*Insert Witty Phrase Here*

Kinda wanna die. Kinda want garlic bread. Really want to do something crazy, like give everyone basic human rights without any stipulations. ✌🏻

[discourseful]

[carnival-phantasm]

[weirdness-is-good]

[christineebersole]

This post isn’t written in any known human language

[patheticperipatetic]

Is this what understanding a newspaper political cartoon is like?

[bunkey]

this is my spiderverse spidersona “stupid thick peter” who was bit by a radioactive thot and killed venom by clapping his asscheeks so hard that the soundwave dematerialized him

[blacktwitterfunny]

[ants-are-fascinating]

When ants die, a few days later they emit oleic acid, which tells the living ants to dispose of their corpse.

A myrmecologist named Ed Wilson discovered this and dropped the chemical on a living ant. It was immediately carried off, despite the fact that it was still moving, and clearly not dead.

[periegesisvoid-deactivated]

“I’M GETTING BETTER”

[kuroba101]

Bring out your dead. Eh, close enough.

[glitterandgrunge]

IM NOT YET DEAD SIR

[lazorsandparadox]

You left out the part where the ant, believing HERSELF to be dead, stayed in self imposed exile in the ant graveyard until the acid wore off and she realized she was not supposed to be in the ant graveyard.

[silent-wordsmith]

@finite-experience, this seems like the sort of thing you’d like to see

[mister-christmas]

Ant 1: To the ant graveyard with you

Ant 2: But I’m not dead

Ant 1: You smell dead

Ant 2: Fair enough

[eric-coldfire]

Ant 1: “I thought you were dead.”

Ant 2, after acid wears off: “I got better.”

[ottermatopoeia]

Ant 2, returning to the colony: i lived bitch

[whitepeopletwitter]

[birble-bobble]

Yeah so the Big Think is literally owned by big oil. They’re making shit up so people feel too exhausted to fight for any change. Ignore this kind of environmental nihilism, all it does it help the rich avoid change.

[shezze-blog1]

I’m upset because I want to change the world but the world is too big and people are too mean

[wufflesvetinari]

“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.” - Rabbi Tarfon

[mangozetango]

I needed to hear this

[antique-scarecrow]

not obligated to complete the work, not free to abandon it.

[colossalfauna-moved-deactivated]

y'all will circlejerk yourself to the mysticisms of faeries and elves in european countries for centuries and take it as fact but the second native americans ask you to respect our spirituality and culture suddenly you're all aetheists

[colossalfauna-moved-deactivated]

non natives can, should, and will reblog this.

[dicaeopolis]

Fuck all romance except whatever the fuck that lil cowboy and roman guy from night at the museum had going on

[transpondster]

This reminds me, America’s 45th President is an imbecile

[alfred-e-neuman]

Alternatively, it could be said that someone’s (someone who is alive in 2018) grandfather owned 70 slaves. 

Not so far detached from the present as they would like you to think. 

[bando--grand-scamyon]

But don’t nobody wanna see that last part

[australiansanta]

[stand-up-gifs]

[pr1nceshawn]

Turning Your Tinder Profile Into A Strip Tease.

[lake--verity-deactivated2018090]

Stop teasing and tap again I wanna see the obituary

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

everything about this is fucking hilarious. i’m sorry, random pompeii man, but your death was some looney tunes bullshit and the framing of this photograph isn’t helping.

[snout]

what are these “shower thoughts” everybody’s talking about, i dont think about anything in the shower, my mind is completely blank as i douse my body in scalding hot water and stare at a wall

[rejectingrepublicans]

[cossackia]

The Timeless Trilogy

[pebleeee-deactivated20151227]

im happy they worked it out

[the-rom-man]

I need updates on this 

are they still bffs?

[cossackia]

[butchniqabi]

i hate that the common trope with vampire romance is an old ass immortal man falling for a teenager, like find yourself a milf like the rest of us bro

[punkjabi]