Tam accepting to help Sophie because he thought he and Linh would get free housing and instead got some of the worst trauma known to man.
Man just wanted to sleep on a comfortable bed and maybe eat some food so he did his twin didn’t die.
the possibility of shannon messenger including both tiana and dexiana moments in the final book with no clear endgame so we’ll never actually know who biana ends up with is genuinely my biggest fear
rebutting those pinterest arguments shaming me for liking tiana (changing the title since the first one was very vague)
Biana’s arc in Keeper of the Lost Cities is about reclaiming and redefining her identity, not abandoning it, which is why becoming a “Dizznee princess” undermines her growth. She has explicitly stated her desire to create her own “Vacker Legacy,” and adopting another family’s name would erase the progress she’s made in proving that femininity can coexist with strength and independence. Unlike Fitz, whose identity is bound to the Vacker name and would gain impact by breaking free from it, Biana has already resisted relying on her family’s prestige, choosing instead to build her own reputation. Pairing her with Dex would distort both arcs, reducing her to someone “saved” by marriage, gaining freedom through rejecting her vacker name (which BTW she was alr openly against) and elevating him through association rather than his own achievements.
And Biana said she would create her own "Vacker Legacy" not her own "Dizznee Legacy" didn't she? If she adopts the Dizznee name, that would erase everything she built up for, creating her own Vacker name, just running away from all that to become something else, which would make more sense for Fitz, who was very set on the Vacker name, his WHOLE character sort of revolving around his vacker teal eyes, and him breaking free from it would make more of an impact than Biana doing it, since she was ALREADY pushing against the standards. sure it would have a chokehold on the match because of their status gap, but the same applies for tam, doesn't it? He is a shade, wayward and banished, and he and Biana are both once-prestigious children controlled by their family, both rejecting their family name. She is also his first choice, after years of being the second best, it was literally love at first sight. They also parallel sokeefe! Biana staying a Vacker would make MORE sense because she never really relied on the Vacker name. She wants to create her OWN legacy, something Alvar wanted but never could do. She doesnt want to break free of it, instead she wants to write her own reputation for it, her own story. Her story revolves around her BEING feminine but not weak, and it would literally ruin it if her arc involves her "gaining freedom" by MARRYING A MAN...?? Like... thats not the point.... her arc shouldn't be that Dex SAVES her "vulnerable princess self" by marrying her and her becoming a "dizznee princess". Not that it WOULDN’T make an impact ofc. I feel like both arguments for Tiana and dexiana make a lot of sense, and I cannot deny that dexiana have chemistry for sure. You would be blind to not see that. Its just that I see them as platonic soulmates. Feel free to correct me of course, it’s a free country!!!! Remember, every opinion is valid.
Poor Jason Grace. You were a sweetheart, who did not realize he needed glasses until he was a teenager. Everyone’s thought you were mad at them, but you were just squinting cause you couldn’t see. You were always so polite and kind and thoughtful. And you had so much to live for. You were a kid who was put into a situation he never wanted to be put in and you took it in stride and you did the best with what you could. And I know it must’ve felt frustrating to not have known what your favorite food or your favorite color was. And to sleep in that little section in the Zeus cabin because there’s a giant statue of him in there and stares at you unless you sleep in that one area. And I know that your mother abandoned you when you were two in the middle of the woods and then you somehow made it to new Rome when you were like what three maybe four and then you had to have a tattoo burned on your arm as a toddler. And you had all this responsibility just put on your shoulders at such a young age and that must’ve been immensely frustrating. You never had a chance to be a kid and that is heartbreaking. And you were so kind and so helpful to Nico. And you were a great friend to Leo. And you’re a really thoughtful boyfriend of Piper. You were kind and lovely, and I cried when you died. I had never cried over someone dying in a book before. you were my first. I hope whatever comes next, whether it’s leaving eternity in the fields of Elysium. Or being reincarnated and starting over. You were truly too good for this world because it was so cruel to you and especially the gods. Jason Grace you deserved to be with your friends and find a place of your own and live a full life. And you didn’t get that, but I hope you get some kind of relief from all of this.
synopsis ♡ ⁀➷ you've always been sort of an outsider, so when megan - one of the most popular girls at school - asks you out, you can't help but assume it was a prank and reject her. well, it turned out she wasn't joking, and now you've gotta do a project together. good luck!
tags/warnings ♡ ⁀➷ high school au, swearing, immense self hatred, self-gaslighting, r has self-destructive tendencies, hurt/comfort, mostly fluff, minimal use of "y/n", comedic if u think im funny
wc ♡ ⁀➷ 8.2k+
now playing ♡ ⁀➷ Love Me Anyway - Chappell Roan
new school - new you.
that was supposed to be the case, anyway. but just as many other things in your life, that mindset didn’t last. it was no different from one of those stupid new year’s resolutions - seemingly doable to start with but abruptly abandoned at the sight of the first hurdle.
