why have sex when my posts r already bangers?

Fox, also known as the Taco Bell Femme Wrap Supreme (no tomato), icon by the talented studiompup on tumblr, for reference I am over 21.

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

I 💛 toxic pathetic deranged freak ships/characters

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[copypastething]

You now have to exclusively go by your tumblr url instead of your name. How fucked are you?

This would go horribly for me, socially

Not perfect but I'd manage

Close to my name already/no issue

This would be an absolute win for me

Remaining time: 5 days 12 hours

[deadandwalking]

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.

[flightsofwonder]

being an adult is just saying to yourself “this is the weekend i’ll clean my [x]” and then proceeding to not do that because it’s the weekend and you deserve to relax, goddamnit

[flightsofwonder]

why does this have 85K notes

[randomslasher]

because we reblogged it instead of cleaning our [x]

[9ofarc]

I love when people are weird. Do your thing diva

[cringeunworthy]

I'm gonna get so much mileage out of this one

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[podcastwizard]

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

[stjohnstarling]

No more apologizing for being horny on main. No more horny jail. We’re horny prison abolitionists. No gods, no masters! Wait. Okay maybe a few masters. Alright but no bars will hold us! No whips and chains will — fuck, hang on, let me start again.

[quasi-normalcy]

I don't trust anyone who hasn't acknowledged their capacity for evil.

[quasi-normalcy]

"I'm just a smol bean uwu" No sir, what you are is someone who is so habituated to thinking of yourself as innocent that you will continue to do so even when you're guilty.

[thepictureofmadamec]

To quote Chris Fleming

"You know that thing where the most toxic person you've ever met over-relates to woodland creatures on social media? I call it Vibe Dysphoria. She'll put up a picture of a mouse in a jean jacket with 'It's me.' That is not you. I don't know how you got under the impression that you are a mouse in a jean jacket. You are an eel with a gun.She posts a toad with a basket of mushrooms like 'Me doing my little things.' Oh madam, there is nothing little about your things. You gave me psychosexual issues I'll carry to my watery grave. You are not a toad in the forest...You are a cruel woman who just happens to be small."--Chris Fleming

[letterful]

[thedickcavettshow]

all my haters become freighters when I ride on the railroad of success

[innerchildabortionclinic]

interesting kink assortment on the dash

[reg1ment]

i forget that "blood and gore are hot" as an opinion is relatively normalized on tumblr and NOT in real life. #SOCIALBLUNDER

[lonelyroommp3]

and so javert you see it’s true this man bears no more guilt than you. who am i?

[gothicprep]

are you gonna pick those penne noodles out of the boiling water one by one like a man, or are you gonna use a strainer like some kind of democrat?

[recurring-polynya]

me (crazy eyes, covered in blood): I NEED to finish writing my fanfic. so I can start writing a different fanfic.