SM Ent. released "Elayne"'s first teaser pictures and we finally know who the members are!
As we announced last week SM released today "Elayne"'s pictures and the company shared with the public who's going to be part of their new girl group. Elayne is a 5 member girl group composed by the very well known to the public former SMROOKIE girls: Koeun, Lami, Hina and Herin. What nobody was expecting was for a foreigner to join the line up of Elayne. Y/n is the first european idol to debut under SM. Entertainment and the fans are super excited to see a big company like SM make such a bold decision, possibly making way for other foreigners to join Kpop. "Elayne"'s mv will be released on Valentine's day and we are on countdown mode for the hottest debut of the year so far.
tyxoxo_neo commented : I'm happy that SM is debuting a foreigner but I'm worried about her fitting in ://
yulyuli commented : I can't tell who the visual is... they all look meh kkkk
okneok22 commented : OMG YES FINALLY THE SMROOKIE GIRLS AAAAA
lala_lisa_luv commented : i'm actually excited for this asdfghjkl they look so pretty <3
wooyahnah commented : stop putting foreigners in kpop groups -_-
kooki3 commented : me (an empath) sensing that MY''s are bitter
Herin scuffed and closed her phone, she was laying down on the floor of the training room along with her group members. It didn't take a genious to understand how they were all feeling at the moment, when their debut was four days away and the internet was on fire with mixed opinions since the announcement of their debut all the girls shared the same state of spirit, panic. Koeun sighed, while walking in circles and bitting her nails, Lami was on the couch laying down with her hands in her stomach, she had been feeling sick for the past week because of anxiety. Hina's phone began to rang, she lifted her head from the ground and looked at the caller ID.Upon seeing it she hung up, sighed and got up stomping her feet.
"Jaemin?" a muffled voice asked, coming from a girl also laying on the floor, she was laying face down, wearing a very oversized hoodie. Hina humed and chugged down her bottle of water.
Koeun finally stopped and sat down on the floor signaling the girls to join her and form a circle.
" Girl I already know what you're going to say and I-" Herin started.
" No listen. I'm not going to try and give us a motivational pep talk about how it is NOT our fault that we have an unhinged background because we thought we were never going to debut, and now that we are, instead of being excited we are all shaking in fear because we have to have very awkward interactions with people we despise."
The girls looked at her with raised eyebrows and a look on their faces that read "You're doing it again". Koeun brushed her hair away from her face and began to play with her fingers, speaking in a low tone:
" Y/n I'm sorry about the bad things people are writting about you... I'm sorry that as a leader there's nothing I can do, but I know you're going to amaze everyone and prove that all the things their saying are wrong. You belong here and we are a team, we are sisters and I would fight them all if I could."
Y/n slid closer to her friend and gave her a small hug "I know you would Koko, don't worry about it. Haters is the least of my problems..." Koeun gulped and lifter her head to look at Y/n giving her a small smile.
"I said I was not going to give you a pep talk and I'm not, what I suggest it the following." Koeun got up putting her hands in her hoodie pockets, she had dark circles around her eyes, similar to the ones in her group mates faces. " We go to the dorm, we get some delivery food, something like really greasy that will make our manager have nightmares, we chug down the hidden vodka bottle that Herin has, NOT YOU LAMI, and we...we drink the pain away."
" Can we maraton Adam Sandler movies?" Y/n asks getting up and linking arms with Koeun who nods.
" Sounds like, a pity party. I need it immediately." Herin grabbed her things and Lami. " I was saving that vodka for a special occasion."
" I have another idea but I fear it may be a little ilegal..." the four girls all stopped in their tracks looking back at Hina that was zipping her cardigan up.
Herin made a intrigued face.
" Proceed..."
" We need plates, and a dark alley. And some sharpie too."
" Plates? The dish?" Lami asked confused " What are we going to do with those?"
" Trust me little one."
_________
It was a chilly night in Seoul, it hadn't snown in a long time but it was raining almost everynight, like today. The girls head out from a small store with the five plates and sharpie Hina requested to buy. Upon hearing her idea while they headed to the store the girls got excited to complete the task. Having already bought the plates they started to look for a quite and hidden place in an alley nearby.
After a few minutes of walking they climbed some stairs and reached a dark street where no cars could pass. They sat on the stairs and began to scribble with the sharpie on the plates.
" Hina how the hell did you come up with this?" Koeun questioned shivering because of the cold " If we get caught we are done for" she looked around worried.
" I saw this in a movie, I don't remember which one but I always wanted to try it." she said writting with trembling hands.
" Chill Koko, we're good, we just have to sprint really fast when we're done." Y/n said hugging her friend and sneaking a peak at her plate.
After everyone wrote on their plates they turned the corned into a part of the alley that had only one street lamp on, you could see the city lights in the horizon and the silhouettes of the girls on the wet concrete of the road.
" Who wants to go first?" Herin asks secretly hoping nobody would volunteer so she could do it. " OK I'LL GO FIRST"
The girls cackled and told her it was okay, Herin turned her plate around and showed the words she had written on it.
" Explain your plate before breaking it!" Hina requested in a hurry.
" Don't worry babes, uri leader has run out of motivational pep talks but I've got some words to say" she cleared her throat. " I love you all, I know it's been hard but we're ending a chapter, and even if we feel scared because we don't know what's coming, let me say that being in this journey with you has been the best adventure of my life."
Y/n fake sniffed and got a dirty look from Herin.
" Not even a tear?" she asked with a pout.
" Only from the cold but it might freeze."
" Ok let us get this over with..." Herin looked at her plate for a few seconds and gripped it hardly sniffing from the cold too. Small clouds of smoke came from her mouth because of the way she was breathing. " So, in my plate I wrote down some things that make me stressed and that I want to let go off from now on."
The words "low self esteem and loving someone who doesn't love me back" could be read in her plate. Y/N placed a hand in Herin's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. In a matter of seconds the same plate she had been holding fell to the floor breaking in tiny pieces. The other four girls gave her a round of aplause before quickly doing the same.
" I wrote down some things I hate" Hina said quickly before showing her plate with the words " Our debut song ,Giselle, Endless Training period, Xenophobia and Na Jaemin" on it before smashing it on the floor too.
" I wrote down my worst biggest fear at the moment, having a floppy debut and losing one of my members because of hateful comments from the public...also, our company giving up on us again...and being a bad leader." Koeun said in a slow pace reading the words she had written as if she could visualize all of those scenarios. She threw the plate with more strength than expected making the girls jump and giggle a little.
" That's a lot of accumulated anger Koeuniie." Lami followed before throwing her plate with " Having to give up my dream to become a singer" writen. " I don't ever want to feel that again... we have to do well." Her three unnies hugged her while Y/n stared at her plate. She bit her lip and threw it with all her will on the ground.
As it fell and shatered the sound of a window being open and an old lady screaming was heard.
" WHO'S OUT THERE? I WILL CALL THE POLICE!"
" Shit.." Herin cursed starting to run grabbing Lami by the arm. The other girls followed her and ran as fast as they could terrified about getting caught and having their first scandal three days before their debut. They reached a busy street and stopped at a bus stop with their hands on their knees gasping for air. Lami began laughing and hitting Koeun in the arms expressing her satisfaction.
" We have to do that every month it was so freeing!" she said while twirling around with her arms in the air.
Koeun half sat half fell into the seat of the stop looking defeated.
" I think this was enough adrenaline for me."
" What did you write Y/n?" Hina asked Y/n putting an arm around her shoulders. She gulped a little but her mouth was still dry from all the running and cold air that she had been breathing.
" I wrote down a date... February 14." the group mates looked at her waiting for more information. " February 14th 2020... the day I met him."
Koeun got a apologetic look on her face and gave Y/n a small smile before getting up and patting her head.
" Our debut date really sucks doesn't it?" Hina added before signaling to the bus for it to stop.
When the manager and the president announced their debut date Y/n heart fell to her feet and she could feel her stomach in her throat, she couldn't believe it. It must have been a curse that someone put on Y/n because the 14th of February always ended up on becoming a day that became special to her somehow. Her mind started to race with flashbacks from that meeting and from THE other 14th of February. A voice called Y/n's name and woke her up from her daydreaming transe, Hina hurried Y/n to get into the bus.
____________
When they got home Hina and Lami ran to the bathroom fighting about who would shower first. Koeun placed their orders for delivery food and began to set a small pillow fort in the floor of the living room with the help of Y/N. The night passed with them in their cozy pajamas, eating fries and burgers from their favourite fast food chain while watching "Grown Ups". Hina always had the best ideas for activities and dared them to play a drinking game of jenga which left them very drunk after downing Herin's hidden vodka bottle because of the game. The group of friends layed on top of the blankets and pillows that Koeun and Y/n had put together, laughing out loud because of their drunken state and because of the dumb movie playing on TV. They didn't realize how late it had gotten until they heard several knocks on the door.
Startled from the noise they all covered their mouths and looked at the door as if they could look throught it laser vision.
