Gods Wettest Soldier

24. arrested for getting sloppy drippy moist on main. some real I fell into a lake type behaviour. previously @hellfireandflowercrowns

[saltoncity]

girl is that a knife in your hand or are you jerking off your sharp detachable penis in my stomach

[shetheyslain]

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

[wizardarchetypes]

i remember in a college acting course two of my classmates were assigned a scene between macbeth and lady macbeth, and the day of exams macbeth showed up high out of his fucking mind. just zonked to hell. and usually that would be so annoying and not actually make a person better at acting, but he got up on stage for the exam and started panicking and pivoted hard into a paranoid high while lady macbeth tore into him and he looked more genuinely terrified than any oscar win i've ever seen

[milk5]

Spent the day with regirock. He's a fantastic guy. Great sense of humor and also 200 physical defense

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[aire1111]

she didnt block me on pinterest so im sending her madd pictures of ghouls and devils

[segamascott]

such a good listener hard to find those sometimes

[maggotmuncher0]

trying new koh-i-noor pencils!

request for @eb-and-j !

[decamarks]

Thinking of becoming a guy that thinks wolves are the most badass and aspirational animal, but about ants. Like wearing t-shirts about being loyal to my Queen and training to bench 5x my bodyweight. Studying ant warfare. Posting shit like this

[lemonsweet]

[explodingthunder]

(peer reviewed tags by @chortlebot)

[10001gecs]

I need to suck you off until you’re groaning like a beached whale 🫣

ok you can give me a blowjob but take the time to think of a more sexy simile please

[10001gecs]

😭

[raccoonmilf]

When I was in grade school I used to send emails to biologists and zoologists asking them questions to get answers to include in school projects I was working on, and would cry when they did not respond because I thought I was stupid for thinking that some random kid would ever be deserving of a response from someone who does something as smart and cool and important as *checks notes* studies frog fungus.

Now, at 29, I’m lowkey having a panic attack because my academic email is filled with middle schoolers wanting me to answer their questions about pygmy raccoons and I keep putting off answering them because I’m so overwhelmed with all the other raccoon stuff I have to do.

Anyway, greatest apologies to any scientist I ever emailed as a child and also an adult.

[raccoonmilf]

I know your research is really important and I appreciate all you are doing but this is so fucking funny

[amygdalae]

mutuals if you were a video game character I would do every step of your questline and get your good ending

[reallycoolsoup]

What would you do with non mutuals? Cause speedrunners are always killing me for my crystal scythe before doing my quest

[amygdalae]

Well now that I know you have a crystal scythe I'm definitely killing you for your crystal scythe

[froggychairmimic]

anyone know why the norn cc wolf companion is so scunched about it

[bearloonz]

spurred on by an ask i got that i will definitely get to : ms piggy and kermit are two characters i genuinely think could be done as either yaoi or yuri if you think of it hard enough. This is because there is a beautiful world where Kermit is a butch lesbian with his beautiful femme wife. And there is another world where Ms Piggy is a drag queen with her beautiful otter husband. Or they could be bisexual and t4t. I think they could do it all.

[mockva]

Man notices an Eagle eyeing the fish he just caught

[mexicain-sans-frontiers-v2]

[the-davest-of-uncles]

*gets back to the nest* baby you are NEVER gonna believe how i got this fish

[national-rail]

me: do you think this train touches the overhead wires normally or do you think she gets freaky with it

train conductor who i've been distracting from my lack of ticket for 35 minutes now: y'know i think she gets freaky with it