the truth of the matter was that probably nothing could change you at this point. not a new start at this school and not even a reincarnation. it sounds so emo and pathetic but you’ve been kind of a social outcast for as long as you could remember - at the previous schools, among peers and even in your own family. keeping to yourself at gatherings or mostly not attending them at all, over the years you’ve managed to rebuild the great wall of china around yourself so as to hold the defences most effectively and when there was no one to defend against from anymore, the wall remained as the only sure thing you had left.
you tried to draw in as little attention as possible, hiding in plain sight by wearing only oversized hoodies, accompanied by the giant noise-cancelling headphones at all times. school felt like just another chore to get through, just to get through it, praying to whatever higher entity there might be, that the wrong people wouldn’t notice you, as you’ve been bullied before and it was never a nice experience, however mild and immature.
it never felt right to you, how the most popular kids were almost always the perpetrators of bullying. the ones with the most social capital and influence on their hands, were very likely to abuse their power over ones weaker than them. it made you feel sick, and after seeing it happen at many other schools, you’ve long lost the ability to tolerate this kind of thing, even if confrontation was very far from being your thing and could definitely become a source of unnecessary attention.
at the end of the day it was a question of priorities: was it more important to protect your peace and bear it or was it worth the hustle to stand up for yourself? though thankfully you haven’t had to confront this dilemma yet, as you’ve been pretty good at not peaking those bastards’ interests. but under the mask of indifference, you could feel the anger boiling over in your very bones, knowing that the next time it happens, you wouldn’t be able to be rational and hold it in anymore.
which, you can imagine, is exactly what happened and after a french class of all things - the one class where you took genuine enjoyment in the subject, despite your obvious aversion to school as a whole. but none of it mattered in french class, only there you felt free to talk as you wanted to and to be active in the discussions, almost letting your guard down at times.
after your first french class at the new school, a girl that you had recognized as also having attended it, had barely caught you in the hallway, after you had jolted out of your seat immediately as the bell started to ring.
looking at her, you could immediately recognize the girl as a part of the local popular crowd and now you could recall an incident that happened during this class, where this girl and her friend were harshly warned by the teacher to stop talking between each other. you could have sworn you caught them looking at you then.
“hey!” she said, smiling, as you turned to face her, “you’re y/n, right? it’s really cool that you know french so well. how’d you learn? i’ve been taking it since forever and the conjugation still gets me,” she spoke very quickly at you, to the point it took you a second to process everything. the confused look on your face must have been really obvious, as the girl in front of you had visibly changed her expression, “i’m megan by the way!” she added, realizing you didn’t know who she was.
“oh, hi,” you answered, still suspicious of whatever was going on right now, “yes, that’s my name. i just kinda watch movies and stuff so if this is about tutoring, i won’t be of much help.” the look you were giving her could not have possibly been read as friendly and you were hoping it was enough to make the girl leave. evidently though it didn’t work.
“no no no! i wasn’t gonna ask you to tutor. it’s awesome that you learned this way though!” megan was really quick to deny your assumption. she visibly faltered and looked to her friends, who were observing the interaction from a distance, peaking out from behind the girl, for reassurance before continuing to speak. “you just seem really cool and would you like to maybe grab some coffee with me after school? like as a date?”
what.
never in a million years could you have guessed that this would occur when you woke up for school today. and you weren’t even believing it now.
how could this even happen? surely the sheer sex appeal of the french language couldn’t have pulled that off all by itself.
this was hands down the nicest interaction you’ve ever had with somebody considered popular. from what you’ve gathered in the short time you’ve been here, megan was actually a co-captain of the cheerleading squad. her and her friends were the ones throwing parties and presumably doing all the other stuff popular kids did. you haven’t been around for long enough to actually see much of their doing and you weren’t the one to seek out that info either. who knew that this lack of curiosity would become the reason you couldn’t even gauge the situation properly when you needed it most.
but even then, you’ve seen enough to know that people like that could be deceivingly nice, when it benefitted them. and even though the girl standing in front of you was incredibly beautiful, with her pink front pieces framing her face and giant puppy-like eyes looking at you, seeming to genuinely care about whatever you were about to respond with, she was probably just acting in order to humiliate you. that must have been the reason behind it all.
megan’s friends were actively whispering while you were still frozen in stunned silence. you accidentally locked eyes with one of them and pulled away your gaze immediately, having finally fully decided how to respond.
“is this a joke? if so, that’s not funny. you can tell your friends it failed and leave me the fuck alone,” you tried to speak firmly, as to not let the mask of confidence slip. these kinds of people fed off of big emotional reactions and you weren’t about to give them one, which is precisely why you turned around and left immediately, not even having waited for a reply. simply because you didn’t need one, enough of your time and sanity was wasted already and you weren’t about to miss lunch due to this.
the rest of the day was thankfully as uneventful as usual, though you definitely felt a bit uneasy after that whole interaction. expected or not, these kinds of incidents always shook you up. it didn’t help that the next class you had was with one of megan’s friends and the absolute death glare she was giving you was distracting, even mildly threatening. though fortunately this class was going to be your last for the day. you were actively day-dreaming of leaving almost the entire time, only to be awoken by the sound of the bell ringing, which made you fly off the seat and out the door so quickly, that one could have thought there was a fire.
though shockingly, you were once again stopped in the hallway and this time it was one of megan’s friends, the one that wouldn’t stop shooting death glares at you.
oh not this again.
you couldn’t help but let out an exhausted sigh at the sight of the girl, who seemed to be seething with anger.
