or defined by the target of that bigotry. The bigotry is stored in the bigot.
