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@flyinggrayson7
Tim: From what I learned stalking you-
Bruce: you have to understand that's not a normal way to start a sentence.
Dick:...let him finish.
No but you know how Dick still randomly does handstands as an adult? I feel like that's something Bruce must be incredibly fond of. Dick is grown up in most ways, but in that way, he's still the kid Bruce remembers.
Detective Comics 2021 Annual
Tim: You don't want Dick to die
Tim: And I don't want Dick to die
Tim: So now we gotta make sure Dick doesn't want Dick to die.
Jason: Fantastic plan but have you fucking met Dick
I love the idea that Dick and Roy were together at one point, with Jason and Roy now being together, simply for Tim's reaction.
The first words out of his mouth just being "what, you fucking down the family line or something?" Followed by a suspicious squint and asking "do I need to be worried if you guys break up?"
The batfam playing 2 truths and a lie
Tim: I stalked Batman for years, my eyes are green, and Ra's al Ghul has my spleen in a jar somewhere.
The rest of the batfam:
Dick: ...your eyes are blue.
Damian, muttering to himself: so that was Drake's spleen. Interesting.
Every year during the Olympics Jason calls Dick and it's just
Jason:..
Dick:..I-
Jason: THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU!! And what did you do instead?
Dick: I became a cop 😔
Jason: YOU BECAME A COP!!!
Tim Drake has a hatred for Sherlock Holmes, has he ever read the books? No but his dad used to insultingly call him Sherlock as a kid when he was being too nosy or curious and now even when people say it as a compliment it just irks him
Jason being the resident classic literature nerd is dead set on at least having Tim read the books so he can either A. Actually like the books and accept that Sherlock is actually a pretty cool guy to be compared too, or B. Give actual tasteful criticism and insults based on the contents of the book
Jason could care less which happens he’s just tired of Tim ranting about his hatred for Sherlock despite not knowing a thing about Sherlock
——
Tim: Sherlock this, Sherlock that, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that stupid hat
Jason: The hat really isn’t even mentioned in the books, You’d know if you read them
Tim: I’m not reading them, they really can’t be that good in fact Sherlock was so bad even his literal creator wanted nothing to do with him
Jason: Your dad wanted nothing to do with you and you’re still a pretty good detective
*Cue Dick yelling at Jason cause “that wasn’t nice”
obsessed with like, Jason who absolutely refuses to reconcile with the bats. he wants no part in that family and will not talk to them under any circumstances. but he's legally dead with no friends and sometimes he gets sick of being completely by himself and wants to have company. so.
Bruce: hey Alfred have you seen my-
*comes into kitchen to see Alfred calmly preparing dinner while Jason Todd, Killer Red Hood, silently does paperwork while sat on the corner of the kitchen counter*
Bruce:
Bruce: uh-
Tim, doing homework at the table: don't mention it. if you acknowledge him he'll leave. he just likes being around people sometimes.
the bats have to start treating him like a stray cat, letting him go to them and acting completely unbothered by his presence because if they even make eye contact with Jason he'll jump out the window and they 1. won't see him for a month and 2. will start to see a lot more murders cropping up around gotham.
eventually it gets to the point where Dick will come to dinner to see the rest of the family wordlessly ignoring the brick shithouse of a man who is just sat on the floor of the dining area reading a book and he has to just. take a breath and pretend Jason isn't there. calmly stepping around him without acknowledging him. Alfred will silently place a plate of food by the guys elbow while speaking to Damian about school. When they decide to move from the table to the tv room for a movie night none of them can even look around when they hear him eventually follow just to sit in the corner of this room instead.
Bruce: I'm concerned, this is abnormal for Jason. what if he's been drugged with something? or he's trying to gain sensitive information?
Damian: actually he used to do this a lot after he came out of the Lazarus pit. he liked to sit in and watch me train, and occasionally we'd find him sat by grandfathers feet while he ran meetings. Mother says it's important to let him settle, because it's likely that he's simply craving human intimacy on his own terms for once.