“hey, so, just so you know. what happened earlier wasn’t a fucking prank and i don’t know what made you think that but you must be fucking miserable. now i hope you sleep well at night, knowing that you made an innocent person cry.”
the girl stormed off right away, just as you did earlier that day, leaving you speechless in the school hallway, trying to piece yourself together after the confrontation.
none of this felt even remotely real ‘cause how could it? to think only that you haven’t even survived a full week in this school, having already made an enemy.
maybe she was lying? to save face and to make you feel bad for the rejection. that could be a real possibility but it seemed to be a tad too elaborate and you weren’t in a movie after all. besides, the anger aimed towards you seemed to be genuine. the fire in her eyes was just short of burning you up to a crisp right there. but that would mean that…
oh
so megan was just nice to you. she really thought you were cool enough to ask out and you turned her down in the most insulting manner imaginable, while overall just being incredibly rude to someone that has done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.
an overwhelming feeling of dizziness had overcome your senses as you desperately tried to leave the premises without falling apart.
you made her cry. how could you? and if anything, her friend didn’t chew you out hard enough.
after all that judgement, it turned out that you were the asshole that needed to be judged. maybe the problem was always you - messing up everything that comes in contact, ruining everything by being too goddamn weird to have normal relationships or friends. unloveable. undeserving of love to begin with and too fucking stupid to see nice people being nice and just believe them, like a normal person would.
having to go back to this school every day was certainly going to be horrible now and you it felt as though you deserved every bit of it. like the freak of nature that you were.
•┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈•
the next month dragged on by very slowly, as you were still not over the incident. and how could you even get over it, if megan and her friends were always visible in the school hallways, during the assemblies. everybody always talked about them and how good they were at everything, as their whole group was heavily involved in a bunch of the extracurricular activities, one of them even being the literal student body president.
your once favorite subject and an escape - french, had become torture as you couldn’t bring yourself to participate, knowing megan was near, perceiving you, still thinking that you are a terrible person.
but there was seemingly nothing you could do to fix this. you felt as though the suffering was more than justified, knowing what you did and you just couldn’t bring yourself to apologise, fearing only making it all worse and as though you didn’t deserve forgiveness anyway. at the end of the day, you believed that megan would probably want nothing to do with you and leaving her alone would be the best you could do at this point.
alas, fate had other plans.
the next assignment that you had to do for french class turned out to be a group project, which was already bad enough. but to add some more salt to the wound, pairs were pre-determined and unable to be changed for literally any reason.
and of course you got the one person you’ve been trying to avoid - megan skiendiel. your heart must’ve stopped when you saw her name in the list, right next to yours. it read as a death sentence.
this couldn’t be. not after the incident. the whole scenario seemed to be tailor-made by the universe specifically so that you would suffer the consequences of your actions to the fullest extent. and goodness gracious was it working as intended.
feeling like the responsibility to break the ice was on your shoulders, you had decided to be the first to bring up the project and came up to megan after the class. with her friends right there and still staring daggers at you, you could only hope one of them would just murder you right there and then and end this torture.
“hey, megan. i know you probably don’t wanna hear from me but do you mind if we talk about the project?” you approached the girl very carefully, as if she was a stray cat you were trying to feed. conscious of your every move, trying the best you could to not seem hostile, unlike last time.
“okay,” megan responded as her friends had stepped away to give the two of you some space.
“look, i know that chances are i am the last person you would want to do this project with and to make it easier on the both of us i was going to offer for me to just do all of it. you wouldn’t have to do anything other than presenting. does this work for you?” you finished the speech, nervous as all hell. trying to seem put together didn’t work. with your palms sweating and heart racing your fate was left up to megan’s mercy and her big brown eyes seemed as though she could see right through your soul.
the girl had looked at you shaking her head no to your suggestion.
huh?
you’ve used this kind of scheme many times before, notably with people who didn’t even have a reason to be mad at you, unlike megan, never having received pushback until today.
“umm, thanks but no. we’re going to do the project together, as intended,” she said with her tone firm and steady, “are you busy this friday?” you nodded hesitantly in response, “great, then you will come to my house,” megan handed you over her unlocked phone, “here, put in your number i’ll text you the address,” you put in the phone number practically on autopilot at that point, too shocked to think or say anything, let alone to object, “see you there.”
megan took back her phone, a suspiciously wide smile adorning her face and presumably went back to her friends, leaving you with a loss for words. in no world could you have prepared for this turn of events. was megan going to bring you down to her basement? what kind of medival torture methods did she have prepared? why could she possibly want you to be anywhere near her house if not to have you waterboarded?
by the time friday came, you’ve already gone through all the ways this could go wrong in your head. preparing for the worst possible outcome, be so just having an insanely awkward time doing the project or actual death by a thousand cuts or something like that.
before you knew it, you were already standing right by the front door of megan’s house, patiently waiting for her to come get you.
you could hear her running down the stairs and towards the door, your heart racing in anticipation. chances are, she could probably already hear it, as that’s how loud it seemed to you.
