THIS WOULD MAKE THEM CHANGE

I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I’m gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There’s trees in the desert since you moved out, and I don’t sleep on a bed of bones.

[penguinpatrolerarmy]

The peak of nickelodeon quality television was that episode of Victorious where they made a scene-for-scene reenactment of “The Breakfast Club” but replaced all mentions of Virgin to Vegan

[susiephone]

when will YA authors realize that the mr. darcy fantasy isn’t “hot rich guy is a huge dick to you” but “hot rich guy fucking respects and listens to you”

[inkbleeder]

“hot rich guy only seems like a huge dick because he has the social skills of an agarophobic lobster.”

[kittykat8311]

what situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you

[cullenski]

Being a fish

[kittykat8311]

Well, shit

[mediumyikes]

I’m home alone with the tv repair man

Im no fool, there is only two possible outcomes of this scenario

porn or murder

[mediumyikes]

Apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

[ithelpstodream]

[jumpingjacktrash]

imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices

it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life”

or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty

i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy

i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off

tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people

[aviculor]

All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like, turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal.

Context matters.

[valtharr]

Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that.

[theupbeat-hart]

A Jesus post I’m here for.

[beastmac]

punk jesus

[sunflowergif]

me: yeah im really tough

me: [gets scared by text notifications when they’re too loud]

me: [easily startled when people tap me on the shoulder]

me: [cries under any sort of pressure ever]

me: [cries when anyone raises their voice higher than their average volume]

me: so tough

[henstomper]

dudes who cant shut up about how rational and smart and objective they are are always none of those things

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

it’s labor day, bring out the awful political cartoons

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

[pacificrim-archive]

karl marx mpreg

[pacificrim-archive]

karl marx mpreg

[pacificrim-archive]

karl marx mpreg

[pacificrim-archive]

karl marx mpreg

[biff-donderglutes]

I’m sorry I didn’t catch that

[pacificrim-archive]

[bob-belcher]

[ignitionremix-blog]

why They call it house when it takes place in a hospital. thanks for following me

[ms-llama-drama]

[lesbianrey]

name a more iconic duo than straight men and unnecessary commentary 

[another-fat-lonely-feminist]

tumblr and man hating feminists 

[lookskindadeadinside]

see?? iconic.

[mathsturbation]

i’m really trying not to let fame get to my head but

[gorditaputa-deactivated20160607]

[xueyangapologist]

who the fuck manages to eat three set separate meals at three set times of the day. who the fuck does that. i eat however much i’m hungry for whenever i’m hungry, which could be anywhere in the range of once a day, six times a day or constantly snacking, depending on the weather, how much i’ve slept, the phase of my menstrual cycle, how annoyed i am, how well i’m dressed, how much work i have to do, how much food i see that day, how gay i’m feeling,

[internetexplorers-deactivated20]

me: ok i’ll study at 8:00

clock: 8:00

me: *pretends i didn’t see*

[tempy1040304-deactivated2017101]

The best part of ‘me, an intellectual’ is that the grammatically correct pronoun would be ‘I’.

[ihamtmus]

you: me, an intellectual

me, an intellectual: I, an intellectual

[wormofmouth]

hi where the fuck do you think that fragment is getting nominative case. listen to me. subjects of transitive verbs in nom-acc languages get nominative case by agreeing with a tense node. are you listening. fragments are accusative in english because that’s the default case when there’s no case-assigning node. meet me in the pit behind the denny’s and i will explain this to you. bring a whiteboard

[orcshaming]

you: The best part of ‘me, an intellectual’ is that the grammatically correct pronoun would be ‘I’.

kirby, a linguist: meet me in the pit behind the denny’s and i will explain this to you. bring a whiteboard

[his-mother-is-lightning]

maybe my favorite post to ever happen

[physticuffs]

“hi where the fuck do you think that fragment is getting nominative case”

[gotinterest]

Does kirby-ebooks know that literally everything they said here is Iconic?