"Who could it be?" Koeun asked with squinted eyes.
Y/n got up and walked in zig zags until she reached the intercom, pushing the bottom making the camera turn on and show the figure of a person on the screen.
She made a big O face and looked at her friends in slow motion before covering her mouth to not laugh out loud.
" WHO IS IT?" Hina screamed making Herin push a pillow in Hina's face to shut her up while making a shush sound.
Y/n opened the door trying to act composed.
A tall and slender men stood before her with a serious look in his face. When he saw the state she was in he started to shake his head.
" Howwwww may I help you Johnny Suh Sir?" Y/n said trying to look sober.
" Do you guys know how late it is? You're making so much noise... Everyone is pissed and they made me come down because I'm the only one who doesn't have beef with you guys. Funny enough, I was sleeping ok, because I have my noise cancelling thingies one you know but NO, they woke me up on purpose because you were being loud and nobody upstairs has the balls to come down here and tell you to zip it."
Herin appeared beside y/n at the door frame and gave him a nod as a way to greet the boy.
" So. They made you come downstairs because they are little bitches?" she said while downing a vodka shot followed by a bite in a french fry she had in her other hand.
Johnny rolled his eyes and entered the apartment.
" You guys have food? The least you can do is share since I got woken up because of you" he said while joining the rest of the girls on the floor and bitting some onion rings.
" So debut is in 72 hours, I'd ask how you're feeling but this speaks for itself." he pointed at Lami now knocked out sleeping in a weird position with a fry hanging from the corner of her mouth.
Herin and Y/n had closed the door and gotten a cup for Johhny.
" Vodka soda my friend?" Herin offered.
" It's...4 a.m..." Johnny said while looking at her with a serious look on his face.
" If you're boring just say that." Y/n added.
He grabbed the cup and downed it in a second.
" I'm your only friend, treat me nicely."
" Yes Johnny" you guys sang in unisone.
Johnny spent the remaining hour eating and watching the rest of the movie with you guys before falling asleep on the couch. Y/n was the only one still up when Johnny's phone began to rang, without looking at the ID caller she picked it up.
" Johnny's phone this is Y/n speaking."
The person on the other line remained silent for a moment but Y/n could hear them breath.
" Hello?" she asked before realising she could just look at the ID to see who she was talking with, but before she could a familiar voice spoke in a soft voice.
" You're debuting on my birthday..."
She could feel her heart skeaping a beat when she heard his voice. Her mouth went dry and now she was the one unable to find the words to speak. For some reason none of them talked, they stayed on line in silence for what felt like an eternity.
" Your birthday..." Y/n finally managed to say with a crack in her voice.
Almost like in a hurried way the person on the other side of the line answered
" I'll never forget the day we met. It was on my birthday, two years ago... I couldn't take my eyes off you."
Tears began to fill Y/n's eyes and she gripped Johnny's phone while biting her lip trying not to start crying.
" I mis-"
" Goodbye Jaehyun."
Y/n hung up, taking a deep breath and hugging her knees not realising Johnny had woken up and heard the last part of the call. He came down from the couch and put an arm around her, giving a comforting hug while she sobbed. She promised herself she would never look back, that she would not miss him or crave for his presence, but hearing his voice was enough of a trigger for her to want to get up, run to the 11th floor into his arms. But she couldn't, he didn't deserve her love. It was almost two years ago but she could remember like it was yesterday when her eyes first landed on him and his dimpled smile made her heart melt. And it was all because of another dumbass heartbreaker named Mark Lee.
___________________________
⋆ this is it for this chapter <3 backstory on the next one my loves , this is so long but I got carried away and I can't wait to post more please let me know what you think and if I can make any improvements, btw I will try to post one chapter a day but I make no promises because I might get writers block asdfghjklç ⋆
order 041, @im4karu ♡: large matcha milk tea with mochi for tbz's Eric
warnings: angst + angsty/open ending
summary: you're the topic of every song guitarist!Eric writes and you just don't care until suddenly, you do. but then, it's too late.
word count: ~1k
barista 🥛's 💌: Eric Nam's there and back again album is hitting way too hard rn :") things are messy between a friend and i but i just know i'm the only one hurting rn,, anyway~~i like this fic a lot omg writing is always best when you're drunk on your emotions
"hey. whatchu listenin' to?" a classmate you've never spoken to before asks.
you take out an earbud and blink up at Eric, who smiles down at you. he takes the earbud you were holding and places it into his own ear.
"ah, this band? you've got taste, y/n!"
that's all it takes for Eric to fall for you. well, he fell for you even before that. spotting the hoodie you wore inbetween classes with the logo of your favourite band made Eric curious about you and as he finds out more, he's definitely falling.
you're a little oblivious, taking hangouts with him at face value. the late night drives with music blasting, the windows down and city lights blurring by are just that, not dates. you don't notice how Eric keeps staring at you instead of the view when it's your turn to drive. you don't notice how he reaches for your hand several times before retracting it.
him inviting you to his band practices and performances is definitely a friends things, too. well at least, that's what you think.
Eric hopes his songs will get to you once you see him perform them live, because they're all for you. they're all yours.
"oblivious to things around me / it's only in your arms i can see / that everything means / nothing without you," Eric sings into the mic, staring straight into where he remembers you were standing. the stage lights are blinding him and yet he still manages to perfectly meet your eyes.
your heart flutters just a bit, you can't lie. then, you remind yourself it's just a song.
it's just a song.
it's for you, Eric thinks as he sings.
"how was i?" he asks you once his performance is over.
his bangs are peppered with sweat and his guitar is slung around his back. his hands are thrown in his pockets and his brown varsity jacket hangs snug on his shoulders.
"you were pathetic," you joke, hiding your smile as you turn around.
Eric races after you, whining at you for compliments.
"you were good, Eric. i don't even have to tell you. you shine the brightest out of all your bandmates," you say.
the last sentence makes Eric's heart stop.
are you... returning his love for you right now?
"what do you mean by that?" Eric asks as the two of you stand in an empty school hallway.
"i mean what i said. i had my eyes on you the whole time."
of course you did, because Eric was your friend. you came there to watch him!
Eric blushes under the flourescent lights and his heart races as he reaches for your hand.
"does that mean if i tell you i like you, you'd say it back? cause y/n, i like you," he says.
your world stops.
Eric likes you? why? how?
you freeze up with fear. you've never been in this situation before. never been told you've been liked, and definitely not by such a close friend.
you panic and say, "no."
Eric's whole world shatters and you can see it in his eyes.
"no?" he repeats.
"Eric... i can't do this right now," you say before leaving him there.
the lovenotes to you that he'd repeat to himself over and over again in his head before he slept all burn to the ground before him. the grip on his guitar falters and it falls to the ground, smashing to pieces.
"which guitar should i get, y/n?" Eric asked you as you walked around in the music store.
"i don't know.. whichever one looks the coolest?"
"that's not helpful," Eric said with a laugh, pinching your cheek.
you playfully pushed his hand away and looked around, your eyes falling on a cream-coloured electric guitar.
"you like that one?" Eric asked from behind you.
you nodded and he asked the worker if he could test it out. it didn't take long before he decided on that one.
"why'd you pick that one? 'cause i suggested it?" you asked him as you walked around outside the store.
"no. it's just pretty," he lied. you were absolutely right.
"this guitar can't be fixed," the music store worker tells Eric, who shows them the broken pieces of the guitar you picked out together.
"please... this guitar means a lot to me," Eric explains, fidgeting.
"it'll cost a fortune and it's not worth it," they tell him.
"i don't care... please do it for me."
-
out of embarrassment and regret, you treat Eric like a stranger back at school. you ignore his texts and ignore him without explanation. your heart aches, you want to run to him and tell him you think you like him too, but you're so scared and unsure.
do you even like him? are you sure? why are you so scared?
by the time you've graduated, you and Eric no longer have to see each other and have completely cut ties. you assume you'll never see him again and harbour your feelings for him as years pass, somehow not able to let go of the bright boy who caused so much trouble with you at school.
"today, we'll be interviewing a new band that will be making their debut. they've been together since high school... the boyz!" a news anchor announces.
you chew on your toast and blink at the tv, but your toast falls out of your hands as soon as you see Eric on the screen.
you race to the remote and turn up the volume.
"so how about you, Eric? what's an item you can't live without?" the anchor asks later in the interview.
"my guitar," he says. "it has a special memory attached to it and i've had it since my high school days.
you almost tear up seeing the cream-coloured guitar in his lap.
-
at your college music festival a few weeks later, the boyz make an appearance. seeing Eric fulfilling his dreams makes you so proud, but your heart aches. you realize just how much you miss him.
as difficult as it is, you try to push past fans to get to the front, calling out his name non-stop until he meets eyes with you when its his part.
"oblivious to things around me / it's only in your arms i can see / that everything means / nothing without you," he sings, and you remember the first time he sang this song in this school auditorium, while looking at you just like that.
once the performance is over, he races down towards you and you run to meet him in the middle.
"Eric! look at you!" you exclaim.
he smiles down at you, scratching the back of his neck. his sweaty appearance is proof of his hard work.
"thanks... it's been a while, how are you?" he asks.
"i'm good, how are you?"
"i'm good, too."
how could he have gotten more handsome? your heart races just look at him.
"you know, about back then in high school... i'm sorry," you say.
"it's okay. we were young and i'm sure you had a reason for doing that. it's all in the past," Eric reassures you.
"so... do you think we could start over? cause i actually like yo--"
"i'm pretty busy, y/n. it was nice meeting you. maybe someday i'll see you again," Eric says before waving you off.
"wait! your number?" you call out.
"i don't give my number to unrequited lovers," Eric calls back before leaving you for good.
your knees grow weak and you wonder if this is how Eric felt back then when you turned him down and never spoke to him again.
it's fine, if this is his revenge, it's fine. you deserve it.
if it's meant to be, maybe the universe will align once more and you'll see him again.
“What’s this box for?” Shotaro asked pointing to a decorative box you had moved out from under the bed to look for something.
“Huh? Oh, I call it my memory box. It’s just a bunch of little things that have sentimental value like photo booth pictures with you and friends, some flowers that you’ve gotten me, pictures with family, and other things like that.”
Shotaro smiled gently, that was so cute of you. “Can I have a look inside?”
“Go for it, babe. Do you see those shoes I’m looking for yet?” You asked while crawling under the bed again.
“Not yet, maybe you don’t have them anymore.”
“Maybe…” he heard you mumble.
He opened the box, immediately catching sight of a pile of pictures, multiple dried flowers, receipts, and ticket stubs among other things. “How is this receipt from McDonald’s sentimental?”
You came out from under the bed and grabbed the receipt looking it over before finally nodding, “This was from the night we had our first kiss.”
“How can you tell?”
“You got an ice cream cone and I got fries, we dipped the fries into the ice cream. The kiss was cold and tasted like vanilla, duh.”
“Oh yeah, so obvious,” he replied sarcastically.
And so it went while he dug through the box. A ticket stub to a Spider-Man movie? Third date, Shotaro fell. Photo booth strip ripped in half? That was from before you were together romantically, he had he other half. Another photo booth strip? That was from middle school with your best friends. Dried rose? From the bouquet he got you for your first date.
“Ok, last thing- is this a rock?” He asked confused.
You smiled softly, “In elementary school, you found it and gave it to me because you thought it was cool. Obviously from when we were just friends, but it’s the first thing you ever gave me.”
“So I guess this wasn’t just a box of trash.”
“Oh sure, if every moment of our relationship of 6 years is trash to you then yeah, it’s trash.”
“6 years? Haven’t we been together for like 10 years?”
“You did not ask me out when we were 11 Shotaro.”
“Yeah, when I gave you a VIP invitation to my birthday party, I count that.”
“Baby, you gave four other people VIP invitations too.”
“Well, yours was extra important, can you count it now?” He asked with wide eyes.
tags! jaehyun (nct) x fem!reader, student!jaehyun, strangers to lovers, slight fluff, angst, romance, jaehyun and reader are exes.
DISCLAIMER! mentions of cheating (pls pls pls cheating of any form is not condoned, i promise this is all part of the plot), mentions of sex (slight mentions of doing the deed)
It was a rare sight. He looks so happy. He looks so content. It was something that you wanted to have with him. It is something that you could never give to him.
Jaehyun has always been an eye candy. Many people see him as someone who is impossible to exist. They aren't entirely wrong because how could someone so ethereal, so kind, someone who puts others before himself and someone who is a real gentleman could exist in this cruel world?
But, as much as people say he is perfect, he really isn't. Not because you want to ruin his image to other people but because, who are we fooling? As everyone says, "Nobody's perfect." And that includes you and Jaehyun.
You met him when you were in your senior years in high school. You were both in 11th grade. He was the Star Player and you are the Student Council President. He transferred on the latter part of the semester when you were in 11th grade. He was very shy, and sometimes timid according to other people but that didn't stop people from doing their best to get noticed by him.
But, you happened. You were the apple of his eye. You were the one that caught his attention, his heart and his whole being. It started with small talks while walking down the hallways, he started to excuse you from classes and asking you to go out with him after class. You guys have been inseparable ever since.
Your friends tried so hard to make you see that he likes you. The way you like him, too. But you were just in-denial because, who would like me, anyway? You were thinking of all the possible things that could be the reason why Jaehyun acts that way to you.
I'm just a friend. He was just being nice. He's probably like that to each and everyone.
But as soon as the summer break started, he confessed his feelings for you. You thought that maybe he was just playing with you. Maybe he just wants to get a reaction out of me. Or maybe this was just a prank he was trying to pull or it can be a bet that he and his friends did.
You thought of all the possible things that could lead to him confessing to you but none of it mattered. Because Jaehyun proved to you that you are the only girl he ever loved in his entire life. You are the only girl that makes his heart beat faster, makes his day better and you were the adrenaline pumping into his veins. He loved every bit of you and you love every bit of him too.
Not until you both got into college. He immediately became a varsity player at your university which made it difficult for the both of you to make time for each other. You got busy with org meetings, he got busy with basketball practice. It was hard to find time to be with each other.
You slowly lost hope and wanted to make it up to him and so you planned to surprise him at his dorm. Both of your birthdays are nearing and it was something you both have in common. You were both born on the 14th of February. So you decided to drop by his dorm and surprise him.
You baked a cake, you bought him a new pair of basketball shoes and you dressed up a little so that you can impress him a little bit. You hailed a cab and finally, you arrived at his dorm.
Remembering that day still brings pain to your heart. Every moment was still vivid but what can you do? You can only walk away and set him free.
People never knew the reason for your break-up with Jaehyun. They knew about the break-up when Jaehyun suddenly deleted all of his social media accounts and he became MIA for half of the semester. You still kept in contact with his friends and they reassured her that he's still doing his schoolworks. They apologized on behalf of Jaehyun and told you that they did everything they could to stop Jaehyun from doing what he did to you.
You appreciated all of his friends and you knew he was in good hands because these people knew how to not tolerate a friend's wrongdoing. And eversince that night, you never saw Jaehyun again.
So I drown it out. Like I always do. Dancing through our house. With the ghost of you.
You can't believe what you just witnessed. It feels like your soul just left your body and every last bit of air left your lungs. You hear your heartbeat ringing on your ears, you felt like you were punched in the gut. But nothing beats the pain that you feel inside.
If you could only stop your own heart from breaking you would've done just that. You caught Jaehyun, on top of the girl he told you not to worry about. You can still hear their pleasured moans and groans as if they were up in the clouds, with the euphoric feeling of having each other, skin-to-skin.
Yet you were there on the doorway. Tears flowing one by one which felt like acid onto your skin. The only thing that stopped them was the sob that escaped your lips. Jaehyun's head snapped into your direction and horror was evident in his eyes. But, he didn't stop thrusting into the girl. Sob after sob, you were out of air and all you could do was to run away from that place. You didn't know where your feet took you but you are out of breath, running away from the scene that just unfolded right in front of you. As you ran, you can hear Jaehyun, yelling at you to stop.
You kept on running but your feet betrayed you and you slowly fell down on the ground. It didn't matter to you if many people saw you, that didn't matter. Thoughts entered your mind and you can't seem to find answers for these questions, "Where did I go wrong?", "Did I make him wait too much?", "Was I too prude?" Every demeaning thought came into you like a waterfall.
"Love, please... I can explain?"Jaehyun said as he caught up to you and held your shoulders. You looked straight onto the road. You didn't know if you can still speak to him. All you know is that there must've been something that you did wrong.
"Jae, am I... not enough... for you?" You said with tears falling down from your eyes. You can already tell that your cheeks are stained with mascara mixed with tears but you didn't care. You can hear Jaehyun let out a sigh. He helped you to stand up and lead you to a nearby bench.
"Love, I can never tell you how sorry I am. How hard it was for me to come clean and tell you what I've been doing behind your back. But, I'm really really sorry." He said with the calmest voice you have ever heard from him.
"I don't know what to say... Did I make you wait too much? Was there something wrong with me? Was I too prude? Is my body too ugly for your liking? Did I do something wrong for me to experience this?" You said almost inaudible due to the sobs you can't help but to let out.
"Love please... please don't say that, it's on me—" You stood up and wiped every tear that left your eyes. You told him to stop. You took a step and you almost fell but you got back right into your feet. You felt so ugly. You felt like you will never be good enough. Flashbacks from senior high school came into your mind. You remembered how every girl told you that you don't deserve someone like Jaehyun because he is literally perfect which made you cry even harder.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I wasn't meant for you.
It had been two years since that night. But the pain that you feel up until today is still there. It felt like it just happened yesterday. You didn't get the chance to heal on your own when everything reminded you of that particular scene. Like a broken record, it kept on playing inside your mind, in your dreams and even if you are wide awake.