“hi, y/n! come on in,” she finally opened up the door, again, looking surprisingly not like a person who would want to kill you in their basement. you were surprised to see her wearing glasses, as she never did so at school and even more surprised by the way you felt drawn to her like never before right in that moment. and that scared the fuck out of you.
you must’ve been standing there staring at megan for a minute, as she had finally said something, pulling you out of whatever trance you were in, “hey, you gotta hurry. we ain’t got all day, right?”
“yeah, right, right… sorry i got… distracted,” you could have sworn she smirked when you said it, but visual hallucinations didn’t seem that out of the question by then.
upon you finally properly entering the house, megan had grabbed your trembling hand and swiftly dragged you up the stairs and into her room.
“we can work here,” megan said, sitting down on her bed, “since i only have one desk and all, i hope you don’t mind.”
“no, of course i don’t mind,” you sat down right beside her and took a deep breath before saying what was long overdue at that point, “by the way, i’m really sorry for what i said. i don’t have an excuse or anything, that was very rude of me and i don’t expect you to forgive me.”
megan turned her head to face you, looking at you so pitifully with her big brown eyes, one could’ve thought it was a kicked puppy she was seeing and not you. she reached down to feel your hand with her own, causing goosebumps to come all over your body, “listen, y/n, i really appreciate you saying that and i forgive you.”
“but…but…”
“no buts, from what i’ve seen, your apology was really sincere and i can see that you're not a mean person, so i forgive you,” she smiled as if there were no holes in her logic. you couldn’t believe how simple it all seemed to be for her.
“what?” you said with a baffled look on your face, “why are you so nice to me, megan? i don’t deserve it and you know that better than anybody.”
she rolled her eyes at your response “omg, y/n, who are you to decide what you do or don’t deserve? as far as i’m concerned i have the right to disagree and you can’t stop me, because you really are nice,” she grinned like a baby that’s just been given candy, which seemed more psychotic to you than anything, “now with that out of the way, can we start on that project?”
“yeah, totally…,” you responded, sheepishly pulling the study materials out of your backpack. and the angel that was megan, she looked through everything with genuine enthusiasm, comparing your notes with her own, trying really hard to read your very bad handwriting. it all felt like a dream to you - a nice dream that you would inevitably wake up from and everything would go back to normal.
a thought had crossed your mind that after years of moving around and progressively becoming more and more isolated, you’ve lost your faith in people. forgot that they could be kind and now that megan had reminded you of that, you didn’t even know how to proceed, what to do with yourself. how can one even be a normal person around someone like this?
a few front pieces that had fallen out of the ponytail were framing megan’s face as if it was a renaissance painting. you couldn’t get your eyes off of her the whole time you were studying, even catching yourself sneaking glimpses of her while she wasn’t looking, like some sort of creep. so pathetic and easily-swayed by even the slightest hint of kindness. pitiful.
in the meantime, the project was coming together quite nicely, even though the gap in skill between the two of you was very evident while working on it. you tried the best you could to help megan catch up by fixing her pronunciation and explaining some of the more challenging vocabulary.
“wow, i can’t believe you thought i’d figure this all out by myself by just reading the file,” she said while going through the finished product. “that would honestly be more annoying than actually doing this damn project.”
“well, maybe that was a bit of a miscalculation on my part,” you shrugged your shoulders in response, “though to be fair, i thought you were a little better at this.”
“okay, damn, now i’m the disappointment,” megan threw her arms up into the air, ”well, then i thought you were a little cooler, so now we can both be disappointments together,” a mischievous grin had spread across her face as she said it, you could tell she meant no malice by that observation.
“yeah, i guess so,” you couldn’t help but smile right back at that psycho, “my “french persona” can be quite misleading now that i think about it.”
“well, i don’t think it’s misleading per say, just a more confident version of you, but i like this one too, it’s kinda cute.”
“oh.., thanks,” you could feel the blush coming on and tried to turn away, so as to not embarrass yourself even further.
what bothered you the most about megan is that she said these things so casually, as if it didn’t mean anything, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and you were somehow the only person not privy to it. you couldn't even decipher if she was doing this on purpose or not at this point.
maybe that’s just how she is with everybody?
you thought, completely ignoring the fact that you’ve literally been asked out by her before. that part still didn’t feel any closer to real, even a month later.
“listen, are you hungry? i’m craving mcdonalds really badly,” megan remarked all of the sudden, “do you wanna go there, like right now?”
“yeah, sure. it’s kinda late though, do you have a car? ‘cause i don’t.”
