Foster The World @foster-the-world - Tumblr Blog

5th boss

I've been at my job for about 2.5 years, I think. Something like that. Maybe less or maybe more. Overall, I like it because it is flexible so I can still hang with me kids.

In that time period I'm on my 5th boss. Each one does things a little bit different. Not a huge deal but annoying when half of them have been annoyed/bothered I can't read their mind about these unknown to me changes in style. This is the city govt so zero things are written down. Zero. This current boss is my least favorite but I need to remember I am a strong member of the I DO NOT CARE CLUB when it comes to work.

I very much wish I could ask this women to email me instead of coming to my desk. Again, I do not care. I will do whatever they tell me. I sometimes forget this when she comes to my desk because she says things in an annoying way. I don't think I can tell her that because it would then make it very obvious I DO NOT WANT TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER. I am not good at hiding an annoyed look. Anyway, back to not caring. Must remember to smile and nod.

Despite, my earlier bitchy post about the stress of having good friends who are kind enough to make the time to visit me I am now excited my friend is coming. If baby boys a mess, then he's a mess. I'm a real life human being not just a mom. I need to make time for long time friends. We've made a schedule for baby boy that is as flexible as it can be. Also, baby boy's been great this week (minus the Trump loving shenanigans) - so maybe he'll hold it together. Maybe. If not, will pass him back and forth so each of us can also have some fun.

He has his first loose tooth that he is very, very excited about. Was making plans to catch the tooth fairy all morning. What a delight. His adult tooth is already poking through. Which is sad because I love the holes in their mouth and I don't really like the big teeth in a baby mouth phase. Bee had the holes for soooooo long. I loved, loved, loved it.

Husband took his parents to see Every Brilliant Thing last night - thanks to my planning and our $24 tickets. As I suspected, they loved it. It's really a lovely show. Sad in all of the best ways.

Ugh = foster care

Our neighbor has been caring for a family members baby for 14 months - since the baby was four months old. In that time the mother has not had one hour of unsupervised visits. She's 16yo and has untreated mental illness. No school. In a foster home herself. Just a baby herself. She sometimes shows up for supervised visits but never stays for the full amount of time.

In mid June they said the baby is returning to the mom in two weeks. No build up to the return. Zero hours of unsupervised visits. The foster mom said she would like to support reunification but can they work toward that - with build up of unsupervised visits first. Caseworker told the birth mom the foster mom does not want her to have the baby back. Of course, the birth mom now wants nothing to do with the foster mom. So the toddler will not see her again. They put the baby in the foster home with the mom. The home has ten kids/children. Ten foster kids in one home in NYC. I do not even understand how that works??

Poor everybody. I know a long drawn out process for reunification can be torture but certainly zero hours of unsupervised visits to full time care is not great. I can't imagine taking care of ten children - let alone ten foster children with what can only be a very diverse, large set of needs.

I can understand birth families wanting to move past the experience and therefore not wanting their kids to see their foster families. In this situation it does not seem good for anyone.

The neighbor is writing the heads of all of the agencies, CPS, the Mayor, etc. I can't imagine it will help.

At least the baby had a steady, loving home for the first fourteen months of her life. Key months of growth for anyone.

Our neighbor was a teen mom herself. She had her son at 16yo - he's now in his 40's.

Bad timing

My childhood best friend is in CT filming a movie. She's going to come Friday to spend the night. I'm excited to see her and nervous about having a house guest because baby boy often struggles with this. He has a bday party my husband will take him to Friday night. Hopefully, he will be asleep by the time we get back. The plan was for my husband to hang out with him alone all day Saturday. Then she leaves Saturday night.

My husband's high school best friend just called to say he is coming in town for a funeral. He's going to spend Saturday with us and then stay the night. Bad timing. I was already worried about one visitor for baby boy. Obviously, I do not want to and would never suggest my husband's best friend can't stay here.

We are big welcoming people - we want to be the house that everyone can come to. I dream of a being a good host. It sucks that we have a kid with special needs that makes it more difficult. It sucks for him, for us and for his siblings. He's also a social kid. He doesn't mean to or want to get unregulated around visitors.

My husband is worried about the same things I am. We both recognize we would never say no to either of our friends and also kind of wish we could because baby boy needs a calm weekend. Worrying about him almost makes the whole thing unenjoyable for me.

The girls will win because will give them screen time in order to account for the attention we will have to give to baby boy to try to make up for visitors.