You wanted to forget him. Even if it seems impossible because you are now in the same friend group, in the same university. His friends contacted him after that but you never asked them what his response was.
You envied him. You envied him for moving on so fast. You envied him because he seemed so happy right now while you're still broken and asking why you had to be the only one who carried the burden and the hurt of what he did.
You only wished to love, but no one told you about getting hurt.
It was rare. I was there, I remember it all too well.
You were not a night owl, but for some reason, it's 2:00 AM and you are still awake. It was hard to breathe. The once comfortable bedroom became stuffy and you are left wondering. Walking in the middle of the night was not a good idea but you still went out and walked around the apartment complex. It was cold but not to the point where you get chills. You should've brought another coat but you enjoyed the cold air, indeed it helped you breathe better. As you reached the gazebo in the complex, you saw a man sitting on one of the benches with his head hung low, hands inside the pocket of his hoodie.
10 meters.
5 meters.
3 meters.
"Jaehyun? Is that... you?" You voiced out and you hated that you were right. He looked up and you were surprised with how he looked. His once bright and jolly eyes became dull, tired, and... sad? So many questions flooded your mind.
"I missed you. It sounds so freaking bad because who am I to say that? I don't even deserve to be here." He slurred out and you confirmed, he was drunk. You sat on the seat in front of him and sighed.
"Why are you here? It's 2:14 AM, you should go home, you're drunk." You said as you fiddled with your fingers. Your hands are cold, but your body felt hot. Meeting him after 2 years of avoiding each other made you want to walk away. You wanted to, but there's something that stopped you. Jaehyun sighed and covered his face with his hands. As the wind blew, the faint smell of alcohol and cigar reached you. You held the tears that was starting to form around your eyes.
"I came here to see you. I was hoping to see you." He said as he removed his hands from his face and looked at you with his dull eyes. It was dark, but you still can see his swollen eyes, his slender face and the darkness under his eyes. He looked unwell. It made you worry. It shouldn't bother you but it did.
"You're drunk, Jaehyun. You should go home. You shouldn't even be here. You have no reason to be." You quietly said as you stood up, finally gathering the courage to walk away and never look back. He held your wrist, stopping you from walking away. Jaehyun stood up and hugged you from the back.
"I'm sorry." That was the last straw. Tears streamed down your face and you let out the most heart-wrenching sob you have been holding back. Jaehyun hugged you tighter as he felt you shake in his arms. You can't stop crying. You don't even know why. Maybe you do, but you just can't put into words the pain that you are feeling right now. You covered your mouth to stop yourself from sobbing but it didn't do anything. He grabbed you tighter as you felt a wetness on your shoulder.
"You shouldn't be crying. Y-You don't know how hurt I was when I saw you that night. I... I was so excited to see you because it was your birthday and I prepared so much to see you after a long time. I-I wanted to fight for our relationship so bad, Jae." You whispered as tears kept on falling from your eyes. You heard him sob on your shoulders. It was unfair. It was unfair that he gets to cry after all that he did but you can't bring yourself to shout at him. You slowly removed his arms that are caging you and you started to walk away. You can't stop crying and sobbing, your heart was so heavy and you can't control the thoughts that kept running through your mind. Jaehyun wanted to follow you. But, how dare he come back to you after all the pain that he has caused?
Is there an end to this agony?
No matter how long it takes, I'll find my way back home.
It was a day before your birthday. Luckily, it was also the start of your semester break. You decided to go back home for the break but you were too lazy to pack so you decided to stay in the dorms for a week. It has been almost a month since Jaehyun came to your dorms, drunk and apologizing to you. You tried so hard to forget that night, but the stinging pain in your chest makes you remember all the things that happened.
For some reason, even after 2 years you still can't bring yourself to face Jaehyun and get the closure that you need. After all, there was no formal break-up. You just decided to cut off communication and avoid seeing each other. As you lie on your bed, you wished for the pain and agony of your longing heart to go away.
Your thoughts slowly dissipate as your body slowly falls asleep then you were awaken by the ringing of your doorbell. Maybe it's the dorm auntie. I told her that I will stay for the week, ugh. You thought as you decided to not open the door but after a minute, the ringing was replaced by continuous knocking. You groaned and stood up, not minding what you are currently wearing and opened the door.
You looked up and saw Jaehyun at your doorstep. He looked at you with wide eyes and he suddenly looked away. You slammed the door almost too hard and remembered that you're only wearing your silk camisole and silk shorts (which was really short) to match it. You grunted and ran to your bedroom and put on a random sweater and sweatshorts. You ran back to your door and sighed. After a few seconds, you opened the door and Jaehyun was still there. He looked at you and smiled timidly.
"Why are you here? Do you need something?" You quietly asked and he just scratched his nape and sighed. After that incident, you still don't know where the two of you stand. Are you still lovers? Are you exes? Or are you just strangers with bad memories of each other?
"I... wanted to talk to you. Personally." He said as he fiddled with his fingers and tried his best to look into your eyes. You wanted to cuss him out. You wanted to be mad at him. But you chose not to. Maybe, this was the closure that the two of you needed. Maybe this will be the last line to your ending chapter. You looked at him and slowly opened the door and let him inside.
No one tried to speak. It was the most awkward 5 minutes in your life. You both sat at the dinner table. He was sitting in front of you and you can't figure out if he wants to talk or not.
"I really don't know how to say this but I just want to apologize to you. I know it sounds so repetitive but believe me when I say that I really am sorry." He said as he looked at you, eyes the sincerest they've ever been. You can feel the lump forming in your throat and the tears forming in the corner of your eyes.
"There's no excuse for what I did when we were still together and I shouldn't have come that night, drunk and high. I'm really sorry and I understand if you can't forgive me. I mean, after all, what I did was unforgiveable." He said as he looked at you with apologetic eyes. He looked the same as the night you last saw him. Swollen eyes, face a little bit smaller, he looks just as disoriented as before.
"I have so much to say to you, Jaehyun. I wanted to ask why did you do it? You could've just said to me that you don't feel the same anymore. You could've said, I was not giving you the attention you rightfully needed because I would understand so that I could make it up to you." You stopped mid-sentence as a you let out a sob. You looked up to prevent the tears from streaming down your face. You could hear Jaehyun sniff, a sign that he has been crying too.
"I loved you, Jaehyun. I still love you. I won't say that I forgive you because, it might take a long time for me to heal." You said as you wiped away the tears from your eyes. Jaehyun let out a sob as he reached for your hand and held it close to his face. You could feel the warm tears wetting your hand and the heart-wrenching sobs Jaehyun let out. You looked away as your own tears stream down your face.
Jaehyun continued to whisper I'm sorry and you can't stop crying. This was not the closure you expected but this was definitely something that you needed. You needed time to be away from each other. You needed it so that you won't hurt each other more with words you don't mean.
Maybe this was really the end for the both of you. Maybe this will be a start of something new, all you know now is that you can finally heal from the past and maybe. Just maybe, you can be with the only man you loved with all of your heart.
this was long overdue 😭 i ought to post this on jaehyun's birthday but it took me a lot of time to finish this. consider this a post-valentine gift? 😅 hope you liked this story! (this was my first time writing in tumblr btw)
I FINISHED IT!!!! ITS SO GOOD TT SOBBING MENTALLY ATM THERE WAS SO MANY EMOTIONS???? AND FOR YOUR FIRST TIME PLS YOURE SO GOOD AND DESERVE A LOT OF LOVEEEE <3333
**hi felle, if you see this, ily <3333
| fluff; femreader! x roommatejaehyun!; friends-to-lovers-au!; w: some cursing; 1.3+ k words.
|now playing: sunflower vol.6 ― harry styles.
Mornings were not my thing, is that a fucking event for everyone? I just wanted to lay peacefully in bed: sleeping my job away, my homework away, my stupid ass roommates away; well… they were not such a pain the ass to be honest compared to coworkers and fellow stupid students: Yuta was in emo mode most of the time so he was just dead silent, a simple nod and a head shake, I don’t think his interested in us in any way shape or form; Mark was always buying take-out and literally stuffing books in his room as he could ate them as well, sometimes we would watch spiderman movies together, he was a fun guy especially when drunk; and there he was: Jung Jaehyun, my last roommate, the oldest in terms of experience in this apartment; hot, tall and gorgeous; fluffy chocolate hair moving side to side as he prepared the counter with, well, unnecessary stuff. He was just wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants and he looked hotter than any guy I’ve ever met and yuta is a close second one, not gonna even bother lying. But here is the dilemma, I just don’t get the guy sometimes. Sometimes we are black and white and sometimes we are water and oil. We don’t fight a lot but our bickering is constant these days. Is like that stupid saying that if a boy annoys you, he likes you and you eventually develop feelings as well. Bullshit, my feelings are here since he moved, I just don’t want to admit in his dick ass face.
