PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

#extradirty
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor
occasionally subtle
will byers stan first human second
Today's Document

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taylor price
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Claire Keane
Peter Solarz

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blake kathryn

oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day

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@findingmyway2284
The lack of alignment was the closure. The lack of being chosen fully was the closure. The lack of reassurance was the closure. The lack of spiritual work you need to do was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure.
Life has been odd. I think I should be on here more often. Right now, I’m going to posts some photos I’ve taken so I can delete them from my phone.
I have two big job failures that I think of in my life. The first was when they asked me to be after school coordinator at my church. They wouldn’t allow me to run things the way I wanted, just wanted me to run it the way they had been, and I quit after being gaslit and never paid.
Then the next one, I was hired as an admission counselor and me keeping the job was contingent upon getting my drivers license. I tried really hard, but because everyone was working, I didn’t have a lot of time to practice. I failed my drivers test. I was an ugly crying mess on the drive home. I then got fired, and understood. The problem was my supervisor lied to his supervisor because I was really good at recruiting. I still to this day think it’s something I do really well.
I am now in a position with much more responsibility and less control than ever to actually do what needs to be done to make the company successful in the long run. I’ve not performed in a long time. I’ve lost my joy. My father has been going through a radiation/chemo treatment, and I’ve been home for a lot of it, helping out. Nothing too big physically, but emotionally, him having a cancer diagnosis less than a year after my mother passed away has been a lot.
Now the rub of it all, is that I have accomplished a few things that were dreams for me. I thought leveling up and being a leader was what I wanted, but I’m not sure. I’m not sure if it’s just because of life in the sense of, I haven’t had a break, I used to be okay doing work that I didn’t love because I had music to do in the evenings. Now that’s not the case. But now, more than ever, I just wanna sing.
My fears have been in appearance. That they won’t like me or accept me because I’m bigger. And I don’t know if they would, but I feel like I know more than I ever have, and I want to find a way to make music again, make art. Create moments, tell stories. That’s really what I want to do. I was looking for an assistant producer job so hard, and nothing came up. I love producing podcasts, telling stories, archiving, creating sound. I’ve done some voice over gigs lately, and I think I’m getting really good. I want to put a reel together. I want to shop my screen play as instead a 6 episode series. I want to create a ballet with my music. I want to tell stories of Black music and Black women and Black families. I want to look at how to have safer communities. This is not executive level work, which is where I’m at now.
I have a problem committing to things. Exercise, diet, practicing, routine gets away from me, unless I’m at work. I need to recenter myself. I’m really out of alignment. I’ve been whining to my friends, so instead I thought I’d whine here. I feel really stupid for these feelings. That I should just be grateful. And I am indeed very grateful. I just need to give myself space to figure out what the fuck I want.
“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”
Again. As an American I can confirm that. I need all the luck of the world to find a job here
Finding My Way for real...
As I continue my day to day life, I can explain the depth of emptiness life has become without my mother's presence. Her laugh, her smile, the way she said my name, the way she said the dog's name, the joy she felt through so much pain.
My life is now more open than ever. In looking at new opportunities for myself, I recognize that because of our economic status, I didn't get a lot of opportunities outside of those that going to a public arts school afforded, as well as being active in church. My talent was my ticket. But it isn't the only thing I love. Unfortunately, I never had the resources to do an unpaid internship. Singing was not only what I loved, but it was how I paid the bills. So now me wanting to get more deeply involved in leadership, I lack mentorship and focus on certain skills. But I've got the drive and experience leading, just in a different context.
All this to say, I don't really know wtf is going on with life. I'm trying to see as many people as I can as often as I can because I don't want to waste anymore time. I want to feel love and life and make changes. Some people won't come with me. But those that want to, I want to show them how much I love them as often as possible.
