The Thoughts From My Brain

they/them ADHD gremlin

[lexicanons]

Vampire Shane feeding off Ilya one night and almost immediately pulling back and giving Ilya a disappointed look. Ilya asks what’s wrong and Shane asks why he hasn’t taken his antidepressants.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Remember when Lil Nas X beautifully explored his sexuality, seduced and killed the devil to the banger of all time, and instead of cheering on this openly gay and proud Black artist for his artistry and fighting back against respectability politics, suddenly said respectability politics was all the Queerest Place on the Internet cared about? Hm. Wonder what happened there.

Anyway I miss him and hope he's doing better with his mental health 🙏🏾

[creatingblackcharacters]

Like say what you want about "bad queer representation", but this was the song that made me openly and happily accept that I was bisexual. To see him up there Black and beautiful, making music that I love, absolutely killing it? Yeah. You couldn't tell me shit. This man made me proud to be out. "This will make them think we're evil for being gay" hey newsflash dawg-

[aslongasitsblack]

​a man who has never denied himself anything meets a man who denies himself everything and the hedonist tries to lure the self-abnegator into succumbing to the pleasures of the flesh and succeeds but their rendezvous makes accidentally clear that true pleasure is derived from the perilous destructive nature of intimate connection and eventually true actual love and so we come to conclude that in fact the hedonist is the one who has never allowed himself anything true while the self-abnegator has never strayed from the path of his want and then they put them on ice skates and gave them sticks

[clytemnestraaa]

one of my creative writing professors once said that to evaluate a work as good or not, first you ask what the work is attempting to do, and then you evaluate how well it does it. and this is how to judge everything from critical essays to romance novels to snack packaging to theory tracts.

[gingeralevodka]

Did depression make Ilya act the way he did

Trigger warning: discussion on depression and self harm

Regarding how he did as Centaurs captain: yes. I think this is something Rachel Reid wrote realistically overall. Depression leads to low self esteem (make people second guess their decisions), mental clouding, fatigue and sense of hopelessness. Many elite athletes have spoken on how depression has affected them. Ilya’s performance in terms of scoring goals stays the same. Depression doesn’t necessarily affect their physical performance. A lot of that is related to motor skills and muscle memory built up through years of practice and live in a different part of the brain. Depression COULD cause loss of skill if it becomes so severe that the patient has low energy and is unable to get out of bed to practice. What depression could hit harder is the affective aspects of competitive sports. We see this in Ilya when he feels hopelessness when losing (and even during the occasional wins) and is unable to motivate his team convincingly. Remember how a healthier Ilya Rozanov responded to adversity and pressure after Sochi and faced the pressure to take Boston to glory as a rookie. He was motivated and hungry to prove himself.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships? Well unfortunately Rachel Reid wrote this very inconsistently.

Depression could absolutely make people seem withdrawn and unable to communicate effectively. The usual cause is that they feel like unworthy or burdensome. We see that with Ilya when he thought about how he didn’t want to burden Shane with his struggles. What is doesn’t tend to do is for people to blame other people for their problems or become disproportionately angry at others. That’s why it’s much more common for depressed patients to harm THEMSELVES instead of others. default mode network (DMN), which is heavily involved in how one sees themselves. When it comes to the issue of coming out, it would be much more consistent with depression if Ilya thought that HE was the reason Shane couldn’t come out and feel guilt instead of anger and frustration. Let’s say Ilya has a form depression that makes him more irritable and angry at others, which is possible. It ALSO would be bizarre for his neurobiology to be suddenly fixed when it comes to people other than Shane. He would also view Ryan discovering them and Troy coming out negatively. He would be angry at Ryan for discovering them and making them feel an increased need to hide. He’d also see Troy coming out as “why do you get to feel happy and have everything when I don’t”. Depression also wouldn’t make people make inappropriate jokes about people’s eating habits when they seem distressed about it.

So, no. It’s not all just the depression.

