Bitter As Fuck

@flylikeapotato

So, I'm just an clumsy, Indian teenage girl, here to enjoy the Internet. Some of you might know me as the younger sister of asmolbirb. Laughter is the best medicine, so I hope y’all can enjoy the little humor that is on my blog!

26.3K posts

(Audio recommended.)

So inspirational.

this guy created mcafee antivirus and then went completely off the rails. like absolute chaos. he got super rich, moved to Belize, was suspected of murdering his neighbor, fled Belize, had his location accidentally leaked by a Vice journalist who was with him lmfao, was apprehended in Guatemala, faked not one but two heart attacks while in custody to buy time for his lawyer, was deported back to the US, and then ran for president as a libertarian

This is the most meaningful thing I have ever seen.

*skadush*

communistbakery-deactivated2017

when you’re trying 2 write “tru” and u accidentally write “gru” instead

If you can relate to any of these posts, follow us @anxietyproblem

richardalexanderrr

frozen grape dipped in chilled water

Forbidden dandelion

homo-nerd-grizz

Deepika Padukone in Om Shanti Om (2007)

princeofchronicpain

Access denied: wheelchair metro maps versus everyone else's

Source: The Guardian

I don’t do very many reblogs on here, but this is very important—each inaccessible station reduces the number of possible trips on the network at factorial rates, and the earlier maps do a good job of illustrating that even if a decently large fraction of stations is accessible, the fraction of trips that can be made with full access is much smaller.

thecharmingchimaera

Hozier goes so hard though, like, the line “If I was born as a blackthorn tree, I’d want to be felled by you, held by you, fuel the pyre of your enemies?” Flawless. Iconic. A masterpiece.

When you’re a duck and have places to be, but safety is key

I literally saw a goose do a similar thing while I was on the highway going to work

Omg

cerix-the-gray-prince

They are learning

#respectful law abiding birds

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

windyvalleyzone

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

Your 12 recent emojis are how each month of the next year will be for you

#😭🤔😘👀😬😝🙏🏽🙃😂😑😮😒#???????#not ready for 2019

tonights/next years vibe

I always have to start the New Years with this picture.

goku is gathering energy in new york rn

buu about to get FUCKED up

djkoenig-deactivated20140905

(◡‿◡✿)

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “hold my flower”

chronically-ill-dandy

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby. I got yo flower.”

i found it

the original post

i found it

eviesrealitychangesdaily-deacti

this should have the opportunity to be on everyone’s blog.

allons-ynumberten-deactivated20

*tour guide voice*

and here on the left ladies and gentlemen, you see one of the posts before everyone went batshit crazy

this post is so old that everyone that posted is deactivated jsjsjdjrkrnr

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