“oh, yeah, baby, i’m such a good driver, you’ll be so impressed.”
you raised an eyebrow at megan’s confidence, not really being able to differentiate if this was sarcasm or not, “well if you insist.”
the both of you were out the door in record speed, making sure to sneak past megan’s mom, as, quote, “she’s gonna ask you a million questions and is going to insist you stay for dinner,” which seemed so sweet. it made you think that maybe that’s where megan inherited all her good nature from, though the question of why she was so feral, was still open.
you got into the car, dramatically unprepared for what was to come, but it didn’t take long for the engine to start roaring. turning to see megan, she looked a little crazy, giggling to herself and overall just seeming a bit too excited for a regular drive down to get some mcdonalds.
the car took off so suddenly, making very sharp turns getting out of the driveway. you tried to hold onto anything, as to not fly out of the vehicle on one of those turns. it was clear then that megan was being sarcastic about being a good driver. your stupid ass didn’t think to warn her that you get car sick easily and it was too late to turn back now. if you were going to die from nausea right there on the way to mcdonalds, at least it wasn’t that bad of a way to go. at least megan seemed very happy being behind the wheel, breaking the sound barrier with her car was probably just another hobby of hers, for when she got tired of dancing, singing, acting…
you would’ve probably found her confidence really hot, if it weren’t for your gut doing backflips in the meantime. megan didn’t even seem to notice the fear in your eyes right until she has already parked in the mcdonalds parking lot, finally turning her head to face you, immediately terrified:
“omg, are you unwell? omg i’m so so so sorry,” her voice frantic and full of worry.
“it’s okay, don’t worry just let me–,” you flung open the door of the car to get some fresh air and threw up on the ground immediately as your feet had finally touched the surface. you stood there, too embarrassed to face megan, who at this point had already ran out of the car to help you.
“are you okay? do you need water? something else? i’m so sorry i didn’t realize i’m–,” she didn’t get to finish panicking, as you had suddenly cut her off by breaking out into maniacal laughter, likely from being overwhelmed by everything, though even you weren't sure why it started and only knew that you were laughing hard enough to knock all the air right out of your lungs and make your chest hurt. every time you tried to stop, it only got worse, to the point that megan couldn’t help but join you in the hysteria. so the two of you just stood there laughing in an empty mcdonalds parking lot like a couple of crazy people.
upon finally stopping your eyes met, lingering silently for a second before you averted your gaze, coughing off the awkwardness, “sorry, i don’t know what that was.”
“no no, you’re okay. i get it,” she said, while also trying to pull herself together.
“do you? i don’t think i do,” you confessed, earnestly, looking for an answer in the cracks in the pavement, unable to meet megan’s gaze.
“i stressed you out too much i think,” she remarked, surprisingly serious for a second, but changing her demeanor to the more cheerful one you’ve come to expect from her in just a moment, “…with my driving and all.”
“yeah, i’m sorry i didn’t warn you about that,” you sighed guiltily.
“no, sorry for saying i’m a good driver, that's like an inside joke between me and my friends, i kinda forgot that you might actually believe me.”
“well, then i guess we both fucked up.”
“yeah. we did,” you both chuckled.
“well, are we going to get some mcdonalds or what?” megan had broken the silence.
“yeah, let’s go,” you uttered, just as megan had grabbed your hand and started to borderline skip her way towards the mcdonalds.
due to the car sickness, you weren’t actually even hungry anymore, but megan insisted on getting you a large coke and some nuggets to go, so that “you’d eat them once you get better”. she insisted on paying for everything as well, claiming it was her repaying for the emotional damages accrued during the car ride, though you had a sneaking suspicion that she was planning on doing that regardless.
and when you had to leave the building to get some air, still feeling nauseous and all, megan had grabbed her drink and burger and took a seat on the curb right next to you. in fact she sat so close that you could feel your thighs rubbing together. before you could even properly think about it, worn out and incredibly sleepy, you put your heavy head on megan’s shoulder while she was telling you all about the latest drama happening in her dance class.
you’ve never felt this comfortable with a person as you did in that moment, listening to the sound of her voice, the smell of her perfume overcoming your senses. all of the previous nervousness was gone. too tired to overthink, you had finally let your defences down and allowed yourself to just enjoy the warmth of megan’s company.
you could barely move one leg in front of the other by the time the two of you were ready to leave and inevitably, as soon as your head had hit the headrest, you were already dozing off, so megan had to wake you up upon finally reaching your house. she shook you awake gently, her eyes trying to meet your gaze.
“hey, unless you’d like to sleep in my car, it’s time to get up,” you giggled, rubbing your eyes awake.
“yeah, thank you, megan, for the ride and the food and everything else,” you could see her smiling, even though your vision was still cloudy from the nap. you couldn’t imagine a sweeter sight to take in. the street lamp’s light adorning her just right, looking all soft and caring.
“bye, megan,” you had to cut the thoughts off before they went too far.
“bye, y/n,” she uttered as you closed the car door behind you.
megan had driven away into the night, but a tingly feeling in your stomach had stayed behind as a reminder of her presence, lingering on for a little too long, as you were making your way to the comfort of your bed. and even then you could still smell a hint of megan’s perfume on your hoodie, from when it was pressed up against her in that parking lot.
you haven’t fallen asleep as quickly and painlessly as on that day, since you couldn’t even remember when, comforted by the memories of being understood for once. you wanted with all your being to keep that feeling forever but a rational part of you knew that it wouldn’t last, that as soon as you woke up the next day, the anxiety and the fear would take up the reins once again.
•┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈•
the morning after the hang out, you woke up feeling really giddy, with the memories of last night all the sudden flooding back into your conscience. even the embarrassing moments didn’t overshadow the butterflies you got while thinking of how megan reassured you and how special she made you feel.
nothing about how she was acting felt forced. not her niceness, not her dorkiness, not the way she cared for what you had to say and that scared you the most out of everything.
you had something there. a hope, a promise of something. having absolutely no clue what that something would entail. the pull you felt towards megan was akin to the gravitational force. and the question was only would you be brave enough to allow it to draw you in fully, or forever stay in her orbit, just far enough to never see this relationship through.
the next week in school was the one promised to have all the answers you were hoping to get, be so in a satisfactory manner or not. either way you felt your anxiety sky-rocket far above its normal levels in anticipation.
having texted back and forth with megan over the weekend, only solidified the conclusions you made about her earlier.
the girl was like an angel that had somehow gotten lost on her way to heaven. she started with asking about how you slept the night she dropped you off and whether you were feeling better at that point. then it quickly devolved into continuing the discussion you started the day before, as well as initiating new ones. one could think you’ve completely gone off the rails with how widely you were grinning at the messages, borderline breaking a sweat while writing responses, so as to not let it show just how inexperienced you were in this kind of thing.
you just about died when she sent you a video of the choreo they’ve been learning in dance class. it was embarrassing, really, the way your jaw dropped on the floor upon seeing it, and even more embarrassing were the thoughts rapidly shooting into your head, seemingly trying to end you all together.
once you had taken a breather and calmed down a bit, the only thing you could think of was whether or not megan sent it in hopes of getting such a reaction from you, whether she knew it was a nuke she sent your way or didn’t mean anything by it. because that couldn’t possibly be the case. or could it? your brain was still too fried to tell. it was as if she had broken something within you fundamentally, and maybe, just maybe, it was a part of the defences you’ve worked so hard to build over the years, but then again - brain too fried to tell.
the next time you met was in the school cafeteria, as she made her way to your table, with her tray in hand and everything, making her intentions clear from the start. the confidence oozing off of the girl frightened you in a way, but was surprisingly more exciting than anything. it was in that moment that you started to truly understand why dogs act the way they do, as if you had a tail, it’d be wagging right now.
is that weird?
“hi, y/n! mind if i sit here?”
“hi, megan! yeah, of course you can,” you speedily moved some of your stuff out of her way.
you could feel the cold stares of everybody in the room, confused at why megan sliendiel would even bother talking to a loner, such as yourself, but, weirdly none of it mattered to you much. it was only the girl sitting right in front of you that you cared about.
the two of you had spent the entirety of that lunch break talking, to the point that you didn’t even get to finish some of your food by the time megan’s friends started to drag her out of the cafeteria, so she wouldn’t be late for the class.
“see you later,” she blurted out, scurrying to gather her things.
“yeah, see you later,” you responded, now also in a hurry, but surprisingly unbothered by the possibility of being late.
and just like that the two of you had separated from each other, leaving to go into different directions. though however many times you could try to deny it, something had shifted in the air ever since that encounter. whatever it was you had going on wasn’t going to start and end with that stupid french project, in fact it wasn’t mentioned once during that lunch break. and the rest of the time leading up to it would only confirm this suspicion of yours, as from that point on it seemed like nothing could separate the glue that held you and megan together, to the great shock of everybody at the school, but mostly just yourself.
you texted before and after class, talked during every break. this friendship had been developing like a whirlwind that you’ve never experienced before in your life. to the point that her friends were probably sick of you stealing megan away within just the first couple of days, but for what it was worth, they didn’t seem to be angry with you anymore, which was a relief.
by hanging out with megan for a little bit now, you’ve learned just how surprisingly nerdy she was for being this popular. she was an outlier in every single aspect, within this demographic you’ve come to know as cruel and stupid, though she certainly did possess the charm to be in the position that she was. megan was so charming in fact, that you even agreed to having her teach you how to play fortnite, which wasn’t at all the type of game you’d usually go for, but you didn’t mind, if it meant that megan would have to play co-op stardew valley with you in return (a much more stressful game, clearly).
but regardless of how nice of a time you’ve been having with megan, you could still feel a hint of tension in the air when you were together and the fact that you had butterflies doing cartwheels in your stomach every time you as little as brushed shoulders with the girl, didn’t help the situation at all. and that happened often, as megan was a pretty touchy person and your touch-starved self could hardly handle all this new sensation coming your way. and you tried your best not to assume megan’s intentions but the way she was looking at you for a little too long at times, you could have almost thought that she still liked you in a way that wasn’t platonic.
all the while, the time to defend your project had come and gone, and obviously, it was the best out of all of them and got each of you an easy a+, which megan seemed to be extra thrilled about and subsequently infected you with the same excitement, even though it didn’t seem like anything special to you at first.