[argillaforma]

a scene that really gets me is in episode 6 is where they’re all sat at the table and yuna says “oh but that’s sad” when they tell her they’re gonna keep their relationship secret until they retire and shane responds “yeah we know” like that just sums up the queer experience.

a lot of the queer experience is people being like “wait it’s actually crazy you have to deal with that” and queer people just going 🤷‍♂️ because it’s always been like that. it’s sad but it’s not shocking to shane and ilya that they have to hide because there is no other option. it’s acceptance by defeat because it feels like there is no alternative

“yeah we know” because we have been living in that reality for the last almost 10 years. we know

[bitchass97]

CONCEPT: Ilya buying David a multi pack of chargers that gets delivered after the wedding with the note “so you don’t see anything else ;p”

[ily-a]

#the smiles! the laughter!! the joy!!

[snowsmoked]

I think that Ilya genuinely thinks Shane is mocking his accent when he copies it. And like. It's fine, its a funny accent, Ilya knows that. He knows it's still pretty thick (nice) for him living in English speaking countries for 10 years. But its whatever, he doesn't really care. If he did, he'd tell Shane to stop and he would stop. No big deal.

Until.

Ilya is watching Shane interact with Luca one day. Luca says something and Shane repeats it in Luca's Swiss accent. Luca doesn't really seem to notice or care. Shane isn't acting like he's making fun of Luca. And when Ilya comes over, he even says 'hey' in Luca's accent.

And Ilya then does some googling. He comes across the phrase 'echolalia' and reads the sentence: "-especially when individuals feel comfortable or have a strong relationship with the person they are imitating."

And Ilya realizes the first time he remembers Shane doing that was during their first time. He had worked so hard to make Shane feel safe and comfortable and he did and he has proof and now he has to go suck Shane's dick about it immediately.

[scartafacci]

[lea24-81]

shane when yuna tries to plan their future: woah slow down we don’t know anything for sure yet.

also shane ( his mamas clone) approximately 3 hours after they finally talk about feelings: has already planed the next 5 years of their lives with intricate detail and no ilya i haven’t slept this is too important, are you listening

[pocketss]

distressing things to say to your friends

[femdreamland]

I think HR has reached the point in the pop-culture timeline that people are saying “I never liked it,” “it was always overhyped,” “the actors actually sucked” blah blah blah

Wow — you’re so cool for not liking something mainstream 🤩

Meanwhile, I’m happy that it even became mainstream!! A show about two men loving eachother, the fear of your sexuality bringing you homophobia/social rejection, the pressures of embracing who you are, the freedoms in finally being completely yourself etc…

Say what you want, but it objectively is a well-written/well-acted show and i believe that it is an important piece of lgbtq media in present day.

(Now if we could only get a show about two queer women to have the same hype…I’d be over the damn moon🙏🏻)

[mokkkki]

If any of you are like me and didn’t plan on watching the new spiderman because you’re apprehensive and are sick of getting disappointed , YOU ARE WRONG PLEASE GO WATCH IR

[mutinsfromthemoon]

it’s a random day on their honeymoon and ilya is at the pool with shane when he notices he’s without his sunglasses. so he heads back to the hotel to grab them from their room. he’s on his way to the elevator when the receptionist calls out “mr. hollander?” and ilya stops and is about to correct her when it hits him. he’s in fact mr. hollander. and he’s just standing there grinning like an idiot in front of the receptionist who is explaining something to him that he’s not listening to at all. and when the receptionist says again “mr. hollander?” ilya goes “i’m sorry, can you explain again?” with the sappiest grin on his face.

[jewelcoatfish]

i just imagine the oldies at david’s mcgill hockey team is jealous as fuck like what do you MEAN his son and son in law are THE HOCKEY GUYS like the best ones. some of them tried to get their child to date a hockey player and didn’t even succeed but david hollander not only is the father of the best hockey player but also the father in law of the other best hockey player??? i swear he’s living the dream of some of his old teammates they hate to see a uni reunion coming

[okoyestrainee]

The Centaurs very quickly learn that Shane’s versions of jealousy and possessiveness look different from what they’d expect.

