The Counterphobic 6, my take.
I’m not here to say cp6′s get a bad wrap, or that we’re misunderstood. However, i do think there are some nuances that could be clarified. For example, as a counterphobic 6, I would not describe my inner dialogue as *INWARD SCREAMING* or *RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* as every tumblr post seems too. Of course these posts are merely being humorous, and there is no harm in that. The real problem is that the enneagram 6 is a complex subject, especially the counterphobic side. Being as it is that most people get their info from the internet, we have to make sure there is ample resource for people to find out about each type. It was too the point that I insisted in my own mind that there was no way I was counterphobic, no way at all. I was a Phobic 6 for months, not relating with or wanting to associate with any description of a counterphobic 6. It wasn’t til I got into a skirmish with my INFJ over something that I realized the root of the problem was i was running AT the anxiety, and that was just a thing I did. (while she runs away) I took me observing the mechanics of the thing to relate with it because the descriptions are just so intensely unrelatable. They all seem to describe an 8-ish ESTP character that I don’t relate with at all.
At the core of the thing, a counterphobic 6 is simply a 6, that runs at sources of anxiety rather than away. HOW they do it is not set in stone. For me it might look something like this:
There is an elephant in the room, Stacy and Robert are sitting down talking in the corner. The last time I saw them a few weeks ago, they we’re angry at me. I know them to be reasonable people but I don’t know If they’ve forgiven me since I’ve apologized. A severe anxiety overtakes me. I cannot deal with being in the same room with them and not knowing how they’re thinking of me, what they might be saying about me, and if they’re still hurt. I HAVE to go sit with them an make the first strike. I sit by them and make a lighthearted joke to see if they smile.
Now let’s compare this to what a phobic 6 might do:
There is an elephant in the room, Stacy and Robert are sitting down talking in the corner. The last time I saw them a few weeks ago, they we’re angry at me. I know them to be reasonable people but I don’t know If they’ve forgiven me since I’ve apologized. A severe anxiety overtakes me. What if they still hate me? What if they’re talking about me right now? Maybe if they don’t see me it won’t remind them… What if they walk over here and attack me!? I think I should leave… I should just go outside and avoid this altogether.
Now, I’m not saying the phobic 6 approach is worse, Not at all, its much less annoying and obnoxious. However, I don’t think people understand the distress that cp6′s feel, not just in social situations, but in general. If a cp6 feels a punishment coming they just want to take it as soon as possible to avoid the agonizing wait. The counterphobic 6, above all else, wants to put an end to their anxiety as quickly as possible by whatever means necessary. They don’t want to wait for a situation to resolve, they want to resolve it. They don’t want to wait for trouble to come, they want to go to the trouble. They would rather meet danger with wide eyes and clinched fists than have it creep up on them and stab them while their backs are turned. Idle worrying is the enemy. Fear is the Dragon unslain. They connot stand loose ends or unresolved narratives. Looming trouble is a dark cloud constantly pouring rain and it is unbearable.
I work at a Learning Center as a teachers assistant. I would like to tell you about the curious case of young Stephan. Stephan is a seemingly violent and aggressive child of about 7. I often remark to my INFJ girlfriend who works with me “Stephan is my spirit animal”. He is so aggressive towards teachers, and other children, even me. He says things, angrily like “Hey, who asked you!?” or “whatever, bub!” or “ggrrraaaaah, not (blank) again” and “*incomprehensible angry muttering to self*” He’ll attack me verbally, or threaten to beat me up and I’ll just smile and say “I’m more than twice your size, buddy” softly and nonthreatening. To which he then becomes very passive aggressive and dismissive as if he never said anything to begin with. What Stephan doesn’t want you to know is that he’s actually intensely anxious. You can tell that when he talks aggressively he is doing so feigning confidence he doesn’t have, he may stutter or trail off. There is no forcefulness in his energy, only an harsh defense disguised as an offense. He’s afraid nobody is protecting him. That we’re all here to judge him (it is a school after all) and that at the end of the day there is nothing he can really do to stop it. So he lashes out with anxious energy and feigned confidence. And I’ll tell you, as an adult of 23, of the hundreds of kids I’ve seen, I’ve never found a child I more strongly related to.
We’re every bit of the nervous wreck of the phobic 6, but its almost as if they can “take it” better. I marvel at the phobic 6s ability to let the nervous energy stew and avoid the problem. Problems that seem a long way off can’t get here quick enough. At the end of the day, it’s not that I’m aggressive, It’s that I’m scared that I can’t know how things will play out (or if they’ll play out) unless I make them play out. I’m not trying to hurt or annoy anyone, I’m simply afraid and can’t stop myself. All I really need is to be reassured. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from anyone. Unless I get that I can’t relax, and all I want to do is relax!
Unfortunately, most cp6′s aren’t aware they’re counterphobic, or even that they’re ruled by their anxiety. Many cp6s will not suffer the humiliation of admitting they’re anxious or uncertain. Many cp6′s are not even feelers or consciously focusing on how they feel. That’s your 8ish ESTP cp6 archetype. But for those of us who are aware and searching for answers and admitting our flaws… cut us a bit of slack. Not asking for an excuse, just reassurance that we can trust you and are well liked. A swift end to problems and anxieties is all we want and your assistance in the matter would be greatly appreciated!
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