I had another very good friend in town last weekend from Ireland. I love her and the friend visiting this weekend. I'm glad I got to see them. I also find it difficult to truly catch up in a short period of time, especially with children around.

I really want a local friend who will do a post kid bedtime drink on a regular schedule once or twice per month. I want that consistent meetup. I want it to be a few hours. The longer time frame required for out of town visitors doesn't work well with our lives, as much as I wish it did. Unfortunately, due to baby boy's needs we can't really talk with adults when he is are around. He requires one on one attention. So meet ups with our friends with kids is fun but not quality adult time.

I do have local friends. I see them but no one lives close enough or has a life that allows for regular meet ups. I have a book club once a month - which is great but not the same as a personal catch up.

Lucky enough to have good friends all over the world - so need to remember that. Baby boy might do fine???

foster-the-world

WTF, Alex P Keaton is happening?

Sending please, please just fall asleep on the bus ride home vibes to my kid from 4pm EST until I pick him up. If you are the praying/sending good vibes type please do the same.

Yesterday's shenanigans begin with the college kid counselor telling me that he was "Very scared. Saying he did not want to come home because you make him watch scary movies." Over the last few days we've been watching Harry and the Henderson's as a family. Per his request. He has been laughing hysterically and not scared at all. I said "He's scared of Harry and the Henderson's?" Then directly to him - You don't have to watch it if you don't want." In hindsight this 19yo kid probably has no idea what Harry and the Henderson's is.

Then she says "I don't know your political affiliation." I stare back blankly because what could she possible say next? "but baby boy has been making the other kids very upset because he says he loves Donald Trump." More blank stares back from me while I process this information. WTF Alex P Keaton has happened to my 6yo? We obviously don't discuss politics with our Kindergartener. It's the year 2026 so he's overheard us talk about our lunatic President. He def does not "love" Donald Trump - He's six! He 100% loves liking the opposite of whatever he thinks everyone thinks he should like. He claims he loves the Yankees because my husband is a big Met's fan and i'm a Cardinals fan. When all of NYC loved the Knicks he said he loved the Spurs. And on and on. None of this goes far in our house because we barely acknowledge it which means he drops it. He knows this bus counselor is not a big fan of his (understandably, unfortunately) so he's going to double down on whatever thing will annoy her. So here we are. WTF, kid. Can you just not? Anyway, let's hope he falls asleep today and every day afterward. While she's telling me at least four other little kids were happily/wildly waving goodbye from the bus. So he can't be totally disliked, right?

There's also been a flash flood warning since 9am without a drop of rain. I would really love for these dangerous weather warnings while my kid is on a bus to STOP.

Please, Lord send him home with no drama and no flash floods. Please and thank you.

foster-the-world

For the record while I’m a card carrying bleeding heart liberal I do think it’s crazy this was a complaint from the counselor or the kids. I hate the guy as much as the next person but there is zero reason the other kids could not have been told everyone has a right to their opinion and kept it moving. Baby boy had two days where he behaved legitimately poorly on the bus (not listening, yelling, standing up) so I’m not in a position nor do I have a desire to discuss this with a 19yo. So nodding and saying I would talk to him about it made the most sense.

WTF, Alex P Keaton is happening?

Sending please, please just fall asleep on the bus ride home vibes to my kid from 4pm EST until I pick him up. If you are the praying/sending good vibes type please do the same.

Yesterday's shenanigans begin with the college kid counselor telling me that he was "Very scared. Saying he did not want to come home because you make him watch scary movies." Over the last few days we've been watching Harry and the Henderson's as a family. Per his request. He has been laughing hysterically and not scared at all. I said "He's scared of Harry and the Henderson's?" Then directly to him - You don't have to watch it if you don't want." In hindsight this 19yo kid probably has no idea what Harry and the Henderson's is.

Then she says "I don't know your political affiliation." I stare back blankly because what could she possible say next? "but baby boy has been making the other kids very upset because he says he loves Donald Trump." More blank stares back from me while I process this information. WTF Alex P Keaton has happened to my 6yo? We obviously don't discuss politics with our Kindergartener. It's the year 2026 so he's overheard us talk about our lunatic President. He def does not "love" Donald Trump - He's six! He 100% loves liking the opposite of whatever he thinks everyone thinks he should like. He claims he loves the Yankees because my husband is a big Met's fan and i'm a Cardinals fan. When all of NYC loved the Knicks he said he loved the Spurs. And on and on. None of this goes far in our house because we barely acknowledge it which means he drops it. He knows this bus counselor is not a big fan of his (understandably, unfortunately) so he's going to double down on whatever thing will annoy her. So here we are. WTF, kid. Can you just not? Anyway, let's hope he falls asleep today and every day afterward. While she's telling me at least four other little kids were happily/wildly waving goodbye from the bus. So he can't be totally disliked, right?

There's also been a flash flood warning since 9am without a drop of rain. I would really love for these dangerous weather warnings while my kid is on a bus to STOP.

Please, Lord send him home with no drama and no flash floods. Please and thank you.

spaceshipsandpurpledrank

@jorality

scorpionlafemme

t-hiswifey

And he's still blaming everyone but himself.

Central Park Pool = Wonderful use of my tax dollars

The new Central Park Pool is so wonderful. It's huge. The whole thing is just under four feet. It's just up to my tall 4yo's neck - perfect for swimming. Lots of locker rooms. Its surrounded by the Harlem Meer and so many beautiful wild flowers. Totally free entrance. Such a great use of our public resources. In the Fall/Spring it gets covered and is a huge green space. In the winter its a lovely ice skating ring - that my daughter's program uses.

I was dreaming of my girls going by themselves with friends in a few years. Teenagers need more spaces to hang out. They said you have to be 16yo. I wondered if they check IDs? Can I take them and then leave? There are a ton of lifeguards and its under four feet - so safety wise they will be fine.

A few nights I've picked baby boy up from the bus and then walked over from 5:15 until it closes at 7pm. It's so big that it does not feel crowded. What a gift. He sleeps like a dream. He also swims two times per day at camp - one lesson and one free swim. The only downside is that his poor skin is so sad. Very dry despite the copious amounts of fancy lotion I apply.

Do you know Mordechai?

I'm listening to the podcast about a man who lied to a bunch of women. They found each other, warned new people and would get him blocked from dating sites. They also went to the cops and claimed they only slept with him because he lied to them. Not surprisingly the cops told them there was nothing they could do.

I feel bad for them but also want to know how to make sure my girls don't grow up to fall for such easy to detect lies. His lies were elaborate - secret service, rich person paying for him to stay on a ranch, etc with no backup. He would disappear for weeks and then tell them he had cancer. Several found out, he apologized and then they took him back. WHY?

I do not understand. I know its complicated but I would rather be alone then with someone I fully cant' trust. Everyone can lie a little bit but not huge big lies about who you are.

One time I was living in Sri Lanka - while working at a refugee camp with Doctors without Borders. Met and started dating a guy from Sierra Leone. He was fine. We got along well but I didn't see a future. We did a big vacation around the country together - at the end of our work contract. Then we both went back to our respective home countries. Someone posted pictures of him and his 8/9yo daughter. Unclear if he was still with her mother. Either way I did not care. He called me to try and explain and I was like nope. Did not need to hear the story. No excuse to omit a child from your life. I wasn't mad I just did not need him in my life at all. We remain FB friends but I never talked to him again. No desire.

My husband is not perfect. I put up with some bullshit the same way he puts up with some bullshit from me. You can't have a relationship with another human being if you aren't willing to be sometimes annoyed by them. But the bullshit does not include huge lies about his life.

Those Facebook groups "Are we dating the same guy" is filled with men like this. What a sad way to life your life. So not worth it.

foster-the-world

Solo

Disclosure Day - realized its the last day its showing at night during me. My husband and I tried to go a few times without any luck. Going to grab baby boy from the bus and then leave him with my husband. It's half price day - even better. I love a solo movie. Just me, my chicken tenders and a large screen.

foster-the-world

and my cup of cheese like substance. Can't forget that delicious treat.

Solo

Disclosure Day - realized its the last day its showing at night during me. My husband and I tried to go a few times without any luck. Going to grab baby boy from the bus and then leave him with my husband. It's half price day - even better. I love a solo movie. Just me, my chicken tenders and a large screen.

Yahoo

Sent a number I didn't know to voicemail. Then get a text that it's a mom from camp who just tried to call me. I'm super paranoid about baby boy so my heart dropped. Somewhat irrationally, I was afraid something bad had happened on the bus or she was going to say baby boy was bothering her kid. Instead she said said her kid adores baby boy. Again because I'm crazy I almost cried with happiness. They are having a Birthday party and want him to come. It's a pool party at their "club." Not really a NYC kind of thing but a pool party is good for him. No worries that he'll have to sit still and be quiet. My husband will pick him up from camp and take him.

She went on about how much her kid likes him and talks about him. When I asked what he may want she said anything Pokemon - no wonder him and baby boy get along.

I do think my kid is wonderful and think everyone should think he is the best thing ever - but realistically know that has not and will not always be true. So glad in this case it was good news.

They had us cancel all of our in person patient visits due to the flood watch. I could have totally gone as the rain didn't start until much later than planned but better safe then sorry. The patient was so upset - literally almost started crying and said I have to come. Ma'am I just told you its not safe for me to come so why would you say I have to? I offered telehealth but she said she can't do that. Her case is nowhere close to expiring so its not like she will lose services - which I could understand if that was the case. Then I offered to come tmrw - she's busy. Thursday = nope, not good for her either. So apparently its not so important. Anyway it was rescheduled. Sorry it was upsetting for her but I do think its a valid excuse.

Will feel better when baby boy is home safe this evening. Can we be done with this crazy weather?

Got letters from sleepaway camp - rave reviews from both of them. Can't wait to hear all of their stories. She sent our Aunt an envelope with no card or message :) Who knows??

Funny Kid

Tonight baby boy (6yo) told me they have a dog day at camp. When I asked what that entails he told me everyone is supposed to buy dogs and bring them to camp. HA HA! He said he'll get in trouble if he doesn't bring one.

A few nights ago I asked him his address. He very confidently responded with his tablet passcode. He was so sure of himself. It did make me realize we needed to teach him his address. He now has it down.

Books

Read Upward Bound the book by the nonspeaking autistic person. Lots of controversy if he really wrote it which I had not realized when I put it on hold. The Today Show episode where he's clearly not pointing to any actual words had me down a deep reddit rabbit hole. Fascinating. If its not true, is his mother creating a hoax or delusional? I'd assume the latter but hard to say. Based on that interview I'd think it wasn't true but you't think someone at UCLA or Colombia would have called it out? Anyway, the book was pretty good. Got a little slow at the end but overall good.

Started American Fantasy for book club. Easy read. Nothing earth shattering but I'm sure I'll like it. I do love Emma Straub's emails. I've gone to a few readings at her very lovely book store.

Toxic rain here in NYC - so we mostly stayed home with baby boy. He's doing pretty well. The weather is supposed to be better tmrw so I think we will try a water park. He's favorite. Although he asked to wait until his sisters are home because he is a the sweetest child on the planet.

The girls camp is on a storm watch. Not excited about it but also choosing not to worry too much. Its a long standing YMCA camp - so I believe they have strong safety protocols and enough storm safe buildings. Hopefully they remember it as a big fun adventure. The photographer this year has not been impressive. Last year there was several pictures of each girl posted everyday. This year we got two good ones of Bee and none of Rebel. Bee looks practically grown up and beautiful in her photo.

Lots of good reality TV happening - which always makes my life better.

Madhur Jaffrey has published several iterations of this recipe in her cookbooks. This version, from her MasterClass course, is a full-flavor

Dinner. So easy and so good. Used curry powder instead of one of the spices I didn't have but still delicious.

metalheadsagainstfascism

7 out of 10

I was filling out a medical survey for baby boy. It was an all age survey - so not meant directly for children. It asked his stress level 1 out of 10. Without thinking I chose 7. Which for me I would consider high. To be clear my child is 6yo. Day in and day out he lives the good life. He's at a camp where he swims two times per day, has never missed a meal in his life, has two loving parents, two loving sisters and a clean bed to sleep in every night.

He has exactly zero actual stressors - just like all 6yo's deserve. However my mind went to 7 out of 10 because general life stuff is so much more challenging for him then for other people. For example, going on vacation is something he dreams about and yet being out of routine/away from home is just too much for him.

As a comparison I'd put my daughters at 1 or 2. Also, no real actual stressors but being a tween can come with a lot of emotions they have to deal with. Myself at maybe a 3 or 4. Mainly stressors from worrying about him and general exhaustion from logistics of raising a family in the year 2026.

I don't know if I'm explaining this correctly but it made me sad. I don't want his body to make life stressful for him. As of now that's the way it is. He could outgrow it or not? He's got a lot of other things going for him but for now hard mode it is.

*To be clear I know being adopted is its own kind of trauma that two of my children will have to deal with through the course of their life. For my son, right now, I do not believe the simple fact of being adopted family is adding to his stress levels. I know other children can find it stressful by the age of 6yo.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Foster The World