Scary. That’s it. Plain and simple. Without even trying to be, Shane Hollander is absolutely fucking terrifying. On the ice, yes, absolutely—but specifically when it comes to Ilya.

“I’m scared,” Wyatt croaks from behind Bood. “Make him stop!”

Bood’s trying to maneuver his way behind Wyatt. “Call a priest. An imam. A rabbi. Call the police!”

Luca honest-to-God whimpers. “What have we done? What have we unleashed?”

Harris blinks behind the camera. “Uh…so. Did you have an answer, Shane?”

Across the room, Shane is half on the floor, red-faced, and out of breath. He struggles to collect himself and stop the giggles (to him; they’re unholy cackles of evil to everyone else) that have had him struggling for air for at least 5 minutes.

“I-I’m sorry,” he gasps around uncontrollable laughter. “I’m so sorry, Harris. Let’s—go ahead. Repeat your question, please.”

The locker room erupts into pleas and shouts of “no,” “don’t do it,” and “for the love of all that’s holy, cut the camera!” Despite the obvious protests (which he may or may not edit out), Harris pushes forward.

“You see someone flirting with your significant other. What’s—“

Shane pitches forward and the demonic cackling starts up again.

LaPointe will deny it later, but he starts muttering Father Merrin’s lines from The Exorcist. Dykstra joins in at “the power of Christ compels you!” Neither of them is Catholic.

“We are not safe,” Troy whispers behind his boyfriend—a good distance from the camera and, more importantly, Shane. “Not here. Not anywhere.”

Coach Weibe nods appreciatively. His eyes are wide with both fear and plans for a Stanley Cup celebration. “I’m going to hear him laughing in my nightmares. We’re going to win so many Cups, but by God…I don’t think I’ll ever sleep peacefully again.”

Shane picks himself up off the floor again and tries to collect himself.

“Oh God,” he chuckles. “Okay. Okay, I can do it this time. One more time, Harris. I can keep it together. Shoot.”

Harris stares straight ahead as he makes his fifth attempt of the day. He knows if he looks back at the rest of the Centaurs, he’ll lose his nerve.

“You see someone flirting with your significant other,” he recites. “What’s your immediate response?”

Shane snorts behind his hand—and whether he purposely uses his left hand to show off the gold wedding band is up for debate—but keeps his cool. For a second, it seems like Harris will finally get an answer to post on the team Instagram. Something intelligible, instead of 20 minutes of Joker-esque cackles that belong in a horror movie.

Then, suddenly, Shane goes stone-faced. Not his typical flat expression—no; a far more horrifying version. The unhinged grin he’s worn since the first take slips off instantly and is replaced by something that makes everyone take a step back. Brows slightly furrowed. Mouth set in a straight line. Eyes laser-focused on the camera, staring into the lens like he’s speaking directly to the future viewers and daring them to challenge him.

“No.”

Harris blinks. “Uh. It…it wasn’t a yes or no—“

Shane quirks an eyebrow, like he wishes Harris, the camera, the millions of people who will watch this clip later on, and any random motherfucker would try him. “No.”

“But it’s—“

“The answer,” Shane interjects, tone deceptively soft, “is no.”

Behind Shane, leaning up against the lockers with his arms crossed in what is supposed to be nonchalance but looks far more lovesick than should be humanly possible, Ilya beams at the camera.

“You heard the man,” he quips to an almost entirely silent room. “The answer is no. Next question.”

The video never sees the light of day/the internet. Harris archives the footage and locks it away in a fireproof box marked “Do Not Open Without Spiritual Guidance.” The one time he opens the box looking for misplaced documents, he swears he hears demonic laughter behind him. Troy says it must’ve been the wind, but even he’s spooked enough to sleep with the lights on for a week.