“since we did such a good job,” she said, after the class, beaming with pride, “we should get some celebratory mcdonalds!”
“oh, no… megan, i don’t know how to drive, do you want to kill me this time?” you were being sarcastic (not really), though the memories of that drive still haunted your nightmares and made your stomach churn.
“no no no! i’ll be really careful this time. i swear on cassie’s life!”
cassie was the name of her dog, whom megan loved very much, so this must’ve been really serious for her. and even taking that out of the equation, you couldn’t help but fold and agree. it was megan after all and it didn’t take much for her to convince you of anything, especially when she looked so cute doing it.
“okay… but if i die, you’ll be held liable!” you let out an exaggerated sigh.
“oh, c’monnnn, you’re a tough cookie, a drive to mcdonalds isn’t going to kill ya, is it? i drove you back just fine that time,” she said, playfully ruffling up the hair on your head.
“you know what? i think i changed my mind–” you said, while making an attempt at an escape, but megan was simply too strong and you had found yourself unable to flee, as she drew you in closer, interlocking your hands in the process.
“no no no! i was kidding! you can’t back out now, you’ve already agreed! i’ll take such care of you, you don’t even know.”
you walked together to megan’s car, holding hands the whole way there. and even though you’ve become semi accustomed with the girl’s touch by then, holding her hand, especially publicly, felt weirdly intimate to you. which is precisely why at some point on the way to the car your hands started sweating profusely and you could only pray to god that megan wouldn’t notice or just hope that she didn’t think much of it.
upon getting into the passenger seat, you fastened your seatbelt and reclined it slightly, just in case. and even then you must’ve looked terrified, as when megan finally turned to face you, after fastening her own seatbelt, she made sure to try and reassure you again, “it’s going to be fine, y/n. you can even play your own music,” she put the aux cord into your hand, “since you’re my passenger princess and all that.”
“wow, that’s too high of an honor for me, m’lady,” you jokingly made a bowing gesture at megan, “won’t sophia be mad if she found out i took her position?”
“she’ll live,” megan brushed you off, backing out of the parking lot, “yoonchae’s about to get her licence, so she could be her passenger princess. besides, you know, sharing is caring, and she’s had plenty of time in this prime position, hasn’t she?”
“guess so,” you smirked devilishly before delivering the next “zinger”. “speaking of guess..,” the intro of “guess” by charli xcx and billie eilish started to blare out of the speakers on full volume.
megan giggled and the two of you immediately started to sing along, without even a slight care that someone might hear you. all shame was left behind in that parking lot and all of the sudden there was no place for overthinking in your head anymore, there wasn’t much space for anything in fact, other than “guess, guess, guess, guess”.
as promised, megan was a lot gentler with her driving this time: she tried to not take any sharp turns and didn’t accelerate too much at the traffic lights and her efforts were paying off. you did not have the urge to throw your guts out and at the end of the day that was all one could wish for.
having finally reached your destination, you got out of the car unscathed. megan didn’t say anything outright but the look in her eyes could give away the “i told you so” from a thousand miles away. and the sad part was that you couldn’t even argue with that, since it was the truth. you indeed were fine and didn’t feel like dying, unlike last time.
when it came to the food, megan insisted on paying, citing some bullshit about how you did all the heavy-lifting on the project but you didn’t let her get another word out and just put down your card very quickly, not willing to listen to any more excuses.
megan’s mouth fell agape at the bold move you just pulled, “woah, you sneaky little bastard. i owe you now.”
“god, no you don’t,” you tried to protest but it fell on deaf ears.
“no, no, i do. and how would you want me to repay you?” she smiled mischievously, intensely holding eye contact, which alone was stressful enough, but she was also closing the distance between you. the air thickened. your heart skipped a beat, or even several at the sight of megan’s lips being so close to yours. you couldn’t help but stare and megan had seemingly taken notice of that fact, which made you want to crawl up inside your own skin and die right there and then, but you managed to hold it together well enough to respond.
“you can’t repay me, megan. you’ve done enough!” your voice was more akin to a chihuahua’s bark – clearly trying to be threatening but failing miserably at it.
“okay… i’ll figure out how to repay you… it’ll be a surprise, just you wait!” she backed off and you felt like you could finally breathe again. for now.
you proceeded to a table, as if nothing had just happened and started your normal chats back up again, both parties choosing to not acknowledge whatever the fuck that was, and maybe that was for the best, as you had no clue what to even say, if confronted. and you doubtfully would even be able to get a single word out to begin with.
even though by the time you were both done with your meals, the incident seemed long-forgotten, the tightness in your chest still lingered as a reminder. and an effective one at that, as it had lasted you the whole way back, even through all the singing that you and megan did. although it would seem that nothing could overshadow the singing, judging by the sheer volume at which it was happening.
upon finally arriving at your house, megan had jolted out of the car, and before you could even say anything she had already opened your car door, with a blindingly smug grin on her face. you sighed, defeated, “megan, what the hell are you doing? i can open my own damn door, i’m not that helpless.”
“i know! but since you are my very special passenger princess, you deserve to be treated like one!” she reached her hand down, helping you get out of the car, like the proper gentlewoman that she was, which is also why she made sure to walk you right to your door, never having let go of your hand.
the two of you just stood there awkwardly for a minute. you tried the best you could to not stare at megan, but failed instantly, having your eyes unwillingly wander to her lips.
she’s so distracting.
you thought, not even paying attention to the way they seemed to be getting closer and closer to yours. hence, when they finally met you were caught majorly off guard and pulled away immediately, not even giving it a moment to process.
you must’ve looked like you’ve just seen a ghost, not saying anything but with your mouth agape, still in a state of shock.
the second you pulled away megan all but jumped back, putting some distance between you, “i’m-m-m sorry. i shouldn’t hav-v-ve,” she stuttered out.
“it’s okay… bye…” you waved to the girl as she started to walk back to her car.
•┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈•
the moment you saw her speed away into the sunset, you regretted everything that had just occurred on that front porch.
you liked megan. and you liked her a lot. enough that just a thought of seeing her again made you wanna get up in the morning. enough for you to go through her instagram regularly, just to feel something. enough to drop all your plans and gather all the social energy you could in order to text with her at all hours of the day. but apparently not enough to kiss her back..?
why do i have to be so fucking stupid?
the most perfect girl had fallen right into your life, immediately interested and you rejected her twice for no good reason either. there was absolutely never a good reason.
ughhh…
but the truth of the matter was that no matter how obvious megan’s flirting would have become, you would still never have believed that she meant it, as you were still yet to reconcile the fact that someone like her could like you in that way, that you were even likable at all to begin with. and look where that thinking had gotten you to?
you wholeheartedly thought that megan would for sure never want to speak to you again. why would she? a fucking moron like you didn’t even have much to offer to her to begin with. and now you’ve only made it a thousand times worse.
the weekend following this fiasco was pure unadulterated torture: presumably as soon as megan had gotten home, she texted you, apologizing further and you, of course, accepted, though, being still emotionally overwhelmed by the whole thing, you chose to not continue the conversation, citing your need for space. and even though your reasoning was completely valid, you thought that if megan somehow still didn’t hate you, then now she would for sure think that you want nothing to do with her and hate you then. subsequently, that thought had made you spiral even further down into the gutter, triggering all of your insecurities to assemble together into some fucked up avengers that were only there to ruin your life.
you clung onto your dog for comfort, as, in truth, she was the only one you could seek support from at that moment and just like that the weekend had passed and you were forced to be faced with megan and the consequences of your actions yet again. and now, just like last time, you were in dire need of growing the balls to actually approach the girl and beg and plead for her forgiveness in the way that she truly deserved. but you weren’t sure if you’d be able to utter even a single word in her general direction at this point.
trying so desperately to do what’s right and not chicken out again, like the fucking coward that you were, you, surprisingly took the initiative into your own hands and texted megan the following:
you: hey, megan. meet me after class if you want to talk
she responded almost immediately, the notification sound startling you.
megan<3: ofc, ill be there
your heart was moving a thousand miles per hour, approaching the spot where you were supposed to meet megan. another minute passed as you were waiting patiently for the girl, palms sweating and all. when she had finally arrived you predictably froze up, all of the sudden unable to even start on the apology speech that you prepared. megan saw you hesitating to speak and took it upon herself to be first.
“listen, y/n. i’m very sorry for what happened. i really should have asked you before attempting anything and that’s my bad for misreading the signs. it’s fine if you don’t like me like that, we can still be friends, if you would still want me as your friend that is. and i understand if you don’t–”
“no, no, no,” you cut megan off, baffled at the absurdity of what was going on right then, “you have nothing, and i mean nothing, to apologize for. you didn’t misread any signs and i’m just incredibly stupid and thought that you were the one who didn’t like me anymore, because of how much of a fucking idiot i am. and i wanted to kiss you then, i swear i really did, but i was so confused i–,” it was your turn now to get cut off, as megan had pulled you into a kiss.
not repeating the mistake you made last time, you only pulled the girl closer, until there was no space left between your bodies. the kiss itself was hungry, ravenous, with so much pent up emotion behind it from your side, emotion that kept you going for way too long, even as tears had started to run down your face, even as all the air in your lungs had run out. you pushed through and clung onto megan for dear life up until the moment neither of you could breathe anymore.
“don’t call yourself a fucking idiot ever again, do you hear me?” megan said, her voice still shaky from the kiss. she gently wiped away the tears from your eyes, which only made you want to cry more but you managed to hold it together enough to nod in response.
“i’ll try.”
“i’ll make sure you won’t,” megan said, sounding more like herself now, a smug smile rising up on her face as she saw you cheer up a bit.
you knew she meant it and this time, unlike all the other times, you had the gull to actually believe her.
a/n ♡ ⁀➷ this one is special, so I hope you guys enjoyed it, cuz i probably won't be writing anything this long for a while lol