Bruce, crying: oh
Jason still refuses to say a word to any of them unless it's in costume, and even then it's the same old 'i'm not your son! i'm not one of you! fuck off!' shtick like normal. they just have to accept him sneaking into the house every now and then too.
one time Tim needs Red Hoods info on a case he's working and since Jason's been sat on the floor against the wall of the bat cave for the past 45 minutes just. staring into space and vibing. he risks sliding the file across the floor towards him before pointedly turning back to the batcomputer, the info he needs marked clearly. five minutes later it's wordlessly slid back, info filled out and Jason refusing to acknowledge Tim's existence again. it's the only way he'll communicate with them.
after a while it gets to the point where Jason will straight up go to bludhaven and break into Dicks apartment just to silently sit in the corner of the room and Be Around A Familiar Person. Tim comes back from his lunch brake at WE to find him sat on the edge of his desk, working through a case. They work in silence for the rest of the day and when Tim leaves Jason just follows. They get a batburger together but the second Tim slips up and asks how his day was he's off like a shot. Damian regularly eats lunch at school on the roof while Jason plays mario kart on a DSI next to him. Batman will be 4 hours into a solo stake out when civilian Jason will silently slide up next to him with a crossword. they never talk. Jason still makes it clear that he's pissed at Bruce. Bruce doesn't know what else to do but let him be and hope eventually, with enough time, things will progress even further.
Dick, whispering so Jason won't pick up on the fact that he's being perceived: are you sure this is normal
Damian: is anything about any of us normal
Tim: he's got a point. at least we know Jason's watching us. I did this shit all the time before I was Robin, and none of you ever noticed me.
Dick:
Tim: sometimes its comforting to be in the same room as people you're familiar with, even if you can't handle interacting with them.
Dick, crying: ok
Situation where Clark has formed a tentative working relationship with Batman, but somewhere in that time, Batman acquired Robin and, naturally, didn't tell him.
Clark finds out about Robin's existence when a ten year old Dick Grayson in full Robin gear breaks into his apartment at two in the morning and shakes him awake because Batman's missing and Alfred's away and Bruce taught him that, in the case of emergency, Superman was one of the only people he could trust. Bruce just didn't think to tell Clark that he was, by all means, his son's emergency contact.
Clark: -wakes up to a small boy that he's never seen or heard of before in a cape and a mask with lenses that reflect light like a cat's perched on the edge of his bed in a pitch black room-
Dick, calmly: Hey, Batman's -- stop screaming -- Batman's missing. I need help.
But make them techno punk
multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:
tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?
damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?
duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something
jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!
dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am
steph in russian: who are we killing?
dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani
tim in greek: you’re an asshole
jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly
tim in greek: you’re an asshole
jason: …. you motherfucker
cass signing: nice drawing
damian in chinese: thank you
dick yelling at bruce about something he did
jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?
tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think
jason: does bruce even know-
tim: no he doesn’t
I love the idea of all the batkids kinda being weird with Bruce's money - Dick doesn't want it; Tim has his own money; Damian was born in luxury and doesn't really comprehend Bruce showing affection with money. And then there's Jason texting Bruce something like "put a couple of hundreds on my bank account" or just forwarding Bruce his bills because goddamn, that boy has pride but he's not stupid: if the old man wants to pay, let him fucking pay.
Joker dies bcs during his big dramatic speech of the day he tries to be be all insane and funny by pretending to shoot himself in the head with his BANG! flag gun but he fucks up getting distracted by flirting with Batman and mixes up his guns and he shoots himself in the face in front of the bats. Jason, who was being bodily held back from shooting him himself by Bruce and Dick for the past 15 minutes, laughs so hard he fractures a rib and has to be carried back to the batmobile
This is canon in at least one (1) timeline.
america's sweetheart olympian 🥇
growing up as a Batkid means saying the words “Bruce made this look SO easy” to yourself at least once a week.
things Bruce made look easy, in no specific order:
Not sleeping for several days straight
Injury recovery after age 25
Sleeping w/people without getting attached
Maintaining constant, separate beef with several different people at the same time
Liaising with the JL on dumb fucking requests they should know better than to submit
Saying no to Alfred’s food for reasons other than just not wanting to eat at that moment (injury, illness, training, etc)
Not being able to save everyone
Being the only “adult” and the only human in a room full of metas and super heroes
funnier in my head but we're all thinking the same thing, right? jason: