⚠Warning! May contain sensitive material⚠
Pico had been counting the ticks of the clock, mimicking the sounds with his finger tips. Boyfriend would be here soon, and he was just biding his time.
“Gotta get this over with.” The ginger groggily mumbled to himself. “You’ve practiced enough. It has to be done.”
He imagined a better, more normal way that this could have gone down. He’d call him, have a civil conversion, give his reasons, and let him down gently. Easy, simple, quick.
But nothing was ever that simple. Not for him anyway. Their relationship was already not a simple one. Though he didn’t have an ill word to say about his blue haired lover, he was always frustrated by him. By how he could always be so nonchalant about things to the point that the threat of harm wouldn’t even shake him. Such a trait was admirable. Envious even. But-
“That’s the problem.” He gritted his teeth as if the though alone had punched him in the gut. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he forced himself to calm down. He needed to be cool, and collected. If Boyfriend saw him like this, things could be more difficult than they already were. The guy was easygoing, but stubborn. He needed to have his head on straight. or Pico could make a massive mistake tonight.
He hadn’t seen Boyfriend since this morning. He was way less involved with his personal life outside of their relationship. It mostly involved playing out to large crowds of drunk and rowdy people in bars. Something the older guy wasn’t keen on. Though he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy watching from behind the crowds. Seeing the other use his lyrical weaponry to blast his competition with ease. Smiling that dumb, goofy smile of his.
“Stop, it!” Pico growled, planting his forehead onto the coffee table. He was psyching himself out again. This wouldn’t change anything. It couldn’t. “You’re going through with this, Pico. It’s for his sake. Not yours.”
It hasn’t been that long since Pico sent the text to Boyfriends saying they needed to talk. Trying to remain stoic and cold faced till then made it feel like his arrival was taking a millennia. Especially with these fond memories making him doubt himself.
Its a mistake. You’re being selfish. You’re doing it right. You’re gonna screw up. You’re throwing it all away. It’s for the best.
So many words being said at once. Being both correct and incorrect. None of these mixed well in his mind. He needed to focus. To remember the reason for this decision.
He got up from the tattered couch, and walked over to a poorly covered up crack in the wall. It wasn’t intended. Boyfriend had surprised him. And the next thing he knew, his partner had been slammed against the wall. This memory hurt. It was an accident, but it didn’t matter. It was an accident that happened too often. When Pico had an episode, this happened. And Boyfriend was always way too close.
He knew the other was a tough person. But his lack of agency left him open to Pico’s issues. He didn’t want that anymore. He didn’t want to hurt anyone he cared about. Especially him. This had to be done.
The sound of jangling keys pulled him out of his haze. Boyfriend was finally here. Pico went back to the couch, pushing his ever present gun further out of sight as he sat back down. The door swung open as a familiar sight of his blue hair and red cap came stumbling in.
“Yo, P!” The enthusiastic young man blurted out, greeting the other with a smile. “Sorry I’m late. This one guy just wouldn’t give it up. But I crushed him in the second half. You should have been there!”
“Yeah, sorry.” Pico responded, trying to relax and not be sucked in by the other’s infectious energy. “I was busy as hell today.”
“That’s fine. I get that.” Boyfriend laughed as he removed his shoes in the doorway. “My big, bad Pico needs to make his bread too.”
He hastily took off his jacket, lazily placing it over the back of the couch as he plopped right next to the ginger. Normally he’d grab something to drink first, but he could feel that what his partner wanted to talk about was more important. So he wanted to show he was all in on him.
“So. What up, babe?” The younger man asked. “Something funky going on?” Even in possible serious situations, he still managed to be so chipper. It kind of irritated Pico. And yet it still made him warm inside. Crap, it was still working on him.
“Yeah…So-” Pico shifted in place, trying not to come off as anxious. It was failing, but he believed in Boyfriend’s obliviousness enough to have him not notice. “About the other night-”
“Oh.” Boyfriend beeped out before giving his lover a reassuring smile. “We talked about it, remember? It was an accident. It’s no biggie.”
“I slammed you against the wall,” The said harshly with a bit of irritation and concern.
“It’s alright, P. I promise!” He kept his soft look as he placed a hand on the other’s bouncing leg. “You didn’t mean it. Besides, it’s not the first time it’s happened.”
“THAT’S THE DAMN PROBLEM, BEE!” Pico barked out, standing straight up with his gun in hand. He hoped that the action would get something out of the younger, but he remained unfazed. “It keeps happening. No matter how careful I try and fucking be. I slip up, and the next thing I know, you’re hurt by me.”
“Hey hey, Pico! It’s cool, really!” Boyfriend’s concern was starting to rise. He’s seen Pico upset like this many times before. It was common for him beat himself up after after an episode, especially the ones that let to Boyfriend getting hurt. But it felt somewhat different this time “You may have done a number on me a few times, yeah. But it always turns out fine. We get through it.”
“What if we don’t get through this? What if next time it’s really fucking bad?” Pico was now pacing in the connected dining room, knuckles going white from his grip on the gun. This this was going exactly as he thought and feared. Boyfriend was making excuses for him. Pico was dangerous, he always was.
“I’ve severely hurt people in the past. Killed people even. What makes you so sure I won’t do the same to you one day?”
“I know you won’t!” Boyfriend snapped back as he shot right up from where he sat. “Y-You wouldn’t do that! I just know”
“You don’t, Bee.” The older man raised his gun up, taking a familiar position. “You really fucking don’t.”
The tension was thick in the air. Was Pico really taking aim at him right now? No. This all had to be some kind of joke or a misunderstanding. The younger stood his ground, looking at his lover dead in the eyes. He wasn’t serious. He couldn’t be.
“Pico. This isn’t funny” He said with a steady, soft voice. A rare thing for him to do. “You wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”
“Don’t test me, Bee.” He was still as a statue. His eyes fixed. Years of professional killing was beginning to show through. And for once, it was rattling Boyfriend. “You should go.”
“Pico…” He began to slowly move towards the other, hand reached out to place a hand on the gun. “You don’t mean this. Please, just put it down, and we can just talk about-”
The sudden sound quickly shook the entire small apartment, as well as Boyfriend to his core. He looked down to see the indent from the bullet in the wood floor next to his foot. It stung his whole leg from that alone. He looked back up to see Pico hadn’t moved one bit. The aim sights of the gun pointing back on the one he once called his partner. For once, fear had crept onto Boyfriend’s face. He really shot at him.
“You know I rarely miss.” Pico said in a calm, cold voice. “For your sake. Just go”
The silence between them felt as though it went on for hours. Bur before either one of them knew it, Boyfriend has snatched up his jacket and shoes, running from the apartment. Pico could have sworn that he heard the younger muffle out a cry as the door slammed behind him.
When he was sure that he was all alone, Pico backed himself against the cracked wall and allowed himself to slide to the floor.
It was done. Boyfriend either hated him, feared him, wanted him dead. At this point, it didn’t matter. He was gone. And now it was just him and his thoughts again.
Lifting the gun, he took out the empty clip. Holding it, he took a nice long look at it.
“It’s done.” His husky and shaky voice sighed. “Sorry, Bee… But I had to.” He placed his head in his hands as a stream of fresh, hot tears began to run down his face. It’s been a good, long while since he cried alone.
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