― good morning sleepy head. ― He said with a smut grin plastered in his face, dimples already showing. God, spare me, I may be a sinner but I repelled my sins. ― Are these your favorite?
Pancakes. With banana and sweet red delicious colored strawberries, perfectly sliced on top of one pancake. Was he being nice? For the constant nagging? Something didn’t add up so I muttered while chewing a piece. ― Oh, so you left the temper in the room today. Nice.
― Are they good?
I nodded shortly and shoved another piece in my mouth, this time, the juice of one strawberry fell down my lips as I chewed, before I could catch it, he did it instead. His thumb caressing my skin and then him licking his thumb with a full smile. God, my heart was racing so bad, it could win a Ferrari competition. By this time, I swear I was the tomato head in the room. I started to feel the almost usual nervousness that came with Jaehyun’s presence, and his proximity to me, so I jumped out of the seat when Mark came out of his room, sniffing as he was a puppy. ― Yo! Dude you made pancakes and there’s not a single one left?
Sometimes, Jaehyun can be intimidating. Behind his fully teethed smile, he glared so intensely at mark that his eyes even darkened a bit more, and like the pupper Mark was, he lifted up his hands signaling “defeated” and if this world had magic, he would have a hanging tail and slouched pup ears.
― I can give him a piece of mine, Jung. No necessity to bring the wolf out. ― I looked at him, curiosity perked in my head and he seemed to notice it too. He tilted his head and surprised me with a lazy sealed smile. ― Did you prepare this only for me?
― Yeah. Consider it a truce. ― I raised my eyebrows and left the fork in the plate, adjusting my position. No way. There has to be a catch. ―We’ve bickering like we are already married, buttercup.
I almost smiled at the familiar nickname but I sealed my lips into a tight line, before blurting my next words making a fool out of myself. ― Already married….?!; is everything okay, Yoonoh?
Oh god, I reserved that for myself all this time. I slapped myself mentally. When he first moved, he said that I was the only one who could call him that way, saying that in my lips in sounded like honey. That was the first time I fell for jaehyun, kinda literally. I immediately felt the heat hovering from the base of my neck to my cheeks and forehead, warming up. As I was about to say something, he interrupted me with a mischievous chuckle. ― Still the cute tsundereI met years ago, buttercup.
Wait? He must have learned that from Yuta, was he mocking me?! I bit my bottom lip until I felt the necessity to punch him straight in the face, erasing his glistening smile; but he was already making his way down the aisle of the counter and when his tall figure came back, he handed me a fork and he took one too. A lemon pie? And with all of these blueberries? It was already perfectly cut into little triangles. I frowned and he poked the space between my brows. ― I’m not gonna lie, y/n. You look cute while pouting but frowning will only turn you into an old lady.
― Why a lemon pie? And with blueberries? You know I don’t like them.
― You have never tried them, sweetheart. ― There you go Jung, with your damned petnames who make my heart flutter. ― Yuta picked this one last night, he said it remembered him of us two.
― Why?
― You’re sour and direct, never having your tongue tied and you also have a hard shell, you’re hard to appeal and peal to, y/n; just like a lemon. ― He laughed at his own joke, shoving a smaller piece of the pie while I did the same. Wow, thanks Jaehyun. What a gentleman. ― But you also work hard as hell, you study, work and maintain this place in perfect conditions. Its like lemonade, you squeeze your seeds out and only serve the best juice, the best of you. Sometimes you get harsh, but there’s when the pie describes you perfectly, you’re sweet, the sweetest, buttercup. You realize your mistakes and make for them, in little gests and gifts like this caramel cream. ― I stopped eating while I savored a blueberry, it was sweet, nothing that I had expected, it almost melted in my mouth surprised I turned to look at Jaehyun, who was still smiling at me this time, beaming of pure happiness. ―I’m like a blueberry, at least that’s what Yuta says, you never know the real me: is it the bitter Jaehyun who loves naggin the hell out of you or the Yoonoh that’s willing to be sweet, caring and protective to you? You only can decipher the both of us if you take the time to appreciate our flawed and positive sides. I like that, y/n.
I like us, sweetheart.
― U-Us?!
― As in more than friends, obviously, y/n; don’t be so slow, it’s embarrassing. ― Yuta walked past by us to his room and the sound of the door slamming to the frame, made me jolt in my seat.
― Maybe we can end up getting married, little one’s running here and there, wifey. ― I mustered all my courage and put a hand to his face, stopping him from saying anything else. He liked me too. Oh, my fucking God.
― Stop right there you, you, you…― I couldn’t complete my sentence, I was just stuttering because my brain was buffering. ― God, I like you too but no kids hold it back for a few years, Yoonoh.
― Deal, wifey.
― Do u have a ring? ― I slowly backed up my hand and I felt a cold metal brushing my finger.
― I came prepared, wifey.
― Stop or I’ll be calling you hubbie for the rest of your life.
― That sounds lovely. ― He beamed at me, sarcastically letting his hand rest on the table like he expected me to grab it. Fuck my pride I loved this man for so long and he’s finally mine so…
― Deal, Hubbie.
Thanks for reading and appreciating my works with so much love in just a few days, yall had no idea how happy it makes me, knowing that i can actually make someone's day! and write about my favorite boy on earth!
Sehun looked at you with a blank stare and there was no turning back now.
“I like you, Sehun.”
Sehun finally blinked and snapped out of his trance.
“You like who?”
You shook your head and turned to walk away. You were not going to continue to embarrass yourself. Sehun let out a short laugh and wrapped his arms around you before you could leave.
“You can’t go. You like me and I like you. We are now dating.”
You’re standing in the almost furnished living room with Taeyong sitting on the couch across from you, head leaned back trying to think of ways to make you stay. You and Taeyong had been together for 3 years but somewhere down the line things started to fall apart. The spark was gone and you were both living dull lives, an empty shell of what you and him used to be and at some point, you had no longer brought out the best in him and he could no longer make you feel like you could achieve anything — even if he did send texts of encouragement. By the time your third anniversary was approaching, you knew there was nothing left in your relationship so you had broken it off with him.
Taeyong agreed as he also knew that the relationship had reached his end and he wished you all the best. You packed your belongings and moved into a friend’s place for a month before settling in an apartment across the city of your once shared space with the man you used to love. It was simple , you two were now strangers just like the way it began — it was supposed to be simple. But somehow, it ended with Taeyong always finding his way back to your apartment at 2 in the morning drunk off his mind to ask you to move back in with him — to which you always say no but he doesn’t listen anyway. So naturally, you’d end up letting him in, helping him get situated in the guest room, tossing and turning the entire night in your bed thinking of him, and waking up every morning to see Taeyong already gone with the bed made as if he was never there. This had been going on for four months.
This time Taeyong is here sober. The silence is deafening as you hear the clock tick behind you, every second getting closer to midnight. He had been at your place for an hour and you two had been fighting nonstop. A once civil conversation turned into a screaming match and now, defeat — but was it yours or his?
“I just,” Taeyong sighs, lifting his head up to look at you. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do, Taeyong. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be here sober.” You say, stepping closer and finally taking a seat next to him. “Come on, what is it? Why can’t we just be out of each other’s lives for good?”
“Why do you keep letting me back in?” He asks back rather quickly and you’re at a loss for words. To some extent you guess you do care for him, but maybe not in the way you did a year ago. You hate seeing him at his worst and your first instinct was to make him his best self again. You figure the least you could do was take him in and clean him up — like you always did when the two of you were still together
“Because I care for you, Taeyong.” You say simply.
“Just not in the same way I care for you.” He replies. Taeyong knows you won’t take him back. You’re too good for him and it’s clear you know it. Even if you cared for him you would never be able to envision yourself walking down the aisle to meet him at the altar anymore.
“Right.” You admit. “Is that why you can’t let me go?” It was as clear as day that Taeyong was still in love with you. But out of people, he would know to let go of someone for the sake of their own happiness if they had really loved them. Taeyong was never a selfish person.
Taeyong can’t let you go because he hates how he feels without you. He hates how every morning he wakes up and the first thing he sees is the house that was once yours too and is now only occupied by him — with all the memories of you still lingering around. He hates the way his eyes get pricked with tears at hearing you say how you can’t keep taking care of him like this when he shows up drunk at your front doorstep. He hates how he would make breakfast for two out of habit only to realize you’re no longer there to eat it with him— only able to let out a disheartening, empty laugh in the kitchen that you once liked to dance around in. Taeyong hates how you make him feel.
So maybe Taeyong is selfish after all. But someone who was so selfless all their life deserves to be selfish once in a while right?
“I don’t,” Taeyong admits. “I don’t want to be okay without you.” Over the past four months all he can think about is you, how he envisioned you saying you miss him and want him back, hearing the perfect balance between loud and clear. How he can hear your lovely voice inside his head saying you love him. He knows he has to let you go because you’re finally starting to and it’s just selfish of him to hold you back, but he doesn’t know if he can move on with himself if he lets you go.
