The Sorrow I Carry

My diary knows things I don’t dare tell anyone else.

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Part 10

the ones I love are hurting

I see you suffering and I can't do anything for you. This is one of the things I hate the most about myself. I'm useless and unable to act, to protect, to care for anyone.

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Part 9

there is freedom in disappearing.

If I wasn’t so devoted to my pets and didn’t love them as deeply as I do, I’d hop on a random bus to some strange, foggy city and quietly disappear.

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Part 8

the ones we expect to protect us often don’t

When you had the chance, you stayed silent. You let my world fall apart, watched it crumble, and somehow...even participated in my destruction.

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Part 7

what we had was always a lie

Dear friend, you stopped clapping for me, not that you ever did, but the hatred in your actions wasn’t there before. You changed, and so did I. We’re not really friends, are we?

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Part 6

I exist, but not to them.

They pretend I don’t exist, as if I’m not even human. Maybe the absence of humanity isn’t in me, but in them.

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Part 5

They tried to erase me

I must be such an awful human that they’ve tried to erase me multiple times, countless of times. I won't forgive them.

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Part 4

all that remains is suffering

I like to disappear from time to time, but I haven’t in so long. Will I ever be able to let go again? Can I disappear again? I don’t think so. Not anymore.

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Part 3

trapped...

I have suffered for as long as I can remember. Peace has never been present in my life, and moments of happiness never come. I can't recall ever being at peace.

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Part 2

my suffering refuses to rest

I will not write in any particular order, nor will I provide detailed accounts of my life, but I will write about my daily pain, my constant suffering, and my present fears.

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Part 1

even if the world never reads

I decided that before I leave this earth, I need to write, even if no one reads, about how disastrous, devastating, unbearable, and completely crushing my life has been.