Taking care of me is important, but feels strange while in mourning. My mother calling me beautiful, even when I didn't feel it has never been replaced. Folks don't understand what it means to speak with words something they may already know but never share.
Share it all. Even if you told them yesterday. Tomorrow may not come, keep telling them. Keep loving them. Keep searching for joy and light in a world folks want to tell us is void of such things. Find your people, love on them, help create safe spaces for your people and thus change the world.
One day, I hope someone can love me like I deserve to be loved. Today I'm trying to love on myself like I deserve.
One Love.
“When I listen to musicians play, tempo is what separates the men from the boys. If you can play slow, it shows maturity because everything is exposed. Keep practicing. You’ll get over the humps. You might discover something during that time. Mistakes are beautiful because they’re human. You don’t want to sound like a robot.”
Roy Hargrove, jazz
As a mass comm major, IF THERE IS SOMETHING UNJUST OR IMMORAL BEING DONE CALL YOUR LOCAL NEWS STATION THEY WILL HELP MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
Cities and government agencies HATE bad press. This story that was told to me by the journalist that covered this, and he showed us the piece:
There was a traffic light that was set up on the far side of an overpass, but it was improperly hung so you couldn’t see the light until it was too late. There were accidents there EVERY SINGLE DAY and calls to the city did NOTHING.
Someone had the idea to call the local news station and this dude went out to see. As he was interviewing someone, there was a wreck.
Guess what happened after that piece aired?
Suddenly the city had the time to lower the traffic light and the accidents stopped.
Journalists get a bad rep, and while big stations like Fox deserve it, I think more thought should be given to who you’re actually shitting on when you say “I hate journalists.” Because we’re overworked, underpaid, constantly shit on, but we still do the job because we want to help people. All professional, prestigious journalists that I’ve met hate the government and will do whatever they can to get the information and change that’s needed. Being a journalist is a dangerous profession: at every professional convention I’ve been at there’s a fund for the families of journalists that have been killed (there’s a lot!) and a long memoriam roll.
SUPPORT LOCAL NEWS STATIONS
today was my mother’s memorial service. She passed away as I watched and touched her body on August 12th. It’s been a whirlwind ever since. Our house is a wreck, physically and has been for a while, but we don’t got it to really fix it the way it needs to be fixed. as we get walloped by some rain from the tropical storm, I think about endings and beginnings. We celebrated her life and everything that she did for the community and the children in the community. I know I have dreams, but I just wonder what I do now. Everyone is telling me it’s my job to take care of my father... What?! I know I have to be by his side and support him, but take care of him!? Idk, I’m missing my mother and the life that I had before August 12th. I just don’t know anymore. With this pandemic, my dreams have moved in different directions. I’m not the person I was at the beginning of it, I don’t think. And I’m not sure who I’ll be when I wake up, but FUCK are things fucked up. Just so much to think about. And I know I don’t have to think about it all right now, but here I am, back on my tumblr page like I never left, though I’m not sure when the last time was that I posted anything original.
Avoiding Fast Fashion: How to Repair your Stuff
A friend texted me asking how to avoid fast fashion and the short answer is: you cant. unless you have the money to make all your own clothes, fast fashion is going to be a part of your life because it has permeated every corner of the fashion industry. However, you can learn basic mending and repair techniques to help your clothes last so that you are contributing far less to the fast fashion industry
Basic Hand Sewing How-to
How to Mend Jeans using Shashiko Methods
How to Mend Clothing (this channel is all about how to sew so check out her other videos)
Repairing a Seam
Re-attach the sole of a shoe
Repair holes in shoes 1 2
“I didn’t need you to fix me. I needed you to love me while I fix myself.”
— Michelle K.
Photo dump
“Sometimes closure arrives years later. Long after you stopped searching for it. You’re just sitting there, laughing this laugh that is unapologetically yours. As it trails off, the corners of your mouth hug your face and it hits you, ‘I’m happy.’ It’s just like that. With no fanfare or epiphany. Suddenly, you are grateful for goodbyes that carried you to this moment; to the space you are now holding.“”
— wordhoney
Need this feeling again
I felt so pretty today. And after how shitty I felt yesterday, grateful for today.
A writer falls in love with an idea and get carried away. Doris Lessing, writer