Silence fills the apartment again, and Taeyong breathes unevenly next to you. At this moment, it is clear that what you two once had is over. This will be the last time Taeyong will be here and he seems to know it too.
“I guess there’s nothing else I can do?” Taeyong follows his eyes up at you as you’re standing, already making your way to the door and his heart twists. I guess one of us moved on well.
“I’m afraid not.” You say softly. He walks to the door and you open it for him, wasting no time to get out as he never took off his shoes or coat, he came and left just as fast. You shut the door behind you and make your way back to the couch, taking the same spot he had sat in earlier.
After all these years, if there’s one thing you had learned about Taeyong, it was that he only realizes something after having already done it — and this was one example. Normally, when Taeyong comes into your home, he’d take off his shoes and outerwear as an indicator that he would be there for a while. But this time, he had come in knowing that he did not belong, that he isn’t supposed to stay; the shoes never left his feet and the jacket never slid off. You hope this is the first sign of him moving on, you hope he will let you go. He has bigger and better things out there for him, and in order to reach those things he has to be okay without you.
a/n: very sad, even i teared up 🥲 pls lmk what you think!
synopsis. in the midst of finals season, where routine takes over your lifestyle, you find solace in the voice of your most important person that always seem to know when you’re at your breaking point.
pairing. boyfriend! kim doyoung ✗ student! fem! reader
genre. fluff, angst, slice of life, hurt/comfort, college au, non idol au, established relationship au
word count. 1.8k words
warnings. cursing, mentions of anxiety, depictions of a mental breakdown
song. bandaids by keshi
author’s note. after looking at my calendar, it has come to my attention that it’s that time of the year: finals season. i just want to let all of you know that you are doing a great job. you made it this far and i’m proud of you. i promise you, you will get through this. hopefully this could give comfort in the midst of your studies. love you all.
friends of flowers
fragile silence
stand beside you
stop your crying
If there is one thing that all college students could agree on, it’s that finals seasons are the absolute worst thing to ever go through in college. You’re constantly spending every night at the library with your eyes glued onto your textbooks, your brain rushing to keep up in retaining all the pertinent information needed for your exams. You’re devoting hours onto your laptop with your fingers typing away on your keyboard, internet tabs and pages cluttering your screen as you rush to reach the minimum page count required for your courses.
So many times you have declined all your friends’ requests for study dates or a simple get-together because you just don’t have the luxury to. As much as you’d love to take a break from your studies, you feel like you’re running out of time. It has gotten to the point where your boyfriend has to remind you every now and then to take breaks as he gets concerned for your well-being. And just when you thought you were done with one exam or assignment, you look back on your planner only to find out that there’s more to complete. It’s like your pile just doesn’t seem to lessen with each passing day, your mentality on the brink of collapse.
Just where is the end to all of this?
You are currently perched over your desk, packets of case studies splayed out on top of your corrections textbook. Your laptop screen shines bright at the corner, documents filled with infinitesimal texts and numbers. To your right lies your essential oil diffuser, planted right on your nightstand with fumes of aroma wafting through the air. You took your best friend’s suggestion in purchasing an aromatherapy diffuser to help relieve some stress you’ve accumulated from your studies. Lavender should help out, she said. But to your dismay, you don’t feel a single ounce of it lifting from your shoulders. Forcing your brain to believe its effective properties only puts your head more into a strain.
That’s when you felt a sharp pain rip through your skull. ‘Great,’ you groaned to yourself, ‘another fucking headache.’ You dropped your pen on your notebook and rubbed your fatigued eyes, the pressure from your fingertips massaging away. “God, I can’t wait for this semester to be over with already.”
Crossing your arms, you found your phone lying in the middle of your bed. You forgot that you left it on ‘do not disturb’, finally realizing why you didn’t hear your phone ring in the past few hours. You grabbed your phone off your bed. 2:58 am, it reads. Unlocking your phone, you skimmed through your notifications, your fingers swiftly responding to certain messages cluttered up in your phone until you reached to this one particular conversation:
hey babe (sent by doie <3, 11:01pm)
hope you’re eating your meals and drinking water (sent by doie <3, 11:01pm)
just want to let you know that i’m proud of you (sent by doie <3, 11:02pm)
always am and always will (sent by doie <3, 11:02pm)
love you (sent by doie <3, 11:02pm)
You could feel a smile blooming on your lips. It has been a while since you’ve seen Doyoung, let alone hear his voice. Is it too late to call him? ‘He might be sleeping,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Should I?’ Biting your lip, you mustered up the courage and decided to call him. Placing your phone against your ear, you awaited his call. The sound reverberates through your eardrums, the anticipation of having your call picked up diminishing with each passing ring. And just when you were about to give up, the tune stops short on its last ring.
“Hello?” a deep voice croaks.
You softly smile at the sound of his voice. “Hey,” you whispered. “Did I… wake you up?”
“No, no.” You hear him shuffling on his end, to what you could assume to be from his movements in his bed sheets. “Not at all, baby.” You couldn’t help but let out a giggle, touched over the fact he’s easing your guilt of awakening him from his much-needed slumber. “What’s wrong? You need something?”
You shrugged your shoulders, a habit you’ve developed when talking on the phone with someone. “No, not really.” You run your fingers through your hair before rubbing the nape of your neck. “I just missed you, that’s all.”
He lets out a tired chuckle. “I missed you, too.”
You hum a little, “How are your finals?”
He scoffs. “Shit.”
“Not surprised,” you giggled. “You only have one more left, right?”
“Yeah. Chem 4. After that, I’m ready to sleep for a whole week straight.”
“Can I join you in your sleeping session?”
“You most certainly can.”
You both shared a laugh, your mind finally distracted from the strenuous documents that resided on top of your desk. “I call dibs on being the small spoon.”
He chortles. “You’re funny.”
“Hey! It’s only fair.”
“That’s what you said when you ate my share of fries the other week.”
His voice was much livelier than before, fully awakened from his rest now. You missed the jolly feeling you’d get when you talked to him. All those days and nights spent by his side where nothing else mattered in the world except for your boyfriend, whispering loving affirmations to you just like always. You really did miss him, and you can’t wait for this semester to be over to spend quality time with him again.
“Hey, y/n?” he called out.
“Hm?”
“You know that all I ever ask of you is to be honest with me?”
Your smile drops. You know where this is going, and frankly, you’re not sure if you’re ready to have this conversation again. Time after time, he would start a conversation with that question followed by his ongoing concerns wrapped in his mind. Sometimes he would ask for your second opinion, but most of the time they were diverted to you, his forever lover. And you knew this time, this is going to be about you.
Your free hand fiddled with the ends of your finger as you chew on your lip again, your eyes peering down to your lap.
“... yes,” you murmured.
You could hear your heart beating through your ears, the silence deafening the space that encompassed you around. Neither one of you uttered a sound to the other, too afraid to whisper through the thick tension planted in the air. Outside your dorm, there are muffled footsteps fading in and out by your door, most likely from your dorm neighbors coming back from another one of their library sessions. He lets out a soft sigh on his end, not one filled with annoyance, but filled with worry, his attention all focused onto you.
“... are you okay?”
And just like that, you felt the dam inside you crumble to ashes. The mask that you’ve held from the past few weeks is finally dissolving, the facade released from its shackles. Weeks of putting up a front, telling yourself that everything is okay, is now coming to end. ‘I’m fine,’ you would say to yourself. ‘This is nothing, I can handle this myself.’
Oh but darling, there’s only so much you could take in. Not everyone is perfect, and not everyone is indestructible. May we all be human, for we laugh, cry, smile, frown, scream, shout, cheer.
Tears burned through your eyelids, blurring your line of vision as you tried to hold yourself together. You shakily let out a sigh. “.... no,” your voice cracks. Another deep sigh, and you felt a tear drip down your cheek. “I’m… I’m tired, Doyoung.” More tears cascade down your cheeks, bringing your sleeves up to wipe them away with each drop. “I’m exhausted, Doyoung. I’m tired.. of all of this. I’m—”
With the phone still pressed against your ear, you sobbed into the night, finally pouring all your boxed-in emotions out to your lover. You cried out your frustrations, your anger, your desolace. Long have your soul been used to routine that you forgot what warmth felt like. To be cared for, watched for, and loved for.
Your sleeves soaked up all your tears, your eyelids certainly swollen from the sudden rush. You take even breaths, calming yourself down from your breakdown. Throughout your cries, never once did Doyoung strayed away from you, ears firmly pressed against his ear. He took in all, every last drop to mitigate the cold shell you’ve developed over time. He said nothing, only offering his presence as a sort of comfort to you for the time being. Once silence took over, all your tears spent, that’s when he spoke up.
“You did well, y/n.”
You breathing hitches for a moment, heart skipping a beat from his words.
“I’m so, so proud of you, y/n. You made it this far into the semester and for that, I’m proud of you.”
And alas, your smile returns. Minuscule it may be, but it’s more than what you could ask for. The feeling of having your shoulders lifted from your burdens made you feel like you could fly again, soar up in the clouds. Your best friend certainly knows how to cheer you up the most.
“Sorry about all of that,” you chuckled.
“Don’t be sorry.”
You shook your head. “No, I am. You literally just heard me have a breakdown and cry with snots all over the place—”
“I don’t give a damn about all of that, y/n.” There’s a slight shuffle on his end. “I love you for you, and that’s never going to change. I will love you at your lowest, and I will love you at your highest. Even when you feel like there’s no hope left in this world, I will bring you back to earth and hold you and remind you that you are hope.”
Just when you thought you had no more tears left in your system, you could feel the waterworks starting again. You bite down on your lower lip, desperately holding it in as love overcomes you.
“You did well, y/n. Only two more finals to go and you’re finally free.”
You wipe away the stray tear that befallen on your cheek. “Thank you, Doyoung. Really.”
“Now go out there and kick some ass for me, alright? Show those professors who’s the boss around here.”
You giggled. With your two fingers on your temple, you did an informal salute. “Yes, sir.”
“That’s my girl.”
Let this be a reminder to you, to all, that there will always be one person that will love you at your lowest, and will always be there to help pick you back up.
i’m afraid that bandaids
are no good for heartache
not okay, so tell me
when your world is falling down
Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), angst, unrequited love
Synopsis:
It wasn’t as if Mark couldn’t see it, in fact he was almost sure that Johnny could see it too. The way that you looked at him. At Johnny.
“Horror or Rom-com tonight?” You turned to face Johnny, dressed in his familiar pajamas, plaid didn’t do him justice.
“I dunno, it’s your night to choose.” Your eyes followed his figure, and you admired the messy hairdo you had gotten so used to.
“Horror? Are you up for some nightmares tonight?” He laughed, and your heart skipped a beat at the sound.
You giggled at his response, but he recognized the nervous look on your face.
“Don’t worry I’ll keep you safe, just like old times.” He plopped on the cushion next to you, his body flushed against yours. This was nothing new, his warmth was a familiar feeling, but you could never get used to the butterflies that the contact sent through you.
“Remember that time you thought that Pennywise was hiding under your bed?” He snorted at the memory of you huddled on the couch in the middle of the night, begging for him to stay up with you.
“That was stupid, and I told you I didn’t like clowns.” You grumbled, wrapping the blanket around you tighter, trying to ignore the teasing looks.
“Sure, so I’m guessing you don’t like ghosts either?” He nudged you, raising his eyebrows.
“No, I’m fine with ghosts.” You mocked back, but the hint of fear was evident in your voice.
“Great! I know a great movie then!” He moved towards the remote, checking out your reaction from the side of his eye.
“Yeah…” You mumbled, sinking further into the couch.
You were interrupted by the soft slam of the front door.
“Johnny?” You turned at the sound of a new voice.
“Oh, hey Mark. We’re about to watch a movie, wanna join? It’s horror.” He sang the last part, taunting you.
“Oh.” The awkward tension didn’t leave, and you turned to face Johnny, indicating you wanted to be introduced.
“Oh. Y/N this is Mark, Mark Y/N.” Johnny went back to the TV searching for the movie and leaving you and Mark to awkwardly acknowledge each other.
“Hi.” You let out a soft whisper, waving a shy hand at the newcomer.
“Hi.” But all he could do was stare back, a tiny smile adorning his face. You returned his smile, and turned to Johnny, digging your elbow into his side.
“Ow! What?” He flinched, rubbing his ribs and giving you a teasing glare. You nodded your head in Mark’s direction.
“Mark, you gonna join?” He raised his eyebrows in question.
“Oh, yeah, I guess.” He stuttered out, glancing between the two of you as he fell into the seat adjacent from you.
The starting credits of the movie began, lighting up your faces. Throughout the movie you had dug yourself into Johnny’s side, his arm making its way around your shoulders, laughing at the way you used him as a shield.
“You could’ve said no to ghosts.” He whispered in your ear, with a teasing grin on his face.
“Shut up.” You smacked his chest.
From the other couch Mark watched your interaction, the way that you looked at him, the way that you held onto him.
this is going to be a bit long but bear w me hehe <3
"You went back and found Jisung painstakingly arranging the M&M piece by piece, arranged by color, size and filling.
The kid makes you worry sometimes.
He’s a good kid but sometimes he can be a bit… clueless?"
i laughed A LOT when i read this because it's so relevant omg hahaha sorry jisung TT
"“Awww. My Jisungie is grown up. It felt like it was just yesterday when I was to trying to teach you to tie your own shoelaces. And now, you’ve got a girlfriend”
“Uhm Y/N. That was yesterday.”"
im sorry again jisung, i can't believe i laughed at midnight jsut because of this
"“Happy birthday! You’re pretty early…”
Chenle smiled as jogs over to you, keys jingling on his fingers, and gave you a small peck on the cheek.
You stood there in your porch, frozen.
Zhong Chenle knows how to smile. And he knows about your birthday"
im confused w the timeline but i can't w chenle, he's so cute!!! i mean the peck on the cheek??? & the fact that he knows how to smile (in the fic)
after an exhausting day, jaehyun wanted nothing more to see his lovely wife with his 6-year-old daughter together.
he opened the front door, finding no one in the living room nor the kitchen. however, he heard giggles coming from the bedroom.
he removed his coat and shoes before walking up to the bedroom door. peeking through the door, he saw his daughter and wife smiling ever so brightly, giggling on the bed.
if only both of you could see how her jaehyun’s face lit up, the corners of his eyes crinkled, mouth curved into a smile.
“mommy, daddy’s home!” the little girl exclaimed, running up to her father and hugging his legs. “daddy! i told mommy she should paint your nails too so that we could all be matching, see?”
she showcased her tiny hands with nails painted in her favorite color.
“alright, alright. how ‘bout you choose what color you want for me?” she nodded and went back to pick the nail polish she wanted for her father.
jaehyun walked up and hugged you; arms wrapping around your waist, the side of the bed sinking from his weight.
“i missed both of you.” he said as he relaxed onto you.
author’s note || it’s more of jaehyun and his daughter featuring his wife. i hope i did good (hopefully went by the request) 😃👍 i tried making it gender-neutral but my mind went blank when it was time for the kid to mention the reader 😭
May I request a LDR au with idol!jaehyun where reader studies overseas and both of them attempt to bond with each other? Thank you❤️
Pairing: long distance bf!jaehyun x f.reader
Genre: fluff
Warnings: none
Word count: 1.5k
A/N: ngl anon, i had no idea what 'LDR' stood for so i had to ask a friend (props to @jaehyunnie77 for educating me lol), anyway, hope you like it!
“I’m not ready to start dating again, hyung,” Jaehyun sighed, appreciative of Doyoung’s concern but still trying to overcome his heartbreak.
“It’s not dating! Just talking! I just think it would help if you had friends, outside of us, to talk to,” Doyoung clarified, patting Jaehyun on the back soothingly.
“Why does it sound like a setup, though?” Jaehyun smiled, and Doyoung just chuckled.
“Sorry, So-hyun has been bugging me to introduce you two. She thinks you’ll hit it off.”
Jaehyun chewed on his lip, clearly torn between polite propriety, and his own mixed emotions. “I really don’t know…”
“Listen,” Doyoung put a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder, “just exchange a couple of pleasantries so I can get So-hyun off my back, okay?”
Jaehyun laughed. “Sure, I can do that. Give her my number.”
---
You sighed inwardly when you got a message from a family friend, saying she wanted to introduce you to someone. You didn’t know why she would bother setting you up with someone while you were studying abroad, but you assumed she figured the long distance thing wouldn’t be a problem. Feeling pressured, you accepted, and sent off your first message.
Me: Hello, this is Y/N, So-hyun’s friend
You put your phone down, not expecting a response right away considering the time difference, but to your surprise your phone buzzed almost right away.
Jaehyun: Hello Y/N, it’s nice to meet you :)
It was just one line, and one emoji, but for whatever reason you were intrigued.
Me: Oh! I didn’t expect a response right away! Isn’t it the middle of the night there? Sorry to bother you
Jaehyun: No bother at all, I was up anyway
Jaehyun: How are you doing?
Me: I’m doing okay, just finished exams so I can rest for a little bit
Me: how are you? Why are you up so late? Sorry for all the questions
Jaehyun: I don’t mind the questions :)
Jaehyun: I’m glad you’re done exams, what are you studying?
Jaehyun: I’m doing okay as well, just tired from practice
Jaehyun: it’s also why I’m still awake, I always find it hard to sleep after a tough day
You felt bad for him, you knew how hard it was to function on very little sleep. So-hyun hadn’t told you much about him, just that he was an idol, but you didn’t follow the industry so you didn’t know much about it.
Me: Oh! That’s awful! You should try drinking chamomile tea, I find that always helps me relax enough to fall asleep
Me: and I’m studying architecture :)
Jaehyun: oh thanks I’ll try it! I’ll try anything at this point
Jaehyun: and architecture! Wow that’s cool! I’m a big fan of Gehry :)
You broke into a wide smile, Gehry was your favorite too and you planned to do your dissertation on him when you reached graduate school.
Me: aww that’s so cool! What’s your favorite building? Mine’s the EMP museum in Seattle :)
Jaehyun: hmm will have to look that one up! Mine’s the Guggenheim Bilbao, guess I’m boring like that lol
You smiled even wider to yourself, happy to be able to talk about one of your passions with someone outside of school, and not have to bore your uninterested friends to death with it. You were eager to continue the conversation but you looked at the time, realizing you were already running late for your next class.
Me: oops sorry i gotta go to class
Me: talk to you later?
Jaehyun: of course! Have fun :)
---
Although he was exhausted, Jaehyun felt there was no way he could sleep now. He’d only meant to exchange a text or two with you to satisfy Doyoung, but he ended up enjoying the conversation, staying up later than he had meant to. He lay in bed, wide awake, wondering how your class was going, if you’d had something to eat, if it was cold or warm where you were. When sleep still didn’t come, he got up and made chamomile tea just like you’d suggested.
---
“Y/N! Who on earth are you texting? Don’t you know we have a major project due soon?”
You typed faster, wanting to get your message out to Jaehyun even as your classmates gave you dirty looks. “Sorry, guys! Almost done.” You pressed send, putting your phone away and resolving not to check it until you were done with the group project. Except you were dying to know what Jaehyun’s response would be to your question. You bit your lip, drumming your pen on the table anxiously.
“Y/N,” your friend, Sara, leaned in and whispered, “who is this new boyfriend, anyway? When can we meet him?”
You smiled, loving the sound of the term ‘boyfriend’. “Sorry, Sara, you won’t meet him for a while. He’s out of the country.”
“Wow, a long distance relationship,” Sara whistled under her breath, “I don’t know how you do it.”
You had to admit, it wasn’t easy, but Jaehyun was such a sweet, easygoing person. You’d bonded pretty quickly after finding some shared interests, and then you shared pictures and followed each other on social media. Soon you were video calling, almost every day, your days beginning and ending with his dimpled smile on your phone screen. You never thought long distance relationships would work, but you found Jaehyun made it easy. Despite his busy schedule he always made time for you, even if he had to call you from the car on the way to a photo shoot, or backstage at a music show. You thought he would be an unwelcome distraction to your studies, but you found he was a very welcome distraction indeed.
When the group went quiet, you snuck out your phone to check Jaehyun’s response.
Jaehyun: sorry Y/N, I can’t get away right now for a visit, we’re preparing for the next comeback
Jaehyun: thanks for the invite though, please make sure to send pics :)
Your heart sank. You had invited Jaehyun for your graduation, and you were hoping beyond hope that he would be able to make it. You knew it would be a long shot, so you decided to try asking anyway, but now you regretted asking in the first place. Dejectedly, you typed your reply.
Me: oh it’s okay, I figured you probably wouldn’t be able to come
Me: just thought I’d ask anyway
Jaehyun: i’m really sorry
Me: it’s cool! :)
Even though you sent a happy face emoji, you were anything but happy. You didn’t want Jaehyun to see how disappointed you were, so you made sure to put on your happiest face when you video called him later that night.
---
You couldn’t stop fiddling with your cap, and there were loose threads on your gown that were driving you crazy. The worst part was that you couldn’t get a hold of Jaehyun before the ceremony, and you started to bite your lip anxiously, your nerves getting the best of you and no calm words from your boyfriend to help settle you. When they finally called your name you got up nervously to walk to the stage, and suddenly you heard a loud cheer. You knew it wasn’t anyone in your family, so you turned towards the sound, and your heart almost stopped in your chest when you saw Jaehyun in the crowd.
The pictures he’d sent, the videos you’d seen, the image of him on your phone screen did not do him justice. In person, he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. You almost dropped to your knees at the sight of him, but you felt your classmates pushing you towards the stage, clearly not wanting you to make the hellishly long ceremony even longer. On wobbly knees, suppressing a sob, you accepted your diploma, everyone thinking you were emotional because you were graduating, but really it was because you were seeing your long distance boyfriend for the first time.
When you walked off the stage you didn’t go back to your seat, you ran directly into his arms, and he laughed, lifting you off your feet and spinning you around.
“Congratulations, beautiful,” he whispered in your ear, before kissing you softly on the cheek.
“What are you doing here,” you sobbed, unable to hold back your tears as you clung to him.
“Well I recall getting an invitation?” he replied cheekily.
You smacked him lightly on the arm. “You said you couldn’t make it!”
He just laughed again, his eyes twinkling, “I wanted it to be a surprise. Sorry to fool you like that.”
“It’s okay,” you smiled, and finally, you got to kiss him. He leaned in, and you got up on the tips of your toes, your lips meeting for the first time. It was everything you imagined it would be, gentle but firm, the want clearly conveyed.
“Thanks for coming, Jaehyun,” you said softly, when you were finally able to tear yourself away from his lips.
He tightened his arms around you, pressing his forehead against yours. “Y/N, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”
Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), insinuation of sex, angst
Synopsis:
“All love ends in heartbreak, either your lover dies or you break up”. Love isn’t all that it is said to be. It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. There are bumps in the road and the journey is long, but who’s to say that it isn’t love? Follow Y/N and Jaehyun on their journey as they discover love’s growing pains in their relationship.
You had just walked into your favorite cafe, and although it harbored sad memories, you couldn’t resist your favorite scones. As you stepped into the building you heard a faint call.
“Y/N?” Jaehyun called out to you as you walked through the pale blue door. You hesitated to turn your head, recognising that voice in an instant. But not being able to resist, you turned to see him pause for a moment and then follow you in. You closed your eyes and calmed yourself for a moment before moving forward in line.
By the time he had made it to you, you were in the middle of ordering. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him awkwardly standing next to you, waiting for you to finish. Immediately after you had finished and moved away taking a seat, he began talking. What was so great about this cafe was the fact that everything was fresh, like FRESH fresh. While some people might hate to wait, it is definitely worth the sacrifice of time.
He rushed forward speaking so fast that you guessed that he didn’t even breathe as he had begun panting. “Look, I’m really sorry with the way I reacted. I overreacted and made the situation so much worse that it was. And… I forgive you.”
“Thank you.” You said tartly, standing up to move closer to the pick up window after hearing your name called. You picked up your pastries and coffee, then offered him a weak smile as you left.
“Woah, woah, woah, that’s it? You’re just going to leave, no hug or lunch, or anything?” He looked genuinely shocked that you hadn’t accepted his half-assed indirect apology.
Having had enough of this you stop and turned to face him, “Just because you forgave me, doesn’t mean that I forgive you.”
“What?”
“You didn’t trust me.”
His head tilted in confusion as he chased after you, “What do you mean?”
You scoffed and turned around to face him, “What do I mean? You didn’t trust me, and that hurt, but what hurt more was that you didn’t believe me. After I tried so hard… We always talked about the media and how it misconstrues everything. But I guess because it was the other way around, where I was in the limelight instead of you, everything changes right? That gives you the right to disregard everything we promised each other, right? I thought we established trust in our relationship, but I guess I was wrong. What really happened was I trusted you, and you trusted that I would trust you. But it wasn’t the same for you. You never trusted me, and that’s huge in a relationship. I don’t think that I could ever be in a relationship without any real trust. So, thank you for the apology and for your forgiveness but that’s it. That’s all I have to say to you.”
“But that’s not all that I have to say…” He murmured beneath his breath. “Wait. That’s not all I have to say! At least hear me out.”
You sigh, not really wanting to. “Look, I’m kind of in a rush, I have somewhere to be. Maybe next time.”
“Next time? When will the next time be? This is important to me, to us. Why are you walking away?”
You spun around one last time before you boiled over with anger, “YOU walked away from ME, let’s get that straight. YOU are the one who left US. There is no us anymore.” And with that you stormed away.
Jaehyun ran his hands through his hair once, then ran after you.
“Y/N!”
You involuntarily paused. That was enough time for him to make his way in front of you.
“Please, can’t we just talk things out rationally for once? I just-”
“Okay, well that’s not the nicest way of asking to talk.”
“Sorry. Can we talk? Like over dinner or something? I just want it to be longer than two seconds, like really talk.”
You sighed. You felt bad, you kind of just blew up at him for no reason really. You shouldn’t have handled it like that and yelled at him in front of everyone, not to mention you kind of blew him off.
“You’re right.”
“Huh?”
“You’re right, let’s do this right at least one last time.” You said, finally looking him in the face.
“Great, let’s do it at home, I mean at my place. I’ll make dinner.”
You didn’t mean to, but frowned when he said home.
“Yeah that sounds good. Does Friday work?”
“Friday sounds fantastic.” He gave you a small smile, breaking your heart. You didn’t know what he expected out of this dinner, but you had a feeling it wasn’t something to smile about.
